The 20th Ward CCG Center received an unsuspecting surprise that morning in the form of a man bound tightly in ropes. Nobody saw where he came from; nobody saw who dropped him off. All they know is that a receptionist decided to look out the window because her job was boring, and she saw a large muscular man frantically trying to escape the ropes.
She immediately called over several CCG agents to take a look. They had taken one look out the window, blanched at the strange sight, muttered something about not risking another Kakashi incident and then called over the Investigators. If Kakashi was waiting to ambush them outside, then the Investigators would delay him long enough for the agents to retreat valiantly.
Amon, Mado, Suzuya, and Shinohara stumbled over, dark circles under their eyes. Mado's paranoia had spiked when Kakashi didn't do a single thing the day before, and he insisted on them remaining at the CCG Center all night saying, "Evil doesn't rest, why should we?" After all, if they were asleep when Kakashi decided to do something actually significant, then their salaries would be slashed to oblivion.
When nothing had happened all night, Mado's paranoia skyrocketed to new extremes. Currently, his eyes flickered around rapidly, and every so often he would spin around with a leer just in case Kakashi was sneaking up on him.
It was a pity he accidentally did this to two female employees - a maintenance staff and an analyst. It wasn't the first time Mado would be called in by HR on sexual harassment accusations, and it wouldn't be the last.
Suzuya sipped from a cup of coffee. His eleventh cup, actually. Shinohara had tried to prevent Suzuya from drinking past the third cup, but. . . well, even Senior Investigators had to pee at some point. By the time Shinohara got back, Suzuya was already on his seventh cup of caffeine and was shaking badly enough that even Shinohara didn't dare to get in his way.
As a result, instead of walking, Suzuya's movements would best be described by spasming. Indeed, he was vibrating so much, it was a miracle he didn't drop his cup.
Amon dearly hoped that Kakashi or some other ghoul wasn't out there. For one, he was exhausted after a night without sleep. Second. . . looking down at Suzuya next to him, if a fight did break out, Amon did not trust the kid's ability to aim straight.
Shinohara seemed to be the most composed out of all of them. He smiled in greeting at the agents and receptionist, and he was cheerfully taking bites out of a muffin. Entering a fight with low blood sugar wasn't wise, after all.
"He's out there," the receptionist pointed out at the man, who was still trying to wriggle away from the CCG Center. They couldn't see his face, but they could tell that he wasn't Kakashi.
"Thank you," Shinohara said with a polite smile. "We'll take it from here."
They exited the Center, Mado's head whipping around to stare at everything, his hand twitching wildly as he prepared for an ambush.
Nothing.
Shinohara walked towards the man cautiously, whose efforts in getting away had tripled. Suzuya quickly ran up and kicked the man in a place where no man should ever be kicked. The man howled in pain, curling up into a ball.
"Suzuya!" Shinohara cried, aghast at his charge's behavior. "No! Bad! You don't ever attack a man there!"
Suzuya tilted his head. "Why?"
"Because it violates the Law, that's why," Amon said grimly as he approached the whimpering man who was cowering, trying to hide his face. Amon frowned. Why would he want to conceal his face? He flipped the man over with a foot - then his eyes widened in shock.
He recognized the face. Number eight on Tokyo's Most Wanted Criminals. A serial killer who had murdered nine people.
Shinohara wasted no time, instantly pulling out a phone and dialing the police. A bit ironic, perhaps, but it was the most efficient method to avoid dealing with paperwork, red tape, chain of custody, and shit like that.
Within minutes, the police arrived and took the man away.
"That was interesting," Mado mused, staring at the police car driving away. "Why would Kakashi do something like this?"
Shinohara blinked. "How do you know that was Kakashi?"
"I recognized the ropework," Mado answered simply without any shame.
It took Amon a few seconds to get it, but once he did, he flushed a bright red.
XxX
It didn't stop there. Not even an hour later, another man appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. He was also bound in ropes, but this time around, he had a ball gag in his mouth.
Number Six on Tokyo's Most Wanted. An arsonist and a murderer.
XxX
After that, the CCG surveillance squad, crime scene investigation squad, and laboratory agents were brought in because the field agents had no idea how this was happening.
Fitting in with their stereotypes, the CCG scientists - cough nerds cough - were polite, quiet, and didn't make a scene.
Shinohara had to physically hold Suzuya back to prevent him from hazing them.
Unlike the field agents, they didn't have overly loud larger-than-life personalities. They didn't have any distinctive traits of any kind, actually.
They did their job, and that was it. No adrenaline. No shouting. No fighting. No life-or-death situation. No stress.
Or so the field agents thought.
XxX
Number Four. A serial killer that targeted children.
XxX
"I WANT CAMERAS SET UP! EVERY ANGLE NEEDS TO BE COVERED! NO BLIND SPOTS! MAKE SURE TO VIEW THE STILL FRAMES! FIND OUT HOW KAKASHI IS DOING THIS!"
"SIR YES SIR!"
XxX
Number Five. Another murderer.
XxX
"HOW IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! WE SAW NOTHING. WE VIEWED IT FRAME BY FRAME. THERE WAS NOTHING ONE FRAME, AND THE NEXT FRAME, THE CRIMINAL WAS THERE! HOW?!"
XxX
Number Seven. A murderer, kidnapper, and tax fraudster.
XxX
"THERMAL IMAGING SQUAD! PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND SOMETHING. I HAD TO SPEND A GOOD CHUNK OF OUR BUDGET ACQUISITIONING A THERMAL IMAGING CAMERA."
"NOTHING, SIR! THERE'S NOTHING!"
"JESUS CHRIST WERE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS REPEALED WHEN I WASN'T LOOKING?"
"DON'T KNOW, SIR!"
XxX
Number Three. A murderer.
XxX
Number Nine. Another murderer with ties to the Yakuza.
XxX
Number Two. Serial rapist and murderer.
XxX
"Should we... help?" Amon asked helplessly, gesturing at the scene.
They were curled up in balls, crying and shaking like leaves in a violent hurricane. Several were asking for their mommies. Others were asking for their teddy bears - or periodic tables, or whatever the hell they slept with.
"Physics... why have thee betrayed me?!"
"Nah," Mado shrugged. "Nothing we could do."
Suzuya, for his part, had escaped Shinohara and was bullying the agents, much to Shinohara's despair. By the smile on his face, the kid was enjoying himself.
Psycho-kid indeed.
XxX
And finally, just as the sun began to set, Number One. Serial murderer, kidnapper, tax evasion, tax fraud, breaking and entering, trespassing, loitering.
XxX
"I NEED TO COMMIT SEPPUKU!"
"I'LL JOIN YOU, SIR!"
"SO WILL I!"
"Do it, do it, do it!" Suzuya chanted, hope shining in his eyes.
"Gentlemen! Control yourselves!" Shinohara rushed out, trying to keep the peace and prevent a PR disaster from occurring.
XxX
Nobody saw where these men appeared from. Rumors began to spread of a vengeful ghost, or perhaps a spirit of justice. Reporters went berserk trying to find out more information of what happened.
XxX
The Tokyo Police were celebrating their asses off. The top nine of their most wanted criminals, all captured in one day. Not a single police officer went home sober that night.
XxX
The four Investigators were flummoxed. They had no idea why Kakashi would do something like this. Was he making a point? Bribing them?
... showing them his ropework?
XxX
Every laboratory agent, surveillance agent, and CSI agent went home that night traumatized, convinced that Kakashi could break the laws of physics on a whim.
When they slept, many of them physically taped one eye open. They had finally achieved paranoia levels higher than Mado, something previously thought impossible.
XxX
Countless mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, aunts, uncles, and grandparents slept restfully that night, finally finding closure.
They don't care about how it was accomplished. They don't care about who did it.
All they cared about was that justice was finally, at long last, delivered.
XxX
Kakashi slept that night, fully convinced that Genjutsu was overpowered as hell.
XxX
An hour before he actually went to sleep.
"... and after the eight time, you should have seen their faces," Kakashi chuckled as he recalled the mayhem he had caused. "Watching their confusion and bewilderment slowly morph into horror and hopelessness... it just fills me with such a warm, fuzzy sense of nostalgia, you know?"
"You're fucking insane."
"Maa," Kakashi eye-smiled. "Sanity is rather overrated, wouldn't you say?"
Touka glared at him. "No, I mean it. You're sick in the head. Why the fuck are you even here? Shouldn't you be molesting kittens or something?"
Kakashi splayed his hands across his heart in mock hurt as his eyes filled with tears. "Touka!" he cried in mock disbelief. "Do you truly think so little of me?"
"Yeah." came the blunt reply.
The tears dried instantly. "Ehh, fair enough."
"Still though," Touka narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
Kakashi blinked. "I just wanted to talk."
"You're in my bedroom. Are you a pedophile or something?" Touka paused. "Actually, that would make so much more sense."
"I take offense to that," Kakashi remarked mildly. "I only stuck my fingers up an underaged kid's ass one time."
Touka's eyes widened. "What?!"
"Although I did watch him sleep several times..."
"WHAT?!"
"But that doesn't make me a pedophile, right?" Kakashi asked innocently.
"I swear," Touka hissed. "If you touch me - no. If you so much as look at Hinami, then I swear to god I will fucking castrate you repeatedly."
"That's... not how it works."
"Ghoul regeneration, dumbass."
Kakashi opened his mouth to speak but then closed it a moment after. "Holy shit," he breathed. "You're right... that is, of course, assuming that you could beat me in combat."
Touka's eyes turned red-and-black.
Kakashi quickly held up his hands placatingly. "Maa, there's no need for violence."
"Yeah? Then answer me. Why the hell are you in my bedroom?" Touka demanded.
Kakashi shrugged. "The windows on the ground floor don't open."
Touka blinked. "What?" she asked confusedly.
"Only the windows on the second floor open," Kakashi said slowly, as if he was speaking to an idiot.
"Is the door not good enough for you?"
"Yes," Kakashi said simply.
Touka waited for Kakashi to elaborate. "... why?"
"Because doors are evil and bad luck," Kakashi explained. "Not as much bad luck as a black cat though."
Touka's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"Anyway," Kakashi clapped his hands together happily. "How was your day?"
"Fuck off. Why are you even talking to me?"
"Because we're friends?"
Touka stared at him incredulously. "No, we're not."
"Best friends?"
"... I know I was joking about it before, but are you actually insane?" Touka sighed when Kakashi shot her a wide-eyed innocent gaze. "Look, if you have nothing useful to say, then just do me a favor and fuck right off. I have a long day tomorrow and I need to study."
"Maa, so impatient. Alright, fine. I just came here to inform you that Phase One of the plan has gone off without a hitch."
Touka frowned. "Phase one? Of what plan?"
"The plan to bring peace to humans and ghouls, of course," Kakashi beamed happily.
"... bloody hell, you're actually insane."
Kakashi sighed. "Is this how Naruto felt all those times?"
"And what the hell is phase one? All you did today was capture some human criminals."
"Ah, now that's where you're wrong," Kakashi smiled. "I didn't just capture criminals. I gave the CCG gifts. Because that's what potential friends do for each other, right? Give each other gifts and presents?"
Touka gaped at Kakashi. "Excuse me, but what the fuck? You want to be the CCG's friend?!"
Kakashi nodded cheerfully. "Of course! It is, after all, the best way to achieve peace."
Touka was silent for a moment. Then she began laughing. Hysterically. "Y-you think," she choked out, "that you could become the CCG's friend? You?!"
"Yup."
"How? What, are you going to break into the CCG center and force them to become your friends?"
"Brilliant! You agree with my plan!"
"Or maybe you'll - wait, what?" Touka's laughter stopped abruptly.
"To be honest, the main reason why I came here tonight was to get a second opinion. And to know that you support me... it really means a lot to me. Thanks, Touka," Kakashi smiled brightly. "I'm glad we had this talk. Great minds think alike and all that."
"You - "
"Sadly, it's getting rather late. I don't want to get in the way of your studying. I'll be off now. Wish me luck!" Kakashi gave a two-fingered salute.
"Kakashi, no!"
But he was already gone.
To her credit, Touka was only shell-shocked for a few seconds before muttering a quick "fucking hell" before sitting back down and opening her textbook again.
A knock sounded from her door. "Touka?" Yoshimura called through the door. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah! Everything is just peachy - wait, why the hell are there leaves scattered in my room?"
XxX
Mado turned his head suddenly and sniffed the air.
"Is there something wrong?" Amon asked in concern.
"My intuition..." Mado muttered.
Shinohara was instantly alert. "What is it telling you?"
Mado was silent for a moment. Then an insane grin spread across his face. "It's telling me that we should bring Akira here tomorrow."
Kakashi is making friends! Wait... oh gods Kakashi is making friends.
For clarification, genjutsu doesn't actually work on the electronics. Kakashi was just casting genjutsu on the agents to make them think there was nothing on the screens. But when they review the footage... heads are going to roll.
Thanks for reading, and please review!
