This is a little one-shot I wrote just for the hell of it. Fits into the Watermelon Sugar Universe. It's in Emmett's POV. Enjoy :)


Summers in Forks were often the favorites in Emmett's memory. Though they couldn't visit as often as they would have liked, the entire family always thought of the house in Forks as home. It helped that Emmett and Rosie often lived in Port Angeles for a few years at a time. After nearly a century of immortality, Emmett had forgotten what it felt like to have a mortal for a best friend. Now that he did, Emmett feared he would one day get a call about a goodbye he didn't get to say.

On this day, however, things were good.

Well, boring. Things were fucking boring. After gaining permission, Carlisle convinced Garrett to visit the family. It had been comical introducing Jacob to the first red-eyed leech he wasn't technically allowed to chase off. Jake was hesitant at first but soon learned he had no concerns from Garrett. At least not in the immediate area.

The family had all gathered together for the day. Emmett, Jacob, and Carlisle had sat around listening to Jasper and Garrett trade battle stories for a good hour. Jasper, as always, spoke more of his vampire war days than of his human ones. He remembered little of them and did not want to, so he claimed. If Edward had ever known any different, he did not say. Then again, Ed had not been innocent of voicing his prejudices. It had been some of the shit Edward said about Jacob that had made Emmett come to loathe his brother.

Emmett sighed, leaning back on the eighty-year-old porch swing (one that he and Jake had painstakingly reinforced for their hulking asses to sit on it), and pushed away his shitty thoughts.

The look on Jasper's face caught Emmett's attention, and he tuned back into the conversation around him. Emmett knew when Jas was up to no good.

No good Jas is usually a damn good time. What's this bastard planning?

"We have cannons in the basement," Jasper explained to Garrett.

Garret asked, "Are you fucking serious? Do they function?" Garrett, like Jasper, had been a soldier when he was turned. Patriotism and so-called duty had been an invasive part of their lives. Because of that, both men carried an affinity for anything battle-related.

Any fucking battle.

That included notable historical battles that neither had been in. Ed had fondly called them warmongering aficionados.

Pretentious prick.

"They belong to a family of immortals, genius. A'course they function," Jasper said. "Whether that function will blow your face off or not, I couldn't tell ya."

Garrett clapped his hands together excitedly. "You wanna find out?"

Jasper barked out a laugh and asked, "Are ya fucking stupid?" Jasper was off in a flash with Garrett on his heels, leaving the rest of the family laughing. Esme sighed happily from where she stood in the doorway. Garrett always managed to bring back the once seventeen-year-old boy that Jasper kept hidden away. The seriousness of what they were planning dawned on Esme as she turned a questioning eye to her husband.

"I should probably … " Carlisle stood up anxiously and took off after them.

Jacob chuckled and said, "I guess parenting never really stops, does it?"

Emmett asked, "Where is the little monster, anyway?"

"Inside, baking cookies with her Momma and Grandma Esme," Jacob said.

"Which reminds me," Esme said and walked back into the house.

Jacob and Emmett looked out across the yard as Jasper and Garrett carried cannons toward the woods. Jacob scoffed in surprise as Carlisle rounded the corner, juggling multiple grapefruit-sized cannonballs.

"You can't be serious," Jacob said, scoffing.

"We're going to the clearing," Jasper yelled over his shoulder.

"Far away from the little one," Garrett said, laughing.

They watched as the other three made multiple trips back to the house carrying far too much ancient artillery to have been anything close to legal.

Sarcastically, Jacob said, "Why didn't we know about this shit for the newborn battle? We could have blown the whole group up and called it a day."

When the first boom sounded, each man looked at the other in alarm before bursting into laughter. Jacob walked into the house, yelling that they would be back and asking all the humans too, "please stay inside." Emmett laughed as Jacob came back out and motioned for him to follow.

When they reached the clearing, the cannons had been placed facing each other on opposite sides. Carlisle had given each man six cannonballs. Emmett laughed as he finally realized that both Garrett and Jasper had numerous antique guns at their side. Boulders had been moved to hide behind, creating a mock battlefield with trenches. Carlisle watched with amusement as Jasper and Garrett shot at each other, sticking with their guns for the time being.

Incredulously, Jacob asked Carlisle, "You're fine with this?"

Carlisle laughed, gesturing toward the other men. "They are both over a hundred years old. If they catch on fire, it's their own damn fault."

"Carlisle!"

Carlisle, Jacob, and Emmett all cringed in unison, turning to find Esme grinning behind them. The grin left her face quickly as Jasper took a shot at Garrett. Garrett took a hit and was rocked backward off his feet. He yelled and hopped back up to inspect the damage.

Jacob pointed out the ray of daylight, clearly visible through Garrett's shoulder, and cackled.

"Man, I liked this jacket. Still smelled like the previous owner. 1973 was an exquisite year if you get my drift," Garrett said.

Jacob scowled, rolling his eyes at Emmett.

"He's just tryin' to get your goat, so you'll wanna join the fun," Jasper yelled to Jacob.

"Yeah, no thanks." Jacob chuckled, pointing to himself. "Badass, but not immortal."

"PUSS," Garrett yelled and flicked a lighter. He cackled gleefully as a cannonball shot at Jasper, whizzing past his head and embedding into a massive tree trunk.

Laughing, Jasper yelled, "Bro, you wanna quit trying to take off parts of me that can't be reattached?"

"Don't worry, Jas. Your dick will reattach," Emmett said. "Then again, Ali will probably want to bedazzle it first. Or something."

"Might be a little shorter, too," Jacob quipped.

"Ha! Or bigger," Emmett joked.

"Hollow it out and put a vibrator in it," Jacob said, making Emmett laugh hysterically.

"And this, from the most mature of my sons," Esme teased, lightly nudging Jacob's shoulder.

Jacob snickered and said, "We all have our moments." He gave her one of his sunshine grins, and Esme shook her head, leaning into Carlisle's side.

They all looked back to the clearing as Garrett howled with laughter and shot another cannonball. Jasper rolled away from it and roared as his pinky finger flew through the air.

"Shit, that hurt," Jasper yelled and fired back. Garrett flew back again and cussed, now bearing a matching hole in each shoulder.

"Ah, sonofabitch. Talking bout taking off parts," Garrett grumbled.

Jasper laughed and yelled, "Battle scars!"

The sound of Carlisle's phone ringing made everyone pause. The COPS theme song Emmett had snuck onto Carlisle's phone only meant one thing. Charlie. Carlisle chuckled as he looked down at the screen before answering.

"Hello? Yes, good to hear from you ... Uh-huh ... Yes, an antique cannon. Yes. Will do. Talk to you soon, Charlie." Carlisle chuckled again as he shoved his cell phone back into his pocket.

Jacob frowned and asked, "What did Charlie want?"

"Charlie wanted to know if all the racket was coming from here," Carlisle explained. "He requested, and I apologize, my dear," Carlisle glanced at Esme before yelling, "to shut it the fuck up because his phone is ringing off the hook from scared hikers."

Emmett was reminded of how young his pseudo-mother had been as she gaped up at her husband and giggled. Carlisle gave her a beaming smile and playfully chased her back toward the house.

"Well, I guess that's the end of our fun," Garrett grumbled. The first hole through his shoulder had begun to heal. He poked at it stupidly at hissed.

Emmett asked, "You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you?"

"Personally, I think I'm owed one last shot," Jasper said. "At Emmett."

Emmett scoffed and asked, "For what? The dick joke? It's still attached, isn't it? Aren't you more worried about finding your fucking pinky finger?"

"Ah, shit," Jasper said and scowled as he started searching. "Garrett, come help me look."

"Help me find the chunks from my shoulders first, you diabolical little bastard," Garrett teased.

"You know what they say," Jasper said. "Don't mess with Texas."

"Jas," Emmett yelled, "You haven't lived in Texas since before you joined our family in 1950."

"You're right," Jasper said, laughing. "Don't mess with Washington, I guess. Rather be a yank anyway." He winked at a cackling Jacob and said, "Boy, my Pa would roll in his grave to hear that one." Jasper cringed then, rolling his eyes.

"You never talk about that shit, Jas," Emmett said cautiously.

"Some things ain't worth talking about, Em. My Pa is one of those," Jasper said. "I don't remember very much, but what I do … Well, he wasn't kind. I lied about my age and joined the army to get away from him. It was the best and probably the stupidest excuse I could find, but he wouldn't let me leave home for any other reason. When I met Maria, I thought she was my salvation. The truth was, I just left one general for another. Then, I left one army for another. I believed her bullshit. Kind of like that Riley kid with Victoria, I guess."

Emmett playfully pulled Jas into a headlock and said, "Well, it's a good thing you found a better family, ain't it, fucker?"

"Get off, ya oaf," Jasper laughed, playfully shoving his brother away. "Help us carry this shit back, will ya?"

Emmett guffawed and said, "Hell no. Put your own toys up, kids." Jacob cackled and darted toward the woods to phase as Emmett started walking toward the house.

"That's precious. Man's best friend," Garrett called after Jacob.

Emmett grinned at the cough-like sound of Jacob's wolfy laughter. Jacob turned and kicked a clod of dirt into Garrett's face as he peeled out, running toward the house.

"Plegh," Garrett sputtered and wiped the dirt from his face. "You know, I like the pup? He's got Gusto."

"Get your own damn wolf, Garrett," Emmett said, his laughter trailing behind him as he chased Jacob home.