April Song To Story Challenge Entry


He was leaving. Again. "You and I both know this will never work. Not the way either of us wants it to."

"You're a coward," she said. "You won't even try!" He didn't answer, gathering the last of his few belongings he left at her house. She threatened, "I won't wait for you this time."

"Good. You shouldn't."

"I won't."

"Well, don't," he snapped. He always had to have the last word. Dropping items in his haste, he rushed back to retrieve them from the cold, wet ground.

Cold. Everything here is always so damn cold. Bella couldn't stand the cold anymore. Cold greeting her toes first thing in the morning. Cold air on her face as she stumbled to the truck. Cold showers shocked her system every time her need for him became too great. Too overwhelming. Too unwelcome for someone selfish enough to demand she neglect her own needs because he was too afraid to fulfill his own. Too many times, the fire inside her had erupted into violent flames for just a moment. It always ended up being smothered in his chastising tone and reluctance to reciprocate. Now the cold water clung to her hair and clothing as the wind and rain whipped around her. He left her standing alone and drenched from the rain the last time, too.

She had once told him she was not fond of any cold, wet thing. It seemed like that was all he had exposed her to ever since. Cold skin. Cold lips. Bruising, icy fingertips. Lips wet with anticipated kisses that barely touched hers before fleeing. Wet tears trailed down cold cheeks every time he made her feel inadequate and unworthy of his physical affection. Wetness pooled between her legs that left him reeling and her unfulfilled.

Bella tried to rub some warmth into her arms, shivering. This time, at least, she was standing on her front porch, watching him leave. She did not intend to forgive him this time. He had not allowed her to witness him drive away the last time he left her. She wasn't going to miss it this time. She wanted that closure, to know for sure that it really happened and that it was all over between them.

Bella wondered what his true motives were for leaving. He would not tell her this time, letting her draw her own conclusions as he claimed she was meant to be with someone else. What part of her hadn't been enough for him to stay this time? Had she ever been enough for him? She doubted it. She wondered when the pain would hit and when the cavity in her chest would shred apart. It wouldn't take much to break her. Didn't the supernatural beings that inundated her life teach her that lesson time and time again? Still, it felt different this time. Something had changed.

She watched his taillights whip around the corner and out of sight. The bright red shining against the cold dark blacktop reminded her of the warmth of the fireside on a windy beach and the warm, russet skin she had not embraced in over a month. Maybe that was because her clearest memories of Jake lately were also of him leaving.

Jacob. Warmth eternal and one of the kindest, purest hearts she had ever known. She had chosen Edward, though. Now she paid the consequence of that.

She charged into the house and upstairs, seeking heat instead of cold. A hot shower relaxed her tense muscles, but it could not slow down the uneasiness in her mind. She wondered what Alice could see in her future at that moment and what would happen if she tried to see Jacob.

He'll think it's just because Edward left. That I was trying to use him again. The guilt Bella carried over Jacob Black drove her mad at times. Missing Jacob was more triggering emotionally than Edward's frequently increasing absences. The ache to see Jacob hurt her more than watching Edward leave her for the second time. She should take some time to herself, she knew, to remember who she was without either of them to depend on. Bella needed to be sure that if she sought out Jacob's company, it would be with the full knowledge that he loved her. He had loved her so much he nearly died to prove it. And yet, Bella had willingly devastated him again for a future she didn't even want anymore.

As she crawled into bed, she felt the physical void of Edward's icy absence for the first time since his departure. Her anger was dissolving as sheer loneliness set in. She wept for her losses, the emptiness in her heart, and all the time squandered chasing unachievable goals. And still, a death sentence remained on her head, stealing what little time she had left to experience the kind of passion she craved. Edward knew that leaving her would mean her impending death, yet once again had chosen to leave. His actions only proved true every fear she harbored. To him, at least, Bella was disposable. His inability to sleep was no comfort to her. The sleep she was sure to lose was far more valuable than his undead, limitless energy. She trembled under her blankets, chilled to the bone with an emptiness colder than her marble Adonis had been as he held her through the night.

Bella stirred from her dark thoughts as something tapped against her window. It slid open, and Bella sat up wide-eyed as sunshine itself climbed into the room. Her heartbeat quickened as she rubbed her eyes in disbelief.

Jacob? Here? On his own? It was unbelievable. Last she knew, she was the last person he wanted to see. His massive presence more than filled the void beside her as he sat in another man's usual place.

"He called me." Jacob's voice was gruff, though not unfriendly. It had deepened a bit, and if she wasn't mistaken, he had put on more muscle.

"Oh."

"He asked me to check on you. I told him to piss off, but I figured I would do it anyway."

Bella couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face as Jacob smiled. "Thanks," she said. Bella was grateful he came, even if it was partially fueled by rebellious teenage pettiness. She could see it in his face that he had missed her, too.

"You seem okay," Jacob said, sounding surprised.

"I am." And she was. Bella had cried more due to loneliness and impending doom than she had for Edward. Edward's absence left her aware of being alone. Jacob's left Bella longing for their connection, for the honesty and genuine friendship he provided. Somehow the need to see Jacob had never faded. I am glad you are here, she wanted to say. I miss you all the time. Instead, Bella said, "You seem okay, too."

"I'm … better," Jacob said carefully. "Muddling through. One day at a time."

His heat was quickly warming the space, and the ache in her body began to fade. She wanted to move next to him and sink into his side. As if sensing what she needed, he asked, "Are you going to come up here with me, or what?"

Jacob laughed as Bella scrambled up next to him, dragging her blanket with her. He winced as she wrapped her cold hands around his arm and shoved her face into his shoulder. Jacob laughed and said, "Geez, Bells, you're freezing. How the hell did you sleep next to a block of ice every night?"

"I was just wondering about that myself," Bella said and sighed. "I should have known it was all too good to be true, Jake. It would have never worked in the end."

Jacob teased, "Well, that's a change. I thought he was Mr. Perfect for you."

She looked up to find Jacob staring down into her face, silently searching for answers to a million questions he didn't know how to ask. "Not so much anymore," Bella admitted.

He looked away, breaking the building tension between them as he asked, "Why is that, Bella?"

She answered, "Fire and Ice don't mix, Jacob. We would have never truly caught fire."

Jacob joked, "He could, you know? They burn pretty easily."

Bella tried to bite back a laugh and said, "I am serious, Jacob. I need … more. More than he can give. More than he wants to give."

"Bells, any guy that won't give you the shit you want in life is an idiot," Jacob said sincerely.

Bella sighed and said, "Not just anyone can give me what I need, Jake."

Turning to look at her, Jacob asked, "What is it you need, Bella?" What burned alongside the hope in his obsidian eyes as he stared down at her was, What is it that you need from me?

"Fire, Jake," Bella said as she pressed herself further into his side. "I need to feel the fire."