Chapter 14: Burdens and Responsibilities

Catra didn't know how she had let Glimmer talk her into wearing the suit. It didn't fit nearly as well as it did years ago. Despite the abundance of delicious food now available to her, she had lost weight, and the red and black suit which she once wore proudly to Princess Prom now hung off her frame and pooled in odd places. She frowned as she looked herself over in the mirror and let her mind wander.

Adora had blatantly rejected her the last time she tried to approach her. The first time could have been an honest mistake, when they brought Angella back, but that second time after the briefing? Despite her knack for self-deception, Catra couldn't deny that Adora was deliberately avoiding her.

It hurt. So much so, she had thrown herself into assisting whatever reconstruction or research-infrastructure-building-whatever project she could get her hands on in the ensuing days. Even with the majority of major projects already well underway and fully-staffed, there was still plenty of work to be done. The only problem was that many of the ex-Horde employed on them didn't want to work with her. Many Bright Moon citizens avoided her too, afraid of the once-Horde Commander that nearly conquered them before Prime did. Even the Enclave didn't know what to do with her.

"You're not a scientist," they'd tell her. "I'm not sure I should let you handle any of this equipment."

"Just give me something heavy and hard to break and tell me where you need it installed," she'd say, hands already gripping whatever needed to be moved. She'd ignored everyone who gave her sidelong glances or snide remarks, and needled and pressured everyone else until they finally capitulated and gave her something to do.

She'd worked herself so far to the bone slaving through the hurt that, when Taline's big going-away celebration finally came and all work ceased for everyone to partake, every inch of Catra's body ached like all hell, and she had nothing to do except sit in her room with her sour, depressing, dark thoughts. Maybe that was why, when she barged into her room the day of and learned Catra hadn't planned on attending, Glimmer had an easier time persuading her to go. After all, who'd have wanted to spend time alone with only their thoughts for company? Certainly not Catra.

Giving up on trying to feel better about her appearance, she pointedly turned away from the mirror and headed out to the grand hall. There was a feast she had been asked to attend, and she was determined to find some enjoyment out of the night even if it killed her.

A train of people wearing formalwear snaked down the main hallway to the entrance, and Catra followed. Angella and Micah were standing near the doorway greeting guests as they filed in, and Catra hung back to look for a group large enough for her to blend into and slip past without either of them noticing her. Catra hadn't had much interaction with either the king or queen since returning to Etheria, and she preferred it that way; despite now being on the same side and despite Catra being partially responsible for Angella's return, the thought of speaking face to face alone with either of them threatened to send her into a panic. There was just too much bad history between them.

A particularly large group of what Catra guessed were minor princesses and their dates filed past and she trailed them close behind. To any looking close, she'd stick out, since most of them wore frilly princess dresses. But Catra figured with a crowd that size, Angella and Micah would be too busy greeting them all and making small talk to notice her quickly slip past and inside.

She'd almost made it too, until Angella called out to her specifically.

"Excuse me, please enjoy the party," Angella said, extricating herself from both the group and her husband when Catra froze.

"H-hey, Queen Angella," Catra said, forcing a smile she had the sneaking suspicion looked more like a grimace than anything else. "Nice party!"

Smooth, she thought. Are you just going to stand there and pretend like you hadn't hurt these people for years?

Angella thanked her, and Catra rushed to speak her next words before the conversation could get away from her.

"Uhm, listen…about everything that happened," she said. "I wanted to say I'm really sorry about— "

Angella wrapped her in a tight hug and she immediately cut off, practically choking on her words. Getting pulled into a hug with the Queen was the last thing she expected to happen. Reluctantly, as if unsure this were really happening, she returned it and patted her on the back.

"There's no need for you to apologize," Angella said, pulling back. "Not to me. Sorry, by the way."

"Sorry? What are you apologizing for?"

"Glimmer mentioned you don't like people touching you unexpectedly, but I didn't know what else to do in the moment to tell you I'm not angry. I might have panicked just a little."

The sheer bluntness of her words caught Catra off guard and she snorted with laughter. "It's okay," she said, suppressing the urge to bust up a second time. She frowned, suddenly feeling unsure. "Why aren't you angry with me though? I was part of the Horde for years. I destroyed towns and villages trying to conquer you guys. I….I killed you and almost destroyed the world. How can you not be angry?"

"You kept our family together," Micah said, walking over to join them. He slotted himself beside Angella and put a hand around her waist.

"I what?" Catra asked. She leaned back onto her heels as she remembered the look Micah gave her when she had threatened Glimmer aboard the citadel. Seeing the hope drain out of his eyes when she pressed that knife up against his daughter's throat had been painful, even if her and Glimmer were both in on it together.

"Listen, Catra," Angella said, taking Micah's hand from her hip and adjusting so she could thread her fingers through his. "You may be ex-Horde, but so are a lot of other people, many of whom are helping diligently with the reconstruction effort just like you."

"Ah." Catra didn't have the heart to say she was mostly doing that to keep her mind from wandering to Adora, but she figured Angella's point still stood despite that.

"I've seen you out there slaving away, helping clear the rubble and put up new structures," Micah said. "Don't think I'm too busy to not have noticed you."

"And yes, you did do a lot of damage in the past," Angella said. "There are still plenty of hurt feelings and simmering tensions, none of which will magically go away overnight. But the fact you are helping tells me enough. As for nearly killing me?" A smile crept onto Angella's face and Catra gulped. "Let's just say I'm not holding it against you. You aren't a murderer. I know you didn't intend to kill me and I also know you are part of the reason why I'm back."

"Taline told you?" Catra asked, taken aback.

"Of course she did," Angella said, nodding. "She said it was you who asked in the first place if it were possible at all."

"Glimmer also told us what really happened on the citadel," Micah said. "She told us your plan to get us to surrender and that she went along with it. She also said she probably wouldn't have survived past the first few days if you weren't there for her." He gripped Angella's hand tighter as she ran her fingers across his knuckles. "In any case, others may be slower to forgive what happened in the past, but we both wanted you to know there is no bad blood between us." He stuck out his free hand for Catra to shake and she stared at it. "You are always welcome here in Bright Moon."

Emotions she wasn't prepared to handle bubbled up in her chest when she took his hand and squeezed. "T-thank you," she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat.

"No, thank you," Micah said, shaking his head. "I thought I'd lost my whole family the moment I got back to Bright Moon and Horde Prime invaded. We're back together again thanks in large part to you, and we will never forget it. Well…back together for a short while at least."

Angella and Micah exchanged a sad look, and Catra thought they were on the verge of saying more. They didn't, and instead merely asked that she enjoy the party before excusing themselves back to the entrance. More guests continued to filter in and Catra wandered with a blank mind toward one of the still mostly vacant long tables.

Catra's heart soared with such happiness she thought it would burst. Angella and Micah's words made the thoughts in her head lighten up for the first time since Adora had first left the Horde. And, for some reason she could only assume was pride, she fought to steady her breath and keep the tears from flowing—she didn't want anyone to see her cry.

"Holy shit,' she said under her breath, glad that she had picked a table and a chair with no one near enough to pay attention to her yet.

The smell of food wafted, overpowered her other impulses when she calmed, and soon she shucked her suit jacket to drape behind her chair, claiming it from others before she hurried over to the buffet table pushed against the far wall. Despite the dizzying variety of meats, fruits, vegetables, and sweets on offer, Catra came away with barely a half-full plate sampled from only a handful of dishes. She knew if she ate too much too quickly, she'd likely just waste it being sick in the nearest wastebin not long after.

Strangely disappointed in herself about it, her mind defaulted to searching for Adora. She couldn't find her. The seat at the head table next to the king and queen, reserved for special guests of honor like Salas and Taline, remained empty. She did, however, find Bow talking with animated gestures to Entrapta, who looked like she was only half listening. Suddenly, Entrapta bid Bow a clipped good bye and darted off with two whole plates piled high with food, much to Bow's confusion. Catra had a hunch she knew where Entrapta was going off to, and she hoped Bow would take her sudden departure as an opportunity to spend time with Glimmer and hopefully make up with her, although she doubted it.

As she made her way back to her seat, Catra found something large and red sitting in the chair next to hers.

"Scorpia?" She placed her meager pickings on the table and reclaimed her spot.

"Hey, Wildcat," Scorpia said through a mouthful of food. "Saw your jacket and figured I'd claim the seat next to yours before anyone else does. I, uh…hope that's okay?"

"Y-yeah, it's fine," Catra said, wondering why Scorpia needed to even ask. An uncomfortable silence hovered over the both of them when she didn't know what to say next. Desperate for it to go away, she said the first thing that came to mind. "Thanks for grabbing this suit for me from the Fri—er, Scorpion Kingdom," she said, picking at the suit draping off her body. "Didn't think I'd ever need it again to be honest, but then Sparkles somehow convinced me to come to this party."

"No problem," Scorpia said, swallowing another bite of food. "I've made several trips helping clean up what I could there, you know. Saw that outfit and figured I'd bring it back for you just in case." Her eyes slid over to Catra's plate and she frowned. "Don't take this the wrong way Wildcat, but…is everything okay with you? I thought you might have looked a little thin when we talked in your room. I swore I was just imagining things, but that suit definitely doesn't fit the same way it once did. I'm worried about you."

Catra face burned she looked away, embarrassed. "I'm fine, Scorpia. Really." Why was she being so nice to her and worrying so much? Her and Entrapta. She had made up with the both of them already, but still felt like it was more than she deserved, even after how hard they had worked to convince her that wasn't the case.

"Why are you even going out of your way to sit with me?" she asked, trying to push the attention off of her and how poorly she cleaned up, only to cringe when she heard the sound of her own words, at how aggressive she sounded without meaning to.

Scorpia, thankfully, took it in stride. "Never feels like going out of my way to spend a little time with you," she said with a shrug.

"I meant why aren't you sitting at the head table with the rest of the princesses? They didn't forget to include you, did they? They couldn't have."

"Nah, I've got a spot next to Frosta and Perfuma," Scorpia said. "But the party's gonna go all night and we haven't gotten to catch up much except for the one time."

"Ah," Catra said, words escaping her after realizing that trying to avoid being put in the spotlight only resulted in her receiving even more unfiltered personal attention. Not knowing what else to say, and feeling even more out of her element the longer the silence stretched between them, she purposefully speared a vegetable with her fork and popped it in her mouth. Concentrating on the taste ended up being just as difficult as fighting off the voice in her head urging her to make better conversation.

"So what are you planning on doing now?" Scorpia asked.

Holy fuck you're not making it easy on me at all are you Scorpia, Catra thought, shocked at how she had pushed the conversation into an even harsher identity crisis for her. Please. Have mercy on a poor soul. "What do you mean?" she asked, trying to buy time to think of a good response.

"I mean Horde Prime is gone, and now we'll be helping the Enclave perfect the Heart and fight the Beast. All us princesses will continue rebuilding our kingdoms and honing our magic so when the time comes, the Heart will work. What are you going to do now that there's no more Horde? No more need to conquer the planet?"

"I really don't know," Catra said. "I haven't really thought about it."

"You could come and work with me." When Catra only looked to her with skepticism, Scorpia clacked her claws together. "I'm serious! Turns out the old Fright Zone is in pretty bad shape compared to the other Kingdoms, and I've had my connection to the Black Garnet only a fraction of the time the others have had their connections. I have extra reconstruction to help with and extra training to get up to speed magic-wise. The Enclave is supposed to assign me someone to help with organizing most of the rebuilding, but you're Catra. You nearly conquered the entire world. I think you would do an amazing job helping put the old place back together."

Scorpia grew more excited and animated with each word she spoke. Catra couldn't help the emotion that tugged at her the longer she watched. Even after everything she had done, Scorpia still saw a good person in her. Vouched for her, to her. How did she ever make a friend like her?

"Ohh! And Entrapta will be there a lot too," Scorpia said. "The Enclave apparently really likes what she's done, what with bringing Angella back and helping integrate their tech with ours and everything. She's going to be spending a lot of time at my new Kingdom, and I know she'd be super happy if you were there too. After all, you did convince Horde Prime to give back Ho—"

Catra hissed and surged forward, clapping a hand over Scorpia's mouth and scanning the room to see if anyone heard what she was about to say. When she looked back at Scorpia and saw the surprise and confusion on her face, she pulled her hand back, and her ears drooped.

"Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to overreact I just…"

"Was I not supposed to know?" Scorpia asked. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. It's just, she was so excited and happy she couldn't keep it to herself and told me a few weeks ago and—"

"It's fine," Catra said, waving her hands to shut her up quick so no one overheard. "I should have expected something like that to happen, I just…can you make sure it doesn't get out past the two of you? I told her to give it at least six months before she let anyone else know. Let him work on tech and whatever, and then tell people about it after he's already done plenty to help. If they found out now so soon after everything is starting to calm down they'll just freak."

"I understand," Scorpia said, nodding solemnly. "Totally get it, one hundred percent, yep." She made a "lips sealed" gesture with her claws.

"Thanks," Catra said. "And thank you for offering me a spot at the Scorpion Kingdom too, I just…I don't know."

"You don't want to come?"

"It's not that I don't want to help you," Catra said. "It's just…" she sighed. "I think the Fright Zone just harbors too many bad memories for me. And I know it's not the Fright Zone anymore and it's your kingdom and everything, but I really think if I went back the only thing I would think about is what I suffered through there. As much as I want to help you, I just think being reminded about all the fucked up shit Shadow Weaver did to me, or how Adora and I would talk about running the place when we got older only to…" she trailed off as the mention of Adora brought fresher, more painful memories and she shook her head. "I just don't think it'd be healthy for me. I'm sorry Scorpia, I hope that makes sense."

Scorpia shook her head as if she were the one that had said something wrong and was scrambling to make up for it. "No! No, no that makes total sense to me, I should've realized that before I asked." She made an exaggerated motion thunking herself on the forehead with her claw. "I get it. Once I get the place fixed up I don't think it will look very much like the old Fright Zone, to be perfectly honest. And I hope you won't let old memories stop you from coming to visit from time to time. You'd always be welcome."

"Of course I'll come visit," Catra said, feeling more confusing emotions at hearing Scorpia say the same thing the king and queen had told her only moments earlier. "And I mean what I said before, I have no idea what I'm going to do now. All I know is that I really want to make things right with Adora again. Everything else I'll figure out after."

Something pricked at the corners of her awareness and she turned her head. Adora stood there, off in a shadowy corner of the banquet hall with her back facing her, gesturing with wide, angry movements at a stone-faced Glimmer.

"Mother of Etheria, do I have some sort of fucking sixth sense when it comes to her or something?" Catra said, more to herself than anything. She caught Scorpia following her line of sight and said, "don't answer that. It was rhetorical."

"You should go talk to her," Scorpia said, reaching over to spear some of Catra's vegetables off her plate.

"I've tried already. Twice! She keeps running away from me."

Scorpia frowned and her eyes turned sad. "Adora's been having a hard time. It's not just me that's noticed it, either. All the princesses talk about how she doesn't seem to sleep and is way more irritable lately. I mean, just look at her with poor Glimmer over there."

Catra didn't respond and just chewed the inside of her cheek as she watched.

Scorpia nudged her gently with her elbow. "Go talk to her," she said. "If she's really having as hard a time as it looks then maybe what she needs most right now is a friend—one who really will go out of their way to show her she doesn't have to bear this whole 'save-the-galaxy' stuff on her own."

"What if she just runs away again?"

"I don't think Glimmer will let her get away that easily if you ask me," Scorpia said. "Besides, you guys grew up together. She'll come around, just have to keep trying. True friends don't give up that easily on each other, am I right?"

Scorpia nudged her again, this time with a wink. A whole new nuance to Scorpia's sudden appearance at her table dawned on Catra upon seeing it.

"Thanks Scorpia," she said, a genuine appreciation welling up inside her. "For everything. Thank you."

She stood and headed over to Adora and Glimmer as fast as she could, fearing that if she delayed even a little she might lose the sudden confidence she felt with Scorpia's blessing. As she got closer, she caught the tail end of their conversation.

"—don't know what else to say to you Adora. I was hoping you would be supportive about this. Hell, even my parents said they understood. We just barely got our family back together so of course they're sad as shit too, but you don't see them trying to change my mind."

"Yeah? Have you thought about how we're going to activate the Heart once it's stabilized? We need someone connected to every runestone to get it to work. How the heck did she okay this?"

"No, I haven't forgotten," Glimmer said. "Have you forgotten that my mom has a connection too? And has had it for far longer? She'll need to undergo less training than anyone else, and seeing as how she's the most experienced out of everyone at actually running a kingdom, she'll also be better suited than I am for leading the rest of the princesses."

Adora frowned. "Just because Bow is being weird doesn't mean you have to—"

"It's not about Bow," she said, interrupting her with a steel to her voice Catra hadn't expected. When Adora didn't respond, Glimmer said, "you know I'm right. Look, I know and there's a lot of pressure on you and I sympathize with that, but that doesn't change anything. It's not Bow, it's not you….I promise. The decision is made."

"You mean you've made the decision. Don't make it sound like it's out of your hands when you're the one that did it." Adora stiffened as if realizing her and Glimmer weren't alone. Then she turned and looked at Catra.

"Hey Adora." Catra played with her fingers behind her back, not sure what else to do with them, and her tail flicked low to the ground in unease.

Adora's eyes went wide and she turned to march away from the both of them. "It's fine, Glimmer. Do what you want. I'll see you—"

Glimmer teleported in front of her and spread her arms wide. "Adora, you can't run away from this."

"Get out of my way," Adora said, gritting her teeth.

"You aren't seriously trying to run away from this after telling me not to run away from my problems, are you?" Glimmer asked, arching an eyebrow."

"Glimmer—"

"No, Adora. Just no." She let her arms down and crossed them over her chest, then jutted out her chin as if daring Adora to force her way through. "You keep talking about how you need to save the galaxy and how much is at stake but you can't even turn around and talk to her. You're the one that needs to stop running away from your problems. Not me."

"Glimmer, please," Adora voice had gone low and desperate, all of her cutting, judgmental tone from earlier having disappeared. Catra shifted on her feet and bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn't have come over in the first place after all if Adora was that uncomfortable with her.

"I care about you," Glimmer said, still speaking to Adora, her own voice growing soft. "I was terrified you would hate me for what I said and for what I did before Horde Prime arrived because I value your friendship so much. And no matter what happens to us, I will always be your friend. But that's why, as your friend, I'm telling you to turn around and have this conversation. Don't run away from this anymore."

Adora stood there with her hands balled into shaking fists. She didn't say anything for so long Catra almost gave up right then and there. Then Adora's shoulders relaxed, she let out a shaky breath, and Glimmer nodded, satisfied. With lips pressed into a thin line, she walked past Adora and clapped Catra on the shoulder with one hand as she passed her.

"Come see me after you two finish talking please," she whispered into Catra's ear as she went. Then the two of them were finally alone, standing in the corner of the banquet room with the sounds of drunken celebration reverberating in the background.

Catra traced a crack in the marble flooring with her eyes, suddenly shy and uncomfortable in her own skin now that she was reasonably certain Adora wouldn't run away. She opened her mouth to say something when Adora turned and pulled her by the wrist.

"Come on," Adora said.

Catra let herself be dragged into the hallway connecting to the main room, the hairs all over her body threatening to stand on end. They stopped with enough distance put between them and the open doorway to give them privacy against anyone walking by, and Adora suddenly let go of Catra's wrist and turned.

Catra rushed to get her words out first. "I know you're still mad at me about—"

"I'm not mad at you," Adora said, setting her jaw.

Catra scowled. "You've been running away from me every time I've approached you. It's taken Sparkles giving you a tongue lashing just for us to get this far, how can you stand there and say you aren't mad?" Anger flashed across Adora's eyes before she schooled her expression into calm.

"Ok, we'll talk," Adora said. The calm in her voice set Catra further on edge. "We'll talk, but I want to go first. I want to say everything that's been running nonstop in my head for the past month. And as much as you are going to get the urge to interrupt, don't. Let me get everything out first without you knocking me off track and twisting my words in ways that I don't mean them, and then I'll listen to everything you have to say without interrupting. Deal?"

Catra felt the immediate urge to challenge the accusation she twists Adora's words before violently telling herself not to even start. By her own admission, she just got Adora to turn around and acknowledge her. Catra wasn't about to violate the one requirement she put in place for this conversation before it even got off the ground. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Sure. Go ahead."

"I loved you."

Catra thought her heart might stop. "W-what?"

Adora's nostrils flared as she spoke, and she blinked so often Catra suspected she was trying to hold back tears, but Adora didn't take her eyes off her as she battled for her words.

"We grew up together. Pulled each other through some of the darkest times in our childhoods. How could I not? You think I'm mad at you, but that's not it Catra. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you…I loved you. I still love you, and that's why I'm so terrified of having this conversation."

Adora only looked at her after throwing that between them, daring her to say something. Catra, suppressing every instinct to press her for more, somehow managed to stay quiet.

"I'm not mad now, but I was…before," Adora sounded as if she was sure her words would blow up in her face like a landmine with each syllable. "I didn't understand why you wouldn't come with me to the Rebellion, I didn't understand why you'd turned so vicious in the Crystal Castle after I thought we were finally getting through to each other, or why you pulled the lever and opened the portal even after I begged you not to. I…didn't understand why everything I said seemed to only make things worse and make you angrier with me."

A single tear broke free and ran down Adora's face. She took a sharp breath in and looked away. Catra couldn't tell if she was hissing in anger or from sadness, but took a step forward, intent on comforting her. Adora took a step back as quickly as if she had burned her foot. She held up a hand to clearly tell Catra to keep her distance and, unsure of what to do, she complied. What else could she do?

"I'm not mad anymore," Adora said." I finally understood what it felt like to be you…to be so determined not to lose that you throw everything else out the window just to win. What you felt throwing the switch to that portal? I felt that ordering all of us to teleport onto the citadel—to fight even when I knew how likely the chances were that we'd die. I'm not mad about all the stuff you did anymore, Catra, because now I understand why you did it. How it felt."

She gave a bitter, barking laugh and more tears welled up in her eyes. "And now I finally understand what it feels like to be abandoned. I always thought you were making a bigger deal out of it than it really was because I never felt like I was leaving you behind. It just felt like I was doing the right thing and you would have understood, especially if I invited you to the Rebellion with me. I had no idea it'd hurt this much, even when I understand why it's happening. Glimmer's right—it's the best thing for her, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. If I had known this is what it felt like for you when I left…maybe I would have done things differently. I'm so sorry, Catra."

Adora dragged a sleeve across her eyes and took a shuddering breath. More tears had spilled down her face as she had spoken, and Catra couldn't keep herself restrained any longer. She took another step toward her.

"Adora, I—"

"Stop." Adora said, voice so harsh it actually made Catra freeze mid-step. "You're only going to make it harder for me to finish. You promised I could say everything first. You promised."

On one hand, Catra wanted nothing more than to go and do whatever she could to comfort her, pride be damned. On the other, seeing the pleading look Adora gave her when she took that first step told her that, if she went any further, she'd yet again be betraying the very person she was trying to make amends with: her Adora. The war inside Catra's mind had never raged so furiously before, and in the end, she decided to stay exactly where she was and pray that Adora didn't sink herself before she gave permission for Catra to finally go to her.

"I can't do this," Adora said, running her other sleeve across her eyes and sniffling.

"What can't you do?" Catra asked after Adora didn't explain further. "You can't keep having this conversation right now or…?"

"I can't go through this with you." Adora wouldn't stop rubbing her eyes, one sleeve replacing the other over and over again. "Ever since I found that…god's forsaken sword in the woods I've done nothing but second guess myself over you. I've spent more time agonizing over how to repair our friendship or how to prevent you from outsmarting the Rebellion than I spent trying to control my powers and accept responsibility over them."

A sinking feeling in Catra's stomach made itself known with each word Adora struggled to get out between hiccups and sniffles and shaky breaths. "What are you saying?" she asked. "What do you mean you can't go through this with me?"

"When we fought in the Crystal Castle, I tried and hoped and wished with everything that you would come with me. And when you attacked Bright Moon, I hadn't tried to embrace She Ra until it was almost too late. I kept thinking you would come to your senses and stop at some point. When you opened the portal, I spent more time trying to convince you to come with me and escape than I did trying to work out how to use She Ra and stop it. We lost Queen Angella because of it."

"Adora, that's not on you. That's on—"

"And even though everything worked out in the end, I panicked when I saw you hold that knife against Glimmer's throat up on the citadel. King Micah tried to tell me that you weren't on our side, but I didn't believe him. I wanted you to be on our side so badly I literally froze at the worst possible time because I refused to believe you had turned on us. Again."

"I didn't turn on you," Catra said. "I didn't! I know it looked like it at the time, but I was helping you. Horde Prime was going to kill you all if you didn't surrender. I had to…I had to do something." Catra felt the conversation getting away from her—felt the path Adora had gotten herself on with and where they ended. It terrified her.

"And what if Taline hadn't been able to convince him?" Adora asked. "I saw your reaction when she offered herself to him in our stead for punishment. That surprised you. You weren't expecting it."

Adora was right, but Catra had to get her off this train of thought before it was too late. "I know but—"

"What if our only chance at living had been if I focused on my responsibilities in the first place?" Adora asked. "What if our only chance was if I had taken out Prime like we originally planned, without getting distracted? I've been lucky…things have worked out so far, but it's not always going to be like that. It would be naïve and irresponsible for me to think that with so many lives at stake. The Beast is coming, we need to prepare, and I need to fulfill my destiny as She Ra or else trillions will die. Trillions have already died. There's no getting around it this time. No more lucky breaks."

Adora stopped rubbing her eyes and looked Catra head on. Only then did it dawn on her that Adora hadn't been merely on the verge of tears and trying to hide it; she was already all out sobbing. Tears flowed nonstop and free down her face, and it broke Catra's heart. She hadn't seen Adora cry that hard since they were children. That realization took the creeping, uneasy, sinking feeling from earlier and pushed her into a near panic.

"So what are you saying?" Catra asked in a low voice.

"I can't risk it," Adora said. "I choked three times now because I was so focused on you…focused on us. If I do that again…" She shook her head. "You heard Salas. This weapon is the Galaxy's last hope. It has to work."

"Say what it is you're trying to say, Adora. Just spit it out already." Tears of Catra's own prick the corners of her eyes, and she fought them back, shoveling venom into her voice instead.

"I can't be second guessing myself because of how strong my feelings for you are. I can't risk even just the possibly of it happening again, even if the both of us swear to be on the same side and work on our relationship. I can't afford to be irresponsible. Naïve." A sob escaped her. "When this banquet is over—"

Panic got the better of Catra. She suddenly didn't want Adora to finish her sentence. "Adora, wait—"

"—and when I get the sword back…when we all start training in earnest to use the Heart—"

"Just wait, don't finish what you're—"

"—I don't want to see or hear from you again, Catra."

That last phrase hung in the air between them and echoed down the hall. Catra had heard the phrase "waiting for the other shoe to drop" before, but now that it had finally happened, she realized it felt more like a cinderblock dropping through to the pit of her stomach than any shoe she knew.

"There," Adora said, sniffling. "I've said everything. Your turn. Sorry to make you wait."

"You don't mean that," Catra said, half begging and half asserting.

"I do mean it. That's why I've been running away from this conversation for a month. I didn't want to have it."

"You can't mean that, Adora…you can't really mean that…"

"Please don't make this harder than it already is." Adora's voice broke again. It was infuriating. What right did Adora have to beg her to not make things difficult after what she said? "I've fought myself for weeks over whether or not this is the right thing to do, and it is the right thing to do. I can't let myself get distracted, not when so much is at stake. If you were ever in danger again, I would come do everything I could to help you without a second thought, but otherwise I don't want to see you while I'm trying to figure this out…not until we defeat the Beast at the very least."

Somewhere in Catra's rattled mind she realized it was now finally her turn to speak freely, to tell Adora all the things she had been wanting to say. But just the thought of trying to come up with coherent words or thoughts sent her spiraling into even further swells of anxiety and despair.

She doesn't want you anymore. You pushed everything too far. You've ruined it. She doesn't want you. Adora doesn't want you. You hurt her.

Catra's thoughts ripped her to shreds, tearing into her without end. The hallway started closing in around her, trying to suffocate her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't see. Everything had gone blurry with the tears in her eyes. Her heart beat so fast Catra was convinced it'd stop at any moment. Somewhere, she heard Adora's muffled voice prompt her again, but all she could think to do was escape.

Catra turned and ran down the hall, nearly bowling over a blur of pink and purple on her way to the castle doors. Someone called out to her from behind her. She ignored them and ran for all she was worth.