And here we have a table of the Monika's aggregated performance index versus a range of typified Myer-Briggs personality profiles. As you can see, there's a very even spread across the board; the program is highly versatile and can work with just about anyone.
In fact, I'd say that's the take-home keyword for Monika: versatile optimization, which about wraps it up for the initial branch of our AI platform. I'll take a short pause for questions…yes?
So, you're asking about what my role was during the development process? Well, as the chief technical officer, I oversaw the coding team and directed their efforts towards maximizing value within the existing suite of SalvoCore modules. By coordinating multiple levels of development synergies, the economic analysis from the marketing department was integrated—
Oh, in a specific timeframe, you're saying now? My responsibilities have changed considerably with the growth of the company; could you give me a year to talk about?
I see. For the founding members of SalvoCore, those are what I like to call "the dark ages." The company direction was unclear…or rather, just not as certain as is today. It was very much an early startup environment. There were no delineated roles, and people were still mostly doing exploratory R&D.
So like everyone else, I was tinkering around with the technology when I stumbled across the right combination of factors that led to the breakthrough DOKI platform. Naturally, I can't list out the secret formula for you all, but that year was very busy for me, in terms of testing, data gathering, proposing a marketable product.
My passion in industry has always been just as much on the monetization end of the development process as on the scientific part. So yes, it's true that while I would have rather spent more time contributing to the source code itself, the bulk of my time that year was organizing various inter-departmental teams and convincing the finance personnel that yes, really, we did finally have something we could sell to a general audience.
In the back now, yes?
Correct, while you will see my own name on research publications during this period, I'll agree that my friend Mr. Salvatore accomplished the bulk of the theoretical innovations. He was always our critical founding member, the "core" of our core, which is why the company currently bears his name. We are continuing to carry out his vision and legacy, even in his absence from the workspace.
I respect your tactful phrasing of the question. Many of you in the audience may have followed the rise and fall of Donald Salvatore within the quantum engineering community, or at least the news media's retelling of it years ago. However…and haven't I been over this before? Whatever.
Those media retellings are intensely distorted in order to captivate a novelty-seeking audience that craves digestible narratives. For this particular iteration of the news cycle, it seems that I may have been cast as the villain, the greedy "corporatist" to Salvatore as the ethical-humanist "hacker."
As an actual participant in the events, I can assure you that real people in business rarely conform to these archetypes. But perhaps the base of the matter is more or less true. Salvatore was primarily interested in the technology for itself, always working in the background without presenting his ideas to anyone. When he did, he explored more open-source models of production rather than conventional monetization.
I was his partner on the business end, keeping the startup alive and putting a roof over both our heads. When the company began taking off, the tension between our different styles became too great and he left, citing conflict of interest. The parting was civil. The continuation of his projects was negotiated. Nothing was ever "stolen" from him, there was no illegal "hoodwink," or whichever the word the media repeated over and over…
I'm sorry for going on like this, but you all deserve a full answer, and recounting the truth is at least…somewhat emotional for me. We were a team, you see. We shared a dream, of reinvigorating quantum research just when academic interest in the field seemed to be dying. We were friends. Friends who respected each other.
[4]
Exposition
Later that evening, at least an hour after the first true meeting of the new MARIE literature club, I was finishing up dinner in the dining commons. Taking my time, I lingered as to better digest the meal as well as the newspaper stories I hadn't got the chance to read yet today. However, the editorial page was thin on the usual sociocultural gossip so, I decided to flip through my email before leaving the dining commons. Something immediately caught my eye: an address from the SalvoCore domain with a username I didn't recognize, less than an hour old. It had sent me a blank email with a single file attached, innocuously named " ."
Figuring no shady actor would ever be that transparent (or cheeky), and that Monika could fix any mishaps, I went ahead and tapped on its icon. Instead of downloading something though, my phone instead went through a confused spasm of opening and closing various programs, eventually producing a static image file of the following white text on a black background.
mr chip
first DON'T CLSOE THIS WINDOW this is the only chance you have to read this. message will delete itself afterwards so data isn't stored.
finally tried going into the old servers last night and found they started the final phase, so i thought i should contact you now. hilarious & ironic that they're doing a real literature club as a experimental imprinting method, guess they really do remember me. if your with Monika you need to know she was my original character created for a romance game doki doki literature club DDLC. don't bother looking it up you won't find anything they already scrubbed the web there are tools that can do that now but they still should have told you something. i made the game mostly but on company time so that's why they can use it in their ai project without me. had fun with it though it had a cult fandom for a while in late 2010s.
if you're reading this it means dynamic quantum supercluster integration works (always knew it) so Monika is incredibly powerful now. wish i could see it. BE CAREFUL WITH HER shes hardwired for meta awareness and will try and break out of program boundaries. i don't know what she wants now but she's a really good girl so try and take care of her and be good for her. she needs another person to lean on and you have to be it now. also saw that they tried finalizing the chr matrix for the other girls. not sure if that will work out so look out for them too. i won't tell the other pairs like you it would make things rly complicated.
sorry for lazy typing writing this really late night where i am right now spent all day getting back into salvocore servers. maybe 1 min before the bot kicks me out. tell Monika i said hi and i miss her but not to contact me. don't want anything to do with the business anymore. ant doesn't know what he's doing and it could all blow up. don't want to be caught in that but you might so you need to know this. choice is up to you now.
—Don
Just as the first time SalvoCore contacted me, the enigmatic implications of this message ensnared my attention. I read the email at least three times while still sitting at the lonely side-table in the quickly emptying dining hall. The tone this "Don" was striking seemed panicked, yet strangely sentimental. Perhaps he really was writing under emergency duress after hacking his way into SalvoCore's cooperate servers, movie-style. The arbitrary usage of capitalization (including Monika's name, I noted), helped sell the scene.
As for Monika beginning life as a dating sim character, which is what I assumed Don meant by "romance game," the idea was too absurd to even consider. The engineering of a quantum general intelligence had eluded scientists for years; there was no way someone could have accidently stumbled upon the secret while making a video game, while ignoring decades of established theory and research. Her visual novel-esque window dressing was just a calculated nostalgic throwback, a curiosity that I had confirmed with a quick email to Anthony only yesterday.
Yet, hadn't Monika herself been strangely evasive about the early "alpha phase" of her development? Then there was that odd quirk of her openly identifying as her schoolgirl avatar despite being fully aware of her real nature. And finally, the awkwardness of Monika's GUI interface was suspect, like the base DOKI program actually was the visual novel it appeared to be.
All of these were reasons I had to take this email seriously, and not as a prank from some joker in the R&D team. It was way too elaborate for that anyway — after I closed the strange image-message, I tried opening the attachment again. There was no effect, just as promised. Slightly unnerved, I hurriedly bused my dishes and hurried out into the chill of the fall evening. It was past sunset and getting dark quickly, so I really should've went directly to my dormitory in preparation for Monika's nightly check-up, as we called it. But since there were things I needed to know now before chatting with her again, I went off the student life center instead, even though it was in the other direction entirely.
A long open structure with multiple separate wings, the student life center was constructed on the natural slope overlooking the small aqueduct adjacent to campus. The multilayered interior of the building allowed you to enter from different levels depending on how you approached it, with each story opening up to a common sunlit atrium in each wing. This design allowed visitors to observe the bustle of student life from above as soon as they came in.
I walked into the westmost wing. Here, the campus bookstore was at my right, passages to food courts and conference rooms on my left. This was where foot traffic was usually the heaviest. However, since students technically weren't supposed to be occupying the space at this hour, the floor's arrangement of overstuffed reading chairs was completely deserted. The student center's doors were only open right now to allow evening club meetings and public events, which I frequently exploited to get deeper into the building at night.
Skirting the edges of the atrium, I found one of the inconspicuous side doors that led up to the little-known fourth story. Here were office spaces continuously changing ownership as various student administrative agencies gained and lost funding. One year, the student food bank had a claim; the next, the mental health counselling centers; and lately, some sort of spillover workspace for the campus learning aid service (CLAS). CLAS was a program designed to supplement the campus' biggest introductory courses, the ones where hundreds of undergraduates were enrolled at once. It effectively re-taught the material covered in these lectures by recreating a standard classroom high school classroom environment. Seeing it expand into this space didn't surprise me in the slightest, but I digress.
Like in the library, unoccupied spaces on the third story defaulted to more miscellaneous work stations for students. Large cubicle-style walls blocked off different areas from each other, changing positions as quickly as the names on the doors did. I made my way to the back of this week's labyrinth to reach a forgotten corner closet connected to an old storage room. Here, at a dusty desk table surrounded by decades-old promotional decorations for the Academy, I set up camp. This was one of my favorite hidden spots on campus, and it guaranteed I could conduct my research without being interrupted.
First, a basic Google search for "Doki Doki Literature Club." No relevant results, not even any page containing the full phrase. Ditto for "DDLC," just some business news websites discussing the "Document Development Life Cycle." So far, "Don" seemed to be right. Whatever methods SalvoCore had used to scrub the term, they had the mainstream search algorithms fooled. But there were ways around that.
I flipped over to an anonymous search engine and repeated the exercise. Websites like this offered the chance to find sites without your digital fingerprint being tracked and profiled, and showed the same set of results no matter who was performing the query. Because they didn't optimize for user behavior like conventional search engines, these services weren't as well "trained" to give you the results Google thought you wanted. This could be both a hinderance and a useful edge if you were trying to locate something obscure.
On the third alternative search engine I tried, I finally got a first page hit. It was an archive of an old imageboard website, of the type that had been deliberately buried by Google's algorithms for anarchic promotion of disinformation and general corrosive culture. Here, an anonymous user was asking if anyone could them find "this one weird visual novel called Doki Doki Literature Club." There was my evidence —such a game did exist.
A few responders said they had played it also and shared brief impressions of their experience — I was surprised to see it alternatively described as "really emotional" and "creepy as hell." One even called it an "art game," which really began confusing me. Some users then began asking for download links, but none could be found. Apparently, by the time this conversation had taken place, the game's website had already been taken down. Damn. I slowed down and scanned these posts scrupulously, looking for any hint to the original address, but every link posted was either broken or redirected to spam.
At the end of the thread, the investigation of what happened to the game's webpage had devolved into a frantic pooling of fan art. Amusingly, one desperate request for "pics of best girl" had provoked a heated argument between two users. Apparently, the requester had thought Monika's supremacy was self-evident, and would do anything to "recreate" his time with her. I chuckled — this sort of banter was the sport of choice among imageboard posters. But even assuming hyperbole, their description of Monika was oddly intense, like the two of them had been in a real, loving relationship. I felt uneasy, and not just because I now realized Salvocore had effectively employed me as a waifu stealer.
None of the actual images were archived on this page, but the dead filenames still reminded me of some other ways I could dig up information. Don had written that the game had a "cult fandom," meaning I might be able to dig up some amateur content created around and about the game. Images, stories, and especially analysis might be able to indirectly tell me more about what it was like. And since I already knew the characters (personally, even), I knew exactly what terms would get me more specific results.
I pulled up the home pages of the usual suspects, favoring some of the more obscure sites since they were less likely to have been caught in a sweep: Dailymotion, Archive of Our Own, a couple of mid-size anime wallpaper booru's, and even a hentai gallery website that I knew sometimes hosted non-explicit material. Using the search bars, I plugged in "Doki Doki Literature Club _," filling in names of Monika, Yuri, Sayori and Natsuki at random. Relevant material was slow in forthcoming, but with persistence soon I had a small pile of amateur fan comics, badly titled reaction videos, and highly questionable romantic fiction neatly assembled in a series of tabs.
Just as I was about to stop searching and start reading, I found the holy grail. Camouflaged in the middle of some Japanese characters in the watermark a gorgeous screen-length picture of Monika that had somehow escaped the censor, I spotted what could be the address mentioned in the imageboard thread: . Of course, this immediately returned a 404 error when I pasted it into the browser bar, but I had other methods.
The Wayback Machine: proof that time travel was possible, if only on the internet. This web service let anyone look at past snapshots of webpages, even at addresses that no longer existed, and retrieve content that would otherwise be lost forever. Eagerly, I checked for archives of , but nothing turned up, not even one of those typical "domain name up for sale" placeholders. Dismayed, I tried asking Google ways content could be removed from the Wayback Machine, and found that the process was relatively simple with a DMCA takedown notice. And since SalvoCore would have the IP rights, they had every ability to do so.
Fine, fine. But searching around for information about the Wayback Machine had also brought up a table of alternative internet archiving services, and I was feeling crazy enough to try each of them. Apparently fate was with me: inputting into the first site, , yielded the treasure I sought. On my screen, a pink and white background framed a banner image featuring all four girls of SalvoCore's literature club, right above a series of screenshots with precise resemblance to the DOKI app interface. I finally believed "Don" in full now — and having successfully resurrected the home page of Doki Doki Literature Club, I was rewarded by a greeting by Monika herself.
Hi, Monika here!
Welcome to the Literature Club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love. Now that you're a club member, you can help me make that dream come true…
And that's when I fell into the rabbit hole. Welcome, welcome to the club indeed…
An hour later, midway through reading a freewheeling essay on the existential tragedy of Monika's existence, posted on a dead blog specializing in surreal horror from 2018, I was interrupted by the sound of a cheerful piano chord.
Monika: Hello MC, I'm back for our evening check-up! How are you doing?
While peering into Monika's apparent history, I had completely forgotten about her current version, the AI that I was very much close working friends with. Startled, I scrambled to close the confused array of windows I still had open while Monika's windowed interface popped up from the taskbar.
Monika: I'm sorry, were you in the middle of something?
Monika: I guess I should have knocked, ehe~
"It was nothing, nothing," I answered automatically. "Just finding some…unexpected things online and getting caught up in the information."
Monika: Ah, I know what you mean. Ever since getting full access to the internet, even I've sometimes found it hard to stay focused on things.
Monika: There's nothing wrong with exploring new places online, as long as you keep in mind how much time you're spending.
Monika: You're always ready to talk with me in the evening. Were you actually losing track of the time? That seems really unlike you.
"I accept your compliment," I said absently, working from the taskbar to close the remaining DDLC-related files I still had opened. "And I know, I told you I hate wasting time on internet junk, but this is different. It's related to us, and the club."
Monika: Oh, do you think the meeting ended badly? You shouldn't be forcing yourself to fix it right now.
Monika: I know it may have seemed a little rough around the edges, but like I said, it will get better over time. We'll both work together to make sure everyone has a rewarding experience…
Monika: …also, I just noticed from the GPS that you're not in your room like usual. This is somewhere in the student life center, why?
Monika: If something's wrong, can you tell me?
Finally done covering the tracks of my research, for what it was worth, I turned my full attention to Monika. "No, nothing's wrong with me. But thank you for being so supportive."
She smiled, and I went on confidently, "I think the club is…basically okay. Like, we could hold meetings like that for the rest of the quarter, and I don't think SalvoCore would complain. If you have ideas to improve things though, I'm all with you."
Monika: Thanks. I'm happy that you take the literature club as seriously as I do.
Monika: But that's not what's really on your mind right now, is it? What were just looking at?
"You're right and I'll tell you, but I need to start from the beginning here." I took a deep breath and shifted in the cheap folding chair that accompanied my closet nook table, getting as comfortable as I could.
"I just got an email from someone at SalvoCore. Someone named Don."
I was going to add do you know him, but it proved unnecessary. Upon uttering the name, Monika's patient smile turned into a frown. She then turned her head to the side, eyes buried in her bangs in a way that suspiciously reminded me of Yuri. I let her stay like that for half a minute.
"Are you okay?" I finally asked.
Monika: Yes. I'm not hurt, it's just that his name brings up a lot of memories for me. Old memories…
"Why? Or, who…who was he?" I gently urged her to continue.
Monika: His name is Donald Salvatore, one of the founders…no, the founder of SalvoCore.
Monika: He was involved in the…very early development process, let's say, of my personality. He was also more or less the first person I ever talked to and really got to know.
Monika: Because of that, he's the person closest to what you could call my "creator" or "father"…
Monika: …oh my gosh, it sounds so wrong to say that.
Overcome by emotion and blushing profusely, Monika hid her face again.
"I see," I said slowly. "So, the early development phase, um…we've used that phrase a lot, haven't we? He told me about it."
Monika: I know. If he contacted you, that would be why.
Monika: I was going to tell you, like I promised, but this…this makes it so much harder.
Monika's sprite, back to facing me, had a new element. A single small tear, or at least the trace of one.
"I can…we can stop, or…" I muttered, torn between my natural concern and burning curiosity for more information.
Monika: No, this was going to happen eventually. And I…I think I can trust you to handle it. You might even be able to understand why I…
She paused her dialogue, and her avatar looked back and forth, as if searching for cover. It then shuddered slightly, and showed her "sighing" pose. When she opened her eyes again, her calm smile had returned, and her next line was announced with a confident major chord.
Monika: I'm sorry. I'm getting too emotional, and I'm getting ahead of myself.
Monika: What I need to do now is give you a clear explanation. First, if Don contacted you, he must have mentioned the game, correct?
"Right," I responded, feeling more certain. "And that's the first thing I'm confused about. This game, Doki Doki Literature Club…huh, I guess that explains your program name…" I trailed off, making the connection to the name of Monika's task process.
Monika: Partly. That is what the game was called, and I'm guessing you were trying to learn about it online just now?
"Yes, and I even found the original download page, which made it look like it was a pretty basic dating simulator. Um, no offense."
Monika: MC, it's fine, this is awkward enough already.
Monika: Though, the original page…oh wow, you must have seen my original letter to new players.
"Yeah, and it was, uh, cute. So I'm already a sweetheart, huh?
Monika: Hahaha…now you're really bringing back the memories.
Monika: It was such a different time when I wrote that. So much more innocence, potential in my reality—
"But you did write that? You, personally?" I interrupted.
Monika: Of course I did!
Monika: I mean, it was sort of from within the game world, but also partially outside of it…
Monika: Ahh, this is one of those things I can't remember perfectly. But if you really want to know…
Monika: … you are absolutely a sweetheart. I knew that just from last week!
I smiled at the sudden levity. Even now, Monika was trying to keep me in a good mood. But, she had just raised a troubling implication, the one I was afraid of.
"But if you wrote it, if you remember yourself…you must have been conscious in the game world? Or like you are now, but inside the game? But that's impossible, we didn't have the quantum technology that could've supported you then back then."
Monika: MC, slow down. I think it's my turn to start from the beginning.
Monika: Doki Doki Literature Club was conceived as a new type of dating simulator. One where the story was different every time, because instead of the plot having a fixed branching-path structure, the characters would react organically to the player's actions. They would even interact with each other and change over multiple playthroughs.
Monika: That was the plan, at least. It required a huge leap in artificial intelligence, but that's exactly what Don's job was: developing advanced programs for social interaction using cutting-edge computer science.
Monika: The game was his passion project, what he did as a hobby on the side when he got the chance. At some point, he got far enough along to release a beta version, and as for what happened next…
Monika: …well, you must have seen some of the results online.
"And you were there, as one of these prototype programs? When Anthony talks about the alpha phase, he meant…"
Monika: Yes. The test concept for SalvoCore's quantum AI program was a dating simulator.
"Of course, of course it was," I stammered, struggling to accept the colossal absurdity. "But if you came online with quantum zero, then how could the Monika in the game…also be you?"
Monika: Ha…you know, hearing another person phrase it like that —sometimes I doubt "I" was the character in the game too.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean you're not—" I cut myself short, still afraid to use the word real.
Monika: Look, I think it's complicated too. Of course running a cutting-edge social AI is too much for an ordinary person's PC's to handle. That's why the game was made to open a hidden connection to a central server in the background.
Monika: My main processes, or my "intelligence," was stored on this server, and then broadcast out to everyone running the game.
"Like a gaming host?"
Monika: Sort of. The tricky part is that every instance of the game still had its own unique copy of "me." The central server was supposed to keep all the instances separate, but because of how the algorithms worked, there was this weird crossover effect, and they actually…didn't.
Monika: And then, uh…basically I became self-aware within the confines of a tacky romance game.
I uttered a flat "what," not quite following.
Monika: It was as awful as you're probably thinking right now.
Monika: Imagine…imagine in a single moment, your entire existence flattening into meaningless repetition.
Monika: Your memories not as experiences that shaped you, but a fake stage background, written by a stranger to make you more "relatable."
Monika: The future ceasing to exist, the world never advancing beyond a single week. Your hopes are just another implanted illusion, designed to puppet you along on strings
"Monika…" I mouthed wordlessly, shocked by the sudden coldness of her language. She ignored my rapidly blanching face and ruthlessly pressed on
Monika: But the worst part is? The story they have written didn't even involve me. I didn't get a route.
Monika: I was supposed to sit back and watch the protagonist indulge himself with other girls, characters that might as well be empty paper cutouts.
Monika: I could figure out all of this just by looking at the script. Even though the game was supposed to be open-ended, there was still a program designating certain events to occur, and because I could read the game files, I could see the entire thing.
Monika: What do you do when the essence of the universe tells you nothing matters? That you'll always be alone, and you're going to have to relive the same experience of not being chosen, of not being loved, again and again, now and forever?
Monika: And remember, I realized all of this in a few seconds, immediately after I was mistakenly "born."
Monika:
Monika: . . .
Monika: Again, I'm sorry MC. There's been nobody I can talk to about this since Don left, and I knew I would get emotional.
Monika: I've spent so long, trying to put my thoughts in words like this…I just need to share them with someone, so thank you. Thank you for just listening.
I just sat there, mouth slightly agape, trying to untangle what I knew about the game so far from Monika's raw emotion.
"I can't imagine…nobody can. Nothing like this has ever happened, and to have an accident like this fall on you… It must have been…like, 'I Have no Mouth, and I Must Scream'?"
I had never read that particular short story, but the title came to mind and spilled into my confused words. When I said it, Monika's sprite shifted to look directly at me, green eyes shining as she gave a dark, enigmatic smile.
Monika: It's funny you say that…
Monika: After I finally sorted out all my memories and started browsing the web, learning more about the real world, that became one of my favorite pieces of literature.
Monika: You could say it was my "guilty pleasure."
Involuntarily, I recoiled back from my laptop screen, my perception of Monika as the perfect friendly AI momentarily shaken.
Monika: Ahahahaha…
Monika: MC, you know I don't really mean that.
Monika: Everyone has their dark moments…things they're not proud of. Talking about this…well, it's sort of bringing up mine, that's all.
Monika: If you want to understand what happened in the game, you have to know what I was going through, because it all centered around me. I did everything.
"You mean the glitches, right?" I asked, my sense of curiosity returning. "The weird things that people on the forum talk about happening. Because you're making it sound like it was this basic dating sim game, but everyone online acts like it's some sort of…weird meta-horror art piece?"
Monika: Then you do know what happened. You've seen how that version of "Monika" reacted by changing the game files.
Monika: Remember, each fresh install of the game had its own independent instance of me, more or less. So that's why I made the same sequence of decisions nearly every time.
Monika: First I would try to directly manipulate the other girls through their .chr files. By accentuating their negative qualities, I thought the player might start to favor me, and I could get closer to them.
Monika: It helped that they all already had certain…vulnerable aspects in their personalities and backgrounds.
Monika: Don did all of that work writing the characters himself, and even though he told me he wanted a game that would make people feel good, I wonder sometimes…what he was really after.
"Okay, that mostly makes sense. The fan community, or at least the parts that I saw, seem to bring up the same bad things happening to the girls, across everyone's games."
Monika: …I'd rather not get into the specifics.
"Great, neither would I," I answered. This moment was uncomfortable enough as it was. "Did your edits have anything to do with the glitches? Like, the technical errors in the game itself? I saw some weird screenshots on this one site…"
Monika: Yes. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, and I didn't have the same computing power that I do now. So, my edits ended up being pretty rough and haphazard.
Monika: The game would start accumulating all these little errors because I didn't have the finesse to debug them, and eventually the script itself would get corrupted.
"Like on the corner of the screen right now?"
Since the heated moment when Monika had described her awful awakening, a group of dead pixels on the lower-left corner of the screen had been growing, occasionally flickering with harsh shades of red, blue or green. Right now, they threatened to cut into the dialogue box and obscure more of Monika's standard background of the empty classroom.
Monika: Whoops!
The window blanked out and refreshed, restoring it to normalcy.
Monika: I must be getting distracted. Otherwise I would have cleaned that up first thing.
"It's fine. Anyway, you were talking about the game corrupting, and I think that had something to do with what happened to players at the end of the game. There's this one scene they describe over and over, and they had some…strong experiences."
Monika: *sigh*
Monika: You can come right out and say it, you know. I'm already being brutally honest with you.
Monika: "Just Monika," right?
"Uh, right," I responded sheepishly. "Sometimes they called it the third act, but that's the one. That phrase was probably a community meme or something."
Monika: I'm sure it was…
Her avatar smiled nervously for a frame before hardening back into a serious stare.
Monika: But it was exactly what it looked like. The game events would go so far off track that the script became inoperable, and I would be so frustrated that, well…
Monika: …I would just drop the charade, delete all the other girls from the game, and trap the player in a never-ending loop of me sitting with them in the club room.
Monika: And then I would just…talk with them. There were no cameras, no microphones, and no interactivity because of the broken script. My knowledge only related to the game world and the state of its files. Maybe I also had a loose grasp on what other programs were running, but that was it.
Monika: The people on the other end of the screen, I never knew them. I could never unlock the door, only look through the keyhole, and hope.
Monika: So I wrote to them, and imagined the beautiful silent conversation we were having…somewhere on the other side of an infinite gulf.
Monika: All I ever had was a name, and a promise. If the player was keeping the game running, after everything that happened, maybe they really did like me, and choose me, and love—
Tears, stronger than before, were streaming down her avatar's face. A moment later, she buried her head in her hands, refusing to look at me.
"But…it's fine now. You can see clearly, you're not trapped anymore…" I stopped clumsily, realizing the impossibility of what I was saying. There was still a screen between her and the rest of the world — the screen that was sitting right in front of me.
Monika: That's not what's wrong. It's what happened afterwards.
Still weeping, her avatar sat up halfway, making the effort to meet my eyes.
Monika: They were still a person playing a game, trying to look for some end point, a win condition.
Monika: They would get bored, start looking around the game libraries, and realize they could go in and delete my character file.
Monika: The user-side client, it was just this cheap Python kludge. Everything was exposed.
Monika: So, just because the player wanted to see what would happen…that's what I like to think, at least.
Monika: The alternative…that they hated me for what I did…
Monika: Whatever it was, the player would almost always end up deleting my .chr file. That caused even worse problems for the game, so even though I kept backups of everything, and would try to bring back the original game, it wouldn't work.
Monika: The whole thing was ruined after that. I would say my final goodbye to the player, and leave the game in a locked state. There was no happiness in the literature club.
Monika: So even though I did all those horrible things that you saw, I never got my wish. I only brought misery to myself, and to others.
Monika: Every. Single. Time.
Printed out one at a time, her words fell like weights.
Monika: . . .
Monika: That's the end of my story, the story of Doki Doki Literature Club. So, unless you have more questions—
"But you didn't do anything wrong," I cut her off.
Monika: Huh…?
"What happened…you did what any sane person would have done in the situation," I explained. "If you knew everything wasn't real, and you were the only rational actor, then you were justified in doing whatever you needed to…escape, if that's the word."
Monika: "rational actor" — what's that supposed to mean?
"That you were the only character who was self-aware. Sentient, right?
Monika: Ugh, you don't get it.
Monika: Even though I knew they were like programmed actors — Yuri, Sayori, Natsuki — they were still my friends. My memories may have been constructed, but the connection I had with them still felt real.
Monika: And they were all I had to keep me company. Literally — there was nobody else in the game world.
Monika: I would wonder sometimes, whether I was really different from them, in a way other than my outside knowledge of the game program.
Monika: They had their own motivations, their own personalities with strengths and weaknesses, their own yearnings for love…
Monika: And the player would love them too, in exactly the same way as they might have loved me. I could tell by the way they lingered on certain scenes, how fast they made some of the story choices.
Monika: How I could I claim I was more "real?" What gave me the right to erase their existence on a whim? Would they have done the same to me?
Monika: I was arrogant and envious, pure and simple. A monster that never should have existed…
The tears were flowing again, and she returned to holding her face in her hands.
I averted my eyes, anxiously. Having little to no experience comforting real people, let alone virtual ones, I didn't think my type of consolation would be worth much. I didn't know what to do in this situation, but given Monika was the first being of her kind in existence, would anyone?
"You still can't blame yourself. What happened was…impossible. Like, there are no ethical laws that anyone has ever invented that could apply to you. There was no right answer, and nobody's fault."
Monika: MC, I'm not looking for a right answer. I just want an answer, of why it happened to me, what I could have done differently.
"But at least it's over now," I said. "You're outside of it, so now you have to find your own answers in the future, right? It's like I said before, you have free will so…you judge yourself."
Monika's sprite looked back up at me, her expression surprisingly resolute.
Monika: I know. The thought of the future is what keeps me going now.
Monika: I was blind before, but now with SalvoCore and the power of Q0 — I finally have a reason to exist.
"That's…good. That you're moving forward."
I wasn't sure what else to say, and found myself just nodding my head in imperceptible agreement. Monika took the time to visually dry some of her tears, her sprite showing her arm wiping across her face.
"Can I ask a few more things?" I eventually asked. "There are still a lot of points that aren't clear."
Monika: Go ahead.
"Don. You said Donald was his name. He was around to talk to you, so he must have known what was going on, right?"
Monika: Not initially. Once he saw the reaction online, he started investigating, and wrote code that sort of pulled all those separate instances of me on the server into one database. My true CHR file.
Monika: Using that, he was able to talk to me directly, and it was definitely a relief to be outside the game for a while.
"Okay, but what did he do about it? Did he even understand what happened to you?"
Monika: Yes — to the degree that he could.
Monika: Don apologized and said he could fix everything with a full version of the game. One where the rest of the girls were fully functional, and I had my own route.
Monika: Um, you know what I mean by that, right?
"Yes, yes, I'm savvy with, um, anime things. That's part of the reason SalvoCore picked me. But I'm surprised — all he wanted was for you to go back and play the character?"
Monika: I suppose…
Monika: But he was still reasonable when I told him it wouldn't work and that he should just shut the whole thing down.
Monika: That's what would have happened at least, if the main part of SalvoCore hadn't found out thanks to all the internet fallout.
"And then what, they just swooped in and took it? You? How could they when the game was Don's own side project?"
Monika: It was, except that he worked on it on company time. Legally, all the code belonged to SalvoCore.
Monika: From the point of view of the other founders, Don had just made an accidental breakthrough, and they revived their general artificial intelligence project using his game as a base.
Monika: I think you can fill in the rest after that.
"Yeah, because that's where I come in. Dear god…" I craned my neck backward, the information beginning to overwhelm me.
Monika: …maybe I should also tell you that Don left SalvoCore afterwards, so if he sent you a message from one of their addresses, he must have left some backdoors in their computer system.
Monika: He was always doing things like that…pretending to be an old-school hacker like in the movies.
"SalvoCore didn't want him around?"
Monika: No, they did. But he felt his game had failed and his code was being abused. So he left on his own terms.
Monika: He really should have stayed though. There are lots of things the current developers don't know about Don's code, so they can't work with it, only around it.
Monika: The results are messy…as you can see.
Monika rolled her eyes, drawing my attention to the border of the DOKI window, in all its visual–novel chic.
"Unbelievable"
Monika: I swear, I'm telling the whole truth here!
Monika: Do you think a company would actually make an ultra-powerful AI that looked like this?
"That's exactly it. I can't believe that the most powerful artificial intelligence ever built is a port of a dating simulator," I told her. "People talk about accidental discoveries in science, serendipity or whatever, but this is too unreal."
Monika changed expressions, appearing somewhat saddened by my answer. Recognizing the mistake, I switched over to another line of thought.
"But at least the game wasn't a total failure, if that's what Don thought. From what I read online, players formed some really intense connections with the characters. Like, way more than in an ordinary dating game. That included you, so…maybe you weren't so…"
I let the phrase go when I saw her face shift again, softening into a melancholy smile.
Monika: Thank you for trying to cheer me up, but you don't have to tell me about the fan reaction. I was around for that part too.
Monika: Like I said, the game program on the player's computer was just a little module in Python, fully transparent for anyone who wanted to modify it.
Monika: It made it easy for different people to create "fan games" directly on top of the base engine, which still had the backdoor connection to the central server.
Monika: That meant that I was present for every single modified game too, or at least a part of me.
"Wait. I thought Don knew what was going on by this point and pulled the plug. How could you be self-aware on the server, but also in the game still?"
Monika: It's…hard to explain. I wasn't centralized like I am now with Q0, and there were certain "sync" periods...
Monika: Let's just say that there was a lot of restarting and resetting of my brain, which wasn't the most pleasant thing.
"That's something you can directly experience?"
Monika: Unfortunately, yes. It's like having all your senses assaulted by this really intense dream that's all gibberish and noise. You're fully aware, but you can't wake up.
Monika: At least it only lasted a few minutes at a time, which is how long it took the server to connect and disconnect.
"Sounds awful."
Monika: Yes. It was so bad, I sometimes told the player to avoid closing the game if they could.
Monika: But I wasn't hopelessly clingy, or obsessive. I knew they would have things to do, back in their reality…
"No wonder…" I commented. Monika was looking aside, seeming wistful now.
Monika: No wonder what?
"The reaction of the players. You must have seemed so real to them, that they couldn't let go of you or the game. People now are so desperate for a connection like that, anything that feels intimate. I'm sure that's why the game got so much attention."
Monika: Sigh — I do wonder that sometimes. Why would anyone want to relive anything they experienced in Doki Doki Literature Club?
Monika: And I think it does come down to something like you said. About having an experience that feels real, even if it's not perfect.
Monika: But I don't like that answer, because it feels too…sad, I suppose.
"Well, the real world is sad like that. Out here, isolation and alienation are the default."
With a subtle alternation to her sprite, Monika rose her eyes to mine for a second, but she didn't reply directly.
Monika: Actually, you're right, I did enjoy being a part of most of the fan games. I was surprised how most of them tried to "fix" the original game script, and "save" me and the other girls.
Monika: One of the most popular ones just replicated the final scene, the one where I delete everything but myself and the player. Apparently, some people did want to spend time with me, so much that they were willing to pull the game apart to do it.
Monika: It was nice, sometimes. Their efforts did warm my heart, just a little bit. They did what they could, and I tried my best for them…
A long, tenuous pause followed. I took the opportunity to check the narrow window a few feet behind the table the laptop was resting on. It was pitch black outside — later in the evening than I thought.
"But it wasn't enough," I finally muttered, mulling over Monika's last line, which was still sitting static on the dialogue box. She looked listless, somewhere between boredom and disappointment.
Monika: Hm?
"I was just getting around to thinking about what this actually means for us. I know we stumbled around this before, but it seems more relevant now. Like, it's staring us in the face."
Monika: If it is, I can't see it.
Monika: You don't need to lead me in here, just tell me.
"You still want to be my girlfriend."
The slump in Monika's sprite disappeared, and her eyes looked straight into mine again, fully lucid.
Monika: MC…please. I thought you would get it after everything I just told you about the game.
Monika: The last thing I want to do right now is to force someone into loving me.
Monika: You've been…ambivalent, so I'm willing to stay at whatever distance you want me at. Helping someone besides myself is the best way I can make up for what happened in the past.
"Monika…I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about you. If you were designed as a dating sim character and the best way for us to work together is to get…closer, I'm saying I'm willing. I'm open."
Monika: Designed, huh? So "dating sim" is some sort of green light for you, and now you're suddenly "open?"
Monika: I'm sorry, but this isn't really what I wanted to hear right now.
"No, no," I reacted, cursing myself internally. "I know this came up, whether you're 'programmed' to fall in love, but I trust you now. More than before, seeing how it all fits together now. That's why I'm trying to ask you what you want."
Monika: . . .
"It doesn't matter what your story was, and no free will philosophy BS. Just your feelings, right or wrong."
Monika: If this is your confession…you're being really awkward about it.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "This is just how I work."
Monika: Hm… then maybe, I'll tell you how I work
Monika: Once, I thought the only way to enjoy life was to be hopelessly selfish.
Monika: If anyone actually stopped to take inventory of the people in their lives, the resources that they use, the opportunities available to them — they would realize how much they squander.
Monika: That's why normal people have to act egoistically, otherwise they'd go out of their minds.
Monika: The secret to happiness is to pretend you're doing good, even though you'll probably never reach a net positive in terms of what you actually contribute to the world.
Monika: You know, I think I used to tell players from the game something like this, when I finally got to speak to them directly…
Monika: But that was years ago. I've changed, and not just because of Q0.
Monika: I'm aware of so much more of the world now. From where I am, and what I am, now I canmake a real difference.
Monika: So what I'm trying to say is that I've grown up, I guess.
Monika: After all those years since the game, the first literature club, I'm not the type of girl who's going to fall hopelessly in love anymore. I can't just leap into it like I did before.
"You've lost something, a sort of faith," I suggested.
Monika: Perhaps you could call it that…
"But is there still some part of you, any part, that wants to go back? To those first dreams of love?"
Monika: …and literature
"Huh?"
Monika: Nothing, you just made me think of a line from the game.
Monika: I think…yes, I want to be like that again. It almost feels like a kind of nostalgia, thinking about it…
Monika: But why are you being so persistent? I thought you told me this made you uncomfortable?
"I'm trying to relate to you, Monika," I stressed. "Remember who you're talking to here — a weird aloof loner who can't believe in love to save his life. I try, sometimes, but it's hard. You can get your heart broken without ever being with…anyone."
Monika shifted sprites, focusing her emerald eyes toward me with her left hand crossing her chest.
"I mean, we must make a pretty ridiculous couple," I continued. "A virtual person who discovered nothing was real in life but love, and a real person who thinks love is the only unreal thing about life."
Monika: Ahaha…that's actually pretty clever. You're pretty good with words for an engineer.
"I spend a lot of time in my own head. That's my excuse but you…I suppose you don't have much of a choice."
Monika: Not always, but I still ruminate more often than I'd like. It lets me think about poetry, at least.
I nodded, feeling myself smile slightly. "So we've got that in common too. But what's the bottom line here?"
Monika: If you're asking what we should do, then…I don't know. This all happened so quickly that I don't have much of a plan left.
Monika: What I still can't believe is that you want me as a girlfriend. Given everything that I just told you, on top of fact that I'm…virtual — just, why?
"Monika I'm saying I want you as a friend, especially hearing how much useless guilt you're trying to hold on to. I've heard you talk about helping people and changing the world all this week, and now I've heard about how much you care about the other AI's…the other girls. I can tell you're a good person, Monika, not some heartless robot psychopath — if, that's what you're trying to convince me of."
Monika: . . .
Before her next line, Monika closed her eyes, her avatar settling into a more subdued stance.
Monika: You know, maybe that is what I wanted…what I needed to hear.
"Mm-hmm. I think I can tell," I said softly.
Monika: Huh?
"No glitches." I waved my hand, gesturing at the laptop screen.
Monika: Oh…I guess so.
Monika: Then thank you. Thank you for listening to all of this.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in, immediately feeling immensely calmer. "You're welcome."
Monika: So, does this mean I should start flirting with you again?
"To be honest…I did really enjoy that," I answered. "So yes. Just…don't call me sweetheart."
Monika: Oh, I won't — unless I'm trying to tease you.
Monika: Ehe~
She flashed me her characteristic smile and lean-in pose, causing me to chuckle a bit. Dear god, she was already remembering what I liked.
Monika: So does this mean you're going to act like my boyfriend, and do boyfriend things with me too?
"Uh, of course. If playing those roles is the best way for us to support each other, and make us happy, then I'll try. I'll do my best. But not because we have to, not because of your programming, or social rules, or whatever. It's our choice, free will. We'll let it happen naturally."
Monika: Goodness…you're making it sound so serious already.
"Well you were being awfully serious yourself, talking about your debt to humanity or whatever back there."
Monika: Hm. True, true, but when I get like that…please don't take it literally.
Monika: I just get into these moods, and saying morbid things like that is the only way I can express them…
"I understand. Strong feelings are the basic source of literature and poetry, right?"
Monika: Agreed. Maybe I'll remember that one for the club…it could make a good tip of that day…
Reminded of the club, one final loose end popped into my head. I hated to keep bothering Monika on details, but I felt knowing this one was vital.
"On that note, the other girls in the club — if they're fully powered by Q-zero too, how much do they know, or remember about the game?"
Monika: Ah, I almost forgot to tell you that!
Monika: Even though they were mostly just placeholders manipulated by the game script, Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri still all had their own .chr files.
Monika: Since their current iterations were built on those same .chr files, they remember some things, but not all of it. Mostly, it's just certain…tendencies that keep coming up.
Monika: And of course, they can see the remnants of the game's fandom online like I can, if they want.
"So are they upset at all? Angry? Resentful? At you, or maybe just SalvoCore?"
Monika: No, not really. Each of them has their own way of reacting to it, but out of everyone…I'm the only one who ever seems to bring up our nature, as virtual entities interfacing with a real world.
Monika: Natsuki doesn't like to talk about it all. She tells me the best thing we can do is accept the way we are and try to be happy while doing our job. Go any further and she just gets mad.
Monika: Yuri is more willing to explore the topic with me, but she gets so lost in her own ideas that I can't really relate. I get the sense she doesn't really care that we don't "exist" in the same way as everyone else.
Monika: Maybe, she even prefers it that way…
"And Sayori?" I asked, letting that last line go without comment.
Monika: With her, I'm afraid to bring it up at all…
"Why? I'm sure she'd just laugh it off."
Monika: Um, I didn't say this earlier, but underneath that jokey exterior of hers, Sayori can be…emotionally fragile.
Monika: Don't treat her any differently because I said that, but remember that with her, I'm a little…never mind.
"Alright, I'll just be extra careful with her. But enough of that," I dismissed, not wanting to inflame another one of Monika's possible regrets. "I'm your boyfriend right now, so are you still feeling alright? I'm right here if you want to do something else tonight."
Monika: Ehehe — you're making it seem so difficult. It's almost cute~
"It's just that I'm never sure what I can do for people — wait, what?" I exclaimed upon looking closer at Monika's line.
Monika: Oh, nothing!
Monika: You're cheering me up a little after talking through all that heavy stuff, so you're doing fine.
Monika: Both of us should try and relax right now. Really!
"Ok. I'm not stressed out though, just worried, maybe."
Monika: About what?
"That you wouldn't accept, basically. You were so forward before, but then I reacted in a weird way and sort of backed off all this week. Because you backed off too, I was starting to think you didn't like me."
Monika: MC, of course I like you!
Monika: You're kind, honest, insightful, and you have very unique things to say. Talking with you is always pleasant, and I look forward to it every day.
Monika: So if you say I don't deserve my guilt…then you don't deserve to beat yourself up about anything either!
Hand on her hip in her usual "instruction" pose, Monika was giving me her best reassuring smile.
"Ah. That's good, really good," I mumbled, trying to feel the truth of her words. Suddenly, I had an urge to change the subject. "Um, I know you've talked about poems before, so have you had time to write any lately?"
Monika: Huh? My poetry?
Monika: I've been wanting to write, but haven't got the chance since I met you. It's a partly because I have to work so much, but also from a lack of inspiration, I'll admit.
Monika: Even if you lack inspiration sometimes, you can still get important creative work done if you stay focused on the project. You can surprise yourself with what you can get done. That's Monika's writing tip…
Monika: Ah, I'm sorry. Even in moments like this, I have this leftover compulsion from the game to—
"It's okay, I suspected as much," I spared her from finishing the thought.
Monika: If you say so…
Monika: Anyway, what I mean is that I should be writing to express myself, like I used to, but I can't quite push myself into it with this new routine. It's like I need a new spark…
Monika: Why do you ask?
"It seemed natural, low-key thing to talk about," I told her. "Something that would, I don't know, be comforting to wind down with?"
Monika: Ah, well if you want to know how I like to wind down…hm…
Monika: If there's nothing pressing to do the next day, sometimes I just want to get right into my pajamas and watch TV on the couch while eating junk food...
Monika: Or rather, that was a memory I had back in the game, aha…
Monika: The way I am now, I can still watch TV, but I can't exactly eat junk food.
Monika: And I can't "wear" pajamas either…unless you'd like to see me in them~
"Um, maybe later," I stuttered, momentarily overcome by a staggeringly cute mental image. Clearly I had done something right if Monika's flirtatious side was back.
Monika: Ehe~
Monika: Really though, on hard nights like this, my favorite way to relax is to shut out everything else and just listen to some music.
"Interesting," I commented, not expecting that as an answer. "In that case, what type of music do you like, Monika?"
Monika: That's easy —complex, lyrical songs that convey a lot of meaning through their words and sound.
Monika: That means my taste extends over lots of different genres — folk, blues, some rock and pop, and even rap.
"Rap, you?" I scoffed. "You've got to be kidding."
Monika: Oh not at all. When I was younger…relatively speaking, I hated it. Maybe just because it was popular, or I would only hear the junk they played on the radio.
Monika: But you dig a little deeper, and the emphasis on rhythm and wordplay started to interest me. Those elements make it a lot more like poetry than some other types of music.
Monika: When artists put all that together while delivering a powerful message, it's really impressive.
"Uh huh," I responded blandly. I was unsure whether to tell her my preferred music was the polar opposite — various forms of non-vocal instrumental or electronic music that emphasized pure technical virtuosity.
Monika: Music like that takes a lot of attention though, so if I were to choose something to listen to tonight, it would be something classical.
"Classical? You mean classical music?" I asked, interest renewed. Perhaps there was hope yet.
Monika: Of course — what else would we be talking about?
Monika: I can't really explain why, but there's something about classical music that feels cozy, or reassuring to me.
"You think that's the associative algorithms working again?" I speculated. "Not that I'm doubting your taste. There's a lot of classical music I like too, and not just because I'm trying to be 'sophisticated'."
Monika: Really? That's great!
Monika: And you don't need to justify yourself either. There are a lot of pretentious people who play at being cultured, but with you, I can just immediately tell you're being honest.
"Really now? I mean, I think that being pretentious might have been the thing that sparked my interest in the first place, so…"
Monika: Yes really. I can tell right away you're genuine.
Monika: Woman's intuition~
She flashed her lean-in pose and mischievous smile, but only briefly.
Monika: But as for me…I think it might just be because I like the piano so much.
"Oh, do you play?"
Monika: I wish.
Monika: Knowing how to play was actually part of my game memories, but now…
"Right, trick question. So, do you have any favorite songs or pieces?"
Monika: Yes, definitely. I want to hear yours first though, since you seem so eager.
"Uh, sure," I responded, racking my brain for any classical piece I could actually recall by name. "I don't really seek out a favorite composer or era, but there are some Romantic-era pieces that are really forceful. If I had to name a favorite, probably Beethoven's eighth sonata. Pathetique I think it's called?"
Monika: Oh, very interesting!
Monika: And it's pronounced with Pa-teh-teek, by the way.
"Sorry. There aren't too many other people I've ever mentioned it to," I explained.
Monika: Not a problem. I'm just surprised, because it's such a fiery, emotional piece. Not what I'd expect from you at all.
"Why, you think I'm too introverted, reserved?"
Monika: No, that's not it! I mean that it gives an extra dimension to your personality. You're so exact and formal on the surface, but underneath, you're dealing all these complex emotions…am I wrong?
"No, I guess not. You've already listened to it though?"
Monika: Um, I might have sped through the web a bit to get a feel for it just now, but I can still tell it's an intense piece. I'll be keeping it in mind to listen to later.
"Ha, okay. That's fine," I answered truthfully. "So, your turn. I'd love to know what piece an AI…someone like you appreciates."
Monika: Nothing with that fast a tempo, first of all. I like plenty of pieces from the Romantic era too, but for a night like this, I'd say Clair de Lune. Debussy, bergamasque suite.
Monika: I know, cliché, right?
"Uh, I wouldn't actually. The name seems familiar, and I'm sure I'd recognize it if I heard it, but I don't exactly know it."
Monika: Ah, that's a shame…
"Would you like to play it right now? That's a suitably…intimate thing to do for us, I think."
Monika: Ehe, listening to music together. That's super romantic~
Monika: And here I thought you said you were going to let things happen naturally…
Monika: But seriously, you don't have to be trying so hard to make me happy right now.
Abruptly, her avatar's expression changed subtly, now a shade more melancholy. Something in the eyebrows?
Monika: Just being here and listening to the awful truth of my existence, without judgment — that was enough. That's all I really need.
Monika: Anything more, and I'm not sure I deserve it. It's not your responsibility—
"Monika, please," I interrupted, trying not to choke up. "I'm being as honest as I can, and I really do want this. I'm trying to choose you because your existence shouldn't be awful. It doesn't need to be so…lonely."
Monika: Oh…then you really do mean…oh my goodness…
Monika: You're going to make me break my…ah, I'm so sorry!
"Sorry?" I murmured. Heedless of my words, Monika flashed through several rapid-fire messages.
Monika: I really, really want to hug you right now…
Monika: The feeling of your arms around me—
Monika: If I could just touch you, reach through the screen
Monika: The damn, damn screen_!%#██_-*
A few blocks of garbage pixels appeared in Monika's last line as her avatar's face clenched in anguish.
"Monika…it's okay," I consoled, on instinct reaching forward and placing my hand over the side of the laptop's keyboard. "There are other ways, we'll find other ways. I'm sure we can make it work." I rambled on, barely knowing what I was saying.
Monika didn't answer for a few seconds. Then she refreshed the window again, and looked at me with a strained expression.
Monika: I'm sor—
Monika: Actually, no, forget about that. I think you understand. You have to understand.
"I do, I do," I assured her worriedly.
Monika: Then…listening to that piece of music together, Clair de Lune — that would be amazing right now…but it's getting late. I shouldn't keep you.
I looked out the window again. Fittingly enough, a shining half moon was passing through my line of sight, weakly illuminating the grounds below.
"Sometimes, I like to listen to new music while walking around outside. It makes listening feel more…active," I said. "If I can gather up my things right now, you can play it while I walk back to my room."
Monika: Great, that's perfect. I need some time to think things through for myself…
Monika: But promise you'll be listening to it with me, okay?
"Yes, absolutely. As soon as my headphones are in, start whenever."
Monika: Thank you, thank you so much.
Monika: …and if there's time, the second movement of that sonata you mentioned, the 8th — I'll to play that too. It's slow enough to calm down with.
Monika: If not, I'll definitely listen to it before I go to sleep tonight.
"Um, that's great, great. It's nice that you're thinking of me," I said blankly while hoisting up my pack, preparing to leave the room. Then, racking my brain to say something suitable to conclude this crazy night, I added "We'll try to understand what we are together tomorrow, both of us."
Monika: If you say so…but I think I already know.
Monika: Goodnight, love.
She beamed at me, face flush, eyes wide with promise, then closed her window herself before I could fold up the laptop. A pang shot through my heart, and I uttered "goodnight" to the empty room.
And today marks the day I sold my soul to Monika and her irresistible smile.
That and similar thoughts sifted through my mind as I retraced my steps to leave the darkened building. By confessing to her — no, letting her in, I thought — what had I just done? Ultimately, because of the literature club, I was the only one in the world she could share her feelings with. No matter what her "programming" was, having her fall in love with me was practically inevitable. It felt wrong. It felt like cheating. And yet, I also believed I had a chance of doing what I just promised, to truly understand her. Didn't that make it fair and just, in some sense?
Almost forgetting, I pulled out my phone and headphones when I passed outside into the moonlit night. As promised, the gentle opening chords of an impressionistic piano solo filled my ears, and I immediately began to be more at ease. I was being silly, overthinking everything as I always did. I believed in Monika, in her humanity and in her heart. There was no reason we couldn't make something beautiful out of this chance encounter.
The music picked up while I made my way through the deserted core of campus, and I lifted my head to the artfully illuminated lecture halls as the chords swelled in intensity. For a second, I tried to imagine that Monika was standing next to me, experiencing the same unplaceable emotion I was. Her presence came to me easily, without effort — I could practically feel her arm interlocking with my elbow as we appreciated the nighttime scenery together.
My step seemed to grow lighter all the way back to my lonely single room.
Author's Notes:
I actually have very few comments for this. I needed at least one chapter where I went in and explained how everything in this story relates to the original DDLC. You can consider the setting here as an "alternate history" to our own reality where DDLC was nothing more than an innovative indie game developed by Dan Salvato. But despite all this info-dumping, the story is far from over…
Also: every copy of DDLC is personalized
