Chapter Three: Weakened
The next couple of days were low energy. The entire group had an air of exhaustion around them since each were using their energy to figure out a plan to help Kagome. Kagome kept to herself most of the time, talking mostly to Shippo and Sango when they came to her. The most comfortable time the group had was when they came across a new hot spring and were able to enjoy a night of bathing. However, Inuyasha insisted on distancing himself from the group, the guilt about Kagome's situation weighing him down. Sango and Miroku both noticed, but did not know how to confront him about it. They also didn't know whether they should talk about it.
On the fifth night of their continued travels, the group found a small village of farmers plagued by a weasel demon. Miroku went about his normal routine, charming the villagers and exorcising the demon once they figured out there really was one. The group was thrown a small feast and allowed to sleep in the extra room of the Headman's home. The room looked out toward the nearby forests, over one of the many farms that surrounding the village and provided a beautiful view of the sunset.
"Hey, Kagome!" Shippo hurried over to her side and held up a new toy horse he got from the village, "Look what I got! Isn't it pretty! The villagers carved it for me as a thank you."
"It is beautiful, Shippo." Kagome smiled and pat the boys head. Shippo ran off to play and Kagome turned out toward the view only to be startled. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a glimpse of Sesshomaru standing on top of a hill in the shadow of the forest, as the sun set over the trees. That brief moment would have been a beautiful sight if memories of that night didn't rush through her mind. She turned away, holding her head as if she had a headache, and catching the attention of her friends.
"Kagome, are you okay?" Sango asked concerned. Kagome opened her eyes and looked up to Sango before looking out toward where she knew she had seen him. He was no longer there, which helped her calm down. Kagome turned back to Sango with a weak smile, taking a deep breath.
"I'm okay. I think it's just a headache." Kagome explained.
"Alright, if you're sure. Get some rest, okay?" Sango said and helped Kagome set up her bed. Once she was done, she looked to Inuyasha and stared for a moment. He caught the look and stared back, waiting for her to stay something. Instead of speaking up, she just looked away from him.
"What's wrong, Kagome?" Inuyasha pressed the matter as gently as he could.
"Do you… Never mind." Kagome shook her head and slid under the blankets.
"No, no. It's okay. What's wrong?" Inuyasha pressed further, his stubbornness catching mild glares from both Sango and Miroku. Shippo was as curious as Inuyasha, so he sat back and watched.
"I was wondering whether you… sensed Sesshomaru… or smelt him near here?" she asked shyly, apprehensive about what Inuyasha may think of her asking such a question.
"What? No, why?" Inuyasha replied a little aggressively, "Wait, no… You wanna return his damn haori. If he wanted it, Kagome, he'd have ripped it from you before he left. I doubt he cares. Besides, I can't smell anymore of him than what is coming from his haori anyway. If I smell him, I'll tell you."
"Oh, okay." Kagome nodded and laid her head down, "Thank you."
The night came to a close on the group and Kagome once again found her night plagued by terrifying nightmares. This time her mind went wild as images of Naraku taking her instead. Demon tendrils and claws that came from her enemy's body held her in place as he overtook her with his massive, disgusting form. As if a prayer was answered, Kagome's eyes slowly opened from the nightmare without her screaming out from sleep. Her eyes met Shippo's and all she could do was smile.
"You woke me up again. Thank you, Shippo." Kagome reached over and pulled up the covers so Shippo could join her. He quickly crawled into the covers and laid down next to her.
"I've got your back, Kagome." Shippo said with a strong nod. The two of them had this little agreement that if she began having a nightmare, Shippo would wake her up before she shot up from her sleep screaming like she did the first night. Shippo had saved her from that embarrassing fate three different times now. Kagome realized that when he was close, she felt a bit better about everything.
"You're so sweet, Shippo." Kagome kissed his forehead and the two laid down for the night.
"Ni'night, Momma…" Shippo muttered as he quickly fell to sleep. Kagome's eyes widened and she looked down to the exhausted boy. She didn't even think Shippo realized what he said. Kagome laid her head down with a very happy smile on her face. It was strange to have him being the one to look after her, but he ended up calling her Momma. That innocent moment in time allowed yet another piece to be put back into place in that broken soul of hers. Kagome slept easily the rest of the night.
The next morning came and the sun shined into the room and over Kagome's peaceful face. Her eyes opened before anyone else's this time and she actually felt well-rested. She sat up and stretched and quietly as possible, careful not to wake anyone up. The few nights before left them all worried and on edge. Each time she made a move, they were right there watching her to make sure she didn't trip over her own feet or sneeze in a direction that might make her apologize. Kagome appreciated the show of care and the gentle way she was being treated, but it wasn't exactly something she was used to. She preferred the hard-ass Inuyasha and the lecherous monk that she had come to love. Sango, admittedly, was about the same. She knew she didn't have to walk on eggshells around Kagome, unlike the others. Of the group, Shippo was probably the sweetest. He took care of her so well. It reminded her of when she was younger and her Mother got a bad cold. She'd make her soup and bring her drinks all the time.
"My son…" Kagome muttered as she watched the young fox demon sleep not a foot from her. The two words he spoke before he fell asleep cemented that fact in Kagome's mind and heart. It was probably the reason she felt so renewed and strong. The weakened spirit brought on by Sesshomaru's assault on her was almost back to normal… Almost. There was a lot she had to figure out before she could truly say such a thing. Right now, she accepted it as a hope and would move on from that trauma.
Soon, the rest of the group were awoken by the smell of some deliciously seasoned food. Shippo was the first to rise, his excitement being what woke the rest. Kagome was cooking up some of the ramen she brought back for everyone. While it was a simple everyday food for her, the rest of the group very much enjoyed the taste that could only come from the future. It was a treat for all of them and she wanted to do something to make them smile.
"Good morning everyone!" Kagome said cheerfully, catching the group off guard.
"Why, good morning, Kagome! What are we eating this morning?" Miroku, as usual the first to catch on, sat around the fire and clapped his hands together excitedly while looking into the pot.
"We only had one flavor left, so I decided to boil it instead of let it sit in the water. Besides, my Mom gave me a few extra seasonings to put in it and it's coming along great!" Kagome stirred the pot and began pouring servings for everyone, Shippo getting his bowl first and Miroku second. The other two got their servings just after and Kagome began to eat her own as the last person to be served.
"Oh, it's delicious!" Shippo said delighted at the first bite he took.
"Wow, this is good… Real good!" Inuyasha was as thrilled as the young fox demon at the new and improved taste. Kagome smiled happily as everyone ate. Once everyone was done, they all took the time to help her clean up even though she said they didn't have to. Sango normally did help her, but the other three usually sat back patting at their bellies when she made something new. It was a little strange for them to be so insistent on making everything easy for her, but she had to admit that it was helpful.
The time to leave this village came and Miroku led the party by saying farewell to the grateful villagers. The group began their journey once more, moving down a dirt road leading them to the northwest. A couple of hours of travel led them to a desecrated village that offended Inuyasha's sense of smell before they got close. The closer they got, the worse it became and both Shippo and Kilala joined in on not wanting to deal with that smell. The three of them were told to stay behind as the humans went on.
"What happened here?" Miroku asked as they entered the village boundary. Many bodies lay about, slaughtered and rotting, only to be left as food for birds and other wild animals.
"I don't know. This is horrible." Sango said in disgust. The three also ended up victim to the foul smell that lingered in the air. However, they did not feel right just leaving this the way it was. They pushed through it and gathered the bodies into a pile. Normally, they'd burry them all, but the horrid stench pushed them to burn the bodies and pray over the fire instead. Once they were done, they hurried out of the village and met up with Inuyasha and the rest. Unfortunately, that had taken a chunk of their day and evening was already upon them. They needed to find somewhere to rest.
"Damn it. We shouldn't have stopped. Naraku is gathering the jewel shards as we speak. We can't afford to stop at every village and help out." Inuyasha complained out of irritation.
"Stopping to help is one of the things that makes us different than Naraku." Kagome said casually and the group turned to her in surprise, "It's true… He's a defiler. I wouldn't be shocked if he did that to the village. He'd sit back and watch as people suffered. We don't. I don't want to be like Naraku."
"Kagome's right. Helping people is better than not helping people!" Shippo agreed assuredly.
"I understand your rush, Inuyasha." Kagome turned to him as they walked, smiling, "But-…"
"Wait a minute." Inuyasha interrupted her, sniffing the air and glaring out toward the forest, "Damn it… Where are you? YOU OUT THERE SESSHOMARU?"
Sesshomaru's name sent chills down Kagome's spine. Her heart began to race as she and the group looked around. When she couldn't spot him, she picked Shippo up and put him on Kilala after she transformed into her larger form. Kagome grabbed her bow and was ready to notch an arrow when a sickening feeling came over her. Everything around her went dark, her mind began to blank as this shadow loomed behind her. It was like he was standing not an inch from her body.
"Kagome?" Sango asked and touched her friend's shoulder. Kagome snapped out of it and looked around to see that Inuyasha was looking behind her. Kagome slowly turned back to see Sesshomaru standing at least twenty feet away. His presence was suffocating even when he stood far from her. The memories of that night surfaced again and she froze, her eyes locked with his.
"Kagome, are you alright?" Shippo asked and she forced a nod. Shippo didn't believe it. The look she had in her eyes startled the entire group, making them very uneasy. Inuyasha stepped up behind her, ignoring his brother's presence for the moment and set his hands on her shoulders. She jumped and looked back to him, a moment of terror in her eyes that sent his heart into its own torrent of pain. The terror faded, but that expression was not one that Inuyasha was going to forget. She was doing okay until Sesshomaru showed up, so what was up with that? Inuyasha stepped in front of Kagome, acting as her shield from Sesshomaru since he seemed to be the trigger for that strange behavior.
"You're reminding her of a night she wants to forget. What the hell are you doing here?" Inuyasha asked, but received no response since Sesshomaru's priorities were elsewhere, "Hello! I'm talking to you, ya idiot! I know you smelled us quicker than we smelled you, so what the hell do you want?"
"Rin is curious about Kagome's state." Sesshomaru spoke up and rushed forward, standing in front of Inuyasha with an intense stare down at him, "I am merely here for the Rin's sake."
"Rin?" Inuyasha asked, slightly in disbelief, "Isn't that the human girl that travels with you?"
"Correct." Sesshomaru said.
"Kagome's doing a lot better." Inuyasha crossed his arms, making a pretty good shield for the woman behind him. She hid herself behind Inuyasha the best she could. This lie she was trying to keep up would be easier if he wasn't here. And did she see him last night too? "You wanna give him the haori?"
"Wha-. Oh, right." Kagome nodded and turned back to her pack. She walked up behind Inuyasha again and held the haori out to Sesshomaru, "Thank you… for letting me use it. I cleaned it up."
The silence that followed was intense. Sesshomaru watched Kagome closely and for a moment their eyes met because he didn't take the haori and she looked curiously to him. He raised an eyebrow, seemingly amused by the fear she showed of him. After a little too long of a silence and everyone's comfort level was at an all time low, Sesshomaru actually took the haori back. He noticed the light scent of lavender and leaned in to sniff it like a curious dog would something new.
"It's a soap I use. I figured you wouldn't want my scent on it." Kagome explained and Sesshomaru looked to her for a brief moment before a white light overtook him and he shot off away from them. As the wind blew through the valley, the group looked into the edge of the forest that Sesshomaru disappeared into.
"That… was scary." Shippo said, hopping onto Kagome's shoulder, "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine, Shippo." Kagome smiled and nodded. She knew her reaction to Sesshomaru was going to bring about some questions. She just had to figure out how to spin it in her favor. However, Inuyasha gave her the idea of how to. What he said to Sesshomaru would be perfect and less of a lie. He did remind her of the night she is trying to move past, just not for reasons the group thinks.
The rest of the night went smoothly. The group found a nice clearing next to some hot springs. The girls allowed the men to take their baths first since they'd likely take longer. Once the men were done, the women took their turn and slid their bare bodies into the warm water. It was so relaxing, but one of the girls had something a little more on their mind. Sango watched Kagome carefully, trying to form the questions she needed to ask before blurting them out. The matter was a sensitive one.
"Kagome." Sango scooted up next to her friend, "What actually happened that night?"
"Wh-What do you mean, Sango?" Kagome stuttered out of fear.
"Kagome, I don't want to push a matter like this because I feel that the memory is painful enough, but I get the feeling that what we know is not what actually happened." Sango explained and Kagome went silent, staring down into the water, "Kaede thinks that Sesshomaru left out some details. His words were that he 'prevented the worst of it,' but what the worst of it to him is likely not the same. Sure, you're alive, but was there… more that occurred than what was let on? You can talk to me if there is."
"He raped me." Kagome struggled to say the words. She instantly began crying and Sango did not hesitate to pull Kagome into the tightest hug she had ever given. "It was the most terrifying experience of my life… He came out of nowhere and pinned me. He ripped all of my clothes and then just… He wouldn't stop. He kept going for so long. I can still feel him. I still have nightmares."
"Kagome, why didn't you tell us?" Sango asked, crying alongside her friend.
"It's so embarrassing and if Inuyasha were to find out what happened…" Kagome tried to explain, but choked on her words before she could continue. The two were trying to keep it quiet. Even though they had some privacy, the men were not that far away and Inuyasha's hearing could get them caught.
"I'm sure he would understand. This isn't your fault. Please, tell me you don't think this is your fault?"
"I know it's not, but I feel so disgusting. Every part of my body feels repulsive." Kagome brought her hands up from the water and stared at them as they shook, "It feels like my soul has been murdered, like I need to rip the skin from my body..."
"No. Your soul has not been murdered, Kagome." Sango said seriously as she took Kagome's hands and looked her in the eyes, "You've been hurt in one of the vilest ways possible. You're scared and you're healing up the worst wound you've ever received. That is all. Your soul is one of the strongest I know. If anyone can get through something like this, it is you. Even Naraku doesn't have the power to break your spirit. No one does, unless you let them." Those last words caught Kagome's attention. Sango did not waver when Kagome looked back to her with surprise.
"Have I been letting him?" Kagome asked honestly, needing an answer.
"Kagome, it's been a week. If a human is stabbed through the gut, they don't heal up to one hundred percent in a week." Sango explained, "You need time, as much time as your heart decides. Do not think that you need to be at full capacity tomorrow, or next week, or even next month. The only thing you need to do is keep trying. You need to get better and strengthen your weakened spirit. You're allowed to be tired, angry, and fight those nightmares every night. You're allowed to be human."
"I see…" Kagome's gaze lowered to the water once more and then she raised it up to the sky, a small smile appearing on her face, "Thank you Sango. You have no idea how much I needed that."
