INTERVIEW WITH THE MOCKINGJAY – Chapter 41

All of Panem saw the hovercraft fly overhead and drop its ladders to pull Katniss and Peeta up out of the Arena, but nobody knows what happened inside the hovercraft.

"We could hear the roar of the crowd over the speakers," Katniss said. "I held Peeta, because he was bleeding, and we each put a foot on the first rung of the ladder. It froze us in place, but Peeta kept on bleeding while the ladder took us up."

"I passed out as soon as I got into the hovercraft," Peeta says.

"I was holding the back of his jacket so tightly, that when they took him away, part of it tore, and I was holding a fistful of black fabric," Katniss says. "They had an operating table set up for him, behind some glass, and I didn't really think they were going to help him – I was just so mentally and physically worn down, I thought I was still in the Arena, and the medical team was just another pack of mutations, ready to kill us. I pounded on the glass, screaming my head off."

"Well, they weren't a pack of mutts," I say, almost idly.

"I only realized that when a Capitol attendant appeared behind me and offered me a cool orange juice," Katniss says. "It…it had this straw, with a frilly white collar. And…I just looked at it in my bloody, filthy hand, with dirt-caked nails and scars."

I'm intrigued by that. "Did you drink the juice?" I ask.

"I placed it carefully on the floor. I didn't trust anything so clean and pretty," she replies. "I was just watching the doctors treat Peeta. I think his heart stopped twice. I don't know.

"It reminded me of when there would be a mine explosion or a woman in her third day of labor, or a famished child struggling with pneumonia, and they would bring the patient to my home when I was a kid," Katniss finishes.

"Because they were dying," I say. "And there was nothing you or your mother could do." "Yeah," Katniss answers. "I would sometimes run into the woods until the patient was dead and they'd made the coffin."

I spin on Meredith. "What happened to District 12's cemetery?" I ask, realizing the significance of that issue for the first time. The District's Business Administrator, more than many people, should know the answer to that question.

Meredith purses her lips tightly. We both know about painful and massive deaths by the truckload. "The existing one was destroyed by the bombing. It tore open graves and coffins," she says. We couldn't…" She pauses. "We couldn't identify the remains, and most of the tombstones and markers were also wrecked. It was dreadful. We have a mass grave for everyone we couldn't identify, with a monument, and it's near the new cemetery for those we could."

I look up at Archer. "We're doing a story on that before we're done." I wonder silently why I didn't think of that before.

He nods quietly. He understands the point.

"You were still in the battle," I say to Katniss. "One second you're in a desperate fight, the next you're sitting there, drinking orange juice. The transition from war to peace was a little too swift for you on an emotional and mental level."

I can see Katniss's brain struggling to comprehend that. Then she says, "I remember seeing someone staring at me from a few inches away – she had wild eyes, hollow cheeks, hair a tangled mat…she looked rabid, feral, and mad. Then I realized I was looking at myself."

"Yeah, you needed an easier transition," Meredith says. "When my company was pulled out of the line, the first thing we'd do was make safe our weapons, then clean them, and turn them in. After that, we'd take a shower, get a fresh uniform issue, and hot food. By the time we got our meal, we were feeling human again, because we'd gone through a decompressing process."

"We were about the same," I say. "Only because we were supposed to be this commando unit, we had a little more cohesion. When we got back to our base, we'd march in formation and sing our battle songs to impress the other units and strengthen ourselves."

"You needed to do that," Meredith says. "Well, without singing 'Jacob's Ladder,' that is."

"What's 'Jacob's Ladder?'" Katniss asks.

"You'd like it," Meredith says. "It's a centuries-old old black spiritual about struggling out of slavery. I'll get it for you. That was our song."

Katniss absorbs this, while serving staff place lunches out for us. As usual, it reflects their simple palate: cheeseburgers. The buns, however, are fresh from Peeta's bakery, tasty and top of the line. We take a recess from the interview for the food.

"I see you don't eat the fancy meals of the Capitol," I observe.

"It's extremely unpleasant," Peeta says. "Most of it reminds me and Katniss…" he looks toward her and she gives a nod of agreement.

"It reminds us of the Capitol and the Training Center and…" he says, trailing off.

"I get it," I say. "It reminds me of Army rations."

Meredith chuckles. "SOS," she says. "Shit-on-a-shingle. Dried meat on bread. But the bottom line is, your transition was far too abrupt."

Katniss sits quietly, absorbing that. "You know," she says. "You've told me a lot of things I never had a chance to think about while all this was going on. I was just trying to survive. All my life, just trying to survive."

"Maybe you can start living now, instead of surviving," Meredith says. "You'll never get rid of those memories or be truly free of those experiences, but you'll have a better life, which you can enjoy."

Katniss takes that in. It's clear that very few people have said things like that to her over the course of her difficult life – dead father, absent mother, manipulative leadership, two sets of bloody Hunger Games, finishing up with an even bloodier war, whose climax was the death of her sister, whom she had tried to protect. It's no wonder this young woman is so fearful and even paranoid about the present and future. She needs healing, love, support, and confidence – not misplaced adulation.

We continue eating our lunch. Our conversation moves away from the interview subject, and onto other things: what will happen to General Gray, how District 12 will sort itself out, the plans for new energy sources to finally replace dangerous fossil fuels, the Truth and Reconciliation that is being proposed for the minor offenders, and even the destruction of my father's golf course in District 2.

This sport I know slightly better, but not well – Dad always played with his Peacekeeper pals, not me. He told me he didn't want me around Peacekeepers, so that I wouldn't become one. "You find your own track," Dad said. "Enough 'Peacekeeping.'" He made it sound like an epithet.

"The shitheads bombed the hell out of the District Golf Course soon after the rebellion broke out," I say.

"Intentionally?" Archer asks.

"No, it was close to the main roads, and the one that led up to the Nut," I say. "They were trying to interdict movement on the roads. But the shithead gunners were lousy at their job. We called them 'the gang that couldn't shoot straight.' All they did was wreck the golf course. Naturally, the rebels were able to deploy an attack force that moved through the wreckage and take advantage of the damage to move up on the artillery pieces and toss grenades into the gun pits.

"Daddy was very pleased that the rebels won, but he was sad that the golf course was wrecked, of course. It's not something he wanted to see happen…more senseless destruction. He tried to cover his irritation by saying that it had become the ultimate 'sand-trap.'"

"I remember fighting in District 2," Katniss says. "I don't remember the golf course."

"No reason you should," I say. "You probably never saw it. In spite of your victory tour of Panem, you never saw most of the country. Just what they wanted you to see."

"And nothing more," Peeta says.

"Divide and rule," Meredith says. "It's how empires stay in power. Divide the people you rule over…by class, ethnic group, industry, skin color, and set them against each other, so that they can't unite to overthrow you."

"Sounds like our country," Katniss says. "Who dreamed that up? Snow?"

Meredith shakes her head. "Nicolo Machiavelli. He was an ancient philosopher on how to wield power. He was very cynical about it," she says.

"There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before," I say. "My boss attributes that phrase to a fictional detective named Sherlock Holmes."

Lunch is done. Time to resume work, picking up from where we left off.

"I guess you were knocked out in that hoverplane," I say.

"The next thing I knew we landed on the roof of the Training Center, and they took Peeta out, and left me behind the door. I caught a glimpse of pink hair – it had to be Effie Trinket – and then I got jabbed with a needle from behind," she says.

"When I woke up, I was in this anti-septic room with no doors, no windows, and a soft yellow light. All it had was the bed I was in, and some tubes from my right arm extending into the wall," she continues.

"They had scrubbed clean my left hand, filed my nails in perfect ovals, got rid of my scars, and even restored the hearing in my left ear."

It's my turn to look somber. "They could cure anything in the Capitol," I say. "They could eat like pigs and get weight-loss surgery. Erectile dysfunction. Breast implants. Heart surgery. And, of course, cancer elimination," I say, coldly.

"And your mother died of breast cancer," Meredith says. "The wife of a Peacekeeper."

"There was no way the illegal wife of a Peacekeeper, no matter how high-ranking, would be taken to the Capitol for life-saving cancer treatment," I say. I smile. "It was another reason why my father and I both supported rebellion. They didn't even respect or trust their own police officers and their families."

"So, go on," I say, pointing at Katniss.

"Oh, well, I tried to sit up, but there was a restraining band. It made me panic, and then a portion of the wall slid open and the redheaded Avox girl came in to offer me a tray and adjust my pillows. I had just enough voice to ask if Peeta made it, and she nodded, slipping a spoon into my hand, which enabled me to start eating," Katniss says.

"What was it?" Archer asks, out of the blue.

We look at him, puzzled. "Hey, I'm just wondering."

Interesting question, I think. Then I remember that Archer covers accidents and crime, and has to ask odd questions of cops at these incidents. Where'd they find the body. Was it a shooting or a stabbing. Does it look like a homicide or a suicide. Maybe he's not so dumb. Or he's learning.

I look at Katniss. "So, what was it?"

Katniss offers a small giggle, probably about the teenager prompting the older man. "Clear broth, apple sauce, and a glass of water. I thought, 'This is all? Shouldn't it be bigger?'"

"Actually, it's a good thing it wasn't bigger," Meredith says. "If it had, you would have vomited all of it. Your stomach was so small at this point, you could not accommodate large amounts of food."

I nod in agreement. "We had that same issue when we were relieved. Many times, we had to slowly ramp up our food intake after a long battle," I say. "And then?"

"Well, I drifted in and out of sleep, and when I was awake, I thought about going home to my family…to Prim, my mother, Gale…even Prim's scruffy old cat," Katniss says.

"Did you know what they were doing while you were recovering?" I ask.

"I could only guess," Katniss says. "I know they were celebrating back home. I figured they were arranging a banquet for Peeta and me, with interviews and ceremonies.

"Finally, I woke up and found that the restraints had been removed and I could look at my hands. I was…frozen by them," she says.

"Arrested?" I suggested.

Katniss nods. "Yeah, arrested. I couldn't stop looking at them. Not only were my scars from the Arena gone, but those from years of hunting. None on my forehead, either. It felt like satin. And I couldn't find the burn on my calf, either.

"The weirdest thing was that at the foot of the bed was the outfit I wore in the Arena. It made me flinch. Then I realized, I had to wear it go greet my team. So I did, and before I could look for a door, it slid open. I was expecting Peeta," Katniss says.

"It wasn't me," Peeta says. "They'd already prepared me. I was waiting for Katniss to be ready for the big interview."

"No, it was Effie, Haymitch, and Cinna," Katniss says. "I was so excited, I just ran into them, and landed in Haymitch's arms. He said, 'Nice job, sweetheart.'"

"How did he sound," I ask.

"Surprisingly, not sarcastic," Katniss says. Effie was teary and called us pearls. Cinna hugged me tight, and didn't say anything. The only thing baffling was that Portia wasn't there. Neither was Peeta."

"They wanted to do our reunion live on TV for maximum drama," Peeta says.

"They let me go off with Cinna, who took me to the 12th floor of the Training Center," Katniss says.

"That was your apartment during training," I say.

"Right," Katniss says. "My stylists were there – Venia, Flavius, and Octavia – and they were thrilled to see me, too. They had a real meal for me, even though the portions were strictly controlled."

Meredith and I share a look. We know what that was about. "They didn't want you vomiting on stage," Meredith says.

"That's what Octavia told me. But she slipped me an extra roll," she says. "When I got in the shower, I could see how skinny I was. I could count the ribs. After that, they got to work on my hair, nails, and makeup."

"Did you talk at all?" I asked.

"They couldn't stop talking about the Games," Katniss says. "I couldn't say a word. They were saying stuff like 'I had just had my eyebrows dyed!' Or 'I swear nearly fainted!' You didn't say stuff like that when you were watching the Games in District 12. Especially after our Tributes died. There was no reason to watch but continued agony, and seeing some Career Tribute win yet again."

"It must have been like watching the final innings of a 16-0 blowout…" Archer's voice trails off, respecting my incomprehension of his baseball simile.

"I get it," I say, coolly. "Your emotions are spent, but you still have to watch."

He just nods his head.

"That's when Cinna came up with a yellow dress. I asked if he'd given up on the 'Girl on Fire' thing, and he said, 'You tell me.'

"He slipped the dress on over my head and I saw it had pads for my breasts. I was not happy. I stood there, frowning. He picked it up right away. He told me the Gamemakers – the ones that didn't get shot, I guess – wanted me to get some kind of surgery on my breasts to make them bigger…"

Archer bursts out laughing. "You're the first woman I've met who did NOT want breast surgery," he says. "Every woman in the Capitol was obsessed with implants. They would compete with each other."

Meredith gives Archer a stony stare. Archer shuts up.

"Haymitch had a huge fight with the new Gamemakers over it. He won. At least I was still the 'Girl on Fire,'" Katniss says.

"We saw that…it was much better than your costume in the chariot event that started the games," Meredith says. "You looked innocent and harmless."

"It did. I was shocked that Cinna could pull that off when I'd just won the games," Katniss says.

"Why did he do it," I ask.

Katniss smiles. "He said he thought that Peeta would like it better. But I didn't really believe that…I thought that it was about the last stage of this Hunger Games."

"Because everybody was boiling over how it had come out," I say. "I mean, aside from wrecking the gambling, it embarrassed the government – two kids from the bottom of the Seam had pulled one over on the Gamemakers and the whole operation."

"That's what Haymitch told me, but differently," Katniss says. "He just said the Capitol was furious – they couldn't stand being laughed at and now they were the joke of the entire nation. And that Peeta was 'already there.'"

"How did that make you feel?" I ask.

"I felt dread, but I laughed as if Haymitch was joking," Katniss says. "He told me to just say I was so in love with Peeta, that I wasn't responsible for my actions."

"He didn't say that to me," Peeta says. "He didn't have to."

"You really loved Katniss," I pick up. Peeta nods. "

"Haymitch told me to enjoy my night," Katniss says. "But I was shaking like a leaf. I went under the stage, and smelled mold. I thought I the boards above me were going to collapse. I was worried."

"What about?" Meredith asks.

"In the Arena, I could only die. But now, if I didn't pull off this girl-in-love scenario, my family would get punished. Even more, I could get punished anyway, for what Peeta and I had done. They could call it treason or something. And I didn't know what my feelings were towards Peeta," Katniss says.

My stomach churns a little at hearing about Katniss's love triangle. It seems a bit silly to me, having seen District 2 and Capitol teenagers and even adults get into three-way battles over boyfriends and girlfriends. I have even covered a Capitol murder case some guy came home to find his best friend in bed with his girlfriend and he blew them away. Then he realized what he had done, called the cops, and sat there, tears streaming, waiting for them to arrive. It was a sensation for the news, but a simple case to prosecute.

Then Meredith gives me a look. It reminds me that when we dealt with the terrorists earlier, I had done the post-battle joke I shared with Kaylyn. It sent Meredith absolutely the wrong message…that I was really in love with Kaylyn. It makes me feel cold and uncaring.

We'll talk later, I think. Not here.

"We've all seen what happened after that," I say. "Flickerman introduced the designers, and then Effie Trinket. It must have been the highlight of her life."

"Probably," Katniss says.

"Then they did Portia and Cinna, and finally you and Peeta were lifted on separate platforms onto the stage," I continue.

"All I could think about was how much danger we were in," Katniss says.

"Me, too," Peeta adds. "At any moment I was expecting President Snow and a bunch of Peacekeepers to come out and take us away."

"Charging us with treason or something," Katniss adds. "But Haymitch shoved us into this – loveseat, I guess – which they had instead of the usual Victor's chair. I sat next to Peeta, but Haymitch gave me a look…"

"Yeah, we saw you kick off your heels and lean your head into his shoulder," Archer says. "Sweet move."

"Did that help?" I ask.

"I felt like I was back in the cave, curling up against him," Katniss says. "Then we spent the next three hours re-living the Games."

"Mandatory watching for the whole nation," I grumble. "Three hours of violent death."

"Did you watch it?" Peeta asks.

"I had to," I answer. "Bear in mind, I was just running the government's newspaper in District 2. I wasn't a revolutionary yet."

"So did I," Meredith says. "With my family. Outside, Peacekeepers were patrolling the streets, because a curfew was in place. It didn't matter, because sporadically, Peacekeepers were found murdered. They couldn't do very much about it, because if they killed people, it would wreck our economy. They'd just do random searches, hang or whip the occasional suspect, or burn down a house in retaliation. One time they killed a single father, and took away his kids. We never saw them again."

"They probably don't even remember their former lives," I say.

Are they better off or worse, I wonder. Or even alive?

"Anyway, we all saw the show," I say. "It was a love story this time…a desperate romance amid a fight for survival, complete with an upbeat soundtrack."

"The theme from some old movie about an underdog unknown boxer up against a champion," Archer says.

"It was very strange," Katniss says. "They had scenes of Peeta's efforts to mislead the Careers and shots of me dodging fireballs, dropping nests, blowing up supplies, shooting Tributes in the throat…I looked heartless. It was like watching complete strangers in another Hunger Games."

"We all noticed that they played Rue's death in full, but left out the part where you covered that girl in flowers," Meredith says. "I guess it was because our District was in revolt."

Katniss nods in agreement. "Even doing that would have smacked of rebellion," she says. "After that, they showed me taking care of Peeta, the mutts, and Cato's death." Katniss pauses. "I felt like it was happening to people I have never met."

"That would happen a lot," I say. "Particularly if a new addition to the force got killed in a matter of days. Nobody knew the guy, so nobody would care. If it were someone who had been with us for a greater length of time, there would be serious mourning. Anyway, after that, they showed the berries, and I remember they didn't end with the victory announcement, but with you pounding on the wall, screaming Peeta's name as they were trying to revive him."

"How was that for you?" I ask.

"Thinking about survival…my best moment of the night," Katniss answers.

"Mine, too," Peeta says. "We were finally out of it. And my strategy had worked, to mentally confuse the other Tributes."

At this point, of course, as we know, President Snow emerged with a single crown, which he gave a good twist, split into two, and honored both winners. Massive applause at the boss's creativity, with everyone excited and roaring loyalty to the Hunger Games, Panem, the winning Tributes, and the glorious leader.

"What was it like for you to stare into Snow's face?" I ask Katniss.

"I knew that even though both of us would have eaten the berries, I was the instigator of that idea, and I would eventually be punished," she says, coldly, with a grim finality.

The words waft into my head. At that moment, I finally understood why a teenage girl would be at the head of the Panem government's shit list. They would break her or die trying. However, it would not be easy. She had become a hero for a nation, from Panem elite down to Seam miners. She could not be found with a knife in her back, stuffed in a garbage can, purse strewn nearby; the victim of a mugging gone wrong, how sad, how cruel, how tragic…District 12 is certainly a violent place…

"The next stop was the Victory Banquet at the president's mansion," Katniss says, seeing that I have lost the thread. "We had no time to eat because Capitol officials, generous sponsors, and winning gamblers wanted to get their pictures with us."

"All I could see were flashbulbs, Haymitch, and Snow," Peeta said. "We just tried to keep laughing and smiling."

"All I could do was hold Peeta's hand," Katniss says. "We got back to our apartment at dawn. I wanted to talk to Peeta, but Haymitch wouldn't let me see him. And my door was locked from the outside. I felt like I was a prisoner. I just tried to sleep."

"So then came the third round of the 'victory parade,'" I say. "I've done a few of them, either marching in them or covering them. I think the one that irritated me the most was when we went through District 3…it was just a 'detour' in our line of march. We trooped the District starting in the morning, heard the cheers in the afternoon, and were in combat that evening. Some of my guys and girls were very annoyed. I told them we had a war to win." I shake my head. "I feel for you."

"Effie Trinket woke me up, I had five minutes to eat breakfast, and the Cinna came in to dress me for yet another big interview," Katniss says. "I was afraid that it would end in an 'accident.'"

"I was getting a similar treatment on my side," Peeta says. "I was worried about the same thing. A sudden knife in the back."

We all saw this interview, too, so I don't have to review it heavily. Flickerman started with the usual funny or maudlin questions, being light when he wanted to and serious when he needed to. Then he started putting on the screws. He came over to me as a lightweight mouthpiece for the regime, but there was harshness beneath it, like the entire nation's leadership.

"When he questioned me about when I fell in love with Katniss, it was easy," Peeta says. "But Katniss had a harder time. She didn't know what to say."

"So Flickerman stupidly prompted her, with that question about shouting his name from a tree," I say to Katniss. "I could tell he had no idea of what was going on."

"That question was a relief to me," Katniss says. "I said, honestly, 'For the first time…there was a chance I could keep him.'"

"And I pressed my forehead into Katniss's temple and asked, 'So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?'"

"I said, 'Put you somewhere you can't get hurt.'"

Massive applause followed, as we all know, and Flickerman moved on to how Katniss and Peeta suffered their wounds, and how Katniss treated Peeta's leg.

"That really crushed me," Katniss says.

"I know. You buried yourself in Peeta's shirt. Even that jerk Flickerman had to back off and leave you alone until you recovered," I say. "If a reporter from my paper was to ask questions that put a subject in tears, it could lead to the reporter getting the axe. That actually happened to one of my colleagues…he was going around with a Casualty Assistance Officer to interview families whose loved ones had died in the war and had just been identified…he had a live video feed, and we shot live video of mothers, husbands, wives, fathers, being told their son or daughter or whatever was dead. The whole country got to see it, live."

Everyone stares at me. "Altman was furious when he saw the footage. He called the reporter immediately and told him he was fired on the spot," I say. "They shipped the stuff on his desk to his home. It was unbelievable."

"Who's Altman?" Peeta asks.

"Our editor," Archer says. "He alternates between being a real nice guy and a real hardass."

"Anyway," I say to Katniss. "At that point, Flickerman asked you about the berries, and you gave an interesting answer."

"I had to choose between challenging the Capitol and being so crazy at losing Peeta that I couldn't be responsible," she answers. "So I just told Flickerman I couldn't bear the thought of being without Peeta."

"And I just said that went for the both of us," Peeta says.

Which ended the show. And their stay in the Capitol. "I went back to my room to collect a few things, and everything was gone except the mockingjay pin that Madge gave me. They drove us through the streets in a car with blackened windows, the train was waiting for us, and so were Cinna and Portia," Katniss says briskly. "They said goodbye, but we knew we'd see them in a few months for the Victory Tour of the districts."

"It must have been a relief to get the hell out of the Capitol," Archer says.

"Sort of," Katniss says. "We had an enormous dinner, saw the replay of the interview, had Effie with us, and I could breathe freely for the first time since the reaping…but…"

"But what?" I ask.

"I started thinking about home. Prim. My mother. Gale. Who I really was. I changed out of the fancy Capitol dress and back into a plain shirt and pants, to try to become myself. Katniss Everdeen. The girl who hunts in the woods and trades in the Sam. When I returned, Peeta's arm around my shoulder felt alien," she says.

"You didn't know who you were," I say. "You had lost your identity in the Arena, couldn't find your old one, and didn't have a new one yet."

Katniss rises from her chair and walks over to the window, and stares out at the trees and decaying summer plants in her backyard, which are facing the impending winter. At length, she turns back to us, and says, "Nobody ever suggested that to me before."

"I don't think you have had a loving and caring older adult figure in your life since your father died," Meredith says. "Your mother curled up, Haymitch was more of a trainer than a father figure, and Alma Coin was just using you to gain power.

"I think the only person who really cared about you is sitting right here," Meredith says, pointing at Peeta.

Katniss turns from the window, the sun hitting her face, gazing at Peeta, tears forming in her eyes. I signal Archer to stop the tape, and he does.

"You're right," Katniss squeaks. "Gale was about fighting. After the revolution started, I began to think he cared more about the war than me."

"I know he did," Peeta says. "It was real."

Katniss shuffles back to her boyfriend, takes his left hand, kisses it, then him on the lips, and sits back down, putting a smile on her face. "Where were we?" she asks.

"On your way home," I say. "On the train."

"Oh, yes," Katniss says. "We made a stop for fuel and we got off the train to get some fresh air. We walked down the tracks, hand in hand, but we couldn't find anything to say to each other."

"The party was over," Peeta says.

"Well, it was more than that," Meredith says. "The battle was over. You didn't have so much in common any more. We had this happen in my unit in the war. You had romances that were hot and heavy until victory, and then suddenly the two partners realized they weren't that interested in each other anymore. They had nothing in common but the war."

"We had that in training, too, remember?" I say to Meredith. "The couples that would break up when they were assigned to totally different units and would likely never see each other again. This was the same thing, but different."

"I felt like I was now lying to two people," Katniss says. She asks Peeta, "Do you remember gathering those wildflowers for me?"

"Yes…I thought you'd like them," he responds. "They were pink and white."

"Well, they were actually the tops of wild onions, and they reminded me of gathering them with Gale," Katniss says.

Peeta appears shocked. "You never told me," he says.

"I didn't want to upset you," Katniss says.

Peeta sighs. "I know you were having trouble," he says.

"Nobody in Panem knew," I say. "But I'm really getting a sense of it now."

"Well, that's good," Katniss says.

"And that was on top of a battle for survival," I add.

"Right then, Haymitch came up and reminded us to keep up the appearances until the cameras were gone when he got back home," Peeta says. "I didn't understand that until Katniss explained it to me."

"Why not?" I ask Peeta.

"Haymitch didn't coach me until the last few days," Peeta says. "I guess he figured I knew what to do in the Arena, while…"

"I did not," Katniss cuts in.

"And that made it more confusing for me, because I thought it was real and what Katniss wanted to do, and now I thought it was all for the Games," Peeta says.

"I held my flowers tightly and said, 'Not all of it,'" Katniss picks up.

"So I had to ask…how much of it was real, but I didn't want to get an answer at that moment. Instead, I asked, what would be left when we came home," Peeta says.

"I couldn't answer that, either," Katniss says. "I just felt so confused, and said so."

Peeta shrugs. "I told Katniss to let me know when she worked it out. Then I climbed back into the train and into my room for the night," he says.

"What did you think?" I ask Katniss.

"I wanted to tell him that he was not being fair. That we were strangers, trying to stay alive in the Games, and I didn't know how things were going with Gale because I didn't know myself. The only thing I knew was that I was not going to get married anyway," Katniss says.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because Gale…or Peeta…would wind up hating me sooner or later. We'd never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to family and children."

Meredith and I give each other nods.

"The next time we saw each other, we were pulling into the District 12 Station, and it was packed with our neighbors and TV cameras for our homecoming," Katniss says.

"I said to Katniss, 'One more time? For the audience?' I was kind of hollow, I guess," Peeta says. His voice is weary from the interview ordeal. His face is sagging with fatigue. He looks like he's just gone through the Games again, and in a sense, he has.

"I felt like the boy with the bread was slipping away from me already," Katniss says. "But I took his hand, held it tightly, faced the cameras, dreading the moment when I finally would have to let go."

I don't know how to react to the mutual pain and embarrassment. I don't want to inflict any more today. "Why don't we stop here," I say, "and pick this up in two days instead of tomorrow. Give you guys some time to decompress before we get started on the next phase. That was the District Tour and the 75th Games, right?"

Katniss nods. "And the start of the Rebellion," she says.

"Gotcha," I say. "All right, I can write the whole story of the 74th Hunger Games now and file it. That should make our readers and my editors happy, not necessarily in that order." I sigh. "I want to thank the both of you again for sharing your time, your hospitality, and your food with us. I know this must be difficult for you."

"It's getting easier," Katniss says. "Those terrorists kind of tipped me over. Since then, it's been…like letting go of pain."

"The term is 'catharsis,' I say. "It means the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions. It's like getting it out of your system."

Katniss nods. "Good to know," she says.

Meredith and I are lying on her bed, enjoying the musky, slightly acrid odor of the sex we have just had. I am on my back, my arm wrapped around her head, idly stroking her shoulder, while she lays that head on my chest, idly playing with my penis.

"It's not doing anything," Meredith says.

"Give it a while," I say. "But don't stop."

I have spent much of the evening wrapping up the first third of the big story, but I will not file it today – I want to look at it again tomorrow before I turn it in. Instead, we had dinner at the Hob, which was a bit difficult, because residents were looking at us, and asking either for our autographs or to take photographs with us.

After dinner, back to the Victors' Village and Meredith's home, and pulling each other's clothes off so that I could not waste a second, but immediately press my lips and tongue against Meredith's clitoris, to bring her to a powerful orgasm.

Now, panting a little bit, we lie, mutually satiated, unsure if we will regain energy for another round or just drift off to sleep.

Meredith teases my penis with light brush strokes of her fingers. It feels like butterfly wings on it, starting to raise my fire and desire.

"I knew it would be great, the moment I saw you," she says. "And I was right."

"I felt the same way," I say. "All I could think was, 'When I get Meredith in bed, I am going to give her the time of her life."

Meredith glances at the blanket and sheets. "Tomorrow morning, you have to help me do the laundry," she says. "They look awful."

I look down at them. "Yeah, I need to do a laundry, too," I say. Then I lie back.

"We'll both do it…I have never trusted men with my undies," Meredith says. Then she laughs. "Can you imagine me with those 36DDs those women in the Capitol have?"

My turn to laugh. "Forget it." I stroke her breasts, feeling her nipples harden. "I love what you've got. But if you want something done or from the Capitol, I can probably make it happen."

"I don't know what that would be," Meredith says, "maybe beyond some clothes. But there's something I have to do there that you can't help me with."

I sit up in bed, and let Meredith drop my penis, feeling puzzled. "What's that," I ask.

"I have to do something for Kaylyn," Meredith says. "She's in the same place that Katniss was and I was after Dwayne died. I saw it on her face so many times when we were in training. She wanted to either have you as a husband or at least fuck your brains out, and she can't have any of that." Meredith chuckles for a moment, reaching again for my penis, stroking it. I am immediately aroused. Meredith drops it.

"She probably would have been happy just to have that much…fondle your penis and hear you groan like you did just now," Meredith says, with a small smile.

I feel awful. Kaylyn and I shared the bonds of combat in the war and work after the war. "Yeah, I guess I could have granted her desires," I say. "I just…I just…"

"You weren't attracted to her in the same way you're attracted to me," Meredith says. "But it still hurts like hell for her. It's like she's the stable boy helping the knight into the saddle and grooming the horse. It's not fair."

I lie back, silent, for some time. "No, it isn't fair," I say at last. "I don't know what to do for her."

"Well, I know what to do, but I'm not sure how to do it or when," Meredith says. "It's very difficult."

"What do you have in mind?" I ask. "Give her a dating app or something? There are too many losers on those sites. Dangerous people, too. We did a story about con games on one such site…"

"No, that's ridiculous. The matchmaking and arranged marriages we had in District 11 are not appropriate anymore. Nor were they then. You can't just set her up on a blind date. She's too classy," Meredith says. "It would insult her intelligence."

"So what are you going to do?" I ask.

"Well," Meredith says, climbing up on top of me, "First, I think I'm going to ride my wild stallion, so that we're both able to sleep better, and then I'm going to think about Kaylyn some more, but later."

She brushes her butterfly fingers against me again as she climbs on top, hair strewn over her shoulders, nipples erect and hanging firmly. She eases on top of my now-erect penis, and smiles excitedly into my face. "If it's okay with you, I think this is going to be mostly for me," she says.

Meredith squeezes her vaginal lips tightly against my penis and pushes her clitoris hard against me. I reach for it with a hand, stroking it to add to her pleasure. Meredith lifts herself, balancing her body with her hands behind her butt, head and breasts flung up, eyes shut, in ecstatic agony. I hear her moaning and myself groaning. Then I feel my release thundering through my body, and Meredith's, almost at the same time. She freezes over me for a moment, looking like she's going to scream, and then collapses onto me. I hear her heart pulsating as she gasps. Then she shoves her mouth into mine for frantic kisses, as she climbs off of me.

"I love you, fair man," Meredith says.

"I love you too, dark lady," I answer.

We lie in bed, gently caressing each other, listening to the wind in the trees.

"We'll take care of Kaylyn," I say. You're right."

"Just another item on our 'to do' list," Meredith says.