Happy Holidays. Your Christmas present is that I am uploading a new chapter and working on the last two, and will upload them as soon as I can.

I don't own BBC"s Merlin or Any of its characters.


When Merlin first attempted to make a tonic without Gaius he had nearly set the house on fire. People think it's just mixing things together, but they're actually quite delicate. More than once Merlin had left one on the fire a moment too long and ruined it. All this to say he knew what burning chemicals smell like. And, the same smell assaulted him, as the fire reached his ankles. It was his shoes.

He'd bought them years ago, and while the salesman assured him they were real leather, the price tag said otherwise. As soon as the fire hit them they fell apart, and a thick black smoke came off them that filled his nose and mouth until he felt like he couldn't breathe. His arms were pinned back and held in place by manacles. As soon as they'd clicked into place he could tell that they were the kind that suppressed his magic. He might have thought about the irony of using magic chains to stop magic, but his head pounded from the smell and now the heat had reached the shackles and they burned like an iron against his wrists. He looked out at the crowd gathered around him. In the front stood Arthur. He felt the fire climbing up his legs and in a last desperate bid he tried to yell for the King, but it came out a breathless croak.

"Arthur, please. I'm your friend." he managed to choke out.

Arthur walked toward him. Merlin tried to read the look on his face but the smoke blurred his vision so that all he could see was his silhouette. Arthur leaned forward, as close as he could get without being burned himself.

"How could I ever be friends with someone like you? You don't belong in Camelot. You don't belong anywhere. You're a monster."

Merlin woke with his sheets twisted around him. He swore he could still feel the fire on his skin. He looked down at his arms half expecting to see burns where the flames had hit him, but of course there weren't any. He took a breath and tried to get Arthur's words out of his head. They had felt so real. It had been three days since that night and he hadn't seen Arthur since. Without his servant duties he spent most of his time thinking. Wondering if Arthur would forgive him. Normally, he would talk to Gaius, but Morgana's attack had hit the nearby villages especially hard. Even weeks after they needed all the help they could get, which meant Gaius was getting home late and leaving early. Most days the two didn't see each other at all. Merlin pulled himself out of his thoughts and tried to untangle himself from the sheets that were still wrapped around him, but ended up still stuck in his bedding, and on the floor. Moments later Gaius appeared in his doorway, wearing his nightdress and looking still half asleep.


"You really don't have to do this." Merlin half-heartedly protested. Gaius didn't even look up. The physician fiddled around in the kitchen for a few more minutes while Merlin sat at the kitchen table holding a cold rag to his head where it had hit his nightstand. Eventually Gaius walked over and handed him a vial of thick green liquid. It was still bubbling and the smell reminded Merlin of the summer he spent shoveling horse manure back in Ealdor. But, he had a feeling Gaius wouldn't leave him alone until he drank it. So, he downed it in one sip and tried not to gag. Somehow it actually tasted worse than it smelled. Rather than going back to his bed Gaius took a seat across from Merlin.

"Do you want to talk about what happened with Arthur?" the older man asked.

"Why do you think something happened?" Merlin replied and Gaius only dignified with that knowing look he had.

"He found out something he didn't want to know." Merlin explained.

"Ah," the older man answered. "Well that was bound to happen. But, Arthur's a good man. I'm sure he can forgive you for whatever it is."

"Not this time." Merlin sighed. His eyelids were starting to feel heavy and he rested his head on the table. It had to be at least three in the morning. "You should go back to bed. Don't you have to be in the towns in a few hours?" Merlin mumbled.

"It's Wednesday." Gaius answered.

Wednesday was meant to be Gaius' day off, but usually he ended up sleeping late and spending the afternoon taking care of things in the castle. Gwen had hired a nurse to help out while Gaius was in the lower towns and insisted he have at least one day off. The nurse took care of the simple things. Knights with sprained ankles, common colds, check ups, and Gaius was reserved for emergencies. But, he still insisted on making his rounds and Gwen had given up after the third or fourth attempt to convince him to take a break.

Merlin was all but asleep at the table, at this point. Gaius pulled the boy up and kept a hand on his arm while they walked back to his bed. He was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.


"Well?" Arthur asked as Gaius inspected his wound.

The king had been practically confined to his room for the past month. Gaius had given him strict orders to rest and not strain himself. And, Gwen, knowing her husband, had made sure he listened. She said the guards at the door were for his protection. In case any of Morgana's followers reared their ugly heads. But, Arthur knew it was to keep him from escaping. He knew everyone only wanted the best for him, but he wasn't the kind of person who could just sit around and do nothing. Gwen would go for walks in the garden with him sometimes, but his legs were itching to go for a ride. He missed the feeling of his sword in his hands. So, two weeks ago when Gaius said Arthur might be able to go off bedrest at his next visit he started counting the days. By the time the physician finished his examination Arthur was practically shaking from anticipation.

"It looks good," he finally answered. "I see no reason you cannot return to your normal activities."

Arthur felt like he could jump for joy and he was sure he was grinning like an idiot.

"But, you must take it slow and I want you to see me again in a week to follow up."

"I will. No problem." Arthur replied without hesitation.


That sleeping potion must have been strong because when Merlin woke up Gaius was already gone. And, judging by how low the sun was outside it was at least early afternoon. That meant he would be the only one in the house for at least another few hours. He pulled his knapsack from the wardrobe, it was the same one he'd first come to Camelot with. He didn't take the time to appreciate the irony. He packed nearly all of his belongings into the sack. It wasn't much, his other pair of pants and two shirts, a quill, ink, and a few pieces of parchment, his book of spells, and the staff he had gotten from the Sidhe. Recently he'd learned a spell that allowed him to shrink it down to about the size of his forearm. He then removed the loose brick in the corner of his room. He pulled out a small bag full of gold coins and put it in his bag with the rest of his things.

Merlin and Gaius had never really had trouble with money,not like he had in Ealdor.

They could always afford the necessities, they just had to be frugal. But, when Arthur became King he raised everyone in the castle's wages. He actually said to Merlin once that he had no idea how little his father was paying his workers, which was his way of apologizing. Then, recently when Gaius started working in the villages, Arthur began paying him substantially more. Gaius actually came to Arthur, believing there had been a mistake, but the King said it was for "travel," and "extra hours." Plus, most of the villagers Gaius had been treating were farmers or artisans, so he came home every night with baskets of gifts from the grateful townspeople. Merlin couldn't remember the last time they'd had to buy cheese or vegetables. So they were doing pretty well, even without Merlin's servant wages, which he suspected were a part of Arthur's sudden generosity. Once a week Gaius would leave a note asking Merlin to go to market for the few things they did need. He always left more money than it cost, by a lot. Neither of them called it an allowance, but he never asked for the extra back and Merlin would squirrel it away. That plus his emergency savings from the years before were enough to get him settled and hold him over until he could find a job.

He'd started thinking about leaving as soon as he found out Arthur was gonna be okay. He'd done his job, Arthur was safe and so was Camelot. And, though he didn't like to think about it, most of his friends were gone. He was ready to do it days ago when Arthur asked to see him. That night he almost changed his mind, but when Arthur had found out what he did he realized they'd never be able to get past this. Not, just Uther, but everything, all the lies he'd told for the past five years. He wasn't the same person Arthur thought he was. And, with nothing left for him to do here, it was easier just to start fresh somewhere new. He took one last look at the place that had been home to him for so long and then walked out the door.