I have just discovered the Cartoon Network shorts called Villainous.
I love them. Experiment #505(henceforth to be written as Five Oh Five), Doctor Flug, Demencia, and the Eldritch Horror himself, Black Hat.
I love a villain that loves their job and I love a goofy slapstick comedy every once in a while.
As such, my writing today will be a little… Villainous.
The Black Hat
There are things in this universe, and others, that can not have their names spoken, lest there be dire consequences. The walls of reality shift and sway, rippling away from the location of the speaker of one of those names.
Black Hat was one such creature. Black Hat was, of course, not its name. It had no wish to cause that kind of havoc, every time someone mentioned his name.
In its throne room, it watched several feeds, most of them centered on his three minions. Doctor Flug was making a rather detailed design on yet another ray gun of some variety. Five Oh Five was cleaning the base. Demencia was… Black Hat grimaced. Demencia was making out with a homemade doll of the eldritch horror.
Most of the local villains were keeping underground, the heroes were… pathetic. For a creature of his standing, not a single one of them could stand a chance. It was, in truth, the reason for his adoption of his three minions. If he tried to kill a hero, they'd die. It was a foregone conclusion, except for a few notable exceptions that were thankfully not in this reality. And it had reigned over the world for a time. But that grew boring. He'd let the world forget about him and now he was back, training his three minions to be the best villains they could be.
Well, at least amusing himself at their expense.
But now it was time to check on another world. It had once been known there as the greatest evil to have ever existed. By now, it should be forgotten. That would be entertaining, spending a week or two, bringing the fear of Black Hat back to the people of that Earth.
What he saw now, however, was something that was… unacceptable!Some other creature, some entity, had laid claim on one of his worlds! Its tendrils and tentacles slowly leeched the life out of the planet, driving the humans to violence. It perpetuated the hero and villain system as a way of using mortal ingenuity to increase its understanding of its own abilities.
"This will not do," Black Hat growled, tapping his fingers on his desk. He watched that timeline for a bit, and found something… Interesting.
"Flug!" he roared, using his abilities to force the hallways of the Black Hat Manor to all lead to his office, then to have the carpets push the skinny scientist along.
"Uh, yes? Mister Black Hat, sir?" the young man bowed his head far forward and did not make eye contact.
"I have found a young villain in need of a little Black Hat style inspiration," the fingers on his left hand turned into claws that he dragged down the window. The glass shattered, of course, but not to the outside world. It was a swirling blue abyss, the corners were set ablaze with green fire.
The swirling colors did eventually pull away to show a skinny teen girl in a costume made out of homespun spider silk.
Seconds later, the portal closed. Black Hat faced his minion again, hands behind his back, stern look on his face.
"Her name is Taylor Hebert. Send her the basic package," a grin spread across his face, the dark contours seemed darker and more sinister, "Wait a week, then send her the bill."
Flug nodded happily. He was just happy that he hadn't done something to anger Black Hat. He hurried off to his lab, pulled out a key to open a chest. Inside the chest was a lockbox with a digital pad. He entered a twenty seven digit combination. Three plates slid out. One scanned his gloved hand. The second plate required a verbal password.
"'Demencia, put on your day clothes.'"
The final plate lifted out of the top of the box and began using a laser to scan his face. He double checked to make sure that no one else was looking. He then lifted the bag off his head. He quickly pulled it back down. And took exactly three steps back.
Claxons started blaring in the room and red and yellow flashing lights popped out of the walls.
A computerized voice, deep and bassy, said, "Warning! Basic Package Containment is being released! Warning!" This message repeated a few times. Finally, the lock box hissed open, pink and green mist pouring out.
Flug stepped forward, waving away the mist. He reached into the container and pull out…
Taylor Hebert was trudging down the street on her way home. She had just robbed a bank.
"What a fucking joke," she gave a cynical laugh. Some hero she was turning out to be. A hero that robs banks, threatens people with deadly spiders and terrorises other heroes with her freaky bug control powers.
Hell, look what she-!
Her musing was interrupted by an object dropping out of the sky right in front of her.
"The hell?" Looking at it, it was fairly strange. Strange in that it was a lunch box with the Power Puff Girls on it, and that it had her name on an envelope taped to it.
She immediately suspected that this was her cut of the heist they had just pulled. It made sense, if one considering that when she had first met Tattletale, Grue and Regent they had paid her for services rendered in a similar fashion.
"Great," she drawled, "My villain team thinks it's great to put dead drops in lunchboxes," she put a hand to her face, "I'm going to jail, I fucking know it." Even with that said, she did stoop down to pick up the lunchbox.
The box flipped open of its own accord and metal tentacles, several feet long, lashed out and grabbed her. One around each limb, and another around her mouth to prevent her from screaming. As it was, it all happened so fast that she barely had time to take a breath in for said muffled scream.
Three more tentacles came out of the lunchbox and it stood up. A voice came from within it, a voice that scared her for how monstrously deep it was.
"Location unsecure! Scanning for secure location to administer Basic Package!" Taylor'd be damned if the thing that was so not a fucking lunchbox didn't start scanning the entire area with red lasers.
It carried Taylor into a nearby alley, turned her so that she was facing the shattered window of an abandoned business. It reached out with yet more metal tendrils and cleaned the glass to a mirror shine.
"Location secure! Administering Basic Package!"
All at once, twenty three more metal tentacles speared out of the box and stabbed into her body. Four went into each limb, seven were stabbed into her spine. The pain was almost unbearable.
Then they began to pump something into her. She had a unique view of it, from the reflection in the glass. Each and every tentacled pulsed and squirmed, pumping a black, pink and green substance into her body. Now the pain was unbearable.
She screamed against the muffling tentacle so loudly that it rattled the already broken window. Her body thrashed and struggled, but she couldn't pull her limbs free of the grasping tendrils. Luckily for the teen girl, the agony caused her to black out before too long.
Unseen by the now unconscious girl, Black Hat himself stepped out of the shadows. The monster reached up with one hand, dipping his fingers into her skull, yet not causing any blood to drop. He ripped out what the locals would call the Passenger. He crushed the thing in his hand, then turned back to the girl.
"First," he grinned, "Let's get rid of that pesky Hero Complex," he poked her head again. This time the end of his finger turned into a pulsing tendril of evil. "Insects were a good start, so let's try this!" He twisted his hand, then stabbed her in the very center of her body with his full hand, "And let's give you a modicum of durability." He pulled his limbs out of the girl, watching as a few changes overtook her.
Her body began pulsing with that iridescent green and pink from the liquid being pumped into her. Her hair turned red, then green, then black. Her tresses finally settled on mostly black, but with electric pink ends. It also took on some minute similarity to Demencia, appearing to become wild, untamed.
"This should do," Black Hat said ominously. Without another word, he disappeared.
The substance just kept pouring into Taylor, each tentacle pulsing in turn as it changed her body to suit its purpose.
After nearly ten minutes, the tentacles finally lowered the girl to the ground.
"Administration of Basic Package complete! Returning to dormant mode!" The tentacles pulled back into the lunchbox and it relatched itself. No one would know what had happened in that alley for several hours.
Not until Taylor woke.
Donnie was not a man of character. He wasn't the worst motherfucker out there, but he certainly wasn't a saint. He was a rapist, a drug addict, a thief, and a generally putrescent womanizer. He just felt there were certain things the world owed him, and he was willing to take them by force, if necessary.
Which was why, when he walked down the alley that was his usual shortcut home, he was pleasantly surprised to find a girl passed out on the ground. He turned to his two friends- if they could be called that, considering they were just two likeminded fellows- and they all grinned at one another.
"You hold her left side, Roy," he gestured at the girl vaguely as he started to undo his belt, "You take the right, Jimbo." The two did as they were told, lifting her up. They were just as eager for this as their de facto leader. Sure, he'd get the first taste but they'd have their turns.
So excited were they for the little rapefest about to happen, they didn't notice Taylor's eyes open.
They noticed it, though, when she rather easily broke out of their grip and stood up on her own.
"Fuck! Shit!" one of them said, none sure which, "Bitch is awake!"
Taylor looked down at herself, holding her hands before herself. Inside, deep in her subconscious, she knew everything was wrong.
"Alright, girly," Donnie drawled, pulling out his knife, "Let's take this nice and easy. Me and my boys just want to have a little fun. But if you scream-"
It didn't really seem to matter, though. There were two things that had her just completely not caring about the fact that some random box thing had molested her and apparently messed with her mind. One, she was god damn hot now. Her skin was flawless, if pale. Her hair, now black, pink and silky, gave her a wild appearance. Her bust had improved, becoming something actually feminine. Her muscles had grown, too, stopping just short of bulging.
"Yeah," she said, smiling at hearing the smokey texture of her voice now, "I'd do me."
"What?" Donnie asked in confusion, then growled, "Listen, bit-" He would have continued, but the girl had grabbed him by the head and smashed it through the nearby wall.
She didn't even hesitate, turning to the remaining would be rapists. She pounced forward, grabbing them by their shoulders and slamming them into one another. That stunning blow let her kick one into the wall. The brick cracked in a ten foot, spiderwebbed crater. The man fell to the ground.
"Three little piggies, looking for fun," Taylor half sang, "One wanted company, so he brought his pals along. But his head hit the wall, so they had to say, 'So long.'"
The final thug began making the desperate, squeaking grunts of those experiencing fear induced panic. Experiencing a concussion, he had to drag himself along the ground.
"Two little piggies, looking for fun," her little rhyme continued, "The next wanted to dance, so he brought a friend. They twirled and pranced, 'til he met his end."
Jimbo, the final victim turned to look over his shoulder, but the girl was gone.
"Wha-?"
"One little piggy," the voice came from above him, "Looking for fun," he slowly looked up, vertigo taking him. A hand descended from the shadows above him. It was pale, dainty, clawed, and reaching for his face. He let out a scream that was choked off moments after it left his mouth. The hand had grasped him, pulled him up the wall and into the shadows.
For a full three minutes there were only the sounds of sick, wet snaps, crunching noises, mad cackles and pained whimpers.
Taylor eventually walked out of the alleyway, a grin splitting her face.
"Three little piggies went looking for fun. But none came back, not even one." She cackled again.
And that was the other thing that kept her from considering the radical changes to her mind to be a bad thing. Everything was just so… colorful now. It was like she had been living in a world of shades of gray, but now she'd entered a realm of neon and technicolor. It was easy to see why she'd been so depressed and pessimistic all the time, what with the world appearing so drab and dreary.
She considered the envelope that she'd taken off the lunchbox. She shook her head. No need to weigh herself down with needless details right now. She could just read it later. It probably wasn't that important.
Looking down at herself once more, Taylor made a decision.
"I need some new duds."
Lisa, also known as small time villain Tattletale, was leading Alec and Brian up the stairs to their usual base. She was somewhat worried. Her power was telling her that, right now, Taylor was on the fence.
The Undersiders, aside from their initial meeting, had been good to Taylor. Good for Taylor. They were her first positive human contact in almost two years. She wanted to be friends with them.
But they were villains, and she so desperately wanted to be a hero. So badly, in fact, that she'd joined the Undersiders with every intention to turn them in.
The bank heist was the crime that would either make her fully join the heroes, or the villains. Tattletale's power of almost precogniscent fact reading gave her the mental equivalent of a shrug on this one.
Opening the door into the main area of their lair, Brian hit the light switch.
"Damn it," he grumbled, "City must have cut the power to the building again. I thought we fixed that problem." He turned to glare at Lisa, who should have dealt with having power supplied to the building through a third party account that couldn't be traced to any of them.
He would have gone on with his rant about responsibility, if he hadn't noticed the girl looking into the dark room with something akin to brain melting fear. He slowly turned around.
The darkness was alive. Every corner moved and writhed with barely perceived movement. Things dripped from the ceiling and seemed to melt into the floor. Across the windows, in the last few rays of a quickly setting dusk, he saw the occasional creature passing by.
"Tattletale!" he hissed, "What is it?"
"It's-"
"Oh, Grue," a familiar voice spoke from the darkness in an unfamiliar tone, "Don't you like what I've done with the place?" two points of glowing light appeared in one corner. One was an acidic green, the other electric pink.
"Taylor?" The muscular black teen asked.
"Present!" she sing-songed. The glowing orbs were joined by what was clearly a mouth in the shape of a fanged grin. The lights flickered back on, and there stood Taylor, but certainly changed.
"What the hell?" Alec asked getting a look at the girl, "What happened to the nerd?"
"She died," the dual haired girl said. At this point, she was still clearly Taylor, but so much had changed it was a tough call. Her hair was black for the most part, but pink at the ends.
Her hair will always be pink at the last eight percent. Lisa's power helpfully provided.
Her eyes were now heterochromatic, one eye pink and the other green. The weirdest part with that was that the colors changed sides when she blinked. Her clothing had changed, too.
Taylor stood before them in a black suit with green pinstripes. The sleeves had been ripped off, showing Taylor's arms, clothed in long fingerless gloves that went halfway up her biceps. Each glove was striped as well, one black and pink, the other black and green. She wore a pair of black dress pants and on her feet she had armored boots with steel toes. On the front of each boot, on the steel toe was a skull plate.
Finally on the top of Taylor's head was a miniature bowler hat, tilted tastefully to the left. It was black with a pink band. It seemed to enhance the effect of her wild hair, pulled back into a hasty ponytail.
"You know," she said in a cheery voice, "I've been thinking about this whole Hero 'n' Villain thing. This game of cops and robbers? I don't believe we're going about this the right way. So, please," she grinned again, her fangs coming through, "Violently accept this as my two weeks notice."
There was a stunned silence as the other three people in the room tried to process what she had just said.
"'Violently accept'?" Lisa asked.
Taylor opened her mouth to explain, when the building was rocked by an explosion from nearby.
"It's Bakuda!" Lisa exclaimed, realizing that her power was working again- and that it hadn't been after telling her about Taylor's hair- "She knows you're responsible for Lung being taken down and has come for revenge on us all."
"Ah," Taylor held out her hand and a four foot long centipede crawled up her body and solidified into the shape of a cane once it reached her palm, "Then perhaps I should step in, no?"
"I-I-I…" the blonde girl had no idea what to say to that. She was hoping for an answer from her power again, but it gave her the equivalent of being put on hold while playing crappy instrumental versions of good music.
"Ta for now," she gave them a peace sign and leapt through the closed window to the street below. The other three ran to the window to see how she landed.
The tall, no longer skinny, teen landed in a roll that brought her gracefully back to her feet. Coming down the road towards her, wielding a modified grenade launcher, was Bakuda in a purloined jeep.
"Boys, please take care of the vehicle and bring me Becky… Alive," The teen said aloud.
"Yeah, we ain't-" Alec began to say that they were decidedly not stepping in when the walls of the lair came alive with, until then, camouflaged insects of every conceivable variety and some not so conceivable. They flew and crawled and slithered out the window.
Lisa would later swear that one of the mutant wasps actually blew her a little kiss as it left.
But the horror didn't stop there. Out of the alleys three more bugs appeared. A massive Hercules beetle covered in spikes and full of bad attitude, a fire ant the size of a golden retriever and a wasp large enough for a person to ride on. The three of them charged at the jeep.
"What the fuck?!" came Bakuda's scream of shock and fright. She started firing her grenade launcher at them.
Rather appropriately, the fire ant spit a gout of flame that caused the explosives to detonate in the air before hitting their intended targets. The Beetle smashed into the jeep like a freight train, sending its occupants flying. The wasp caught Bakuda and placed it's two foot stinger against her spine, but didn't skewer her. It brought the bomber back to Taylor, just as ordered.
"Well, well, well," Taylor said, spinning her cane in one hand, "Coming to get me, for getting your boss arrested, huh?" she grabbed the woman by the chin, looking into her goggles, "Not your best decision."
"Fuck you," the woman spat, "Go ahead and kill me!" she grinned like the cat that ate the canary, "But I have a deadman trigger on my heart, and bombs all over the city. You kill me and the city goes boom!"
The teen's eyes went half lidded and she stopped twirling her cane. She turned her gaze back to Lisa. The blonde gulped audibly, "Is that true?"
"Yeah," she nodded emphatically, "She also put bombs in her minions, set to go off if she dies as well."
"Well now, that is just bad business," she made a twirling motion in the air with one clawed finger and the wasp flipped Bakuda into the air, "Sure, beat your minions into submission, make sure they know who's boss, but to just kill them off because you lost? Tisk, tisk, bad form. Let me take care of that pesky little problem." the wasp caught the bomber again, this time with the woman's back to Taylor, and the massive stinger pointed at her stomach.
On her part, Taylor took a long, disgusting snort. She gathered as much mucus and snot in her mouth as she could, then spit it into her left hand. What came out was no loogie. Instead it was a black ichor the size of a softball. The slime sloughed off after a few seconds, revealing a beetle. It opened the shell on it's back and flew into the air to nuzzle against Taylor's face.
"Aw!" she giggled, "I love you, too, little buddy," it squeaked at her and the body beneath its shell strobed in pink and green light, "You ready to help me pull the heart out of this sadistic wannabe?" It squeaked again, then landed on Bakuda's back. It's short legs buried themselves into the woman's back, piercing her skin and causing her to groan in pain.
It opened its carapace again, this time shining with those same strobing lights. The teen switched her cane to her left hand and reached into Bakuda through the beetle.
"Now, let's see, looking for a heart, here," she ignored the disgusting squelching sounds as she blindly sifted through organs and the screams of pain that the bomber was giving out, "Oh, I think that's your liver. Here we go!" She pulled her arm back out, taking the still beating heart with her. "Ugh," she sneered as the woman went completely limp, her eyes going milky, "No wonder you are so underwhelming. With a heart so small, you probably only barely can dedicate energy to your bombs, let alone anything villainous. Well, let's just get rid of this," she plucked a little silver device off the bomber's heart and popped it into her mouth. She chewed and crunched for a moment, then swallowed. "Crunchy, with a hint of berry," she smiled wide and shoved the heart back into the woman.
Bakuda regained her life with a massive intake of air. Her eyes regained their color, she started flailing and shouting once more.
"Wow, she really is a screamer, isn't she," the beetle let go of the Mad Bomber, and flew back over to land on Taylor's shoulder, "Pippy!" the wasp buzzed at her happily, "Please take her out to sea and drop her in. Don't quit flying until you can't see land."
The wasp buzzed at her again, then lifted into the sky with the screaming woman.
Taylor watched her go for a while, whistling to herself. Then she slowly turned her eyes back to the three people who were her former teammates. A swarm of insects pulled up from the ground and obscured the girl for only a brief moment.
"Now," Taylor said from behind Lisa, Brian and Alec, "Where were we?"
--Chapter End.
First off: I do not own Worm. I do not own Villainous.
Second, I hate the 'Being Taylor is Suffering' trope. It is a piss poor tool of a weak writer to make a needlessly dark and pointlessly edgy story. If you were to say that part of your story is to have Taylor face a ceaseless ocean of negativity so that her character growth could reach a specific, logical conclusion? Fine, go for it. If you make it a point to choose random bad things to happen because 'Being Taylor is Suffering'? Please, at least make an attempt at making a reason for it.
That said, I will not be abiding any such bullshittery here. This is crossed over with a slapstick comedy for a reason.
