Everybody's Changing by Keane
"Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game."
XII. Missing
Edward didn't come to school that Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday. The rest of his family had come but he didn't. The weather was positively gray, so him being far away was due to a simple reason. She snuck far too many glances at the empty spot of his body in the corner of the lunchroom with his family. Alice had caught her staring more than once and could only offer the heartbroken girl a small smile of sympathy. And Abby just smiled back at her.
She didn't know if she had broken up with him since technically they weren't a couple. But god, did it feel like she did. As the days went on since Saturday, she didn't know if she had made the right decision. He was a vampire. Edward was a vampire but she was in love with him. She wasn't in love with Edward Cullen the vampire, but Edward Cullen, the man who was always protecting her. And everyday he didn't come to school, her heart broke a little more.
Logic trumped the ruptured pain in her heart most days. Logic reminded her that the future remained cold and unsure if she chose to be with him. She would condemn him to a life that wasn't limitless because she knew in her very soul that if she chose to love him, if she chose him, their love would be everlasting. She felt it so deep within her to go back to him. Being apart from him was proving to be harder and harder with each passing day. But she was meant to grow old and die. She couldn't possibly leave him alone after her death. And she had no desire to live an eternity.
Edward was there Thursday morning, in her English class, sitting in the farthest seat away from her - leaving the seat next to her and her heart vacant. He left swiftly the second the bell rang without sparing her a single glance. He didn't walk her to the cafeteria as he always did when it was lunch time. He wasn't even inside the cafeteria with his family.
She sat with her friends at lunch as she always did when she wasn't in the library with Edward and ignored the curious looks Angela and Jess had sent her. They hadn't bombarded her with questions as of yet but Abby had a nagging feeling they were going to eventually. She just hoped it wouldn't be today. She didn't trust herself to not burst into tears - not yet.
Biology II came with a sick feeling in her stomach, wondering where Edward would be - if he'd even be at the same lab desk as her. To her astonishment, he was sitting in his regular seat, staring out the large windows to the left of him and watching the downpour. She took the seat next to him with extreme wariness, with a single thought of whether he'd say something to her or not. And she dearly hoped he would. Just something - anything.
He didn't. He didn't speak a single word to her. He ignored her very existence.
Edward sat rigidly in his seat and she was sure he was desperate to be anywhere that wasn't close to her. But he was forced to be here, forced to be in this classroom with her - sitting next to her. He was leaned away from her with his head facing the board as though he hadn't learned about this topic for the hundredth time. Even with the minimal space within the lab desk seats, he managed to sit as far away from her as possible. He continued to ignore the fact that he even had a lab partner to begin with.
They were still on genetics and the lecture dragged on. Abby had her head down, her wavy hair curtaining her view of him and wrote her notes down diligently. His right hand was enclosed into a fist clenched tightly upon his knee, tendons standing out under his pale skin. His attention didn't waver from the chalkboard and if it did, he went back to staring at the rainfall.
The shrill ring of the bell rang out loud causing Abby to jump slightly in her seat. And Edward was out of his seat. He was out of the classroom before anyone else. Abby swallowed the large lump in her throat when she saw his back vanish into the hallway without her.
"Uh," Mike suddenly said, making his way over to her, "what did you do to Cullen? He ran out of here so fast without you. He literally used to look at you like the sun shined out of your butt."
Abby let out a trembling breath, packing up her sheets of paper. Blinking back the tears in her eyes, she looked down in her backpack and shook her head, "It's nothing; we just aren't-"
"You broke up?" Mike raised an eyebrow in concern, waiting for Abby to gather her things.
"Well," she cleared her throat, getting out of her seat, "we were never really together." The two walked out into the hall together and Abby blanched remembering art was next. She wondered where Edward would sit in the class, if he even went to it.
"Um," Mike drawled out walking with her to her art class since it was near his last class of the day which was his own English class, "I'm pretty sure even Cullen thought you two were together."
"Well, we're not," Abby practically snapped.
Mike held his hands up in a defensive way and quickly said, "Hey, I'm on your side Abby. Technically I'm on Tyler's side."
She glared at him, "If he tries asking me out again, I'm going to run you over with my car, Michael."
"Ah, your threats," Mike pinched her left cheek and she swatted him away. "I've been hearing them since I was eleven and fresh out from California. They now mean nothing to me."
"I will literally castrate you," she deadpanned.
His hands immediately went to cup his nether region and he narrowed his eyes at her, "Blah blah blah,"
Abby smirked at his dumb antics and waved him away, walking into her art classroom. Edward was already in the room but his head was turned away from her as he sat - just like in English - in the furthest possible seat away from her own. And she felt her heart to continue to break.
She did this, she thought, she pushed him away. She chose to continue to go on in the terribly frustrating and painful world without him in it. It was her fault. And he was making it known. What did she expect for him to do? She chose to not have him in her life, and he was respecting her choices. He was always respecting her.
Maybe she just didn't deserve him. Maybe it wasn't the future or that fact that he was a vampire that was her biggest excuse for not being with him, for not falling into him completely and wholeheartedly, but that he was better than her in every way. Edward deserved so much more than what she could ever offer him. All she had in her life was being a broken toy, damaged goods as a teenager, and she couldn't look to him to keep fixing her. She had to do it on her own. Maybe he'd find the one he was truly meant to be with one day because she had chosen to let him go. It'd break her, even more than it does now if he found someone that wasn't her. But Edward deserved more. He deserved to be happy.
Abby loved Angela and her ability to not ask prying questions. The girl didn't even have to think twice about answering positively when Abby asked her to join her to the food pantry the following weekend since Abby was too frightened to go alone. She wondered if she'd be okay going to Port Angeles alone ever again. Angela didn't ask why Abby wanted her to join, but she did assume it was because it was hard for Abby to be at the pantry without her mother.
"I know what you're going to ask so you might as well just ask it," Abby suddenly said as she drove on the freeway to Port Angeles.
"Jess hasn't grilled you about it yet?" Ang wondered with a curious brow.
"Oh, she has, but she came to her own conclusion of Edward being a dick? I'm not sure how she came to that when all I told her was we just weren't going to work out."
Ang let out a small, shy laugh and said, "Yup, that sounds like Jessica."
"So, go ahead Ang, I'm sure you have actual questions to ask." Abby stated, already knowing the lies she was going to have to spew out.
"Edward looks like you kicked him in the face." Abby glared at Angela and her choice of words but still, waited for her to continue, "He's been avoiding you like you broke his heart."
I broke my own, Abby silently replied. She shook her head and softly replied, "I just - I don't know. I can't see us working out."
"Did he see it like that too?"
She shrugged, "I don't know, I guess so." Abby pondered on Angela's question. He seemed to agree with her last weekend but she didn't give him a chance to even explain his own side. God, she was the worst. But it was too late to take it back, wasn't it?
"Abby, you were crazy about him like two weeks ago!" She still was. "What could've possibly happened? Did he do something?"
"No," she said quickly. "No, he's amazing and the perfect gentleman."
"So, the problem is..?" Angela drawled out.
"He just - he deserves far better than me," Abby sighed. "I know, I know what you're going to say. And as one of my closest friends, you're obligated to say that I am worthy of him. But there's so much more to Edward that I would literally never be worth of."
"Abby," Angela spoke gently, "why exactly are you ripping away a shot of happiness?"
"That's not what I'm doing-"
"Did he make you happy?" Angela interrupted her.
Yes, he did. He made her feel things that she had only ever dreamed of feeling. She didn't know what falling in love meant. She figured she'd find 'love' outside of Forks, Washington and she had grown to the idea of it. She would've never believed she'd come across someone like Edward Cullen. She would've never believed she would've fallen in love with someone like him either. But here she was, devastated over the choice she made and her questioning if it was remotely close to the right decision.
"Yeah."
"Then, what's the problem?" Angela softly asked.
"What if he leaves?" Abby suddenly pondered, and Angela was almost positive Abby didn't want her to hear that. "What if he leaves just like they did? I don't think I could handle someone I love leaving me again, especially if it's him."
"Abby, you can't believe that everyone you love is going to leave you," Angela pacified, placing a hand on the girls shoulder. "You can't stop yourself from loving someone because you're scared of them leaving. You can't just make this choice for the two of you because of fear. That's not fair to you or him. Loving someone is a risk, right?"
"I don't know," Abby whispered. "I've never loved anyone before."
"Well, it is. And Abby, the way Edward looks at you - I think he'd very much rather hurt himself before he would ever even think of leaving you." Angela snickered, remembering Edward's multiple forlorn glances at Abby's backside when she wasn't looking at the Cullen lunch table. "Love is worth it. My mom always says that it takes courage to love because it's such a risky thing."
"Gah," Abby suddenly said, shivering in her seat dramatically, "This conversation is too serious. Let's stop it."
Ang groaned, "You are such a kid when it comes to talking about your feelings, you know that?"
Abby laughed, nodding her head, "Yes, well, my feelings are not important and I refuse to talk about them."
"Oh, Abby, you know your feelings matter so much more than you possibly give them credit for."
The girl rolled her eyes and drove on to the food pantry, knowing Viviane was awaiting their arrival. She didn't want to continue talking about Edward. The more she talked about him, the more she thought about him. Though she'd be lying if she said that he hadn't been in every single one of her thoughts since he had saved her. Actually, he'd been in her every single one of her thoughts since she'd met him.
She had very quickly come to the realization that she had missed him profoundly. She missed everything about him. His scent, his bronze hair, his crooked smirk, and his knowing butterscotch eyes every time he looked at her like he knew every little thing. It was eating up at her every day that she went without talking to him. She missed his velvety melodious voice and his ridiculously handsome chuckle and his constant ability to make her forget about all of her sufferings. Edward Cullen had made the biggest dent in her life, and she was sure that attempting to continue life without him would be near impossible.
It was quite improbable that he had managed to capture her heart in such a short amount of time. But she knew how he'd done it. He was the embodiment of an angel.
He was supposed to be her angel.
And she let him go.
A/N: WOW, clearly separating them caused a spark within you guys. But I promise it's just for the time being. This chapter already shows signs of her regret of the decision she made.
Abby just needs to wrap her head around: 1) her feelings for a vampire who is better than her in so many ways and 2) for her to get comfortable with the idea of someone staying. She's just scared and insecure. Have you guys never been scared to be vulnerable again after being completely crushed? I have. Letting people in when you're in love with them is such a huge gamble.
Abby just lost her parents - the lights of her life. And she's falling in love with someone she feels might leave her too because she isn't like him. She knows how easy it is to get hurt. There is nothing wrong in protecting your own feelings.
She doesn't completely understand the 'bond' as of yet. And she's not going to truly understand it for awhile. I have a plan for this. I do hope you guys stick around for this story because Twilight + Bella's arrival is right around the corner.
Anyways, love the reviews, comments, follows/faves guys *kisses* thank you so much, and review!
