Hello! Thank you for your patience, I have in the last two-three months moved to an other country and started a new job. It is going well but I'm am glad to be getting back to something fun and familiar.
This chapter is long, and as always I want to thank my beta Kayozm.
There will only be two more chapters after this one, but I have already started on a new, happier story. If you like my writing and are interested in knowing more about my new story, please let me know.
Otherwise, please enjoy.
Chapter 11
Bella's POV
I awoke curled up in a ball, as I had been when I fell asleep. My room was unusually warm as my bare feet touched the wood flooring. I glanced guiltily at the window which was still closed and locked. I had not seen Edward last night and wondered if he would confront me about it today.
Why did I have to get so angry? The old Bella wouldn't have made a big deal. He stole from me, the thought sang as I rubbed at my puffy eyes in the bathroom mirror. He can't be trusted. I jumped in the shower and focused on the water that hit my skin.
When Edward approached me in the school parking lot, I created an excuse. I was too embarrassed by my loathsome fit to even want to broach the subject.
Fog rolled across the car tops and sprinkles of mist floated to the ground. The long, grey sleeves of his sweater disappeared, with his hands shoved into his pockets; he sauntered up to me.
"Good morning, how are you?" His expressionless face searched mine.
"I'm good," I mumbled, grabbing my bag from the cab and offering my most heartwarming smile. "I'm sorry about last night, I wasn't feeling very well." I rubbed my lower abdomen, suggesting I might have had some embarrassing stomach issues or women troubles.
His eyes widen. "Are you alright? I could have brought you something or Carlisle—"
"Oh stop it." I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. Don't be ridiculous." I looped my arm around his, feeling his muscles relax, and pulled him through the puddles towards class.
All throughout that day and the next , I attempted to tame the belligerent tiger running rampant in my mind. It had escaped from its cage last night and overthrown the 'old Bella' I was trying to uphold. I kept my words, expressions and actions in check, but my thoughts were spiteful.
We stood single file with our classmates in the school cafeteria line. Edward placed a piece of pizza on the already overflowing tray. He treats me like a child. He won't even let me pick my own food. I offered him a lackluster smile as he turned away from the cashier.
He held my truck door open after school. "I promise I'll bring you that book tonight." I clenched my teeth while my back was turned, crawling into the cab. He says 'promise' like he actually knows how to keep one. I turned back to him, giving him a peck on the lips.
We sat silently on my bed at night. I was reading the book he brought, while he twirled a loose strand of my hair with his finger. "You're so beautiful." Liar. I glanced down at my torn-up sweats and raggedy T-shirt. My hair is half dry and I'm ready for bed, I look anything but beautiful.
"I'm not going to leave you, Bella." He reminded me again. I can't trust you. You did it once, you'll do it again.
"I love you." Who mangles the heart of someone they love?!
My anger and resentment grew with each day. The old Bella was being pushed down into the dark hole she had occupied months before, fading further away than she had been when I first searched for her.
Days later, I received restitution for Edward's thievery, from Alice no less. We sat at our normal lunch table, the chatter of the student body swirling around us. I stared intently at the label on my tea bottle, thinking about all the months I sat alone.
"Bella, you know I do all that I can for you, right?" Alice's chipper voice suddenly implored me, stealing my attention. Both of her hands pressed into the table as she leaned towards me.
"Yeah, I know." My brows raised in confusion. I didn't know what she was getting at, but she continued.
"Well, I finally got this stick-in-the-mud to come around," - she jerked her thumb towards Edward - "and he wants to tell you something." He scowled at her.
Turning towards me, his knitted brow smoothed out and eyes softened.
"Bella," He said slowly. "I took some things from underneath your floorboard at home." I froze for a second, shocked. Was he actually going to admit it?
"Really?" I said sweetly, feigning innocence and fidgeting with my tea bottle again. "I hadn't noticed."
He maintained his stare, clenching his teeth as he picked up the lie. "I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry."
I didn't expect this and glanced at Alice. Her hands were folded together on the table top, and she nodded her approval with closed eyes. There was a quick movement under the table and a minuscule bumping noise that I might not have heard if I wasn't paying attention. Edward's eyes shot over to his sister before looking back at me.
"I've been overly concerned about your new hobbies, and thought I was doing what was best by taking them. But I realize now that was wrong to do. I don't have the right to control you like that. You're not doing anything a normal teenage human wouldn't do and it's not impacting your life negatively. You're not driving drunk or going to sketchy places, and your grades are good. I'm going to try and work on my over-protectiveness. Can you forgive me?" He spoke quickly as if the words were difficult to say, but his hard eyes were confident and bore into mine, searching for forgiveness.
The sounds and movements of the lunchroom seemed to freeze as I processed what he said. I couldn't believe these words were coming out of his mouth. I thought this issue was going to be drawn out till the end of the story. "You're not going to get upset if I go to Port Angeles?"
"I'd be more than willing to drive you there and pick you up, if you'd like?" He smiled. I blinked in astonishment. I guess today was my lucky day.
"And you'll give me my stuff back, and not care when I use it?" This was too good to be true.
"If it's not impacting your safety, then I don't care. I love you in any condition." I leaned back in my chair, soaking up the moment. This was nice. Winning a fight that never happened.
I looked at Alice again, narrowing my eyes in suspicion. She had initiated the conversation and was known for using her abilities to get what she wanted. What did she see that lead them to this decision? Did Edward really want to give his blessing and stop being overprotective? Doubtful. Alice probably saw something that made it necessary.
"What changed your mind?" I asked him.
His lips lifted in amusement and he let out a defeated sigh. "Well I suppose, sometimes you need an outsider's perspective to see things clearly."
I did not return his smile and my eyes swept back and forth between him and his sister. I wanted to know what she had seen.
Edward leaned forward with his chin in his palm, serious again. "Bella, you and I have to deal with enough obstacles, I don't want this coming between us. I don't see the appeal, but it's not a big deal."
I returned his smile, hiding my uncertainty. They're just words, he'll get upset the next time I have a drink. My pessimistic mind wanted to test him, imagining taking shots in my room with him there tonight. Yet, I was still determined to return to my less rebellious, old Bella act. I wouldn't push my luck. I would be forgiving and loving.
My chair scrapped against the floor as I lifted myself out of it. Standing behind Edward's chair and wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I could feel the contented sigh as his breath left his lungs, and he kissed my arm. My cheek burned as I laid it against his, and we slightly swayed side-to-side in our embrace. "Thank you for being understanding." I uttered before kissing the back of his head and pulling away.
"So what time should I take you down there?" He asked casually as I took my seat. He might have been asking about the weather, given how calm he was.
"Actually, I wasn't planning on going down there this weekend." That was the truth.
"Oh." He pushed the yellow pasta on his plate around with his fork. "What were you planning on doing?"
I hadn't thought about it, I just knew that I was trying to avoid my bad habits. Before I could finish shrugging, Alice piped up in excitement, drawing out the first word.
"Please Bella, if you don't have any plans, can we please, please, please have a girl's night slumber party?" Her bottom lip pushed out into a pout, her eyes were wide and glistening, and she clasped her hands together in a begging gesture.
As if my horrified expression wasn't enough, she continued. "We can do facials and a hot oil treatment on your hair. I'll be quick about it, I promise! Then we can all relax and watch movies. Please." Her puppy-dog eyes were in full force as she leaned towards me.
What could I say to her? Your house haunts me with unpleasant memories? I still can't look at Esme without feeling ashamed? All the girly stuff sounds awful? Why would I want to give you the satisfaction when you betrayed me?
I shook the thoughts from my mind as they headed down a hateful path, and yielded to her wishes.
"Sure, we can give it a shot." She began clapping her hands and practically jumping out of her seat. Edward looked at her, confused.
Alice picked me up Saturday afternoon. There was a knock on the door as I stood in the kitchen, washing the dinner dishes. Charlie answered it as I finished drying off my hands.
"Alice, it's so good to see you. How have you been?" She was the one Cullen that Charlie didn't resent. She was forever a saint his eyes ever since her assistance with my cast.
"I'm great. We finished unpacking the house a few days ago. I'm really excited to have Bella over to see what we've done with the place." I strolled into the hallway. The chill from outside swept in through the open door, and the light sound of rain hitting the ground muffled their voices.
"I'm going to grab my stuff," I gestured towards the stairs.
My hands glided over the handrail, slowly climbing the steps. I could hear Charlie asked, "So, what are you guys up to tonight."
Alice's explanation of our feminine plans faded as I entered my room. My laundry was washed and folded, and my bed was made, but my window was wide open. Shutting it against the offending moisture, I was reminded of the night before.
The moonlight had shone dimly through the window, the shadow of a tree covered the floor. My head had rested on Edward's cool chest and the blanket he insisted be between us. He hummed my lullaby and ran his fingers through my hair, trying to induce my sleep. However, my eyes stayed open, staring at the dark wall across the room, lost in thought.
"What are you thinking?" He whispered.
"I'm just thinking about tomorrow night." His chest rose and fell as he breathed.
"It won't be that bad. Alice isn't intending to do all the things she says. She just misses you." I remained silent, feeling the tips of his fingers brush over my scalp and glide slowly down to the end of my hair, before repeating the action again.
"But that's not what's bothering you, is it?" he stated, more than asked.
He could see through me all to well. Had it been a failed attempt, hiding my true thoughts this past week? I didn't know what to tell him. I wanted to go, but the few times I'd been there since his return were a nightmare. It didn't hold the same magic that it use to.
His hands stopped, and he lifted his head to check that my eyes were still open. They stared at the empty wall.
"Bella?" His low voice spoke softly. "You can tell me anything."
I sighed. He isn't going to let this go. I sat up, leaning my back against the headrest. He mirrored me.
I looked down at my clasping hands in my lap. "It just that, whenever I'm at your house. . . I don't feel right."
"What do you mean? Like you're sick?"
"No, not like that." What could I tell him, I didn't even understand it myself. "More like, I remember things that upset me. Things while you were gone."
I could feel his body freeze up at my words. Then quickly he grabbed my fidgeting hands, lifting them to his lips and forcing me to look at him. With wide eyes and lips set in a grim line, he began his one thousandth apology.
"I'm so sorry, you don't have to come over. I didn't realize how hard it is for you to be there. No wonder you left so quickly last week. I'm an idiot, I should have thought." He shook his head as he chastised himself. "I'm sorry, Bella."
So over-dramatic, I thought, I hardly said anything. "Edward, it's fine." He leaned into the hand I used to cup his face, inhaling my sweet scent. "I still want to come over. Please forget I said anything."
His forehead puckered. "I don't want to bring you anywhere that upsets you."
"But I really do want to spend time with Alice and see Esme too." Why am I lying to him? "It's still an adjustment, that's all."
His wide eyes darted back and forth between mine, trying to read my true feelings. I gazed into his, urging him to calm down. "Please don't be anxious." I mustered up my best smile as the muscles in his face relaxed, stroking my thumb over his cheekbones.
Yet, the light in his eyes did not return. Shame and guilt danced behind his pupils. He was drowning again. I hated to see him like this.
I did what I could. Laying myself back into a sleeping position, wrapping what I could around him and professing my love.
But it had all seemed unfair. Why am I always the one comforting him?
I left the memory behind as I picked up my bag, shut my bedroom door and joined Alice downstairs.
Thankfully Alice could keep up the conversation without too much input from me. We threw around some movie ideas to watch tonight. I suggested safe classics like Hamlet and Gone With the Wind. Alice was enthusiastic about the latter. "Sometimes I like to pretend Jasper is Ashley Wilkes," she giggled. "He was in the confederate army, you know."
As the well kept, three story house came into view my heartbeat quickened and palms became clammy. Alice said nothing about it as she parked the car, nor when I took a deep breath before stepping out. I said I wanted this. Be brave. Smile.
"I think we should start with your hair," Alice began as we approached the porch. I zoned out almost immediately when she started on the fine details, all I needed to do was sit there.
Edward was waiting on the other side of the door, with a welcoming kiss on the cheek and ready to take my bags.
I was pulled towards the kitchen by Alice's small, dainty hand. "Let me return this to you before we get started."
Emmett sat at the small, round table in the corner of the kitchen with a laptop in front of him. One arm was draped over the back of his chair, he wiggled his eyebrow and exposed his teeth while grinning mischievously at me.
"Bella, I'm glad you're here. I've been doing some research for you," he said.
I mimicked his expression. His lighthearted mood was always uplifting. "Really? And what is that?" His gaze shifted to the counter where Alice stood.
Sitting in plain sight in the middle of the kitchen island was my bottle of Spiced Rum and bag of pre-rolled joints. My bug-eyed, blushing red face showed my mortification. They said they would give it back, but I thought they would have discretely left it under my floorboard, not flaunt it like a peace treaty to the whole house.
"I've been researching different drinks I could make you." Emmett now leaned against the island counter, still giving me that playful smirk.
"And I was thinking," Alice's sweet voice chimed in. "You might enjoy your make-over more this way." My eyebrows shot up. That's not a bad idea.
I looked between their two approving expressions and the appealing brown bottle. Isn't this exactly what I'm trying to avoid? I wondered. But taking the edge off might be helpful. The smile I would have to fake was inevitable, but happiness was more easily achieved with this aid.
Frozen in indecision, my eyes darted between the two figures and the bottle on the counter, trying to make up my mind. A cold hand pressed against the small of my back causing me to jump slightly.
"I placed your belongings in my room." The loving warmth of Edward's voice grabbed my attention.
"Edward, tell her it's okay." Emmett insisted. "I want to make her a drink." He winked at me.
Appearing bored, Edward complied. "I stand by what I said, I don't mind what you do."
As if his approval was what they were waiting for, Alice began pulling things from the fridge, while Emmett rattled off the names of various cocktails I had never heard. I was bothered that they didn't wait for my consent, inadvertently stealing my choice.
However, by the time I was seated in Alice's torture chamber, I was glad to have it. After my second drink, I actually started enjoying myself. The joy that lit up in Alice's face when I asked her to put in a hairclip a found particularly pretty, was unlike any expression I had ever seen on her before. It was as if she might have began crying with pride.
Soon enough she finished, and we rejoined Edward downstairs to begin a movie. I wandered into the kitchen just as Esme was pulling a small personal pizza out of the oven. I made a B-line towards it, clapping in sheer pleasure.
"Ah, you're the best Esme! I love you." The hot pizza sizzled on the pan; its aroma enticing my taste buds. The cheese was slightly burnt, just how I liked it. I didn't realize I was hungry until I walked in here.
"Careful dear, it's still hot." Esme's sweet voice warned. "You'll have to wait a few minutes."
The bottle of rum lay on the counter across from me as a waited, but I thought better of it when I started regaling Esme on the spider I had a run in with the other day.
"It was terrible Esme! It was dangling from the ceiling, it's creepy little legs wiggling around." She chuckled. "I had to cover my head and keep looking up for the rest of the day." I demonstrated by putting my hands over my head and searching upwards.
"I'm sorry sweetie." Her teeth gleamed as the corner of her lips pulled up to meet her eyes. She found me entertaining. "Maybe Edward could bug bomb the house for you."
Realizing that I was becoming embarrassingly chatty, I made my leave from the kitchen. But, before getting far Alice handed me another drink.
"Uh, no thanks, I'm good," I told her gratefully. It was nice that they trusted me and that this wouldn't continue to be an issue between us, but I still had to reign myself in. I didn't want to give Emmett anymore reason to make fun of me.
Her vision filled eyes came into focus and she gave me a confused and disappointed look. "Are you sure? I wouldn't let you get sick, and I already have it pored."
I ogled the glass. Two ice cubes bobbled in the dark liquid, and condensation ran down the side. The warm, jolly felling that radiated from my stomach was addictive. One more won't hurt, I shrugged and accepted it.
Edward was eyeing Alice with heavy looks of suspicion as we joined him in front of the television. Glancing between her and the glass in my hand he asked, "What are you up to?"
"Nothing," she answered, scrunching her face in innocent offence. "I just want Bella to know she is safe to do any human thing she wants here. We love her." She threw her arm around my shoulder, giving me a side hug.
He didn't seem convinced but dropped the subject nonetheless.
My filter disintegrated, and enthusiasm increased as Alice kept my glass full. I voiced my minute desires thoughtlessly, and they were met quickly. Whether it be for a blanket, to hear Edward's piano playing or simply to be in another room, they appeased me like a spoiled grandchild.
Eventually, we were dancing around the living room to some artist I wanted to hear. Limply I laid in Edward's arms, letting him guide us as we twirled to the tempo. I felt warm in his icy embrace, he was the only one I could enjoy dancing with. We maintained our recreation past the first CD. A softer album was put on in its place.
My eyes closed, and I rested my head against Edward's shoulder, swaying as a familiar tune came on. It was a song we had danced to at prom. I thought back to that evening, comparing it to now. As clumsy and cast burdened as I was that night, I felt completely secure. Pure love poured out of me like water out of a fountain. Same song. Same arms. So similar, yet, different.
"Are you ready to sleep?" Edward's whisper tickled my ear.
"No," I answered, opening my eyes and willing myself to stay awake. I did not want this to end. "It's so close to perfect. Almost just like it used to be."
"What's different?" He questioned. I paused to consider, and the honest answer came out before I could stop it.
"I hate you."
P.S. I love reviews.
