Lily spent most of the next week hiding in the back of the library, sitting in disused classrooms or wandering aimlessly around the grounds. She barely attended meals, preferring to grab a slice of toast or a pumpkin pastie and then return to one of her haunts. In classes, she only spoke when called on and most of time kept her head down, focused on her work. She went to bed deliberately early to avoid having to make small talk with Alice or Marlene. The girls grew increasingly frustrated by this and on Wednesday evening they discussed their concerns in frantic whispers over dinner.
'It certainly isn't healthy,' remarked Marlene. 'She's so withdrawn that we've barely seen her at all, and we share a dorm for Merlin's sake.'
'I know she said she just needed time to be alone but it's really worrying me,' replied Alice.
'What's worrying you?' asked Sirius nosily, as he slid down onto the bench next to Alice. He promptly began to load his plate with a large assortment of food; James, Remus and Peter sat down opposite the girls.
Alice and Marlene looked uncomfortably at each other, and then at the boys. It was Marlene who spoke first.
'We're quite worried about Lily,' she answered for Alice.
James' brow furrowed with concern. Remus' expression transformed with understanding. Sirius and Peter remained oblivious to the tension that radiated within the group.
'What about Evans?' Sirius inquired through a mouthful of food.
'Yes, where is she by the way?' added Peter clueless as ever.
'Hiding in the library I expect,' said Alice.
'Why is she hiding?' Peter asked.
'She's avoiding me,' said James awkwardly.
'Personally, we think she's massively overacting,' drawled Marlene. Alice looked even more uncomfortable at this but said nothing as Marlene continued. 'I mean it was Snivelly who confronted you,' she said, looking pointedly at James.
'It was,' James confirmed through gritted teeth, glancing over at the Slytherin table.
'What actually happened though?' asked Marlene eagerly. 'I only heard the rumours.'
James sighed deeply. 'Long story short. Snape cornered me in the corridor and asked what my intentions were with Evans. I told him it was none of his business and to go rack off.'
'Is that it?' asked Alice doubtfully.
'I may have implied that Lily and I were well… Only to piss the git off,' James admitted embarrassed.
'And that's why Lily will barely speak to us?' asked Marlene irritated.
'Well, I don't think she really got over what happened last year,' said Alice perceptively. 'And this just kind of brought all those feelings back to the surface.'
'What can we do?' asked Remus anxiously, having listened in silence until now.
'Give her some space,' said Alice, looking sternly at James. 'I think maybe you and Remus should swap prefect duty for tomorrow.'
'Yes absolutely,' agreed James immediately.
'Are you sure you're feeling up to it Remus? You're looking a little off colour lately,' remarked Marlene.
'Yes, I'll be fine,' replied Remus quickly.
'Ok so its settled. Alice and I will talk to precious petal and try to cheer her up. And Potter will back off a bit,' Marlene gave James a flirty smile as she and Alice got up to leave the table. James barely noticed, running a hand through his hair.
Marlene and Alice found Lily in her usual spot at the back of the library. She was surrounded by open textbooks, discarded scrolls of parchment and an untouched piece of spinach pie. Lily looked up as the girls approached, her expression guarded and distant.
'Hey Lil, we came to see how you were doing?' Alice asked tentatively.
'I'm fine, I guess,' replied Lily unconvincingly. 'It's just…' Her voice trailed off.
'Hard,' Alice supplied helpfully.
'Yes,' said Lily quietly.
A moment of silence passed between the three girls, interrupted when Marlene asked, 'Well what can we do to improve things?'
'I think I just need some time,' replied Lily in the same quiet voice.
Marlene was growing increasingly more frustrated by the second. 'Look Lily, we're trying to be understanding here but personally I think you're blowing things massively out of proportion,' she said, failing to keep the annoyance out of her voice. 'I mean, so Snape and Potter are fighting over you. So what? That's no excuse to mope in the library for the rest of eternity. It's an easy choice really, on one hand you have a slimy git and on the other you have a tall, handsome hunk of a Quidditch Captain who has been fawning over you since fourth year! This whole depressing funk you have going on, snap out of it.'
Lily bristled at the harshness of Marlene's words. She looked slightly shocked, as though she had been hit by a stunner.
'Wow, really supportive Mar,' muttered Alice under her breath.
'She needs a serious reality check,' said Marlene exasperated.
'I can't believe you guys,' said Lily, finally finding her voice. 'You pretend to be so sympathetic and understanding but you really don't get it at all. I lost my best friend, who I've known since I was seven years old in the cruellest way possible. He called me a mudblood,' she choked slightly on the word but continued. 'I ended my relationship with him, I grieved, I'd finally started to move on and now he and the boy who acted as a catalyst for that that are fighting over me like I'm a quaffle. And you're acting like it's something to be proud of. That I should be flattered? I can barely walk down the hall and pass Sev without bursting into tears. Your both so insistent that James is a good guy and this is Sev's fault but the way I see it, they're both equally to blame. And I can't stand to look at either of them. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to go wallow in my depressing funk some more.'
'Lily, wait we didn't mean,' Alice started but Lily had already cast a summoning charm on her possessions and stormed past the girls out of the library.
Lily had been dreading Thursday night prefect duty all week. She had not spoken to Alice or Marlene since their argument the day before. She lay back on her bed, silently cursing that she had ever been made a prefect in the first place. She glanced at her watch, she was meant to be meeting Potter in the common room at any moment. Hoping off her bed, she took a minute to straighten her robes and compose herself. She supposed in some ways this was better, ripping the Band-Aid right off; she could not avoid Potter forever.
'Remus,' said Lily, shock colouring her voice as she saw who was waiting for her by the portrait hole. Lily had always got along well in Remus. The pair had worked together in Herbology for most of fourth year, and Lily smiled fondly as she thought of the time Remus' herbivicus charm had caused the plant they had been working with to shoot up so rapidly it broke through the greenhouse roof.
Remus returned Lily's smile. 'James asked me to step in tonight. He had a detention to attend.'
Relief flooded Lily's body. 'Oh, only the second week and he's already ditching me,' she said lightly. 'Hope it's a sign of things to come.'
Remus' smile tightened, he was under strict instructions from James to on no account tell Lily why the prefect duty had really been swapped. 'Well, it will be just like old times tonight.'
'Yes, but are you sure you're feeling okay Remus? You look awfully tired.'
'Yes, fine. Just up late finishing an essay,' Remus lied quickly. He regretted not being able to tell Lily why he really looked tired but he doubted that saying I'm about to change into a werewolf in two days time would make for a very pleasant evening. Having heard about Lily's argument with Alice and Marlene over breakfast, Remus was careful in how her phased his next words; the pair had walked down two flights of stairs before he spoke. 'Lily, I know you had a rough week and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how both Severus and James have acted. I know James is my friend, but that doesn't mean I agree with everything he does.'
Lily chewed on her bottom lip as Remus spoke, trying to keep her voice steady she said, 'I really appreciate that Remus but it's not you who should be apologising.'
'You want James to apologise?' Remus asked thoughtfully.
'Yes, for talking about me as though I'm his. For winding Sev up on purpose. Deliberately. It's not the first time he's done it either, you were there you saw what happened by the lake last year.'
'I think he very much wishes you were his,' said Remus quietly.
'That's beside the point,' replied Lily. 'Let's talk about something else, instead of bloody James Potter. He's not the centre of the universe.'
Remus laughed heartily at Lily's words. She had a very special way of seeing the fun in everything.
As soon as Remus opened the door to his dormitory that evening, he was overwhelmed by a wave of tiredness and sick twisting feeling in his stomach. The days before his transformations were almost as horrible as the transformations themselves. He wasn't able to sleep with the agitation, so he was living in a constant state of exhaustion and he could barely keep any solid food down, so his skinny frame became even more skeletal. It was difficult to hide the physical effects of the transformation from his classmates but over the years Remus had mastered the knack of brushing off any comments with a casual nonchalance.
Only the marauders and Severus Snape knew the true reason behind his ghastly appearance around the full moon and the long red scratches across his skin in the days afterwards. James, Sirius and Peter discovering his secret had been a blessing for Remus, as not only had they accepted him, but they had also endeavoured to make his transformations less lonely and painful. Severus Snape finding out had been an unfortunate accident, but Remus was less bitter about it than James and grateful to Severus for keeping his secret even if it was under the strict instructions of Professor Dumbledore.
There had been no explanation given to his other classmates for his disappearances and most had simply chalked them up to stress and a weak constitution. Lily had not believed Severus when he had told her of his theory that Remus was a werewolf in fourth year, feeling that it was Severus' bias against the marauders that clouded his judgment. It had not felt possible to her that Remus, one of the sweetest people in her acquaintance could be a werewolf.
As Remus entered James rapidly began firing questions at him about the evening's events.
'How was your night Moony? How was Evans? Is she still upset? Mad? Did you talk about me? What did she say about Snivellus?' The questions flew of James' tongue so fast that Remus was unable to get a word in edgewise. Finally, he took a breath and allowed Remus a chance to speak.
'My night was good, other than how awful I'm feeling but that's expected at this time of the month. Lily is ok. Still hurting a lot, I think. Though she doesn't really want to show it. Yes, we talked about you briefly. I think if you should apologise eventually, but not right this minute,' Remus added quickly as James got up and began striding towards the door. 'Wait until it's not so raw. She didn't say much about Snape. She thinks you're more to blame on this one.'
James let out an annoyed huff and swore under his breath. 'We were just starting to get on good terms after the debacle last year,' he said dejectedly.
'Give it time,' said Remus wisely as he pulled off his robes.
