A/N: It just occurred to me that I've forgotten the disclaimer for the last three chapters. I've just corrected the issue so I hope there aren't any lawsuits building against me as I speak. I worship SM's imaginary kingdom and own nothing except the specific plots used in this fiction. I MAKE NO PROFIT. IF I DID I WOULD NOT BE HERE! I WOULD BE RELAXING ON A BEACH IN TAHITI SOMEWHERE!
During the process of writing this chapter and drawing motivation from my precious reviews, I saw that some of my attentive readers noticed an error of gigantic proportions! I forgot that I killed Charlie off! So, if you didn't see in my last author's note, I have since corrected the problem and self flagellated for an extended amount of time. I have learned my lesson: no writing past 2:00 AM.
So, with that nonsense out of the way… On with the show! I felt it was high time we had a little lightness and love in this fiction-quickly-approaching-epic-proportions and so, without further adieu, Happy reading!
Disclaimer (Again!): I never have and never will own anything mentioned in SM's Twilight. I am but a poor student. She is a God. Enjoy.
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Chapter Sixteen: Firsts
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We dressed in silence after our passionate oaths. I made a conscientious effort to not turn away as I stripped off my nightdress and pulled on a brassiere and short undershorts. Edward did not hide the feral hunger that graced his perfected features and made me shiver with the sort of anticipation I had not felt often since his disappearance. Edward pulled on his own outdated clothing, and, gentleman that he was, he offered me his arm as we descended the stairs and exited the house.
September in New York city was still quite warm by day and cooler by night, so we strolled through the somewhat choked and dirty streets several blocks, just talking. He asked questions – mostly about Eddie – and I answered, feeling less and less pain with each round of questioning. Remembering the smiling boy rather than the mutilated corpse was therapeutic while watching Edward's unadulterated reactions was even more so.
"What foods did he like? What sports did he play? Did he have an aptitude for music? Did he have school friends? Was he helpful?"
The questions poured out of Edward's perfect lips faster than I could answer, and I had to focus hard to answer each of them, sometimes needing him to repeat a question so I could give him a proper answer.
"He enjoyed Italian, he loved baseball, he played piano a little but preferred drawing, he had lots of friends, and he was always looking after me. He asked me many times to bring home a new father so he wouldn't have to be the man of the house anymore," I said with a laugh. Edward's smile tightened and I registered the sadness lining his eyes.
"But I would always tell him why I could not – my heart belonged to you and it would not be fair to any man to subject him to that knowledge. Then he would answer 'My father must be a great man to have earned your love and loyalty, Mother.' And then he would kiss or hug me and ask 'Am I like him?' He was… He was a lot like you, Edward."
"Stubborn as a mule and hopelessly slave to you?"
"Stubborn as a mule, kind, loyal, generous, determined, ambitious… Everything you are and more, Edward."
We wound up strolling central park, he leading me along by his proffered arm, I following contently at his side. We were hopelessly enwrapped in our own little world, speaking in near-whispers, our heads close together and our bodies brushing as we strolled at our own pace.
"He loved you so much, Bella," he whispered to me after a rare moment of silence since our departure from the townhouse. I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were once again agonized. "I saw everything! Everything you sacrificed for him, everything he knew you did for his wellbeing, all of the pain and anger he had when he saw that you were sad, the happiness when he saw you smile or when you praised him. He adored you as much as I do, worshipped you! To think that I- I had a part in his–"
I put a hand to his lips.
"I forbid you to speak like that again, Edward. You stayed away, why? To protect us from what you think you are, isn't that so? And had you not found him, then what, Edward? Not one of my loves missing without explanation, but two– You may not have been able to save him from death, but you saved me from not knowing, and you saved me from loneliness. Your existence as you are has nothing to do with his murder!" my insistence, though breathed in a whisper, rang unopposed in the quiet between us. His eyes lightened just a little and I lifted my gloved hand to his cheek, stroking it gently.
"Stop berating yourself for something you could not help, Edward. He would have adored you had he had the time to know you. He admired you deeply and smiled whenever I compared you to him. He told me this year that he was going to study hard and take the barrister exams to be a lawyer, like you, when he finished college."
"He did..?" Edward asked, the sadness fading completely to be replaced by hopefulness and adoration of the son he never got to know.
"He did. I wish you could see my mind, so I could put your guilt and fear to rest. You are not to blame, at all, and despite your absence he has always been and always be your son. Utterly incorrigible and impossibly stubborn!"
Edward laughed and I marveled at the honeyed bell-tones. It became easier to talk then. He spoke of his time away from me. Explained the things I did not understand, his life with Dr. Carlisle Cullen and the secrecy he maintained. He also explained the difference between the Dr.'s growing coven and the monsters that roamed the night.
"The choice to sustain ourselves solely by animals is difficult, but he sees it as a necessary discomfort for the greater good of humanity. He sees us as a somewhat mutated species of human. We also share the air, we think and feel, and we can die, though it is quite a bit harder for us. Therefore, he believes it is wrong to hunt humans for sustenance when animals do. I… disagreed. I thought, since I have the unique ability to filter the thoughts of the wicked from the pure, there was no evil in annihilating those that would harm the innocent. I was… hunting when I came across the thoughts of the monster. I became distracted and decided to see his intentions, intervene if necessary. But after finding you Bella, I swear I will take no part in playing God. When I left to hunt last night I went to the forests. I cannot in good conscience do it anymore… Even if they're evil I can still hear their thoughts, their fear, their horror…
"Anyway, I think it is high time I return to Carlisle. He was right. He always is, of course. It only took finding you again to realize it," he told me cheerfully as we passed the zoo.
"I can come with you, you said. You promised me eternity… Am I right in assuming that means," I lowered my voice to a barely-audible whisper, "you will make me like you?" Edward frowned slightly, but nodded.
"Not I. I could not, but Carlisle could. But you have to realize Bella that immortality is not all it seems. It is not glamorous. You will have me but little else. And it hurts, my love, more than any pain you have ever experienced," Edward muttered with a scowl. "It feels as if you have been lit on fire, charred to a crisp, then burned again for good measure. It last roughly three days, and I'm not sure that even with the help of drugs there would be a way to lessen the pain."
"I don't care," I told him resolutely, looking him in the eye. I knew that he would search for weakness in my conviction and knew he would find none. "I need to be with you, forever, Edward And soon."
He groaned and pouted a little, drawing me into a sudden hug.
"I'll be killing you, essentially, Bella. Why do you rush to pain me, so?"
"I'm twenty-seven, nearing twenty-eight years old, and you want me to wait? I'm already ten years older than you, Edward!"
"You are no such thing, Bella!"
"You're hopelessly blind!"
"Are half the men we've passed also blind? Despite your so-called age the rest of the male population of Manhattan seem to find you just as attractive as I do, you know," he informed me matter-of-factly with an impossibly handsome smirk on his lips. I flushed scarlet and stomped ahead a little bit before he caught my arm, pulling it around his again.
"I do not want to wait. Before the thirteenth I want to be just like you."
"A monster?"
"Bullet-proof."
"You always did seem to have a somewhat irksome magnetism for disaster."
"Har-har," I answered in a sardonic laugh.
"And that charming little sense of humor!" he teased. I elbowed him in the side and winced when I felt my funny bone collide with granite-hard flesh.
"Ow…"
Edward merely rolled his eyes at me and knelt to kiss away the pain. His eyes, smoldering beneath his dark lashes as he looked up at me did the trick even if his cool lips soothed the ache. They were almost amber today instead of burgundy or black.
"Why did your eye color change?" I asked quietly, hoping I was not asking an embarrassing question.
"I changed my diet," he answered simply.
"How does that work?"
"I haven't an idea, except that it must have something to do with the type of proteins in animal blood versus that of a human. Or perhaps it is more spiritual. That would be a question to ask Carlisle, when we meet him tomorrow."
"Wow… Do you think he'll like me?"
"Without a doubt, my love."
"So what else do you want to do on this so-called 'date'?"
"I thought we could see a movie. There's a theatre near by, is there not?"
So we went to the movies. It dawned on me that we had never done this before. In fact, we had never had what the youngsters now called "dates" before. Our courtship had been chaperoned and monitored by societal formalities. It was strange, after all this time, to walk hand-in-hand in public without feeling embarrassed about it.
"I think Mr. Disney is going to be a rich man," I said with a smile. "Steamboat Willie" had played before the feature film. I thought it was adorable. Eddie would have loved it.
"I think it's the first of many short toons, but I don't think he'll make it that big," Edward answered. "It's true that a lot of them found it amusing but it won't be enough to make him a millionaire."
"Well, I still think you're wrong. In another decade you owe me another date if I turn out to be right."
"And if you're wrong, Bella? It's not ladylike to gamble."
"I'll owe you a first."
"Such as?"
"I haven't a clue right now, it's not fair to ask immediately! It would spoil the surprise, anyway!"
He laughed again and I could not help but be enchanted all over again.
"I do believe that you're making me fall for you all over again, Mr. Masen."
"And I'm delighted that you're so easily charmed, Mrs. Masen."
Hand in hand, we walked down Broadway and into Harlem for dinner. The little café was situated in the heart of Harlem. It was lit up with little tea candles and a Jazz band played the blues on a makeshift stage. The throaty voice of the singer harmonized with the sax and we were both lulled into the relaxed atmosphere as we waited for our entrees.
"Why New York?" he asked as I sipped my Coca Cola from a straw, thankful that the bottle had been chilled.
"It was far away from Chicago, but still had a big-city feel. I knew I could find a good school here for Eddie and that I would have work. I wanted him to be cultured and there are always seats for the Broadway shows for discount in the nosebleed section, not to mention the music and the melding cultures and everything else."
"Hm."
"Plus… it was far away, at least a little," I continued after his noncommittal response and still-curious eyes. "After you disappeared and were proclaimed dead along with Elizabeth, and then Charlie…I needed to get away before I drove myself crazy and Eddie along with me. We left when he was three, big enough to travel. He charmed everyone on the trains we rode. Stood up in the seat and yelled the names of things we passed. And in the taxis once we got here."
"Smart tyke."
"Very much like you, from what Elizabeth told me."
"Angela has a boy and a girl now."
"How old?"
"Ten and Twelve, I think. I don't stay in touch as much as I used to."
"Ready to order?" asked the curvy African-American waitress. Her dark eyes sparkled exotically beneath a fringe of thick lashes. Her hair was cut into the face-framing bob most flappers sported, and her uniform and apron accented her young figure in a way that mad me green with envy. I frowned, as she looked my seventeen-year-old husband up and down. Damned aging. Edward turned to me, forcing her to turn her attention to me. She sighed and hitched the smile back into place.
"May I take your order, ma'am?" she asked, emphasizing the "ma'am."
"I'll have the chicken, please, and strawberries with cream for dessert."
"And you, handsome?"
I wished for my sixteen-year-old body and twenty-two inch waist.
"Nothing, thank you. Just two more Cokes, please," he said without looking away from me. He started kissing the fingers of my left hand slowly, his lips brushing from my fingertips to my knuckles and back again, repeating the action on each one from thumb until pinky, then turning it over palm-up to trace the paths over again.
I could not fight the blush that rose in my cheeks or the hitch in my breath.
"It's ridiculous how much you affect me with just, that," I gasped softly, vainly attempting to slow my heart rate.
"It's even more ridiculous that you think I'll let you escape," he whispered as I tried to pull my hand away from him just for Edward to capture the other in his grasp. But before he cold work me into hyperventilating, the waitress brought my entrée and two more Cokes after removing the bottles from the table.
I was far hungrier than I imagined, barely taking the time to wait for my food to cool before plunging into it. I scalded my tongue and throat and could not taste the creamy vegetables and chicken but did not care.
"I do not feed you enough," Edward said with a frown. I tried not to laugh after swallowing a wonderfully filling bite of pie.
"You've only been with me for two days."
"I'm your husband and I let you starve yourself."
"No, you're my husband and you gave me time to cope and grieve before shoveling unwanted food in my mouth and contributing to my already too-large waistband," I grumbled in way of argument. Edward made a point of looking me up and down, the look in his eyes making me shiver again.
"I assure you, Bella, that you're just as delectable looking if not more so. You're beautiful," he said in such a reverent voice that I decided argument would get me nowhere. I changed the subject after a couple more bites of steaming deliciousness.
"We're going to see Carlisle tomorrow?"
"Yes. Once you're packed and asleep I'll run us both to him."
"Run?"
"One of the advantages of this existence is speed, Bella, love," he clarified with a joyful smile.
"And then?"
"We'll discuss your… renovations with him and until we can manage them, you and I will be together in married bliss."
"Marital bliss?" I asked, arching my eyebrows. I remembered one thing specifically from my "marital bliss" that I missed almost as much as I missed him. He contemplated my hopeful expression for a moment before frowning.
"I'm not sure that would be such a good idea, Bella. I am quite a bit stronger than you, and from what I've unwillingly witnessed in my – I suppose you could call them my cousins – trysts between vampires and mortals does not end… well, to say the least," he said with a hint of disgust lacing his words.
"Cousins? What have they done?"
"Before they changed their diets they sometimes indulged in games of seduction before their meals," Edward continued, scowling darkly. I shuddered at the image in my head. "They never ended well. The, ah, trysts, were a prelude to the feast, and never ended without a few crushed bones at least."
"Ah… I… see," I said with wide eyes. But surely Edward and I would be different. "Maybe… if you asked Carlisle. You've shown tremendous control with me already, Edward, maybe it wouldn't be–"
"I will not risk your life for my pleasure, or even yours."
With that I decided I would let it be for now.
The return home took less time. We rode in a taxi and Edward carefully deposited me in bed after inquiring about what I would like to pack. I was asleep by the time he started rushing around to collect the items I mentioned.
In my dreams, I felt him beside me, holding me, caressing me, loving me the way he used to. In my dreams, the pain was over, and my skin was just as luminescent and resilient as his. We were once again equals, and the longing and grief in his eyes had dissolved and yielded to joy. I marveled a little at how I took everything he said as truth, without question. I recognized that if anyone else had told me that vampires existed and roamed the nights, I would have scoffed. But in his velvet voice, under his gentle but hard touch, it was a simple matter of reasoning to arrive at the appropriate conclusion. My world was hopelessly intertwined with the not so mythical, and acceptance meant survival with Edward.
I woke inhaling his sweet, not-quite-place-able scent and felt hard arms around my waist. His cool breath whispered over my sleep-warmed cheeks, blowing stray strands of hair away from my face. I cracked my eyes open just a little to look up at Edward's smiling face.
"You slept in my arms all the way back to LaCrosse."
"Where is that?" I asked somewhat sleepily as I burrowed deeper into the blankets and nuzzled his chest. I could feel his chuckle vibrate through him and smiled contentedly, not really caring where we were.
"Minnesota. Carlisle and Esme are waiting to meet you. Would you like to go to the main house or stay in bed longer, my angel?"
"Mmm… Five more minutes, darling," I moaned into his chest while I clung to him tighter. I glanced up at Edward's face to find his eyes sparkling with amusement and beautiful butterscotch in color.
"You hunted again?"
"You were soundly asleep for nine hours before I decided I would rather not leave you once you woke. We're somewhat ensconced by wilderness so hunting is very easy here. I thought it would be an ideal location for your recovery after we…"
"Ah."
"Even though I despise myself for taking away your chances at Heaven, Bella… I cannot help but be grateful that you will join me. I feel like I am taking everything and giving nothing! Before you go through with this, is there anything you want of me?"
"…I have an idea. But I want you to tell me something first. Be completely honest with me, Edward. Do not spare me any of the details no matter how frightening you think I will find them," I said, squaring my shoulders as much as I could from the position between his arms. He considered for a moment.
"Very well."
"When you were a newborn, what was it like? Did you recognize the Doctor? How was your self-control? How long until you could be around humans again?"
"It was terrifying. The first time I killed I was disgusted with myself. And I cheated often in the beginning and again when Esme joined us. Indulging in my base instincts gave me more distance from the pain of losing you, Bella. I did not recognize the doctor immediately. My self control, according to Carlisle, was better than his as a newborn but that can probably be attributed to my unique gift. It was three years before I could be around humans without losing control of my thirst. Five before I could walk among them for any length of time. This is the first time I've stayed in a human's presence for more than a few hours."
"Everything you did was driven by thirst?"
"Yes. Absolutely everything. That and secrecy as a necessity to survival."
"And… this feeling I have with you?"
"I was not aware of any other physical desire until Carlisle found Esme. I missed you, longed for your company and wellbeing, but I did not need in that way," Edward said honestly and delicately.
"So nearly ten years? To feel like I do now?"
"Roughly. Why do you ask, Bella?" He asked, his voice slipping into the velvet tones he seemed to use when he meant to be persuasive. Edward's cool lips against mine, then my cheek, and my throat distracted me while I tried to remember exactly why I had pursued that line of questioning.
"Mmmm… Right now, I feel desire for you foremost. I want…" I hesitated, blushing. Edward stroked his hand across my cheek and I thawed, biting my lower lip and mumbling. "I want you, right this moment, Edward. More than I need the air to breathe I need you."
"I do not understand, Bella. What does that have to do with your questions?"
"I don't want to lose this, yet. Not quite. I don't want to wait another decade to want you again, Edward. Please. I want you to be with me as my husband before you change me, so I have the memory to sustain me until the pain and thirst fade." I whispered, unable to meet his gaze. Edward held stalk-still, his arms still clutching me to his chest. "When you change me, all I'll want is to murder everyone and everything around me, so… First, please give me the love both of us deserve." I felt him shift slightly and bit my lip as he tilted my face up to meet his gaze. I do not know what he found in my eyes as I searched his beautiful topaz depths, but he finally sighed and held me tighter.
"I will discuss it with Carlisle. After… After that my whole being cowers at the thought of losing another of my loves. I may have the restraint necessary to… Bella, you make things impossibly difficult for me! Anything you could ask for and you ask this? The one thing I would so willingly give you if only…"
His hand clenched into a claw around the fabric at my hip and I shivered. The frustration in his face faded slightly and he sighed once more.
"It's time you met Carlisle and Esme. I want you to stay close to me. Esme is still new to this, and though she's prepared it will likely be hard for her. After that, I imagine you two will get along quite well. Even with my brief time knowing her she's become something of a mother figure… You'll understand what I mean in a moment."
"I feel like when I first formally met Anthony and Elizabeth. I was scared to death!"
"Do not worry, my love. I will let no harm befall you."
"Do you consider them your immortal parents, Edward? You speak so respectfully of Carlisle…"
"It is hard to not feel that way, especially after being inside their minds. They are so impossibly good, Bella!"
"…I imagine this must be the first time a mortal woman met her immortal in-laws."
Edward's answering laugh rang through the hall as he escorted me down the stairs and into a bright living room. I looked at the floor as we entered, afraid to meet the man who would grant me an eternity with my love.
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A/N: I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and review. Though I know typing this monstrosity takes up a large chunk of my free and not-so-free time I know it takes you all just as long to muck through my little creation. I hope you've enjoyed thus far. I am currently attempting to get at least another chapter up by the end of business today, because I am beginning to fall behind on work-type work. With that said, the promised happy ending is not far in the future.
After the completion of this fiction I will be posting a poll pertaining to offshoots of this. I am toying with the idea of an Alice & Jasper fiction, as well as an epilogue for Breaking Dawn, after which I am not quite sure what I may or may not do.
-Forensica X
