Author's Note:
Thank you for all the support and reviews:) I really appreciate it.
Thank you to Mel C for betaing. Also thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. You certainly made me feel special.
*Make sure you read until the end, and try not to make assumptions. Let me know your thoughts!
Much love, Sam xx
Age 10
The months following Bella's incident were colorless. Lots of discussion and conversations with Mrs. Cope. Typically, Bella would lie to Mrs. Cope and say everything was going great at home because she couldn't bear to lose Edward. But there was no hiding this mess; Mrs. Cope saw the dynamics of the crazy household Jessica was running.
Bella and Edward suffered firsthand, time and time again. Their connection was the thing that gave them strength but it also held them back.
Mrs. Cope noticed this codependency not long after she first dropped Bella off at the Newton household. She had been Edward's case manager since he initially became a child of the state. While Michelle was not happy about what was transpiring in the Newton household, she really didn't want to find new placements for the kids. Finding new families for four children who were already too old in the eyes of prospective parents would be treacherous. On top of this fact, separating Edward and Bella would destroy the pair. They thought they were being slick and that no one noticed how close in proximity they needed to be to one another, or the way Edward stroked Bella's hair, or how Bella wrapped her fingers around Edward's when she was scared.
There was no denying their connection. It was as clear as day and had been since that fateful day when Bella tackled Edward in the kitchen. But nobody could go on like this indefinitely. Despite Jessica's false pretenses, Michelle knew she was crumbling without Michael. Jessica was in over her head, and change was inevitable. James was already being dealt with; now for the other three children in her care…
Mrs. Cope picked up her office phone and began making calls before making any rash decisions. The children needed stability no matter what, and her duty was to facilitate those needs. Regardless how much it would hurt.
"Bella, are you okay?" Edward panted, waking up due to a nightmare that was not his own. Bella had been having nightmares. This time was different. Much different, and somehow he was the most frightened he'd ever been.
"I'm fine, Edward. Except for this." She pulled down the hoodie covering her head and grabbed the short ends of her hair. Jessica cut it off once Mrs. Cope left them alone. Bella's once long chocolate locks were now a choppy, uneven bob that was slowly growing to her shoulders.
Bella pulled the hoodie back over her head and lay down, turning in the opposite direction of Edward. She snuggled into the blanket, inhaling Edward's scent.
What if he doesn't love me anymore? she thought.
Edward loved Bella's hair; he ran his fingers through it or just played with the ends of it. He had never seen a girl with such long, soft hair before Bella. Her concern was valid, seeing how much attention he often paid to her hair.
Being as young and freshly in love as Bella was, she was nervous about it.
Instead of asking Edward if he still loved her, she cried softly into her pillow. Edward thought she was crying because of what happened. This had happened too frequently as of late. He rubbed her back, gently.
Hours passed, and Bella couldn't keep her thoughts to herself anymore. Edward was lying awake next to her, staring at the ceiling.
"Edward," she whispered, in a voice that was foreign to her. It sounded weak and insecure, two things Bella was not.
"You're awake?" Edward rolled to look at her but she wouldn't uncover her face from the blanket.
Pulling the blanket despite Bella's protests, and moving the hoodie down, he looked at her in confusion. Was she in pain? Did something physically hurt her? Maybe she needed a doctor? His mind started racing.
Bella just cried harder when she saw his face, which she read as him thinking she was gross.
"Do you still love me?" She choked the words out between sobs.
Edward furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?" The pair had said their "I love yous," and now she was having doubts?
"I'm—ugly—my hair—gross."
Edward still didn't grasp what she was talking about. She wasn't ugly so he wasn't sure what she was trying to get out.
"Bella, you're scaring me." Edward put his hands on her shoulders to try and steady the crazed girl.
Clearing her throat, she managed to pull herself together. "I'm ugly with this hair. How could you love me anymore? You loved my long hair. I don't have nice hair anymore." She sat herself up in the dark room, playing with the threads on the comforter.
"Bella, just because you got a bad haircut doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. You love me and I—" He now looked down at his scars. Unlike her hair, which would eventually grow back, his scars were permanent, etched into his skin forever.
Maybe her scars were also in her mind like Edward's plagued him.
"They are so light, Edward. Half the time I need to squint to notice them." She shook her head. The boy needed a dose of confidence.
"See. You make me feel like they aren't that big of a deal. Your hair is going to grow back so long you're gonna step on it."
They laughed.
Edward gave Bella a side hug and pulled her down to the mattress.
"Go back to sleep. I love you, Bella." He sang the words out, knowing she'd giggle at his exuberance.
Edward looked at the ceiling, wondering how she could think she was ugly. Jane was ugly, Jessica was ugly, and people like them deserved that title. Not girls like Bella who were kind and had the biggest hearts.
Usually, he was the broken one, and she put him back together. This feeling of helplessness was new to him. Edward had become accustomed to protecting her and ignoring the outside noise. Despite a few bruises here and there, this was different.
He stole a glance under her hoodie and saw she had cried herself to sleep. Biting down on his lip, Edward thought of a way to make things better.
The knocks at the door should have been alarming as the morning had started out pretty ordinary. Bella had cleaned the bathroom early, doing her best to avoid anyone, and then secluded herself outside on the backyard stoop, where nobody would look for her. Not even Edward. She knew that nothing good could come of this. Bella's fear of being separated was becoming more of a reality with each passing day.
Mrs. Cope's comment to Bella from a few days ago had her spiraling. She had said, "Don't get too comfortable, Bella."
Bella took notice that Mrs. Cope didn't use Edward's name in the entire conversation they had. Just hers. Maybe it was a warning.
Taking out a fresh piece of paper, Bella decided that instead of drawing, she would start writing. And as the words poured out onto the paper, so did the tears. Bella could tell the world as she and Edward knew it was over.
The knocks at the door had become louder. Nothing could stop what would happen next.
Bella knew this.
Nothing was permanent.
It was a chilly, fall morning, and Edward was riding in the passenger seat. He gestured to the driver to stop by pointing at his destination. He got out of the car with a look to his left for approval. With a nod, he proceeded with his company following beside him.
The past two months had been a rollercoaster of change and sadness. He needed all the predictability and reassurance he could get, even if it was from a foreign source.
The pair walked in silence as Edward wandered around the aisles aimlessly until he found what he was looking for. Remembering what Victoria had said about buying him whatever he wanted as a welcome home gift, he took his time looking at everything. He contemplated his purchases and had just come up with which item to put back when Victoria put them all into the cart, ushering him toward the checkout counter.
They remained in silence throughout the car ride back. No words were uttered aside from Victoria asking Edward if the temperature was okay and if he would like the music on. He would just nod or shake his head, giving no verbal answers.
They made their way to his home. His new home.
It was a beige colonial-style home, in a nicer part of Bergen County than Jessica had lived. He had to move schools, which was a drag, considering all the other changes he had gone through. The school was filled with sports-obsessed little shits, and the adults were just as insufferable. Edward longed for some normalcy. He longed for…
"Edward?" Victoria broke him out of his reverie.
He noticed the car had stopped in front of his home, and Victoria had already gotten out. He moved from the vehicle, carrying his new items.
It was Tuesday, the day of Bella's art class at the library. She looked up at the clock and saw how much time she had for her newest idea.
Shaking her head, knowing the premise of her portrait would be useless to even think about, she let it go. Letting things go had become Bella's new motto. There was no point in thinking about the past two months because it would just hurt too much.
Shaking her head again, the teacher, Ms. Emily, took notice. "Something wrong, Bella?" She looked at the poor girl with remorse. So young to have gone through so much.
Bella shook her head once more; she probably looked like a lunatic, but she was able to muster out, "I'm fine, just thought something was in my hair."
She cringed after she said that. While her hair had grown quite a bit in the last few months, it was nowhere near the length or thickness it used to be. Bella bit the inside of her cheek to refrain from getting upset. Not here, she thought. This was her sanctuary.
If Ms. Emily noticed Bella's turmoil, she didn't say anything further and for that Bella was grateful.
With a simple "goodbye and see you next week," the newly ten-year-old made her way home, knowing she had a meeting with Mrs. Cope about the "changes" that had transpired.
"Bella, I know you're not happy. But you have to realize this was the only way." Mrs. Cope tried to reason with the stubborn girl.
"It's just—"
Before Bella could keep repeating the same complaints over and over, Mrs. Cope interrupted. She was safe and that was Mrs. Cope's main concern; her comfort would have to come secondary.
"It's just nothing. I get it. You want things to be different, and I promise they will be. But you need to trust me and give me time. James is in a new group home after his last evaluation, and Jane got moved to a different sector following her pregnancy. Still can't believe that girl got pregnant at fourteen. Please don't get yourself into any messes. I know things have been hard, but the change was needed." Michelle gave Bella a pointed look. Throughout the last few months, Mrs. Cope's patience with Bella was faltering. She could tell Bella was defiant on purpose sometimes, but she just didn't know why.
Bella sat and nodded while Mrs. Cope continued her rant, giving the young girl advice on how to be desirable for adoption. As if that would sway Bella…
"Bella. Bella. Are you even listening?"
Bella had tuned her out after she mentioned Jane. She didn't want to be reminded of her, or James for that matter. There was only one person she cared about, and Mrs. Cope didn't mention his name.
"Yes, sorry, Mrs. Cope, I have a headache." This was code for 'I'm done.' All Bella wanted to do was go home, except her home wasn't much of one as of late.
Mrs. Cope gave up on her badgering and gestured for Bella to start walking toward the car.
Later that night, Edward climbed into bed. Alone. A shiver worked its way through his body; it was cold without her. He tucked the blanket around himself, trying to shut off his thoughts. It was hard for him to think about her, especially now.
Just like The Velveteen Rabbit had become her security blanket, she had become his. Sleep without her next to him was impossible. It wasn't until the point of exhaustion came where sleep took him and gave him some of the worst nightmares.
Edward lay in bed, tossing and turning. Nothing was right; this was supposed to be different. He was supposed to feel differently about this, and instead, everything was a mess. And he felt so isolated.
He turned on the light on the nightstand and drank a sip of water from the glass that rested on the perfectly placed coaster. Victoria's face was priceless when Edward had set the glass on the table sans coaster. She then proceeded to tell Laurent to speak with Edward about ruining her good furniture. New town, same bullshit. They were all the same.
Edward shut the light off and tucked himself under the covers once more. A little while had passed when he heard the doorknob rattling and saw it turning in the shadows. Oh God, he thought, Laurent better not come in here. He was already acting pervy.
Instead of a tall figure, this one was short, and when he caught sight of their face, he was surprised; it was Bella. Standing there in plaid pajamas with a blanket in tow.
What the hell was she doing there? Edward thought.
"I missed you," she whispered, tiptoeing into the room and shutting the door behind her.
"I missed you too. How the hell did you get in here?" Edward said, perplexed.
"Sam shut the cameras off because I made him a grilled cheese. Apparently, he's learning coding and hacking in school. He agreed to turn off the cameras for food. Simple fix," Bella said proudly.
Edward shook his head at her in disbelief; she was taking a big risk if they were caught in here, but he relished in her company.
Bella made herself comfortable, climbing into bed with her companion, snuggling him close.
Ever since transferred them to their new foster home, things hadn't been right.
Sure, Laurent and Victoria Burton seemed nice enough when they first showed up. But as always, people's true colors came out eventually. Soon after settling into their new environment, Edward and Bella got comfortable enough around their new foster parents and new foster siblings where they weren't as careful as they should have been.
Edward and Bella would hold hands, exchange their inside jokes, and ultimately just rely on each other like they always had. Victoria and Laurent took notice of this. They were weary about taking both new children in, but they knew the money was good. They had never fostered a girl before, so when Mrs. Cope broached them for a two-for-one special, the pair happily obliged.
Victoria and Laurent were neurotic about their home. Victoria suffered from severe anxiety and was diagnosed as bipolar, which she hid on her foster application, of course.
Being off of her medication for so many years had made her manic episodes worse. In an effort to side with his struggling wife, he had security cameras installed inside the house so that Victoria felt safe with the new children.
This posed a problem for Edward and Bella and their sleeping arrangement, which they had become dependent on. Laurent caught the pair in Edward's room, which was in the basement, and they both were punished and threatened to be sent away. Separately. Their need for each other was being exploited, and nothing Edward and Bella did could stop it.
As bad as the Newtons had been, Bella and Edward never felt as disposable as they did right now. One wrong move and they would be thrown away.
Mrs. Cope didn't even want to keep Edward and Bella together; in fact, she tried to find homes that would only accommodate one child. But then Bella wrote her a letter. A letter that Michelle destroyed right after she read it. Bella poured her heart out, and Mrs. Cope knew if she separated the two kids, they would end up dead, or runaways, and she couldn't live with herself if that occurred.
It was Edward's idea to pretend not to be close in the house and only be themselves at the park or school where it was safe.
But their new school was so big that they were in different classes and only saw each other in gym, and there was barely any time to speak.
The house was home to three other kids: Seth, who was ten, the same age as Edward and Bella; Sam, who was fifteen ; and Embry, who was fourteen.
Seth was a cheerful boy with jet black hair that was always slicked back into a ponytail. It shedded like crazy which drove Victoria insane. He had the same lunch period as Bella and was in her math class.
Sam had a russett, reddish skin tone, muscular build, and he was very tech-savvy for someone who looked extremely intimidating. He immediately took a liking to Bella and looked out for her, much to Edward's dismay.
Embry was a quiet boy with glasses and he walked with a limp. Edward and Bella weren't sure how he got the limp, but they also didn't feel comfortable asking. They hadn't said more than three words to Embry since their arrival.
"Bella, are you okay?" Edward, always the concerned one, made sure to ask her as often as he could. He turned her in his arms to examine her face.
"Yes, Edward. I am." She bit her fingernails in between words.
"Bella, you know why this is best, right?" He didn't want to be separated from her. He hated not acting like himself around her, but his first instinct, since the very beginning, was to protect her.
Bella nodded to hold back the tears that had started to gather on her lashes. She had been so fixated on Edward's need for her to sleep, Bella hadn't taken into account how much she needed him.
Thank God for Sam, she thought.
"Why are you thanking Sam?" Edward snapped.
She must have said that out loud in her exhausted state.
Bella opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get words out, Edward continued talking, stroking her arm.
"Did he do something? Threaten you? I swear—" Edward ranted.
Bella pressed her lips to his in an effort to shut him up.
"Edward, he didn't do anything. Sam's nice. He said he can be like a big brother to us. Us. So stop, he's fine. I'm fine." The last part was a lie; she was anything but fine.
He examined her face, looking for any of her tells that would let him know she was lying. Satisfied with what he saw, Edward crashed his body on top of hers, tackling her and tickling her.
"Shhh, keep it down. You don't want Daddy Laurent to come down here." Bella choked out between giggles, making fun of what Laurent requested to be called by only Bella.
"Oh wait, before I forget." Edward unraveled himself from Bella and the blankets. He began searching for something in the party store bag next to his desk. When Edward found what he picked out earlier with Victoria, he handed it to Bella.
She took the item from him and looked at him, puzzled.
It was a black long-haired wig.
"I figured you could wear it, or it could be a reminder that your hair will be that long again soon." He gestured to the wig, holding his breath. Edward had no clue how she would react to his present.
Bella had been self-conscious about her appearance since James and Jane stuck gum in her hair all those months ago. Her hair wasn't growing back as fast as she wanted, so when Edward spotted the wig in the Halloween section of the party supply store, he knew he found her the perfect gift.
It was the first gift Edward had given Bella. He didn't count the daisies he picked from the park or the stolen candy bar from the corner store.
Victoria took him to get a Halloween costume since that was all he wanted as his "new foster parent" gift. The only costume he had prior to this was James' old Batman costume, and since it was already worn by the time Edward received it, it ripped shortly after between Edward's frequent use and the already old material. But when he saw the wig, he knew it would be the perfect gift for Bella. It was quirky and just like them. Real. Edward was pleasantly surprised when Victoria said he could buy both items: his costume and the wig.
Bella was beaming. "Thank you, Edward," she choked out and then the tears started rolling.
It was not only the first gift Edward gave her, but it was the first gift she had received since she was placed in foster care.
Bella leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. Edward sat up, taking her in his arms, and they enjoyed a rare moment of peace as of late. Together.
