Kakashi strolled up the side of a hotel. A minor genjutsu made it so that any onlooker would only see a slight shimmer, like a heat haze.
There was no way he was going to sleep outside for the night. Not in such an unknown environment with cameras all around. Especially since he had just fought a goddess. He deserved to spend the night in luxury.
When he finally reached the third-to-top floor, Kakashi walked over to an unoccupied room and used a quick wind jutsu to cut away at the glass to form a small hole just wide enough for him to squeeze through. Fortunately, there didn't appear to be any security measures - but then again, this was a hotel, not an office building of a mob boss in Chicago.
The circular piece of glass held securely by a shadow clone outside of the building, Kakashi squeezed through the hole and landed lightly inside. Then, having the Kage Bunshin hold the glass in place, Kakashi used a fire jutsu to melt the edges of the glass. The glass cooled down to reveal a repaired, albeit slightly deformed, window.
Kakashi nodded. Good enough. The Kage Bunshin dispelled, and Kakashi turned to inspect the inside of the hotel room.
It was spacious. It was luxurious. And there were about 26 different openings that someone could exploit to assassinate the person inside.
Kakashi sighed. He wanted to sleep, he really did. He had fought, he had been tossed into a new world, and for the coup de grace, he wasn't even human anymore; he was a ghoul, a veritable monster.
Although he supposed he had been a monster long before he was turned into a ghoul.
However, decades of instinct and paranoia took over, and Kakashi spent the next hour making the room safe. Genjutsu over the door? Check. Genjutsu over the window? Check. Security seals inscribed on every surface Kakashi could get to? Check (shadow clones were wonderful things. Bless the Nidaime.)
With everything done, Kakashi brushed his teeth, took a shower, got out, got back into the bath because hey, he deserved it, then finally collapsed onto the soft king-sized bed.
This hotel was really nice.
He should get started on modifying the Hiraishin to allow him to return to his own dimension. Tomorrow. For now, he needed to sleep.
XxX
"Kakashi is back."
Those three words sent the entire CCG Center into disarray. Pencils went flying up, cups were dropped, coffee was spit out.
"Where?"
"Is he in a dark alleyway?"
"Were our cameras able to find his hideout?"
An analyst rapidly typed on his keyboard, taking control of the television mounted on the wall. Several footages popped up.
They were all of Kakashi walking down the street, hands in his pockets, looking as if he gave no damns in the world.
Those who had enough self-control to not spit out their coffee initially now spit them out.
"Is... is he stupid?"
"Dumbass! He took out all of us yesterday without a scratch! He's not stupid, he's arrogant!"
"What the hell are we supposed to do? Main HQ didn't think Kakashi would be active for another week at least! All of the good investigators aren't here yet!"
"We're going to get slaughtered like yesterday if we engage in battle!"
"Do we call for backup? Should we send out a Rapid Response Team?"
"That's the same as sending them to their deaths!"
A low, somewhat insane chuckle rang throughout the room.
All eyes turned towards the offender - then they all immediately relaxed.
"Oh right. He's here. I almost forgot about that."
First Class Ghoul Investigator Kureo Mado and his partner (read: assistant) Koutaro Amon calmly walked forward, clinically scanning the feeds shown above.
"Well, now, Amon-kun. Isn't this interesting? Typically we have to go out to find ghouls. But now, it appears they're looking for us."
A fire blazed in the young Investigator's eyes. "If he's looking for a fight, we'll give him one. And he won't be the one walking out alive."
"Ah, ah, ah. Patience." Mado wagged a finger at Amon. "What does it tell you, that he's walking around in broad daylight looking as if he hasn't got a single care in the world?"
Amon hesitated, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "There are two possibilities here. One: he's brain-damaged. Two: he's so powerful, he doesn't need to worry about us coming after him."
Mado chuckled once again. It was an eerie sound. Two CCG employees had once surreptitiously recorded Mado's chuckle before presenting it to several young children, asking if they thought it was a human or a ghoul's chuckle. All of them had answered "ghoul."
Mado had sulked for a solid week afterwards.
"Only two possibilities? Try again."
Amon looked up, surprised. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, as always, you see, but you do not observe."
"That's Sherlock you're stealing from."
"We're both detectives. The only difference between us is that I just happen to kill my suspects." Mado clapped his gloved hands together. "Now then. All of you seem to either think he's stupid, or he's strong. But neither are correct."
Amon frowned. "Then which is it? A bastardized combination of both?"
Mado shook his head. "No. Kakashi is strong, there's no denying it. From what we've seen so far, I wouldn't hesitate to place him at A-ranked, perhaps even S-rank. No, the thing you're all missing here is that he's smart."
"Smart?" Amon turned to face the television, where they could see live feeds of Kakashi asking a petrified young man a question. Amon turned back to Mado, an incredulous look on his face. "He's walking around. Without a disguise. In broad daylight."
"Amon, OBSERVE, will you?" The sudden shout made Amon jump a little. "Don't look at his surface actions, look underneath! Look at his eyes!"
Amon's frown deepened. "His eyes?" He turned to look at the television, and he saw, and, most importantly, he observed.
Kakashi's eyes weren't still, far from it. They were constantly revolving around, fast little twitches that, if a person wasn't looking for it, they wouldn't see it. But now that Amon concentrated, he could definitely see how Kakashi was intently analyzing his surroundings.
"Precisely," Mado spread out his arms. "He acts like a fool, but he's not unaware, far from it. On the surface, it looks as if he doesn't care about anything, but underneath, it's obvious that he's looking for any signs of danger and trouble. No, not just looking for. He's anticipating, he's welcoming danger."
"Which means," Amon breathed in horror. "He's..."
"He's setting a trap," Mado grimly finished. "A trap for us. He's the bait, and we're the prey."
Amon slammed his fist into his palm. "That doesn't matter. Even if it's a trap, we can still defeat - "
"You fool! Didn't you hear what I just said?" Mado pointed at Kakashi. "He's the bait." He pointed at himself. "We're the prey."
And Mado leered at Amon. "So who's the predator?"
"We don't know," Amon whispered with dawning horror before whirling back to face the screen. Kakashi was still ambling along. He looked bored, but Amon now knew that he was anything but.
"A ghoul organization? Perhaps Aogiri Tree? Or maybe Kakashi is just working with a small group of highly-elite, dangerous ghouls. Whatever the case, if the CCG goes in now like they did yesterday, they will surely die."
"Right. Yesterday was just to make us mad, make us hungry for revenge. Today, he's trying to exploit our anger to lure us into a trap, hoping that we're too blinded by our madness to see clearly." Amon glared at Kakashi. "I don't like him."
Mado turned around, serenely walking away. "He's a ghoul. Of course you don't like him."
"Wait, where are you going?" Amon asked, taking his eyes off of the television.
Mado looked back at him, a crazed smile on his face. "We're walking into his trap, of course."
Amon blinked. "Didn't you just say that if we went in now, we would surely die?"
Mado chuckled. "I said that if the CCG went in like they did yesterday, they would surely die. Only difference is, we weren't there yesterday. A group of highly-elite, dangerous ghouls should be no problem for us, right?"
Amon smiled, flames of determination roaring to life in his heart. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!"
Silence greeted his declaration. Amon looked around the office. It was empty, save for a few analysts.
"W-where did everyone go?" Amon directed to a random analyst, who looked up with a frantic expression on his face.
"Sir, they left already while you two were in the middle of your discussion. They said they couldn't wait any longer, lest any civilians get hurt."
"Oh," Mado scratched his head, looking at the television. "We should probably hurry."
"DAMNIT!"
But even as Amon rushed out of the center, briefcase in hand and heart pounding, he couldn't get one thought out of his head.
Why did it look like Kakashi was crying?
It must've been a trick of the light, Amon decided. A glitch in the camera.
XxX
It was unusual for the crowd to be silent on a Tuesday morning. There should have been a dull roar of hundreds of citizens all talking at once. And yet, everyone was silent.
Kakashi's hands were planted in his pockets as he ambled down the street. There seemed to be a bubble around him as the crowd parted before him like Moses before the red sea.
Some were brave enough to run away. Others were so scared, they could only quiver and shake as Kakashi passed by.
Kakashi, for his part, didn't pay them any heed. He had more important things to do.
"Mama, is that a ghoul?"
"Shut the fuck up kid! Don't let him hear you!"
"But why is he crying?"
And indeed, he was. A tear trickled down his cheek. His eyes were filled with desolation and emptiness, like the thousand-yard stare of a man that had seen too much death - a fairly accurate description, actually. He radiated sadness and agony.
Kakashi wasn't ashamed to admit that he was crying. There was a very, very good reason for it.
His Icha Icha collection was gone.
He had left it at his apartment in Konoha (because who takes porn into the Fourth Great Shinobi War?). He regretted his decision so, so much.
Kakashi should've just stored his collection in a storage seal like he normally did. But he didn't, so now he had to pay the price.
He needed to find a replacement. He would probably never find one as good as Jiraiya-sama's masterpiece, but one close enough would do.
His collection. His highly-personalized, limited editions, autographed, ultra-rare collection. All gone.
Kakashi held back a whimper.
XxX
"Do we know the plan?"
"SIR YES SIR!"
"Good. This won't be like yesterday. Let's get him. Many of us may die in the process, and even more will probably sustain injuries that may never heal, but it's for the sake of the public. We have to protect the civilians - we have to protect humanity!"
"Umm, sir, this operation calls for, umm, a lot of bullets. Bullets that cost a lot of money. And we don't have a guarantee that it'll even work - you saw how fast Kakashi was yesterday. Umm, we should probably just retreat for now. Like, we should really really really retreat. Kakashi isn't even doing anything bad yet - "
"What's your name and rank?"
"Umm, Guren Nanimo, and I'm new, so I'm the lowest rank-"
"WRONG. YOU ARE NOW HEREBY KNOWN AS 'BITCH BOY', WITH THE RANK OF 'BITCH BOY.' NOW KNEEL DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND GET READY TO SHOOT."
XxX
Kakashi's fingers twitched, and there was a hungry look in his eyes. The only tears left on his face were tears of happiness.
Marvelous.
He had walked into the bookstore expecting to find some mediocre literotica. He found porn manga instead.
Manga in the Elemental Nations was rare, even rarer than movies, but they existed. Kakashi had never liked them that much because the plots were often disappointing and droll.
But in this world, it appeared that manga was so successful, there was a whole porn subsection.
Kakashi giggled as he flipped a page, drinking in the scenes before his eyes.
Marvelous.
"I'll take your entire stock," Kakashi called out to the clerk, eyes not moving off of the page.
There wasn't a response. Kakashi looked up, frowning. Oh. He had run off already.
Kakashi had been so polite too.
Oh well. He'll just take it and leave the money on the counter. Pickpocketing rich assholes this morning had been harder than usual because nobody went even ten feet within him, but he'd still managed it.
Kakashi giggled once more. You sly dog.
He snapped the marvelous work of art shut, then sealed the entire series into a storage seal. He dropped a stack of bills on top of the countertop with a small tip as an apology, then strolled out.
"Yo!" Kakashi eye-smiled at the men pointing guns at him. Three helicopters buzzed overhead. He counted at least 30 snipers on various rooftops, all of them undoubtedly aiming at various parts of his body. Much more men than yesterday.
"Kakashi. Are you stupid? Did you really think we'll let you walk around this city like you own it with no repercussions?" Hey, it was the same investigator yesterday that had greeted him at the Center.
"Time?"
The man blinked. "Sorry?"
"What's the time?" Kakashi repeated.
"Why does it matter to you?"
Kakashi looked down at his pant leg where the storage seal full of porn manga was located. "Because I have important matters to attend to, so I can't waste too much time on you guys. Don't worry, I'm sure I can spare a minute or two, but this can't drag out too long."
"FIRE! KILL THIS MOTHER FU-" The rest of his words were drowned out by the sudden hail of gunfire.
Kakashi sighed. How troublesome. Perhaps he should've put on a Henge.
And they're shooting at him again? Hadn't they learned from yesterday?
Bullets. Don't. Work.
Or perhaps they just hoped that more bullets would be effective. Rather, a tremendous amount of bullets. Holy hell, it was literally as if there was a metal wall of death in front of him.
Just as the first supersonic sniper bullet reached him, Kakashi blurred out of existence.
He wasn't stupid enough to do the same thing as yesterday. The CCG seemed to have learned from their mistake. There was a squad of men guarding the snipers themselves. In fact, the men seem to be shooting randomly into the air, presumably so if Kakashi suddenly appeared, he would be right in the path of a bullet.
Kakashi nodded in satisfaction. The CCG wasn't completely incompetent.
Finished with his inner analysis, Kakashi glanced around the interior of the helicopter. Two men were shaking, pointing handguns at him. The pilot, thankfully, was still oblivious, so the helicopter wasn't in any danger of crashing.
"What's up?" Kakashi greeted with a two-fingered peace sign. His hands shot forward, grabbing the guns and deftly disarming both men. Kakashi idly tossed the guns out of the open door.
"Can you please drop me off over there?" Kakashi pointed off to the distance at a small park. Tokyo was too... metal for his taste. He wanted to see some trees again. Being away from the Holy Log for so long was taking its toll on Kakashi.
The men looked at each other. They nodded, an unspoken agreement passing between each other.
Kakashi regarded them cautiously. He didn't like the look in their eyes. It was the same look Kakashi often had whenever he was about to do something extremely stupid and likely suicidal.
Then, without a moment's warning, both men charged at Kakashi, fully intent on tackling him out of the open helicopter door.
Kakashi rolled his eyes, sidestepped around them, and knocked them both unconscious.
The radio buzzed in one of the men's pockets. Kakashi smirked. He was getting a sense of deja vu here.
XxX
"Cease fire! Cease fire!"
Everyone anxiously looked at the spot where Kakashi had been. There was a lot of smoke. When it cleared, like yesterday, it revealed that Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.
In unison, everyone swiveled their gazes to the roofs. If Kakashi did the same thing as yesterday, then he would've been taken out by the ambush squads guarding the snipers.
"Sniper Team 1, 2, 3, 4, report in. Any visual on Kakashi?"
"No sir no."
"No sir no."
"No sir no."
"No sir no."
Everyone frowned. Where was Kakashi-?
"HOLY SHIT THERE'S NO WAY. HELICOPTER SQUADS, REPORT ASAP."
"Helicopter Squad 1, all clear, no sign of Kakashi."
"Helicopter Squad 2, all clear, no wounds on my person."
"Helicopter Squad 3, all cle - wait what the fuck did you just say?"
"..."
"Hey, umm, this is the pilot of Helicopter Squad 2. What the hell is going on back there? I can't see."
"Maa, I need a ride. Can you drop me off around 36 degrees to the right? Thanks."
XxX
"Kaneki, which do you think is better, a cheeseburger with caviar or - " Hide was abruptly cut off when he caught sight of something in the distance. "Say, Kaneki, what is that?"
Kaneki turned around, just in time to see something dropping down in the air from a helicopter. "Was... was that a person?"
Hide frowned. "There's no way, right? It was probably a stunt for a movie. Or a dummy that was dropped down."
Kaneki nodded. "That must be it. Cheeseburgers with caviar sounds ghastly. Hey, what should I do when I go on the date with Rize?"
XxX
Kakashi landed lightly on his feet. The pilot had been nice enough to comply with his every demand. He had tried to crash the helicopter at first (how brave and honorable of him), but Kakashi just casually pointed the sharp end of a kunai at the pilot's comrades and told the pilot that if he tried to crash the helicopter, Kakashi would simply jump out first, rendering the pilot's brave sacrifice a useless failure. And that was that.
He would play with the CCG later. For now, he had things to read.
XxX
Mado and Amon rushed onto the scene, Quinques out and ready for a fight to the death.
"Where is he?" Mado growled.
There were bashful looks being shared by everyone. "Gone, sir."
"Why did you all rush off without us?" Amon demanded. "If you had waited for us, we could've gotten him!"
"We had to do something!" The man yelled. "We had to act. The public was at risk! What if Kakashi suddenly went onto a killing spree?"
Mado sighed. "Fools everywhere. Kakashi wasn't going to harm anyone; he was preparing for us. We had plenty of time to plan it out. Do we know where he is now?"
"... he jumped out of a helicopter around that area, sir."
Mado blinked. "I'm sorry?"
"I don't know how, but he somehow went from here," the man pointed at the spot riddled with bullet holes on the ground, "to a helicopter in the sky."
Mado paled considerably. "Are you certain?"
"I am. We don't know how he did it. He was faster than our sniper bullets."
Mado turned to Amon. "My apologies, Amon-kun. It appears I've made a mistake."
Amon frowned. "What's wrong?"
"He's not A-rank, or even S-rank," For the first time since Amon's met him, Mado seemed almost fearful. "He's SSS, perhaps even higher."
XxX
Kakashi lounged in the tree with a Henge on. He didn't want any more disturbances today.
He let out another giggle when Soujiro finally understood her intentions. Go get her.
The sound of footsteps drew Kakashi's attention. Kakashi gave an internal sigh when he saw a group of CCG agents rush into the park.
"Excuse me, but did you see a white-haired man drop down from the sky?"
Kakashi blinked innocently, twirling around a strand of purple hair. "I'm so sorry officer," he spoke in a high, cutesy voice. "I didn't see a thing."
"Miss, are you sure? You didn't see a man drop down from the sky?"
Kakashi pursed his lips. "No. Why, what happened?"
The men looked at each other before shrugging helplessly. "Nothing, miss. We need you to leave this area right now. It's not safe. There's a ghoul around."
Kakashi gasped in surprise. "Oh no! A ghoul! How terrible! Umm, where is he though?"
"We don't know. That's why we need you to leave."
"But I just want to read," Kakashi whined.
The men froze. "Wait. Are you holding a book?"
Kakashi froze as well. "Aw shit," he spoke in his regular voice.
One chakra smoke jutsu and Shunshin later, Kakashi was gone.
In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have brought up that he was reading a book right after he had exited a bookstore. Not his best choice, he'll admit.
XxX
"He crossdressed."
"What?"
"He was a girl. He had put on a wig, applied makeup, and changed his voice."
"What?"
"He was pretty cute too, not gonna lie."
"WHAT?!"
"Oh, and he got away."
"Okay."
XxX
"What do you think about this Kakashi they've been talking about?" The blue-haired waitress asked an old man while wiping down the counter. Her eyes were fixed on the television mounted on the wall, playing the news of the day.
Yoshimura hummed in thought. "He's an unknown. A powerful one. We don't know what his purpose is yet. For now, stay vigilant and don't get killed. We don't know if he's friendly towards fellow ghouls."
"And the CCG isn't going to take this lying down, huh?"
"Indeed. The CCG is enraged by Kakashi, and they're already sending a large number of experienced Investigators over to take down Kakashi. If we're not careful, the 20th Ward may no longer be a safe haven for ghouls and instead become a murder ground."
Touka growled. "This shitty Kakashi. And I thought the Binge Eater was bad."
Yoshimura chuckled. "My dear, there are monsters out there that would make the Binge Eater look like a playful child."
He turned around and began walking away.
"I just hope Kakashi isn't one of them."
I had fun writing this. I hope you all had fun reading it too.
Don't worry, this will not be a oneshot. This will be finished, in fact. I have no intention of dropping this.
Thank you all for reading, and please review :)
euphoric
