A/N: Wow. I'm half way through my first term and I'm feeling terrible! So much accomplished yet I've neglected this story so badly… I hope you'll all forgive me. I must ask for your patience and support while I keep this going. Please review. Even flames are welcome. Anything will feed my motivation and help get chapters posted faster. I've skipped ahead a bit more. Hope you like where I'm headed.
I have never owned and never will own anything mentioned in SM's Twilight saga. She is a God. I am a poor student. Enjoy.
Chapter Nine: Expecting
"Bella, dear!" Elizabeth called from downstairs. I groaned and sat up in bed, sighing as I felt Edward Junior turn a somersault over my bladder.
"Please, behave, E.J.," I whispered, rubbing my engorged abdomen absently as I listened again for Elizabeth.
"Darling, would you rather have ham or bacon for breakfast?" she called sweetly. "You should eat more protein! We're fortunate to have it during these troubling times…" her voice trailed off into mutters, probably about my refusal to eat when Edward barely put forth the effort to push his meals around with his fork before excusing himself.
"Just eggs and toast, please." I felt a little guilty. Elizabeth was just worrying… It warmed my heart to know that she cared so much. It was like having Renée back in my life.
I sighed and hoisted myself from the bed, steadying myself with the armchair Edward had pushed beside the bed to steady me in the mornings. Lately, he woke earlier and earlier to get to work and avoid the breakfast either Elizabeth or I (usually Elizabeth, these days) would set out. At eight months pregnant, I rarely managed waking before seven o'clock. I was thankful, at least, that E.J. seemed to have the same sleeping patterns I did.
Rubbing my lower back with a wince, I shuffled to the bathroom. Ah, the joys of pregnancy. At least the almost-painful ache I had felt so acutely at six months had faded for the most part. Still, it was frustrating during those occasions when Edward would brush his fingertips from my shoulder to the crease my elbow or stroke stray strands of my hair away from my face. It gave me a pang of sadness to admit that those instances had dwindled into a rarity these days. I understood, of course. We all felt Anthony's loss still. It hung in the air like a foul odor - painful and heavy.
I walked downstairs slowly, one foot at a time, wrapped in a terry robe. I rarely changed from my nightdress or day dress anymore. I sighed, for the first time missing the pretty things Edward bought for me. At least I was comfortable – mostly.
Elizabeth kissed my cheek and helped me sit at the table as I came through the doorway of the kitchen.
"There you are, dear. I was beginning to wonder whether I would have to come help you. Here, eat up."
Of course, the breakfast Elizabeth had laid out was far more extravagant than I needed. Eggs Benedict, fresh-cut baguette, butter, and peach preserves were arranged in my place setting. Elizabeth had her usual breakfast of one hard-boiled egg, toast, orange juice, jam, and Earl Gray tea.
We sat in companionable silence for a little while, the only sound the gentle clink of silverware against porcelain and the tap-tapping of her spoon against her egg. I realized with another touch of sadness that Elizabeth used to fill silence with happy chatter, just because she loved to talk. Oh, Anthony, you've left us all too early, I thought.
"Edward called from the office reminding you that we have an appointment with the doctor and midwife today."
"When should we be expecting them?"
"Around noon. Enough time to make you presentable," she said with a laugh. I pouted but couldn't help being a little glad to get out of my nightdress.
"So… will he be home for lunch?" I asked, trying not to get my hopes up even as my voice lifted in anticipation. Elizabeth's smile and eyes tightened.
"He didn't say dear. I can call and ask if you like."
I deliberated that for a moment. He hated to know when I was in pain. That he was causing it changed nothing… How could I add to my husband's suffering with my selfishness? No. It would be best for him not to know. I would tell him everything that night, anyway.
"No," I said after the long pause. "It's fine. He doesn't need to be here. He's far too busy at work," I said, trying to sound light, smiling with a little effort. I looked down at my plate to avoid my mother-in-law's gaze.
After breakfast I insisted on helping clean up. Elizabeth was still faster than me, clearing up most of the dishes before I could even look at them, but I managed to at least cover up the jam, preserves, butter, and wrap up the remaining bread. She helped me upstairs to get me bathed and changed. It took help for me to get into the big porcelain tub successfully.
"Ugh… I feel enormous. I'm my own planet," I grumbled in complaint as Elizabeth ran the soapy sponge over my shoulders while I combed shampoo suds through my wet strands. It sometimes amazed me how used to luxury I had become. Only two years ago shampoo had been a bit of a rarity. Along with toothpaste. The perfumed glycerin soap felt good on my skin. I leaned forward against the back of the tub, kneeling up so Elizabeth could get my lower back.
"Mother," I said quietly, turning my head to look up at Elizabeth, her delicate hands adjusting her rolled up sleeves.
"Yes, Bella, dear?" she said with a gentle smile. She loved it when I called her that.
"Thank you," I whispered, smiling at her weakly, "I don't think I could do this if you weren't here." My eyes pricked and I blinked, looking down to hide my sudden tears.
Elizabeth surprised me by throwing her arms around my wet shoulders, soaking the front of her bodice.
"You are very welcome, darling. You're the daughter I never had, as well as my Eddie's wife," she told me, kissing my cheek. Her hand wiped the unexpected tears from my cheek and she pulled me back to lean against the back of the tub. "Now relax while I rinse your hair for you dear. Take this," she commanded gently, handing me the sponge and soap. I rubbed it over my distended stomach and relaxed into Elizabeth's gentle touch while she poured fresh, cooler water over my hair.
When she was finished, she gave me a short command to stay still while she drained the tub and refilled it with clean, cooler water. It was June, and the heat did not help my moods in my late stage of pregnancy. I sighed, delighted that sweat did not immediately bead on my heated forehead.
Elizabeth hummed as she ran a bone-toothed comb through my locks, untangling them as they dried over the side of the tub. A rolled towel supported my neck. My thoughts turned to my husband again. I couldn't remember the last time my Edward had smiled at me without the stain of pain marring his features. I remembered when I lost Renée and realized that if I had not moved to Chicago, I would not have been able to let her go so quickly. Edward had healed my pain. I wondered if our child would be able to heal Edward's pain. Though I still missed Anthony, mourned him, I understood that that vivacious man would have sooner died than see Edward and I sad when we awaited such joy. No one, save Edward, had been more proud than Anthony upon learning of my pregnancy.
True to character, after Edward and I left Edward's office, Anthony passed out expensive South American cigars, sparing no one. I smiled at the memory. It showed what type of person Anthony was that he did not care if Society sniggered at him for showing Negros and Irish the same respect he showed anyone else.
"This is America!" he had said when I had showed surprise and admiration the first time I saw him tip a Negro cab driver. Anthony had been just as generous with him as he was with the men who drove the fancier town cars downtown. "We are all created equal, with God-given unalienable rights, isn't that right, friend?" he had said jovially, clapping the young man on the shoulder. The driver, his skin a beautiful shade of coffee, had smiled and thanked Anthony. It had been the first time I had seen anyone except for Charlie and Renée behave such. And even Renée had acted with a little more reserve around Negro workers.
I wished that Kate had gotten to know Anthony better. She would have loved him.
Elizabeth sighed, and in the sudden silence I realized that she had been humming for the past several minutes.
"What's that you were singing?" I asked as I turned to look up at Elizabeth. She continued humming softly, plaiting my mostly-dry hair now. The nonsensical notes transformed into words at my bidding, and Elizabeth's voice wrapped me in a spell. The tune was wistful, sweet, and impossibly, angelically sad.
"'Tis the last rose of the summer / Left blooming alone, / All her lovely companions / are faded and gone! / No flower of her kindred, / No rosebud is nigh / to reflect back her blushes, / or give sigh for sigh.
"I'll not leave thee, thou lone one, / To pine on the stem; / Since the lovely are sleeping, / Go sleep though with them: / Thus kindly I scatter / Thy leaves o'er the bed / Where thy mates of the garden / Lie scentless and dead.
"So soon may I follow, / When friendships decay, / And from love's shining circle, / The gems drop away, / When true hearts lie wither'd, / And fond ones are flown, / Oh! Who would inhabit / This bleak world alone."
As Elizabeth sang she pulled me from the tub gently, guiding me to stand on the plush towels she had laid out on the floor for while she helped me dry off. She handed me a towel and, still singing, walked into the bedroom to retrieve one of the two maternity gowns I owned. The Lane Bryant dress was much like my other dresses except that it was slightly more reminiscent of earlier styles and had an elastic waistband, something that I had never seen before buying it. I rarely went out, so I rarely wore it. After all, it wasn't proper for a woman so far along to be out and about. I wondered absently if that would ever change. That, if I had a daughter, is she would have to hide the miracle of being pregnant as if it were shameful.
Elizabeth buttoned my dress up for me and smiled a little sadly.
"Come now, dear, we should finish sewing the embroidery for the baby's Christening gown," she said with a smile, sighing a little sadly as she carefully led me down the stairs and to the parlor.
"Terrific! Sewing…" I said with heavy sarcasm. Elizabeth laughed her exuberant laugh and sat me in the chaise lounge, pushing a cushion behind my lower back.
At noon, the grandfather clock in Edward's study chimed noisily and was quickly followed by four sharp taps at the door. Elizabeth rose gracefully and flitted to the door, looking through the slender glass windows on either side of the door before letting the guests in. The doctor and the midwife were depressingly ragged looking.
They followed a welcoming Elizabeth into the parlor. I had had the foresight to stand when Elizabeth went to get the door, and already I could feel my ankles swelling to the size of thick salamis.
"Doctor Morgan, Miss Jones, a pleasure to see you both again. Please make yourself at home. May I get you anything? Tea or coffee?"
The doctor sighed and took off his hat, mopping his forehead with a handkerchief. He and the midwife exchanged a long glance and I frowned slightly. Elizabeth giggled behind her hand delicately. The midwife frowned.
"Mrs. Masen, why in God's name are you standing up in your delicate state?" she asked, exasperated. The doctor held up an imploring hand, a frown creasing his features.
"Mrs. Masen, do you remember what I told you when Dr. Cullen referred you to me?" he interjected. I sat carefully, pouting a little at being chastised. I wondered briefly if I feigned ignorance if it would make it easier. Probably a little. I tried to relax my face into polite, innocent confusion.
"I'm sorry Doctor, but I cannot recall..?" The doctor did not appear convinced of my forgetfulness, but he humored me.
"Your bleeding during the early months of your pregnancy indicated that your state is far more fragile than most. You should be staying in bed, Mrs. Masen. Limiting your exertions to necessities only. Now, please, let's get you upstairs…"
The midwife helped me up, Elizabeth taking my other hand, patting it sympathetically.
"Actually, I thought it may be better if I moved into the guest room for all of that… It would be easier to clean up, and it's closest to the kitchen," I suggested. The doctor looked at me for a moment, considering, then turned to the midwife.
"It's up to you, Miss Jones."
"If you would like to see the room before you decide, Miss Jones, it is right through these doors," said Elizabeth helpfully. She had seen my pleading look. E.J. was playing trampoline on my bladder again. Dr. Morgan opened the doors and we walked through first, Elizabeth helping me waddle over to the restroom door. "If you'll excuse us for a moment…"
Elizabeth helped me into the powder room for the ninth time in the last two hours while Miss Jones went to the guest bedroom. When we emerged, she gave us a nod of approval.
"Yes, this is much more convenient. Please, Mrs. Masen, lie down like a good girl, now," she said with a sigh, leading me to the large guest bed. I nodded and obediently sat and lay down, happy to be off my feet, at least.
The doctor began the long process of checking my vitals and then asked about my eating habits, my other habits, and my sleeping habits. They asked how active the baby was. I told them about how he seemed to sleep regularly and was active regularly. I told them how he responded to my voice and Edward's.
Finally, Elizabeth and Dr. Morgan left the room while Miss Jones took out a measuring tape. She helped me take off my gown and carefully measured me around the middle, twice. Afterward, she helped me dress and let the doctor and Elizabeth back in.
"How far along are we?"
"33 inches, Doctor," she reported with a slight frown.
"A little small, isn't it? Considering…"
"What's wrong? What are you talking about?" I demanded, suddenly sharp. I did not like what they were implying. Was something wrong with my Eddie? Why wouldn't they spit it out?
"What was your waist size before your pregnancy, Mrs. Masen?" Miss Jones asked bluntly. I blushed a little and answered quickly.
"Twenty-two inches in my corset."
"Hm… It should be all right. But Miss Jones should move in as soon as you're ready to have her," said Dr. Morgan dismissively.
"Of course," answered Elizabeth, sensing how agitated I was. She led them to the door as they said their goodbyes.
"Do call if anything changes. You have our number. If there is an emergency of any sort, take her to Saint Anthony's. Mercy, Passavant Memorial, and Wesley Memorial have both been designated as quarantine areas for influenza victims. Above all else, make sure Mrs. Masen stays in bed. Going out in her condition, in these times, would be extremely dangerous for her and the child," he insisted. I sighed from my place in bed. Wonderful. Forced confinement. What would I do for the next month? Knit? I wanted to cry. It would be better if Edward could at least…
I cut the thought off, feeling disgusted with myself. How could I even think that Edward had time to entertain me when he was grieving? I wished for the millionth time that I could comfort him. That our baby would be a comfort to him. That new life and joy could temper the grief.
Finally, I heard the door close and Elizabeth joined me again. I twisted my wedding ring around my finger nervously, restless, as she pushed an overstuffed armchair to the bedside and sat gracefully.
"Well… that was… eventful," she said with obvious amusement in her voice. "I never do quite get used to how aggravated you get. You're so impatient. It is positively adorable, Bella, dear." She laughed, patting my knee through the coverlet.
I grinned ruefully and glanced at the clock, glad that Edward would be home in only three hours.
"Did you have to lie-in?" I asked with a pout, feeling very much like a petulant child.
"Yes, dear, a quite a bit longer than you, I dare say," said Elizabeth with a little surprise. "Anthony and I were married in 1900. I was eighteen, but I was much smaller than you. Really, I barely looked fifteen years old, so when we discovered I was with child, the midwife worried that my delicate size would complicate the pregnancy…"
"She had me restricted to the house from my fifth month onward, and I was limited to very little exercise from then until my seventh month. After that, I stayed in bed until Edward was born… In the end, everything worked out fine. Which is how we got our darling Eddie," she smiled in pride at the memory. We were quiet for several minutes. She, reflective, and I a little frightened.
"What is it like?" I asked softly. I could not imagine the childbirth itself. All I could see was my little boy, with bronze curls, pink cheeks, and dazzling emerald eyes.
"I could only describe it as… the most horrific pain you could imagine," Elizabeth admitted a little haltingly, laughing. "But then, when you hear him cry for the first time, and you see him look up at you, you know you would endure it a thousand times over just to hold him in your arms," she said with a sweet smile.
We passed the afternoon in conversation. At three, she left me to prepare for dinner, and promised that she and Edward would join me in here, propriety be damned. At five o'clock, I heard the front door close softly. I counted the footsteps as Edward walked through the Foyer to the kitchen to greet his mother.
"Hello, darling. How was work?" she asked. I inhaled appreciatively as the scent of roasted chicken drifted down the hall and under my door.
"Good enough," he said tightly. Not very well, then. "Is Bella sleeping?" he asked, the tone of his voice a little more tender.
"No, dear, I do not believe so. She has relocated into the guest room. The midwife thought it would be best if-"
But whatever Elizabeth was saying was lost to me as Edward walked through the door, his eyes sweeping my frame.
"Edward!" I called appreciatively, holding open my arms and sitting up. He rushed to me, enveloping me in his arms. I relaxed immediately, exhaling a breath that I felt I had been holding since I woke.
"Bella," he whispered into my neck. I happily stroked Edward's broad shoulders as he relaxed against me. The tension seemed to disappear with my ministrations, and he sighed in content, his head slipping down to rest against my breast, over my heart. His hand rubbed soothing circles over my abdomen. Little E.J. responded with a twist. I felt him kick me in the ribs and winced. Edward saw my reaction and sweetly pressed his lips to my stomach through my dress.
"Hush, little one. No hurting mummy," he said in his honeyed voice. The baby calmed immediately and I smiled.
"You're going to be the most amazing father in the world," I said adoringly, my eyes shining with pride as Edward cooed over our growing child.
"And you the most beautiful and loving mother," he intoned, stroking my face from temple to chin with the back of his hand.
Edward rose from his knees and sat in the armchair beside the bed, stroking patterns over my tummy while I told him about the doctor's visit. He chuckled when I whined about being confined to bed, and relaxed visibly while I babbled. I was so happy that the pain in his eyes lessened around me. But the tightness in the corners still remained. The set of his lips was still just slightly strained.
Eventually, Elizabeth tapped on the door and backed in, laden with a tray of food. Edward rushed to help her. To his surprise, she proceeded to bring in two other trays.
Dinner was a casual affair conducted at my bedside. Edward helped Elizabeth move the kitchen table into the bedroom and they carried an extra chair. She set our places and we ate, enjoying our meal together. Both Elizabeth and I were happy to see some of the drawn lines leave Edward's face. Here, in the bedroom, we felt Anthony's absence a little less. I hoped this would be a habitual occurrence for the remainder of my pregnancy.
To my delight, Edward stayed with me after he and Elizabeth cleared up the remnants of our meal. The table was left in the room, just pushed slightly out of the way. He crawled under the duvet beside me and cradled my head against his shoulder while he rubbed my belly in circles. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear and helped me change into my nightdress when Elizabeth brought it for me.
When the sun had set, Edward left the bed for a few moments to change, and then rejoined me, laying out a suit for the morning.
"I love you," I whispered into the darkness. I felt his arms wrap around me tighter and smiled.
"As I love you, my Bella," he answered, kissing my forehead.
"…You can be happy, you know," I said softly, nearly inaudible with my face pressed against Edward's side.
"What do you mean, love?" he asked, "I am happy."
"No, Edward… Not really. I know you're still grieving… We all are. What I mean is… You don't have to shut down to grieve. Anthony was as happy as you were when he learned about E.J. Yet for the past three months you've hardly spoken to me like this… And now… I just want you to know that just because you're grieving does not mean that you cannot rejoice in our son's life." My voice was barely above a breath now. "I hate seeing you so dejected, when I am so impossibly happy," I admitted.
Edward shifted in the bed and I became aware that he had risen onto his arms, crouching over me.
"I promise you, my one and only love, that no man, rich or poor, king or servant, could be as happy as I have been since the day I first saw you, despite the fact that I do still grieve."
And Edward sounded so convicted that I could do nothing less than believe without question. Suddenly, I felt his lips pressing against mine in askance. Warmth shot through my body and I responded with a fervor I had not felt in far too long.
His long fingers danced over the ties of my nightdress, loosening them to expose my chest. His lips descended down my throat and lower in a fiery trail. His hands pulled the hem of my dress up until I could feel him palming my hips and thighs. My breath came faster, my heart beat more rapidly than I could keep track of. A small mewl left my lips as his mouth closed over me.
It had been five months since I had felt his hands on me this way, and when he wrapped my leg around his hips, I could only rejoice. Our bodies came together in frenzy, melting into one moving, thrashing, wild thing. I worried a little about the obstacle my swollen abdomen caused, but Edward solved the problem easily by gently guiding me onto my side. I was a little startled by the position, but as soon as he moved against me again, I forgot my reservations and gave into the pleasure.
He held me tighter and I loved him for it. He called me beautiful and I melted in delight. And when we were both spent, he collapsed beside me and held me to his chest. As he pulled the duvet over our slightly sweaty bodies the sounds of our slowing hearts filled the silence, syncing into one rhythm, asserting the thing we both so devoutly believed: we were one being, and would never, ever, be separated. Pain, pleasure, everything only bound us tighter.
A/N: Voila! There it is! Hope you enjoyed the fluffy lemon at the end. :P Thought I'd reward all of my wonderful readers for being so patient with me. I'm working hard and I promise I'll get the next chapter up ASAP, but as always, reviewing inspires me to write faster.
Hope you liked it. Just a filler, really, but I promise the good stuff is coming.
