Chapter Nine: Creating Clarity
[Day 32 since the incident]
When Kagome passed out, no one could find the will to continue the conversation. Even Inuyasha seemed calmer, but he refused to speak and began avoiding the group entirely. Sesshomaru moved Kagome to the sleeping bag that Sango laid out for her and was always close to her. When Shippo returned, he was told to let Kagome sleep and Sango ate the nuts and told him she felt better. For the most part, things were as serene as they could be considering everything that was now known.
It wasn't until the next afternoon that Kagome finally woke up. When she opened her eyes, she looked around the room to see it mostly empty. The only one there was Sesshomaru, who was sitting straight up with his eyes closed. She stared at him for a few moments, realizing that he was asleep. She let out a quiet breath and sat up as the information that she was told the night before rushed back. Kagome wanted to cry, but she held it back the best she could, causing her to cough. Of course, he woke up.
"I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake you." Kagome said, looking at her lap.
"You're a strange one. Why apologize to me after everything you now know?" Sesshomaru asked.
"In the forest, where it happened, after you told me what it was, I still did not fully understand what you went through. I thought I did, but I was wrong." Kagome explained, "After Miroku explained things to me, I think it clicked and I understood it better. You probably feel just as violated and ashamed as I do."
Kagome looked to him for some sort of confirmation, but he only stared back at her. She sighed.
"At least I thought you would…" she muttered, but he heard her.
"I am ashamed." He said quietly and she looked back at him.
"I'm surprised you'd admit it." She replied astonished, but was secretly happy.
"What happened disgusts me. If I could, I would take it back." He admitted and sighed, laying his head back against the wall, "My father… He left before he could explain a lot. He left me and my Mother, who never taught me anything about it either, when he fell in love with Inuyasha's Mother."
"I see." Kagome titled her head, listening attentively.
"I heard rumors about demons losing control without a mate, but I didn't find out why until a few weeks before." He explained further, sighing to hide the regret, "I thought it was something I could control, but nature is one of the few things stronger than I am. I separated myself from Rin and Jaken. I left my castle and tried to keep away from it all. I lost myself when a breeze carried your heightened scent straight to me."
"My heightened scent?" Kagome asked and he nodded.
"You were at your peak time to be taken and I couldn't resist it." Sesshomaru finished the explanation and sighed, "If I had known what I could do, I would have settled with one of my suitors."
"Why didn't you?" Kagome asked, honestly curious. She never thought it was possible to get Sesshomaru to talk like this, to open up to her. She had to see how much she could learn and wondered if it was the mark that pushed him to speak to her. If it was, she'd feel a little guilty about it, but should she? From what she understood, the two of them were married. She had a right to know.
"I did not find any of them worthy of me." He said, but Kagome raised an eyebrow.
"That…" she started and then shook her head. There was something off about his tone and the way he said it. It was almost like he didn't mean it. "That's a lie. Tell me the truth."
"You are calling me a liar?" Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at her.
"Uh." Kagome hesitated, but ended up nodding, "Yeah, I am. What was your real reason?"
Sesshomaru fell silent and stared at her. Normally, his gaze caused humans to look away from him, but she didn't budge. His expression softened with curiosity and his cleared his throat.
"My Father settled." Sesshomaru said, giving in, "He settled for my Mother and therefore settled for me. In the end, he left my Mother and left me. I didn't want to settle."
Sesshomaru never broke eye contact and neither did Kagome. The two were having a moment. Within the answer he gave, Sesshomaru revealed a huge part of himself to Kagome that she didn't think existed. She contemplated her theory for a few moments and started to speak, but stopped.
"What?" Sesshomaru prodded to inquire deeper.
"It's just… It sounds like you wanted to find someone to love you." Kagome explained and let out a quick chuckle, "I never thought that you could love anyone. I guess the signs saying otherwise were really right in our face, you know, with Rin constantly being by your side. You obviously can love, but…"
"I love no one."
"That's also a lie." Kagome waved the comment off, "You love Rin. She's like your own little girl, so let's not even argue about that."
"You think I would love a human?" Sesshomaru questioned, showing his annoyance.
"Yes, I do actually." Kagome nodded matter-of-factly, "I think that even though the majority of humans probably do bother you, I think that individual people, demon or otherwise, can be separated from whatever species they were born as. It's not like they could control it. Do you think most of these humans would have chosen to just be human if being a strong demon, like you, were a choice? No, they would have chosen differently, but we can't choose what we're born as or who our parents are. That is why I think you do love Rin. She's a sweet girl who has shown loyalty to you. What's not to like?"
"Is that why you've adopted the fox as your son?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Well, yes." Kagome replied, slightly taken aback by the question, "Shippo has fought by my side, protected me, risked his life and gotten hurt to save mine. I've taught him a lot, and he always makes me smile. I heard him call me Momma in his sleep one day and that was permanent. I felt something shift in me that day. It was… enlightening and there was no going back. Shippo is my son."
"You have a strong mother's instinct." Sesshomaru said.
It seemed somewhat like a compliment, but Kagome wasn't sure.
"Thank you, I think." She replied.
"It was meant as a compliment, so you're welcome." Sesshomaru confirmed.
A moment later, Shippo, Sango, and Miroku all returned at once and Kagome realized where they had all gone. She looked to them all with a big smile, which stopped two of them in their tracks. Shippo, unaware of most of the situation, hopped down to the floor form Miroku's shoulder.
"Morning, Momma!" he said excitedly and gave her a big hug.
"Glad to see you're awake, Kagome." Miroku said, sitting down across from her.
"Yeah, how'd you sleep?" Sango asked, sitting next to Miroku.
"Not horribly, so that's nice." Kagome replied.
"We had Sesshomaru watch over you." Shippo expressed joyfully, "He wanted to stay in the hut, so I gave him the job to protect you. He's gotta pull his own weight if he's joining our group."
Shippo pointed a sucker Kagome gave him from her time at Sesshomaru, causing the silver haired demon to raise an eyebrow. Was he being challenged? The fox tyke wouldn't dare. Shippo just smiled widely and looked away from Sesshomaru back to his Mom.
"So far, he's doing a good job. He didn't leave your side for a minute!" Shippo exclaimed, unaware of the awkward implications standing behind his truths. The rest looked curiously at Sesshomaru.
"The mark?" Kagome asked.
"Yes." Sesshomaru replied.
"Huh…" Kagome watched Sesshomaru curiously, ideas swirling through her head. The look in her eyes was something to intimidate the normally stoic demon. The ideas going through Kagome's mind were mischievous little things and that made her eyes sparkle. He held his normal demeanor, but the eyes often spoke clearer than body language and Kagome could also see the worry in his.
"What are you thinking?" Sesshomaru asked suspiciously of her.
"I'm curious about what this mark lets me do." Kagome confessed without reservation, "I'd ask, but after the things you've told me, I don't think you actually know."
"Likely." Was all Sesshomaru said in reply to that.
"Kagome, what did he tell you?" Sango asked, extremely curious and excited about finding something out about Sesshomaru.
"Well, um… Please don't be mad, Sango, but I don't want to tell you." Kagome sheepishly replied.
"Huh? Why not?" Sango asked, her arms crossed in disbelief.
"It doesn't feel right. The same way Sesshomaru will not know any of the things you've told me in private, no one else will know what he said to me." Kagome explained, that excuse being the best she could come up with, though her voice gave away her own uncertainties about its validity. Kagome was feeling awkward about telling Sango anything Sesshomaru said, but whether the feelings were her own or the marks was a question to be answered. Was this sympathy toward the demon next to her? Or was this a supernatural effect of something she forcibly had placed on her? Or was it merely an amount of respect for Sesshomaru as the newest member of their group? She didn't know.
As she played with her thoughts, her face slowly soured. She looked worried, confused, and irritated all at once. The expression caught everyone's attention, but only one spoke up to check on her.
"Is something bothering you?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Does this mark control me too?" Kagome asked and shook her head, "I know you most likely don't know, but I'd appreciate you telling me if you had any sort of… theory about it."
"I do not believe so, no." he answered quickly, "You're not a demon, and the mark connects me to you, not the other way around. If you marked me, that'd be a different story."
"Can I mark you?" Kagome asked and Miroku spit out some tea he was drinking. Sango swallowed wrong and began coughing. Shippo was pulled from his drawings and looked at Kagome very confused. Sesshomaru was dumbfounded for an instant and his mouth went agape for that brief time. And from outside, the group could hear a loud thud and Inuyasha's voice yelping in pain as he fell from the roof.
"I wasn't asking permission!" Kagome shouted, her face turning red when she realized what she said, "I want to know if humans could even mark a demon. Do half-demons do it too? Does Inuyasha have this same burden of forced-mating that you do? When I need help, do you just magically show up like you have been? Does it allow you to track me? Is it forcing you to be protective over me?"
"It does let me sense your position at all times and does force me to be protective over you." Sesshomaru nodded as he explained. "The rest of your questions cannot be answered by me. I don't know what all the mark can do."
"Then how do we find out?" Inuyasha asked as he stepped inside the hut, "Kagome doesn't deserve to be bound to someone like you. If we can find a way to free her from this shit, I'm for it."
"That is why I wanted to find Kikyo." Miroku brought up his old idea.
"Hey, that was my idea!" Inuyasha said.
"Let me rephrase then. This is why I agreed with hunting down Kikyo." Miroku rolled his eyes as he corrected himself, "She's the only person I know of that may have come across information like this before. She's well-versed in demons and is a highly skilled priestess. If she doesn't know the specifics, I have no doubt that she'll have a theory or even someone to point us toward for answers."
"How will we find her?" Kagome asked, "She sort of shows up randomly."
"My sister will return, but I do not know when that will happen." Kaede said and cleared her throat to pull everyone's focus, "I believe it best if you continue your journey as normal."
"What? How could you say that?" Inuyasha disagreed wholeheartedly.
"Inuyasha, let me finish." Kaede scolded the obnoxious half-demon, "If there is no known way to remove the mark, the only power in this world to make the impossible possible is the Sacred Jewel. Search for my sister in the same direction you do Naraku, and if you do find her, she may have answers, but if she does not, ye' are still closer to completing the jewel and can use it to rid Kagome of this mark."
The group fell quiet and thought about Kaede's idea for a short time.
"I agree." Kagome spoke up, receiving confused reactions from everyone, "I agree with what Kaede said, but I also think her plan is best because I am still powerless. I'd appreciate Sesshomaru's company on our travels. His strength will make things a lot easier on all of us and if this mark is pushing him to protect me, I can't think of anyone else good enough to pick up my slack…"
"What am I? Chopped liver?" Inuyasha crossed his arms, pouting angrily.
"Not at all, but you couldn't pick up my slack because you've always been our main frontline and have been a huge part of what carries our group since the beginning." Kagome's eyes lowered sadly, the guilt showing clearly on her face, "It's like our group has a piece missing and instead of continuing without it, and stretching you all to fill it, I think it is best to replace it with something stronger and more reliable."
"Kagome, you are reliable and strong enough." Sango comforted her friend, trying to cheer her up.
"When I'm at full strength, maybe, but let's face it…" Kagome raised her head and smiled, "Right now, I am powerless. I can still use the bow, but against demons or Naraku, I'd only be in the way." Kagome sighed sadly and the group watched her in silence. Her friends felt bad for her, even Inuyasha. "To be honest," Kagome spoke up again, looking to Sesshomaru, "I've always thought that if you and Inuyasha worked side by side, Naraku would have been defeated long ago. You two may not get along, but you share your Father's blood and from what few stories I've heard about him, his power was immense."
"It was." Sesshomaru confirmed.
"That strength was passed down to you two. Why not use it?"
"I have no intention to fight alongside any of you." Sesshomaru stated, his sharp gaze fixated on Kagome, "I am here because I do not have a choice. I will not tolerate my mark being used to deliberately manipulate me into aiding you and your friends in your endeavors."
"I wasn't trying to manipulate you…" Kagome glared at Sesshomaru, offended by the accusation.
"You spoke of the mark pushing me to protect you and using that to pick up your slack." Sesshomaru replied angrily. "In what other way should I take these implications?"
"That's…" Kagome sighed and shook her head, "That isn't what I meant, Sesshomaru. I meant that if the mark is pushing you to protect me, while I am without my power, I think you're the best choice to help keep me alive. While the rest are fighting, you can sense when I am danger."
"Hm?" Sesshomaru's eyebrow raised again.
"Isn't that what happened when you saved me from that insane lightning demon?" Kagome asked, "You showed up… when… Well, when I called your name."
"So, that's what that was…" Sesshomaru stared at Kagome, silent and deep in thought, "I felt something strange. I thought her pup's crying was what pushed me over the edge, but no… She called for me."
"You called for him?" Inuyasha asked, offended that Kagome would do that after what Sesshomaru did to her.
"I did…" Kagome said, but refused to look to Inuyasha out of guilt.
The awkward silence in the room was creating a heavy tension between the group. Sango and Miroku were doing their best to deal with Sesshomaru's presence, especially since his attitude mellowed once he decided to stick around. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was worst off. Watching Kagome and his older brother speak so calmly to each other pissed him off, but also provoked new feelings he didn't enjoy.
"I don't know what happened." Sesshomaru finally spoke up to answer as he leaned back and relaxed into the hut wall, "For now, we can count ourselves lucky that I got there on time."
Sesshomaru felt the hairs on his skin stand up and looked over to see what he was sensing. Both Sango and Miroku were giving him death glares and for some unknown reason, it bothered him. He stared back at them with his usual uncaring expression. However, the continued glares were irritating him more. He sat up and turned to face them, as if some sort of staring contest where occurring.
"What?" Sesshomaru spoke sharply, his tone low and threatening.
"If you're going to stick around, it'd be nice if you didn't lie anymore." Miroku said accusingly.
"Excuse me?" Sesshomaru's eyebrow raised, the gesture apparently being his go to when annoyed at someone.
"You're LYING." Miroku fully accused him, "We are all at least somewhat understanding of the situation you and Kagome are in. We've accepted you into our group. Before we move on, I want everything out on the table. You tried to have her killed Sesshomaru. You knew that you couldn't do it on your own, so you sent demons and humans alike to kill her, wanting her out of your way. That's what happened at the sea when she almost drowned and when she was shot by the man in Genzo's village. The demon that almost killed Sango, Inuyasha, and Kagome was also your doing. You sent him here."
"What? You wanted me dead?" Kagome asked, but she wasn't upset. She was more confused.
"Of course, I did." Sesshomaru admitted without guilt, "Obviously, I was unable to stand around and allow it to happen. Once you were in actual danger, I was forced to act."
"But why?" Kagome asked and Sesshomaru just stared at her.
"It's my fault." Miroku chimed in and shook his head, hitting his forehead with his palm, "I didn't think you'd turn my own words against me, damn it."
"You thought I'd actually t-…" Sesshomaru started.
"No! I'm not stupid. Of course, you wouldn't take your own life." Miroku looked to Kagome, "When he admitted that he marked you, I got angry. I had watched my friend break down and lose her powers and was still shaken from… from your scream. I told him to kill himself. I figured the only way to truly remove that mark without some crazy ritual was his death. I even thought of sucking him into the Wind Tunnel, but who knows if any of those demons in there are dead or just… somewhere else. Instead, he reversed my idea and decided to remove you instead of himself, but… that didn't work."
"Is there anything else I need to know?" Kagome questioned with the attitude of an officer interrogating a possible murder suspect. Her eyes were narrowed, a shadow looming over her gaze at them. She was tired of everyone knowing more about her situation than she did.
"I know something!" Shippo spoke up and stood, taking a deep breath, "I may be young, but I'm not stupid. I don't know a lot of things, but I know a lot of other things. I know what a mark is. My father talked about marking my first mom a long time ago. You marked Momma, didn't you, Sesshomaru?"
"Yes." Sesshomaru answered.
"HEY!" Sango and Kagome yelled.
The two hurried over to him, getting into his face. Sesshomaru blinked once, his only reaction to the sudden shift and anger the two women had. What was this about? They looked furious.
"Don't tell him that! He doesn't need to know this kind of stuff." Kagome shouted first.
"Shippo's still young! Or are you too blind to tell?" Sango shouted second.
"Do you tell Rin things like that?" Kagome took her next turn.
Sesshomaru just looked between the two women as they shouted at him. He did not understand the reason behind this lecture. Shippo was young, but he wasn't that young. He was obviously old enough to begin looking at taking a mate if he wanted, at least in the demon world.
"Step back." Sesshomaru said looking into Kagome's eyes and both women calmed down, "I am not Inuyasha. Shouting at me is not how you get me to appreciate your views. If you wish me to keep certain things from him, then explain what those are. Do not treat me like a child."
Sango's behavior changed faster than Kagome's. She noticed the eye contact that Sesshomaru kept with Kagome, the calmness in his tone, and the fact that he was holding back his normal self. Sesshomaru would never tolerate two human women getting so close to him, let alone yelling straight at his face and scolding him like a child. Was that part of the mark as well? Or was that Sesshomaru acclimating to his current circumstance with Kagome and his new found group of comrades?
"You're right." Kagome sighed and sat back down, "I am so used to yelling at Inuyasha for the things he does and says, or Miroku for his lecherous habits, that I guess I've become accustom to yelling."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Inuyasha shouted.
"Well, Inuyasha, from the first day ye' and Kagome met, all ye' have done is yell at each other to solve arguments." Kaede spoke up from her silence, having enjoyed watching the new interactions between the group, "Ye' yell and she yells. Sesshomaru is not a brash man and prefers more mature forms of conflict, which I must admit," Kaede nodded to Sesshomaru with a smile, "Is quite refreshing."
"I, uh…" Inuyasha calmed down, but glared at his brother for a moment. Something was happening here that he did not like. It felt like he was being replaced and that his brother was quickly becoming more liked than he was. It had only been a day and Kaede said he was "refreshing." What did that even mean? Kagome pretty much implied that Inuyasha was the reason she got so used to yelling all the time, so that struck a nerve with the half-demon. Sure, she blamed it on Miroku as well, but Miroku stopped the lecherous stuff toward Kagome a long, long time ago. They never fought, unless it was about Sango.
"Are you okay, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked worriedly. She saw the look on Inuyasha's face. He was thinking about something and whatever that something was bothered him.
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. When are we leaving?" Inuyasha asked, changing the subject quickly.
"Don't you still need to rest?" Kagome asked, referring to the wounds he received in the days before.
"It's healed. I'm still a little tired, but my injuries are gone." Inuyasha answered, showing his perfectly healed chest. There wasn't even a scar, even though it had only happened two days before.
"Then why don't we head out tomorrow?" Kagome suggested to the group, "It's a little late to leave now and I might run back to my time just to pick up a few supplies."
"Good idea! We're out of the food and the medicines were used, right?" Shippo added.
"M'hm, yeah. If I go quickly, I can be back a little after dark." Kagome grabbed her backpack and stood up, putting it over her shoulders, "I'll hurry, okay?"
"Sure, just be careful." Inuyasha nodded.
Sesshomaru was rapidly becoming anxious about this trip Kagome was talking about. She was returning to her time, because she can do that, but what did that mean? Kagome said bye to everyone, but when she turned to Sesshomaru, she looked confused at him. Her confusion brought everyone's attention his way. He was looking at her suspiciously and like he wanted to voice something.
"Sesshomaru?" Kagome said to catch his attention.
"I'll go with you." Sesshomaru said, standing up.
"You can't." Kagome shook her head.
"What?" Sesshomaru obviously did not like that answer.
"It's not that I won't let you. It's the well I come through. The only person it allows through is Inuyasha." Kagome explained politely, "Sango, Miroku, and Shippo have tried before, but can't."
"If Inuyasha can go, I can." Sesshomaru insisted.
"I, well, uh… You can try because I am really not going to argue with you about it," Kagome sighed and gave in, "But when it doesn't work, you'll sit and wait like everyone else."
"Acceptable." Sesshomaru agreed and both he and Kagome walked out of the hut.
There was silence between those left in the hut. Everyone felt a little uncomfortable letting Sesshomaru walk off with Kagome, but what was on most of their minds was why Inuyasha never spoke up. He wasn't acting like himself, but who could blame him? This situation left them all a little out of character.
"Inuyasha, do you think it is okay to let them go?" Sango asked.
"I doubt Sesshomaru will get through the well." Miroku added.
"He will." Inuyasha said, his head lowered so his bangs could hide his eyes, "He's connected to her now, even more than I am." Inuyasha reached up and grabbed the beads that hung from his neck. "Th-This is how I got through the well. It's connected to Kagome spiritually and around my neck. She's the only one who can remove it, so I know it's how I get through. He'll get through. The mark will let him."
