Hello,
Everything in bold italic it'll be the character's narrative, like an internal dialogue, and thank you for your reviews, to answer some questions, no Paige is not AD, and where is Alison? Well, you will need to stay and wait to see it by yourselves ^^
Thank you so much for your reviews, I love to read them!
Chapter 70 – Where's my love?
*** Emily's narrative ***
The key to surviving a massive lost is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, that we're in pain. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial… We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, we just wish the lies could become the truth…
(Inside the DiLaurentis-Fields house)
Emily enters inside the bedroom of her boys and says. – "Boys, wake up, breakfast is ready…"
The brunette put a soft kiss on their head and the little boys wake up with a big smile…
Enzo stretches his arms and hugs Emily by the neck. – "Mommy!"
Emily smiles and kisses her son again. – "Good morning my little angel…"
Pam says front the frame door of the room. – "Do you need help?"
Emily. – "No… I got it…"
The brunette takes her little kids downstairs and she's trying her best on doing all the work she was used to do with Alison. Three boys is a lot of work and Alison was always the one who took care of the domestic tasks as cooking and now, now it was up to Emily and it wasn't easy.
Pam. – "You're not alone Emy… let me help you…"
Emily snaps. – "I say I got it!" (She changes her tone of voice and says) "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"
Pam. – "I know… don't worry…"
Emily says with watery-eyes. – "This is hard… I don't know how Alison always does everything of this…"
Pam smiles as she remembers the blonde. – "She was a great mother and daughter in law…"
Emily. – "She IS! Don't talk in past tense…"
Pam. – "Emy… it has been more than a month, it's time to…"
Emily. – "It's time for the boys to eat… can you help me with that?"
Pam knows Emily changed the subject on purpose and she just nods and after breakfast; she help her with the boys. They were changing the boys when someone knocks the door.
Pam. – "Go, I can handle it…"
Emily. – "Are you sure?"
Pam nods and Emily attends the door. She opens it and she gets tiff as she stares at the person in front of her…
Emily mutters. – "Detective…. What bring you here, so early…?"
Marco. – "Sorry for the timing, I just wanted to talk with you about your wife…"
Emily. – "Did you find her?!"
Marco sighs hard. – "Like I told you before, the possibility of finding the body is very low because of the flow of the river, we might never find her… using resources on this research is costing a lot of money to the station and I…"
Emily says with a bitter voice. – "And you want to quit… you want to stop looking for her, Isn't it?"
Marco presses his lips together, he doesn't know what to say…
Emily. – "I'm not declaring her dead without a body if that's your question…"
Marco. – "I understand… but maybe you should reconsider it, especially for your family, they will need closure someday…"
Emily nails her nails in the door and says as she closes the door in front of him. – "Don't worry about my family, that's my problem, not yours!"
She didn't want to be hostile but she's tired of hearing the same over and over; everybody asking for a funeral, asking her to declare Alison's death; but she can't, she refuses to do it because she can't be a widow, she can't accept she will never see her again, touch her again, make love to her ever again…
Lost on her own thoughts, Emily was leaning her face against the main door when she receives a text of Spencer asking her to come by.
(In Spencer's barn)
Emily knocks the door and Spencer opens it…
Emily. – "Have you been crying?"
Spencer doesn't reply, she just lets her in and changes the subject.
Spencer. – "You need to see something…"
They walk inside and Emily raises an eyebrow as she sees a big black box with a red bow in front of Hanna and Caleb…
Emily. – "What is that?"
Hanna. – "Read the tag…"
Emily reads it. – "It's playtime… AD…"
As soon as she mentions 'AD' she gets angry; her blood is boiling as she just want to squeezes the neck of the person who has caused her the loss of her beautiful blonde.
Spencer. – "This was here when I got back from the doctor…"
Caleb. – "You went to the doctor? Are you sick?"
Spencer avoids eye-contact. – "I'm not sick I just… I… never mind, what are we gonna do about this?"
Hanna. – "I say we throw it in the fireplace. Pour some brandy over it and flambe the thing!"
Caleb chuckles under Hanna's comment…
Spencer. – "Hanna we're not starting a fire; who knows, maybe it will blow up before we can get it in the fireplace…"
Emily.- "What is inside?"
Caleb. – "We were waiting for you?"
Emily. – "Oh, golly, you didn't have to do that…"
The girls slowly open the box and they all gasps as they stare at the board game, it was Rosewood with little figures of the girls: Spencer, Hanna, Emily and Aria…
Caleb. – "I guess we should call Aria…"
The girls say at the unison. – "NO!"
Caleb. – "Ok! Ok, don't get angry with me…"
Emily sighs. – "He wants us to play…"
Hanna. – "No, Em… he wants to play with us…"
They stare at the game in silence…
Hanna. – "There's no a figure of Ali… I guess she's really gone…"
Emily presses her lips together and she walks away, Spencer slaps Hanna's arm…
Spencer. – "Really Hann?!"
Hanna. – "Sorry, you know I speak without thinking on my words…"
Caleb says as he examines the board. – "I think I can get something about this… maybe I can hack the phone…"
Hanna. – "You should ask Blair's help, she's really good at it too…"
Spencer. – "No!"
Hanna. – "Why not?"
Spencer. – "Just NO! I forbid you to involve Blair on this!"
Hanna snaps. – "You forbid me?!"
Caleb. – "Calm down girls…"
Caleb tries to calm down the tension and in the end Spencer takes her car keys and says…
Spencer. – "I'm leaving you here to work on that board, but don't you dare to involve Blair on this! It's out of discussion!"
Hanna. – "Geez… she's very temperamental these days… I wonder why?"
Caleb and Hanna stay alone in the barn and tries to get any information from the board.
(In Rosewood Hospital)
She doesn't know why she drove back, she wasn't sure till her eyes caught the reason…
Spencer mumbles as she stares at the distance someone. – "Blair…"
The young doctor was walking in the hallways, looking at some file and she was distracted till someone approached her…
Blair. – "Chief… hi!"
Chief of surgery. – "Hi Dr. Sloan, glad to see you, did you take a decision about the offer in London?"
Blair shakes her head. – "Not yet…"
Chief says as he pats Blair's arm. – "We will definitely miss you, but this is a great opportunity for you, you shouldn't decline something like this; you should take it… the position in London…"
Blair sighs hard and the other doctor leaves her alone in the hallways, she was thinking there when another brunette approached…
Spencer says with a broken voice. – "Are you leaving?"
Their eyes meet, and they stare at each other, Blair still remembers Spencer's last words and she feels like crying all over again, but she doesn't do it…
Blair. – "There's an opening in one of the most distinguished hospitals in London… they are offering me the position… it's a great chance for my career…"
Blair keeps talking about the great job opportunity she has miles away from Rosewood and Spencer's throat gets sore, imaging her leaving, never seeing her again… it's not possible for Spencer…
Spencer. – "You can't leave!"
Blair raises an eye brow. – "What?! Why not?!"
Spencer. – "Because… because…" (She says with a heart-wrenching voice and watery-eyes) "Don't leave…"
Blair gulps hard and she says as she starts walking away from Spencer. – "I… I… I've no reasons to stay… there's nothing for me here, you made it very clear the other time we saw each other, you said I should disappear from your world… well… I'm doing it… your wish will be granted…"
Blair leaves her alone and Spencer just presses her lips together as the tears fall from her eyes.
(In the kissing rock)
Emily was sitting in the rock and she was speaking alone…
Emily. – "Wayne is so brave, you should see it Ali… he's like the big brother, taking care of his brothers…" (Sighs) "They know something is wrong… they stopped asking for you… saying your name…." (Tears) "They know Ali! I know but we can't say it! I can't say it! I don't wanna say it!"
The brunette burst in tears and hugs the rock, she cries more when she sees their initials paint inside a heart…
Emily mumbles with tears. – "I can't declare you dead…"
After a lot of crying, Emily went back to her car; she was turning on the engine when she saw someone in the back seat…
Emily. – "Wha….?"
Before, she could say something, she lost conscious as the person sitting in the back seat put something in her face and Emily fell asleep immediately…
(In Rosewood Hospital)
Spencer rushes through the hallways and stops when she meets Hanna…
Hanna hugs her. – "You arrive fast…"
Spencer. – "I was already around… what happened? Is Caleb ok?"
Hanna. – "Doctors say it's not lethal, he just breathed something toxic, but they say he'll get better…" (She runs a hand through her hair and says with frustration) "Damn it! I can't lose Caleb too! Does AD want to kill anyone we love?!"
Spencer sighs hard. – "It'll be ok Hanna…"
Hanna snaps. – "NO! It's not okay! He was just trying to figure out how the fucking game works and then this gas gets out and now! Caleb it's in the hospital!" (She says with tears) "I can't lose him, Spence…"
Spencer hugs her and says. – "You'll not…"
They were hugging, and they break the hug when they notice the presence of another girl approaching to them…
Spencer. – "What are you doing here?!"
Aria gulps. – "I… I heard about the ambulance in your barn and I got worried…."
Hanna mumbles. – "We should say to her about the game…"
Aria. – "What game?"
Spencer scolds. – "Hanna?!"
There was an awkward silence till Aria asks again….
Aria. – "I know I'm not your favourite person right now but if there something coming on…. I deserve to know… what game?"
Spencer sighs. – "It's better if I show you…"
(In Spencer's barn)
Aria. – "So how the game works…?"
Spencer. – "We don't know… it's not like it came with instructions…"
(Awkward silence)
Aria. – "I'm sorry… I…"
Spencer. – "Save it… I don't want to hear your apologies…"
Aria gulps hard. – "Asking for forgiveness it's all I can say… I never meant to hurt you… anyone of you… I can understand if you want to hurt me back…"
Spencer sighs. – "Forgive and forget… that's good advice, but it's not very practical or easy to do it… without forgiveness old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal… but for now, all I can tell you is that I hope, that one day, we'll be lucky enough to forget all of this…"
Aria nods and they just stay in silence for a while till they go back to the hospital with Hanna.
(In Rosewood hospital at night)
Hanna. – "Where were you?! You didn't answer, and I was getting worried!"
Emily sighs heavy. – "Sorry I just… I need time to think… how is Caleb?"
Hanna. – "Better…. Do you wanna see him?"
Emily nods and they get inside the room.
Caleb smirks. – "I'm the one in the hospital bed but you look worse than me, Em…"
Hanna. – "Caleb is right… are you ok?"
Emily takes her time to reply and says. – "I… I just made a decision…"
Hanna. – "What decision…?"
Some days after…
*** Emily's narrative – In the DiLaurentis House ***
In life only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes; no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you're going to make mistakes… you're going to hurt people… you're going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you to do…
(Knock, knock)
Emily. – "Come in…"
Pam. – "Are you ready?"
Emily sighs heavy. – "In a second…"
Pam stares at her daughter in a black dress and she can't find the words to say in moments like this…
Emily puts on the neckless that Alison gave her a long time ago and says. – "Ok… let's go…"
Pam. – "You don't have to do this if you don't want to… we can wait till they find the body…"
Emily. – "They'll never find the body…"
Pam. – "Honey…"
Emily. – "Mom… please don't argue with me… are the boys ready?"
Pam nods. – "Yes, they're with your father downstairs…" (Gulps) "They look sad…"
Emily gulps hard. – "I know… but this is for the best for our family…."
The brunette clears her tears and then she walks out the room.
(In Alison's funeral)
***Music moment: Mad world by the cast of Riverdale ***
It was a cloudy day; the day Emily chose for Alison's funeral; the Fields arrived to the church, and Emily held Enzo in her arms as the other two boys were in the arms of her parents. She has prepared herself for this moment but when she entered in the church and all the eyes were on her; it got just ten times harder. Walking inside, through the main hallway towards an empty black box was harder of what she even imagined. She sat in the front line with her parents, behind her Spencer, Caleb and Hanna with her little girl and then the rest of the person that were there to show their respect.
Aria and Erza were there too; the little brunette wasn't brave enough to approach, the guilt was too much, and they just stood in the back. The priest started the talking and the mood of the air changed, it was sorrow and sadness what was feeling in the air.
The priest. – "We're here today to pay our tribute… our respect… we're also here today to show our love and support for her family and friends…"
Spencer looks at the wooden box and even if it's empty, she cries in silence; she was crying and sobbing, and she just feels a little of comfort when someone sits at her side. Spencer smiles and she buries her face on the collar neck of this person…
Blair gulps. – "Spencer?"
Spencer doesn't say a word, she just keeps crying and Blair just hugs her in silence and she cries too for the lost of her best friend. Crying and sobbing were around her till it was the time of the Eulogy. With shaky steps, Emily stands up in front of everyone and starts talking with a heart-wrenching voice…
Emily. – "Thank you all for coming… this is hard… this is really hard because Alison DiLaurentis is the star-crossed love of my life. She is a hero to me… to our boys… we have an epic love story and I probably won't be able to get more than a sentence out without disappearing into a puddle of tears…" (Sad chuckle and tears) "You know, I'd kind of hoped that she'd be the one eulogizing me, because there's really no one else… yeah, no… um… I'm not gonna talk about our love story because I can't. So instead I'm gonna talk about math. I'm not a mathematician, but I do know this: There are infinite numbers between zero and one. There's a point one, point one two, point one one two, and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger set of infinite numbers between zero and two or between zero and a million. Some infinities are simply bigger than other infinities. You know, I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, do I want more days for Alison than what she got. But Ali, if you can hear me, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am, for our little infinity. You gave me a forever, within the numbered days. And for that I am... I am eternally grateful. I love you so much..." (She looks at the empty wooden box and says with tears) "Goodbye my love… you'll be missed…"
They burry the empty box and the girls stare at the name graved in stone…
Hanna says with tears. – "This is shit!"
Spencer scolds. – "Hanna!"
Blair. – "She's right… this is shit…" (She looks at her watch and Spencer notices it)
Spencer gulps. – "At what time is your flight?"
Blair. – "In 6hrs… I should go now…" (She says her good-byes to the girls and she hesitates but in the end, she hugs Spencer very tight and says) "Take care…"
Spencer holds her tight too and she just presses her lips together as tears fall from her eyes. The girls eventually leave with the rest of the person assisting in the funeral. The Fields takes the boys with them and Emily just stay there, alone, standing up in front of the grave, she's physically there but her mind is remembering something else…
***Flashback***
Emily wakes up and she panics when she finds herself inside an old house…
Noel. – "Sorry for knock you out like that but it was necessary…"
Emily snaps. – "Noel?! What the hell! You get inside my car and kidnap me?! Why?! Are you working for that bastard?! Are you…?"
Noel cuts her off and says. – "Follow me… you need to see something… someone…"
Emily hesitates but she follows him; they get inside a bedroom and Emily's get bigger when she sees Wren there…
Emily. – "Wha…?"
Wren was looking at some monitors, the 'bip, bip' was the only constant sound inside the room and Emily was very confused but any doubt she could have just dropped out of her mind when she notices the person lying down in the bed…
Emily smiles with tears. – "ALI!"
The brunette rushes and she hugs the unconscious blonde, she kisses her and she cries more when she caresses Alison's face…
Noel. – "I found her in the edge of a river, I get to Wren before this 'AD' and I brought both of them here… Wren has been keeping her alive…"
Emily. – "She needs a hospital!"
Wren. – "You can't do that… if AD finds out she's still alive… you'll put her life in risk…"
Emily. – "Do you know who AD is?"
Wren. – "I don't know the person behind the mask… he never shows his face to me… I just helped him because Melissa asked me…"
Emily. – "What?!"
Wren. – "Melissa is not dead… I just know she and AD planned all of this… they're working together… it's all I know…"
Emily gulps hard and she just smiles again as she stares at her beautiful blonde…
Wren. – "She hasn't awakened up yet but she's stable…"
Emily kisses Alison's cheek and she rubs her nose against the porcelain skin of the blonde…
Emily whispers. – "Thank you for not dying…"
Noel. – "Emily… she might be still alive, but the world need to keep thinking she's dead…"
Emily. – "What?!"
Noel. – "You need to declare her dead… if she's out of AD's radar, we can move her in a private hospital… please… it's for her own well-being…"
Emily sighs heavy and she caresses Alison's face and she just nods as she stares at the sleeping girl…
*** End of the flashback***
Emily was lost on her thought till someone touches her shoulder…
Noel. – "You did a good job there… your act of widow was great…"
Emily sighs heavy. – "Don't leave her alone… I don't trust Wren enough to let him alone with her…"
Noel. – "We're moving her tonight… it's a private clinic; she'll be safe there… I promise…"
Emily. – "She has to wake up…."
Noel. – "She'll… but till that day comes… you need to keep your act of widow… got it?"
Emily nods and Noel walks away leaving her alone.
(In Spencer's barn)
*** Music background: In my Heart by Peter Manos***
Someone was hitting her door with frenzy and Spencer rushes towards the door…
Spencer. – "Stop hitting my door like that! I'm not deaf!"
She opens the door and she gasps with surprise as she can't believe who is there standing in front of her door…
Spencer mumbles. – "Blair… what…. You should be in your plane to London…"
Blair. – "In med school, I spent a lot of time studying chemistry; organic chemistry, biochemistry, I learned it all… but when you're talking about human chemistry one thing matters…"
Spencer. – "And what is it?"
Blair says as she stares at Spencer's lips. – "Either you've got it or you don't…" (She wraps her arms around Spencer and says as she leans towards Spencer's face for a kiss) "And you & me… we just got it even if you don't want to admit it…"
Blair kisses her in the lips and Spencer was planning to put resistance, but her body couldn't push her away, in the contrary she opens her mouth and deepens the kiss as much as she can… they kiss till they need a little of air to breath…
Spencer. – "So you… you…"
Blair smirks. – "Wow… I leave Spencer Hasting without words… that most be some kind of a record…."
Spencer squints her eyes and she play-fully slaps Blair's arm. And Blair chuckles, she gets inside the barn and closes the door behind her…
Spencer gulps. – "I told you awful things… why you're here…?"
Blair. – "Because I asked to myself: Where is my heart, where is my love? And my love is here… I'm in love with you… I didn't choose this, but I can't help it… so you can treat me like shit, you can push me away, you can break my heart over and over but I'm staying here… at your side… I'll keep loving you even if you find it disgusting…"
Spencer says with tears in her eyes. – "It's not disgusting…" (She caresses Blair's cheek and says) "You're not disgusting…"
Blair smiles and she leans for another kiss, but Spencer pulls back…
Blair. – "Don't be scared…"
Spencer mumbles. – "You don't get it… if you don't leave, if you keep being around me… you will get hurt…"
Blair. – "We don't get to choose if we get hurt in this world, but we do have a say in who hurts us. And I like my choices. Okay, Hastings?"
Spencer chuckles and nods
Blair caresses Spencer's face and smiles. – "Good…"
The brunette doctor kisses her again and the kiss becomes passionate in question of seconds; without breaking the kiss Spencer guides her to her bed and Blair carefully puts her on bed.
Spencer whispers in Blair's ear. – "I love you too…"
Blair smiles; she kisses her and she makes love for the 1st time to the girl who was meant to be her forever…
Next: Chapter 71 – Now or never
