Chapter 20: A Call to Hope
Adora stood with Angella on a stage at the far end of Bright Moon castle's lawn. The night moons hung high in the sky, and several hundred people had gathered around them, each holding candles that illuminated their faces and rows upon rows of tombstones all around. Frosta, Mermista, Scorpia, and Perfuma stood together in a group near the back, all of them except Frosta having arrived only a few hours earlier. The annual Induction Ceremony was in full swing, and near everybody important on Etheria was in attendance.
She angled her head to look at the queen, taking a moment to admire her. Angella had near single-handedly shepherded Bright Moon through a new age. Her being the one to run the kingdom and smooth over the growing pains and interpersonal arguments that came with accepting the Enclave had freed Micah to dedicate his time to the other kingdoms, training the Princess Alliance alongside the other Enclave mentors. Adora knew the responsibility hung heavy on Angella's shoulders, but she still looked radiant and young and strong against the moonlight. She wondered how she did it, and if any of that radiance might rub off on her if she were to stick around her long enough.
"You know, to all these people here you are doing a magnificent job looking morose and in a contemplative mood," Angella said. "But I've known you for too long to not notice."
"What are you talking about?" A gust of wind blew through, and Adora jolted herself out of her daze, quickly covering the candle she held in her own hands to protect the flame from going out.
"Something is bothering you," Angella said. "More so than usual." Decorum insisted they maintain an appropriately somber expression and refrain from talking, so Angella didn't take her eyes from the crowd and barely moved her lips as she spoke.
Adora only wished she could be as subtle. "I'm okay," she said.
"That crease in your forehead hasn't gone away once since this morning."
Adora's eyes went wide and she took her hand away from guarding the candle to cover her forehead. When she did, the gust extinguished the flame, and Adora groaned in pitiful frustration. Angella laughed under her breath and that only made it worse.
"Here," Angella said. She reached over and snapped her fingers over the candle. A new flame sparked to life and danced on the end of the wick.
"Thanks." Adora made sure to guard it from the elements properly this time. She thought Mermista might have locked eyes with her and grinned from the earlier display, but she couldn't be sure. That still didn't stop her from flushing with embarrassment.
Technically, reigniting the candle with magic should have been no problem for her to do herself. But, still unable to channel She Ra's power, Adora was back to being her plain, magicless self. Re-forging the sword hadn't changed anything and, although she knew her friends didn't think less of her for it, she couldn't stop feeling somehow broken and isolated. Like something was wrong with her. Having to finally opt out of magic training with Micah and the Enclave after years of trying had been heartbreaking, but she knew it was the right choice. Even when her friends insisted that she keep on, Adora had refused; she hadn't felt right taking up time that could be better spent on them.
She tried to keep the admittedly small and inconsequential candle hiccup from getting her down as more people filled out the crowd. Except, the more she tried not to think about it the more she couldn't help doing so. Adora, supposed She Ra and destined savior of the galaxy, couldn't even relight a stupid candle with magic after so many years of trying to reconnect with her powers.
Everyone quieted as the ground beneath them suddenly rumbled. It wasn't enough to shake anyone's balance—in fact, it was barely enough to feel it if one didn't know what to look out for. A kaleidoscope of colors shot up and engulfed the sky, as if some great God drew shut a curtain of ions around the heavens. Adora shut her eyes as lights flashed bright and whited everything else out. When the light died down and it was again night on Etheria, she opened her eyes and gazed at a new constellation pattern in the sky: Etheria had successfully traversed another portal and emerged in a new sector of space.
"Where's Salas?" Adora asked, knowing that the ceremony was to soon conclude.
"Not coming."
"I thought he's supposed to lead the ceremony with you," Adora said with a frown. "He did it the last two years, what's going on?"
"He got some alarming data from Entrapta about security breaches in the kingdoms and he's prioritized that over today's ceremony. He didn't mention anything to you?"
A pang of anxiety shot through Adora. He was losing faith in her…pushing her out. "No, he didn't," she said, her eyes beginning to mist over. If she hadn't been literally standing there when Entrapta made the discovery, would no one have thought to tell her?
"He's scatterbrained, Adora, not forgetting about you."
"So...you're doing the honors alone this time?" Adora tried to keep the uncertainty she felt from seeping into her voice.
"I have you here with me."
Adora hadn't expected to hear that. Decorum be damned, she couldn't help it. She turned her head and looked at Angella, only to see her already looking back out the corner of her eye, wearing an expression with so much emotional nuance it was staggering. Only an immortal fairy ruler and beloved mother—someone with several lifetimes' worth of exposure to the idiosyncrasies and emotions of others—could have pulled off that look. It both teased and grounded her, all with one sidelong glance.
"Me? I-I wouldn't know what to say. I don't have anything prepared, I—"
Angella laughed and Adora realized, her face burning, that she had overreacted. Again.
"Leave the talking to me then," Angella said. "You just stand there and look like you're comfortable having the weight of the universe on your shoulders. Just until we get off this platform, mind you. Also, hold my hand."
Adora blinked. "What?"
Angella turned her attention back to the crowd and, without looking at her, subtly took one hand from her candle and extended it in Adora's direction. Not entirely sure what she was getting herself into, Adora reached out and took it.
"My fellow Etherians and esteemed members of the Enclave," Angella said, projecting her voice all the way to the back of the group. Adora had no doubt even the guards patrolling the inside of the castle in the distance could hear her speak. "Today marks the third anniversary of Etheria's reemergence into the wider galaxy, the third anniversary of the start to our sacred partnership, and thus we hold our third annual Induction Ceremony to commemorate. Thank you all for being here."
Her voice echoed in the night. Nothing but the breeze pushing its way through leaves and grass answered her.
"As many of you are already aware, the Beast continues its slow advance across the outer rim systems, just as our research—our efforts at reawakening the great weapon at the core of this world—continue its slow advance. And despite how it may seem to many of us, standing in the midst of this titanic effort and unable to see the forest from among the trees, we are winning the battle."
Adora watched everyone's faces reflected in the light of their candles. Shadows played across their faces as the flames danced and weaved. Hope and genuine admiration emanated from each of them. Even Adora herself couldn't stop from feeling somewhat uplifted.
"A friend of mine recently reached out to me asking for help," Angella said. "They didn't come to me privately to express the sense of unease that had been growing like a cancer for some time in their heart. They didn't pull me aside and use words to convey how hopeless they had been feeling. In fact, I suspect they said nothing and spoke to no one because they feared those feelings inside were contagious and would spread like the very enemy we are hoping to defeat. No, this friend cried out in other ways. And after noticing it, I couldn't help but ask myself…how had I not seen this sooner?
"How had I not seen the way they no longer walked with shoulders back in a confident stride? How had I not noticed they no longer smiled when they spoke with their friends and loved ones? How had I missed the way their eyes no longer sparkled full of life and excitement?"
Adora gasped and almost dropped her candle outright. Was Angella speaking about her? There was no way she wasn't, who else would it be? She moved to pull away, but Angella only gripped her tighter with a strength completely at odds with her delicate appearance.
"When I finally did notice, I took a step back and realized I had inadvertently left them behind. I had grown too focused on the task at hand. I had lost sight of what was truly important. Look before you! Look at the tombstones standing here. Each represents a life given in sacrifice to bring us together so we may better fight the enemy. And for every single name engraved upon these slabs of granite and marble, ten more have died either escaping the newest incursion of the Beast or fighting on the front lines to slow its advance.
"Make no mistake that what we are striving for here will indeed decide whether our descendants thousands of generations in the future will have the privilege of traveling the stars and feeling the kiss of the sun against their skin. But regardless of our success—and believe me, we will emerge successful if Salas and Entrapta and your unwavering hard work have anything to say about it—all of us will pass on, only to be remembered by those who stare at our name on a tombstone and think upon our legacy.
"We have come a long way, all of us together, and there is still a long way for us to go. We have finally achieved stabilization for the weapon so our planet doesn't break apart at the seams when it activates—a great achievement, thanks to your efforts. But despite this, progress on Light hope, the artificial intelligence that will mediate between the princesses, the massive store of energy in the core, and She Ra…it is elusive. We estimated that another two years of diligent research are required to solve this last hurdle, and chances are high that many of us will grow silently disillusioned with our progress now that it has slowed considerably.
"I ask that you recognize these moments of disillusionment for what they truly are: a call from within to take a step back, to look around, and to understand the importance of living in the present moment. Appreciate the fact you are all alive, here, now, today, regardless of how the state of the galaxy and our struggle evolves. I ask that you honor those who have died by lifting up and being there for those around you who still live—your fellow brothers and sisters in arms, toiling silently beside you."
Angella paused. She held the crowd at the end of a string pulled taught with emotional tension and impact. Every person in the crowd gave her their full, undivided, rapt attention. Adora squeezed Angella's hand so hard she feared she'd hurt her, but it was all she could do to keep from breaking down completely on stage.
"We now move into our fourth year of cooperation," Angella said. "I will do all in my power to keep us pushing strong." She held her candle high in the air. "To the fallen, this I swear."
Adora raised her own candle along with everyone else in attendance. They all chanted the same phrase back in a muted chorus, and that murmur from the crowd masked the choked sob that escaped from Adora when she tried to say the phrase too. She quickly blew out her own candle and, unable to take it any longer, pulled her hand out of Angella's grasp and retreated behind the blocked off prep area backstage.
A stool lay tucked away in the corner and she sat on it, putting her head between her knees and interlocking her fingers behind her neck. She breathed—quick, shallow breaths at first but gradually slowing them down until she could think straight.
"Adora?" Angella said, her footsteps tap tap tapping lightly on the floor as she came closer. "Adora are you okay? I'm sorry for what happened out there, I didn't mean for my words to catch you off guard or overwhelm you."
"I'm okay," Adora said, her voice coming out hoarse. She fought the urge to redo her braid, and instead looked up. Angella was kneeling in front of her with a concerned expression. The room was nearly pitch black, the only light coming from the small crack between the curtains leading back to the vigil outside.
"Aren't you supposed to be out there guiding the ceremony?" she asked. They were supposed to place their candle in front of one of the tombstones and whisper a message to the departed.
"I'm more worried about you," Angella said, shaking her head. "I had hoped to get through to you and let you know you didn't have to shoulder whatever was bothering you alone. I didn't expect you to nearly have a panic attack and escape."
"Sorry," Adora said, taking another shaky breath. "I really liked what you said. I think I needed to hear it, just"—another her shaky breath. "I just...have too many thoughts right now. Too many emotions...I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to embarrass you up there so I just came back here."
"Adora, it breaks my heart you think having an emotional breakthrough would be embarrassing for me." She inched forward and placed a hand on Adora's knee. "What's on your mind?"
Adora frowned and kept her eye on the sliver of the outside she could see from where she sat, afraid that looking Angella in the eyes would get her too emotional again. "I feel like I've been slowly going crazy ever since I broke the sword," she said, watching the people outside move about and place candles in front of tombstones. "Not a moment goes by that I don't think about reconnecting with She Ra and feel frustrated that I still can't do it."
"She isn't gone, though," Angella said. "You can still feel her, right?"
Adora nodded. "She's there under the surface. I just can't get her to come to me when I reach. I've tried everything and I've listened to everyone's advice—your advice, King Micah's advice. I think I've gone to every Enclave magic trainer and mentor to listen to their advice too, but none of it has worked. Meanwhile everyone is chugging along at full speed, all the other princesses are getting stronger day by day, Glimmer is out there evacuating entire cities full of people to keep them alive, and Catra…" She trailed off, the courage she had been riding like a wave having disappeared.
Angella nodded but kept silent. It encouraged her and she took a moment to ground herself before continuing.
"I've had nightmares ever since that day aboard Horde Prime's citadel. They get bad around the anniversary…really bad."
Angella reached up and took Adora's hands into her own. She hadn't realized they had been shaking. "Glimmer mentioned something about them to me in the past. What kind of nightmares do you have?"
Adora swallowed. She had never spoken about them before to anyone. Sure, Glimmer knew she had them, but she didn't know what they were about. "I saw it, Angella. I saw the Beast. It spoke to me."
Angella raised both brows in surprise. Somehow, seeing her reaction felt validating, and the floodgates opened.
"I know Catra gets them too, but I'm not sure what she sees either. As far as I know, I'm the only one that saw it directly. When Taline released the memory…when she broke that crystal to keep the Emperor from killing us…it showed me everyone the Beast had eaten. It showed me all the worlds it had taken, all the suns it had devoured. There were so many of them…so many dead people I couldn't save just…just looking at me!"
Angella pulled her into an embrace, holding the back of Adora's head and pressing her face flush against her as she gripped Angela in a vice and sobbed. "Shhhh, it's okay" she said, stroking Adora's hair. "It's okay. You're here, I'm here with you. Just breathe."
Adora rode out the waves and crashes of her breakdown as best she could. When she finally calmed enough, she pulled away and rubbed her eyes dry.
"Why didn't you say anything about this earlier?" Angella asked. "We all knew you were struggling, Adora, but we had no idea about it being this bad."
Adora sniffled and shrugged. "I don't know. It didn't even cross my mind to talk about it. I knew this sounds stupid, but it felt like it wasn't something anyone else would be able to understand." Being held and being heard…already she felt better. Was it really that simple to begin healing? To start to feel whole again?
"That's not all," Adora said. "I saw She Ra. And Catra too, before the Beast showed up."
"Oh?" Angella said, reaching up and wiping away a tear that escaped down Adora's cheek with one of her thumbs. "What did they say?"
"She Ra was disappointed I broke the sword, even though it really was the best option I could think of at the time. She said she wished I spent more time learning to hone my powers and control them instead of focus on Catra. And when Catra showed up, she said the same thing—that I'd have been able to resist firing the Heart against my will if I had spent more time training than obsessing over her. Then I wouldn't have had to break the sword and my connection to She Ra in the first place."
"Is that why you ended things with her back then?" Angella asked.
Adora closed her eyes and nodded. More tears leaked out and ran down her face. "It's just so hard trying every day to get back in touch with my powers and failing. It's not just because I gave up Catra for it…it's knowing that everyone in the universe will also die if I don't figure it out."
"You have to stop thinking about it that way," Angella said, wiping more tears away for her again.
"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "That is what will happen, isn't it? If I don't get back in touch with She Ra, the Beast will win."
"That may happen, yes, but you're forgetting that even if you awaken She Ra right this instant, we still can't use the Heart. Entrapta and the Enclave have to figure out how to get Light Hope back online, and then everyone needs to come together and test the weapon before we can even think about using it. There's still time, Adora. Putting this much pressure on yourself all the time until you're literally falling apart in the back area of our little stage will only make things harder, not easier."
Adora took another deep breath, feeling strangely light. "Okay," she said. "I get it. I feel a lot better now too, thank you for listening."
Angella cupped both her cheeks in her hands and looked her straight in the eyes. "I will always listen to you, and I'm sorry I didn't catch on sooner. I would have dragged this out of you way earlier if I was paying better attention."
"So, you're saying I've gotten better at not being so obvious?" Adora said, making a play for levity. It worked, since Angella smiled.
"More like I got too focused on the day to day to notice, but nice try. You're still an open book, like always." Her face turned serious. "I want you to go talk with Salas about your nightmares."
Anxiety started to crawl its way back into Adora's chest. "What?"
"And I want you to talk to him about you being unable to channel She Ra."
"Why?" More anxiety. She returned her attention to the outside. Someone was standing absolutely still over a grave, holding their candle between both hands. They must have been whispering a long message since most everyone else was starting to peter out
"Those nightmares are concerning," Angella said, leaning to the side to capture Adora's attention once more. "Especially since they've been affecting your ability to function."
She held up a finger to keep Adora from speaking when she opened her mouth to protest. "And no, I don't care that they only spike once a year. To me, that's enough. Salas is the leader of the Enclave here, not to mention a genius when it comes to working literal magic on the mind. He's got more first-hand experience with the Beast threat than probably anyone on the planet and, aside from my husband, he's the only other person I've come to rely on for moral support when I start to feel the pressures of my own job. He stabilized and reoriented me after I came back through the portal. Do I need to keep going?"
"No, but—"
"No buts, Adora. I'm not going to take no for an answer on this one. Why is it you are so reluctant to go speak with him?"
Angella had gone from calming and holding her sobbing body one moment, to cornering her with no avenue for escape the next. She could be truly terrifying when she set her sights on something, and Adora came to regret forgetting that.
"I don't know!" Adora said, letting her panic show brazenly on her face and through her gestures, despite knowing full well how irrational it was. "Maybe because he's 'the leader of the Enclave' and a literal genius when it comes to magic? Maybe because he was able to actually hold his own for a time against both Micah and Shadow Weaver up on the citadel? Maybe because he spent decades as Horde Prime's second in command and somehow managed to thrive despite advising a literal psychopath for longer than I've been alive? Or heck, maybe it's because he really is the type of person even you've come to rely on as well? I don't know."
"He intimidates you," Angella said. It was a statement, not a question.
Adora sighed. "I have a part to play in all this—an important part, even though you and everyone else tell me not to tie myself into knots over having difficulties with it. But it seems like I'm the only one that can't deliver on my part." Again, she looked past Angella and back out to the vigil-goers, lowering her voice and speaking the next part rapidly. "And yeah, maybe it's a little intimidating to go up to someone you think is starting to grow impatient with you because they've removed you from all the meeting itineraries and just, I don't know, have a normal conversation like I'm not at all massively letting him down."
Angella laughed, driving higher the embarrassment she felt. She had to admit, her worries did sound a lot more serious in her head.
"He isn't disappointed in you," Angella said. "And he removed you from the itineraries because he worried they were only stressing you out. He wanted to give you more time to rest from your own training, since everyone could tell you were starting to pull back into yourself."
"Wait, are you serious? That's exactly what Glimmer said."
"He was supposed to tell you, but I'm guessing that slipped his mind as well?"
Adora nodded and Angella deflated. "That man just has too much going on. Maybe we should invest in finding him another assistant. Either way, he's not disappointed in you, just worried. He has a lot of wisdom to offer, and staying away from him because he's a little intense just isn't a smart idea."
"I'll go talk to him, I promise," Adora said, feeling intensely relieved. She paused a moment before pulling Angella in for another hug. "Thank you for everything. I feel so much better now."
"Of course," Angella said, patting her on the back. "Anything for you."
Adora grinned back, and then immediately dropped the smile when something outside caught her eye. The same person she saw who had been standing there earlier, staring at a tombstone and holding a candle, still stood there in the same spot despite the rest of the crowd having already thinned considerably.
She squinted her eyes and focused on their face, and something struck her as odd: whereas all the other vigil-goers had looked appropriately somber-faced, this man looked positively furious, with bloodshot eyes that suggested he had shed a large number of tears. The Induction Ceremony was a time for respect and quiet introspection, but she had never seen anyone genuinely anguished in the past.
"Have you ever seen that guy before?" Adora asked.
"Sorry?" Angella pulled back from the hug and gave Adora a quizzical look.
"Over there," she said, pointing out the small crack in the curtains to the crowd outside. The man was no longer there. "Hold on," she said, rocketing off the stool and throwing the curtains open to run back out onto the stage.
"Who were you trying to point out?" Angella said, joining her at her left. "I see a few people I recognize still in the crowd."
Adora looked among every face as they went about, placing candles in front of tombstones and continuing to whisper their messages to the deceased. The princesses were all gone already, as was the man she had tried to point out earlier. He had stood in the same spot for far longer than the rest, and it just didn't make sense. She swore he looked familiar too, on top of it all.
She made her way to the place she last saw him standing and looked down. There was a single gravestone with one candle in front of it, flickering peacefully in its holder. The names of Taline's two Sentinels, killed in action protecting Glimmer aboard Horde Prime's citadel three years prior, were engraved upon its surface.
To Narre and Miri, beloved friends, saviors, and loyal to the end.
AN: I've been cross-posting this on AO3, and will bring over the authors notes from there starting with this chapter :)
Couldn't bring Angella back and have her sit around doing nothing, now could I? This whole part is like the first 8 chapters of part 1: lots of set-up, device-placement, and snowballing into the action. And if you liked how things came together in part 1, then I'm sure you'll be happy to know I'm expanding the scope and giving us a longer ramp up in part 2 completely on purpose :D
Shameless plug: I started releasing a new story! It's very different from World Eater, but for those of you who want another flavor of "Modern AU meet-cute," take a look at "The New Girl" on my profile :) That story will update every Monday evening PST, and World Eater will continue its Thursday evening updates.
See you all soon, and thank you for reading!
