Hello everyone! I'm sorry it took me longer to post a new chapter, but don't worry I have all intentions of finishing the story.
I would like to thank Kayozm for taking the time to be my beta and helping me with this chapter. Thanks to her, I can provide you a better quality story.
Chapter 8
Edward's POV
Bella enjoyed the ride to my house enthusiastically. I drove leisurely, cherishing her presence at my side. My heart was calm, comforted and a bright glow hung over everything because of her company, as well as her multiple declarations of love for me. Sure, she also announced how she loved the rain, carpet, stars, cars, heaters and essentially everything else she came in contact with, but she said she loved me.
I dashed around to her side, opened the door and held out my hand for her. Like everything else tonight, her reaction time was severely impaired and with a dumbfounded look, she stared at my hand. Patiently, I waited until she realized what to do.
When I had arrived at the music studio earlier, I was met with no resistance, but rather sluggish, confounded obstinance. Bella and her friends could not contemplate why I was there, let alone what time it was. I had seen and heard the thoughts of plenty of people tripping in recent decades, but not with someone I knew so well. The change in her demeanor was startling. Slow, over-emotional, and detached from reality. It was imperative I keep reminding myself that she was fine, and the effects would wear off.
Out of the car, she gazed directly up at rare clear Forks night sky. "It's so beautiful," she praised with an enormous smile and twinkle in her eyes. "I want to stay here," she sunk to her knees, chin still pointed directly up. I grabbed underneath her armpits, as though she were a small child, before she could accomplish lying down fully on the dirty gravel.
"Bella don't lie down here, it's dirty. Let's go inside." I encouraged her to stand up, but she remained limp.
Turning her eyes on me, she innocently asked, "Edward, can we go to the meadow? I love it there." The love and excitement radiating from her was hard to refuse.
"Okay," I folded. "We can go, but you have to stay standing while I grab some things." She agreed and returned to her stargazing as I ducked inside for some blankets.
The thoughts of my family varied as I darted through the house. Most of them stood at the ceiling-high windows in the living room watching my clueless, intoxicated love outside.
Alice sat back on the couch, depressed and dejected, having seen it already. Although she refused to intervene, she was disappointed by her best friend's actions and grieved at the pain that pushed her into it. Bitter that she couldn't do anything to speed up the healing process, she threw her impatience at me. Don't do anything stupid. You're the only one who can fix this. Various visions of Alice confronting Bella about her drug habits flickered through her mind without positive responses. She wondered how long it would take before their friendship could be mended.
Jasper observed Bella curiously, gravitating towards the intense, euphoric cloud exuding from her. Her mood swings were perplexing as he tried to figure out what was causing them. There is something wrong with her, normal humans do not experience emotions this intense. Love, joy, liberation, confidence, security, contentment, enthusiasm, he tried listing out the rainbow of feelings that rolled off her.
Emmett was confused and vexed, not understanding what was wrong. Is she sick? Why is he leaving her out there? "What's wrong with her?" he questioned.
"Psilocybin," I replied, and the room answered with an "ahh" of understanding.
Emmett laughed, "What a rebel! You should bring her inside." This could be a lot of fun. His mind swam with the countless number of funny things she might do. Gawking at the sky right now was funny enough. Is she drooling?!
Carlisle, like the real doctor he was, analyzed her with what he knew about psilocybin. It wasn't something people visited the hospital for. He noted her dilated and contracting pupils, excessive perspiration, and strange odor. It was not the foreign scent present in her blood last time he saw her. He began worrying about what else she used. Please God, don't let her be involved with any opiates. Memories of heartbreaking overdoses that he could not save, flooded through his head.
His concern mirrored Esme's. Her love for Bella enhanced the pain she felt when seeing someone harm themselves—drug abuse being harmful under any circumstance. She wondered how much Charlie knew, and contemplated telling him. Would that be a good idea? What would a human parent do? She didn't want to get Bella in trouble, but this was unhealthy and unacceptable behavior.
Rosalie hardly gave a thought to Bella's wellbeing, but was rather annoyed at the trouble it caused me. She alone agreed with our absence from Bella's life, thinking my leaving was ethical and righteous. She downplayed Bella's and my love, and glorified human life and the ability to have children. Why does he put so much energy into her? Running around, losing his mind over this fragile, thoughtless girl.
"Do you want me to examine her?" Carlisle offered with a look of pity, as I headed back out the front door.
"Thank you," I responded gratefully, "but she'll be fine. It will wear off and I'll call you if anything happens."
I was met with an enormous grin when I approached Bella. "Edward, I missed you!" She threw her arms around me, oblivious that I'd been gone only a minute and a half.
I cherished the heartfelt hug, pulled back to reaffirm her desire for the meadow and cradled her in my arms, before running into the forest.
"It's so beautiful," Bella breathed for the one hundredth time. Her head rested on my outstretched arm as she cuddled close to me, wrapped in a loose blanket, with another blanket laid out underneath us. She gazed at the stars in wonderment.
I acted as if I was watching them too, but continuously stole glances at her, as the stars held nothing to her beauty. Even more, she was happy. It may have been a false drug fueled happiness, but it was enough to pretend we were in a different time. Like last summer, when our days were spent lying in this same spot, in the sun.
"Is it getting better?" Bella had asked after regaining her breath from our kiss. "Being around me, I mean?" Her hazel eyes bore into me with such faith and innocence. It's amazing how she can look at me, a monster, so fearlessly like that, I thought as the sunlight sparkled and bounced off my skin.
"I wouldn't say it's easier. More so, that I'm stronger today," I returned her grin, staring deeply into the warm pools of her eyes and brushing the back of my hand across her cheek.
"Still I should be careful," to her obvious dismay, I withdrew my hand and leaned back, putting more distance between us. "I don't want to scare you away," I snapped my teeth and shot her a wink.
She'd laughed, pushed at my shoulders to lie down, and rested her elbows on my chest. Her burning fingers had brushed softly against my nose, and I let my eyelids drop as she traced over my brow. The heat that emanated from her felt amazing, and I treasured the moment as she had spoke. "You can try, but nothing you do can stop me from loving you."
The memory drifted through my mind as Bella turned her head into the crook of my shoulder. She nuzzled her forehead and breathed in my scent. I wanted her words from that day to be true. I didn't deserve it, but I wanted it. As if she read my mind, she whispered, "I love you." It warmed my dead heart until she uttered the rest. "Even if you don't love me."
I rolled onto my elbow, looming over her, grasped her head in my hand and forced her unfocused eyes on me. "Bella, I love you more than anything in the world. Why can't you believe me?"
Instead of a response, tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Her palms glided smoothly up my arm, feeling every inch and hair until they wrapped around my shoulders and she attempted to lift herself into a hug. I lay back down and enveloped her as she cried. I gently ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed her back as I repeated calming words.
This continued for a few minutes, until I asked, "Why are you crying?"
She sat up and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy. I love you so much."
"Yeah, those drugs are pretty amazing." I averted my stare, skeptical of her declarations of love.
"No," she asserted, "I never stopped loving you. It's not the drugs." Resting her head back on my arm, as we were before, she gazed back up at the stars and continued. "There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. I tried to move on like you wanted, but it's impossible. I can't get you out of my head. You are all I could ever want." Her words echoed the yearning in my heart.
"I wish I could stop loving you, because then it wouldn't hurt so much." Her expression was void and her eyes stayed fixed above. "It is so painful loving someone who doesn't want you." Shame and guilt stabbed at me. "I've tried so hard to forget you, and now that you're back. . . If you loved me you wouldn't have left."
The tightening in my chest was unignorable hearing the confessions of my love's mangled heart. "But I do love you, I never stopped. I had a reason for leaving, it was a mistake, but I thought I was protecting you." I held her closer, fearing I might lose her. "I swear Bella, if I could go back and change things I would." I pleaded with her. I needed her to understand. "It was one thing when our kind hurt you, but my own family! It's just not safe for you." I took a breath to calm myself, "Yet, even so I can't stay away from you. I won't leave you again."
"I don't think I could live if you left again," her pensive voice whispered.
"I won't leave you Bella," I reassured.
We lay in the meadow, silent for the next 20 minutes. I wondered what she was seeing in the sky, clouds loomed on the edge of the meadow and clarity was receding. Her pupils still pulsed, and body perspired. I could hear the upset in her digestive systems as the mushrooms passed through it.
"I guess it doesn't really matter anyways," she uttered unexpectedly. "You're here right now," she nuzzled her forehead into my side again.
I tirelessly reiterated my love and regret, throughout the night, as similar discussions cropped up.
The effects of the psilocybin had heavily faded by the time the sun began rising. Yet, the lingering, mild waves of hallucinations persisted, and Bella insisted on watching the beautiful sunrise.
I took her up to Esme's room. I will need to get a bed for my own room, I thought. She had not slept a wink but was obviously fatigued and sluggish. Yet, she protested as I laid her down in Esme's bed. "I won't be able to sleep."
"Why don't you just try?" She melted into the pillows in defeat as I gave her my most dazzling smile.
"Will you stay with me?" her child-like voice implored. Of course I would stay, but this gave me some leverage.
"I will if you promise to eat something." Esme and Carlisle's worried thoughts had screamed at me since we returned, beseeching me to feed her. They had spent our time away conversing about Bella's health and the harm she's been through from our leaving. They wanted nothing more than to keep her here for a month until her weight and vibrancy returned.
Bella nodded, and I whispered the victory to Esme, who prepared a plate to bring up. Bella acted shy and embarrassed when Esme entered and embraced her in a loving hug. She didn't linger but brushed my face and extended encouraging thoughts before leaving. Although the situation that got us there was far from ideal, Esme's joy of having both Bella and me in the house was blatant.
I sat silently beside Bella as she ate little by little. There were long pauses between her bites, and chewing required great concentration. She turned to me quickly when something came to her mind, like her truck, her friends or Charlie. I comforted her with the guarantee she'd return home, in her truck, without any suspicion from Charlie. A great segway to quench my curiosity as to whether Charlie knew about her activities.
"Of course not!" She laughed. "Or at least I don't think he does." She trailed off, then muttered, "He might not be a very good cop." The comment amused me, Charlie wasn't a bad cop, but he probably didn't encounter a lot of drug use in these parts. She continued, "I think he'd rather be ignorant to it anyways, if he suspects anything. Things have been better since I started. . ." she trailed off again, glancing at me with shameful eyes.
"Since what?" I was anxious to know how long this had been going on and what else she was involved with.
"Since I started. . ."—she contemplated her next words—"acting human."
My features dropped into a look of indignation and I clenched my teeth, "Drug use is not what I would call acting human." It certainly was the last thing I intended for her when I left. She pushed her plate away and crawled under the covers with her back to me. "And you've been drinking too?" I reproached.
"Sometimes," she responded.
I rested myself next to her and drew my arm over her side. "Will you stop? For my sake?"
Her body stiffened, but she said nothing. The euphoric effects were long gone and she emitted an angry aura. I wanted to press the issue but did not want to fight. I'd finally gotten her back in my arms and shouldn't push my luck.
As slumber came over her, she clasped my hand. I prayed this night was a step forward.
I want to confess that part of the reason it took me so long to finish this chapter is because I found an amazing Twilight fan fiction to read. Jessica314's Tale of the Years series is absolutely amazing and I highly recommend. You can find her under my favorite authors list if you're interested.
Otherwise, please leave a review! :)
