I'm not afraid of pain, but the reason for it. I would rather suffer knowing I tried to make things better for myself, and thereby others, than stand by and allow the world to beat me blue in the face.

"""

The Lunarium that night was icy cold, the moons' light glinting down like knives through the sky-window. The crystal stones cast their craggy reflections upon the walls, and the mounds of moondust gathering in the corners of the room flashed wicked bits of light toward the cauldron.

They walked to the center of the room. Light Spinner handed Micah a piece of paper, her hands pulsing with warmth rather than a constant heat. "The Spell of Obtainment is difficult. You must stay focused. Once we begin casting, we cannot stop."

The eye in the center of the mandala glared at him. Her story about the Spell echoed in his ears. This is different, right? She's modified it. I'm not learning dark magic from her. Even though we practiced this spell together a few hours ago.

He swallowed. "Are you sure about this?"

Light Spinner clenched the sides of the cauldron. "We need this power. It's the only way to help our people."

She wouldn't do this selfishly. She is a good person. She would never use me on purpose.

After the Spell, he would ask her about what had happened following the Guild meeting. They would discuss all of what she'd been hiding, and she would get a therapist, and they would be together.

Together.

Micah shook himself out of his thoughts, as Light Spinner poured the potion of absorption in. "Do exactly as we've practiced." They drew a large circle on the outer rim of the cauldron, and the rings on the floor of the Lunarium lit up, framing her face in a lovely blue glow.

A huge power prism formed at the top; with their combined strength, it was surprisingly easy to control and maintain. He pressed his fingertips together, looking at Light Spinner, who smiled back at him.

A hissing noise seeped into his ears; Micah frowned up at the power prism. Blackness plagued the clotted magic, its cold hands pressing against the sides of the prism. The sleepy, icy touch caressed his stomach from the connection between his body and the prism. Dark magic. She never mentioned this would happen with her modifications!

"Light Spinner?" he stammered, dropping his hands. "What's going on? What is that?"

Light Spinner squinted at the ceiling, then gasped. "Keep going!" she shouted, turning to the cauldron and casting. "Do not stop now!"

Micah's fingertip raced over the edge of the water, the waves stirring as cool wind swept through the Lunarium. A bead of sweat trickled down his neck. This was what his teacher had been so afraid of. What the Guild was afraid of.

It's okay. I won't let anything happen to her. I can't.

A shattering sound popped his ears, and his eyes snapped to the ceiling. The shadow monster ripped free of the power prism, training eight ugly eyes between the two of them, roaring so loudly that sharp pain shot through Micah's head.

Light Spinner continued to cast. A blazing fire rested in her green eyes. Micah's elbow was seized by a hand, the coldness burning his skin through his shirt, and he wrenched it off.

Micah's heart raced. His hair stuck to his neck, his lungs sucking in air, which was turning to ice around them. Trembling seized him so his muscles grew sore. "This - this isn't right!" he screamed, running for the doorway.

"NO!" Light Spinner shouted back. Micah spun on his heel as the monster seized her, crushing streams of darkness around her waist and binding her shoulders in shadowy chains. But as Micah tore back to save her, her name a scream on his lips, the monster lifted her into its maw and swallowed her whole.

Agony filled Light Spinner to her core, as though something had taken her, turned her inside out, and scraped her raw. For a long moment, she couldn't register what had happened. Her head was fuzzy and throbbed with a roaring headache.

She mustered the strength to move, for a split second forgetting what her own name was. Wetness dripped down her body, and her mouth was wrought with agony. The world lumbered in slow motion. Her feelings conglomerated into a hideous monster, a mix of danger and tameness, a confusing blend of good and evil.

As she forced her arms onto the cauldron, her vision cleared, though her eyes were stabbed by needles. Burning, sharp pain coursed up her arms, along her entire body, and she let out a huge groan. Her breath came out heavily, her hands ice-cold.

Dull ringing settled in her ears, and she shuddered, laying her head in her hands. Crying was impossible, though she was overwhelmed as memories tumbled into the front of her mind. She spat teeth into the cauldron - four lost, her canines. Her lips burned with ferocious pain, blood streaming down her chin.

Her first thought while under the Spell of Obtainment: Micah failed me. He allowed the corruption to devour me.

Faintly, his voice reached her ears, but she launched a protection spell that he bounced off of. Why she cast it, she was unsure. So he wouldn't die? So Norwyn couldn't complain about this too?

Norwyn...

She staggered to her feet and lumbered around, pressing a hand over her ruined veil. Her lips were bleeding, that much she knew - she would have to address the wound later. Micah stood with Norwyn, Festinia, and Ahelia. The three people who had disrespected her, hid the key to this power from her. They were here. But Micah didn't belong with them. He couldn't.

Micah's voice came timidly as she gazed upon him out of one eye, covering the other with her bedraggled hair. "Light Spinner?"

She coughed, finally able to speak. "Micah...how could you?" Her voice shook in her ears. "After everything I taught you - the Spell was working!"

Instead of shying away as before when she'd berated him, he knit his brows together. His voice was stronger. More mature. "The Spell was evil. You saw what it was doing to the room. To us."

Don't cry. Don't you dare cry. Were these even her thoughts anymore? The tears wouldn't come, but her pain was too much. The agony from her throbbing extractions and her bloody lip and the deep, welling cuts on her now gray skin. The confusion, shock, and strange anger that settled over her for no reason. Am I even yelling at him? Is this me, Light Spinner?

Norwyn spoke. "You've always hungered after power. Bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake." He drew a mandala that Light Spinner recognized - a spell she herself knew how to do, though she was commanded never to because it was evocation magic.

Of course you know how to perform that spell, you hypocrite. She spoke in a snarl, this new tone searing her throat. "The only mistake was seeking the approval of a fool like you. You're all weak. None of you deserve my help." A scream of rage burst from her throat, and her pain fed the fire. She would never trust the Guild, or anyone on the Guild, ever again.

As three hurdles of evocation magic shot toward her, she cast a protection spell, and the spells neutralized. An enormous blast of light formed in her hand, and she aimed it at Norwyn's heart. He dodged the blast, and it struck Festinia straight in the face. Another well-placed hit rendered Ahelia's arm useless.

Norwyn brought his spell at close range, but Light Spinner cast another evocation spell, trapping his head in a thick cloud of magic. His aging hands struggled to reverse it, but she thickened the spell, swallowing him.

At last...her enemy, who had drowned her in shame and lies, was mere fuel for Light Spinner's power. Every scar would build her throne now. "The Spell worked!" she cried, a blast of pleasure dulling the pain. "I am stronger than all of you!"

The only person still standing was Micah. He tried to cast his fire rune, but she picked him up before he could finish the mandala. His hair whipped around his terrified face. "Light Spinner! Please, don't!"

He shut his eyes, and Light Spinner was frozen in time - whisked back to when she had first met him. He had been so young then. So small, an impoverished, sweet miracle. To harm him would tear her apart irreversibly.

Don't be afraid. I have not forgotten my love for you.

She reached forward and placed her scarred, bleeding hand on his cheek. Her chilly fingers wiped his tears away, and he gazed into her aching eyes, his own so dark and pure and good.

Goodbye, Micah.

She mouthed the words, her voice gone, her hand playing with his hair on its own, red touching his face. Setting him down gently, she cast a transportation spell and dipped into oblivion, the moment of clarity gone a second later.

"""

When corruption has its way, when the mind goes to waste, when all I love ends up erased, I will still be there.

I will still be there.

"""

Micah dropped to his knees, eyes wide at Festinia's dying form. Her once-beautiful features had been melted by Light Spinner's fury. "This was...why Norwyn hid the scroll." Festina whispered a breathy laugh. "It was the one place he thought she'd never look."

Micah struggled to process what had happened. Was Light Spinner right to be upset that Norwyn had hid the scroll from her? Or was all of what he'd done a good limitation - had her father figure just been trying to protect her, with Light Spinner having been in the wrong the entire time?

What about the Spell? Was that something Light Spinner had had within her all along?

Was I right to leave her?

Festinia's hand went limp, and Ahelia closed her eyes gently. Three Guild members had been lost that day - the day Light Spinner snapped.

Ahelia spoke gently to him. "We'd best tell the public what's happened. Light Spinner will be dead in a couple hours. Everyone who failed the Spell would be."

Micah swallowed. But her modifications - she told me it wasn't the original Spell.

That means there's still the fighting chance she's alive.

Light Spinner teleported to the Hall of Sorcerers, her hateful gaze on her statue. They wanted to attempt to kill her? Then she would remove herself not just from the Guild, but from the history of Mystacor.

She fired her light, each one adding only shadows and darkness to the great pillar of marble, not destruction. Blood stung her skin. I didn't love Norwyn. I also didn't want him to die.

She fired one last large blast, then dropped to her knees. The first signs of sickness crept over her - nausea, joint pain, wooziness, coldness. Good. Just keep coming.

A footstep pattered behind her. Her gaze snapped up; Arvina brandished a dagger. Light Spinner tried to cast the same spell she'd done to suffocate Norwyn, but she couldn't get it to work this time.

She gathered her strength and teleported away before Mystacor could hurt her further. If they were willing to punish her for a mistake that her apprentice made, that was just one more way they had wronged her throughout her life.

Light Spinner exited the teleportation spiral in the air, an enormous crack echoing off her surroundings when she landed on her stomach in sand. She moaned in pain as she clutched her side, bringing her knees to her chest, with no sense of place, no direction. All she knew was agony.

She tore her veil off, vomiting onto the sand. Stinging cascaded up her arms. What had she done? What was she thinking, trusting someone else with her life?

Light Spinner lay flat on her back, touching her rib and almost sobbing from the pain. It was certainly fractured, and she had to get assistance before it punctured her lung. But she couldn't move more than a few steps. She was a dirty, smelly mess - pouring sweat, dripping with shadow that stank like old tar, with blood streaming down her arms and onto the sand around her.

Her mind was like the ebbing tides, a quiet, laughing murmur. Did you truly think Micah was special? He's a child, and you are Alura, no matter how you try to hide behind a different name. The failure, desperate for attention. Desperate for love to those who had to grow beyond you.

"No," Light Spinner muttered, thrashing, her body raunching against invisible needles. A vision sprang from her head, as though the Spell was pulling long-buried memories straight from her mind, urging them to dance in front of her eyes and torment her.

She dropped to her knees in the grassy knoll of her garden, hoping beyond all hope that no one could see her silent tears. The threat of crying tore at her, pain devouring her rationality as her mind kept force-feeding her the memory from moments before. The final kiss Nell gave her before leaving her forever. That kiss of betrayal. That kiss that played gently at her lips, taunting her that her hopes of a better life were once again gone. Just as they had been three years before with Ántonin.

Norwyn found her, and she begged herself not to cry, to admit how wounded she was. He cleared his throat. "I saw him go. What is wrong, my child? I had assumed you two resolved your differences." He pressed her head to his chest, holding her broken body in his arms, rocking her back and forth beneath the great, starless sky.

Light Spinner sniffed and sank against him, breathing in the scent of potting soil on his clothes. At least Norwyn would always be here for her, as her father. "Nell...he left me."

Norwyn's eyebrows knit together. "What do you mean, my child? He told you he would marry you. Why, I had been planning to walk you to the boutique this week to choose a dress."

"He changed his mind," she said, her voice trembling. "He said his parents wouldn't pay for his education. I told him I had enough money for a whole Emeth in Medicancy, but he refused me. He said...he said that I needed to move on. That we both did."

Norwyn held her for a while. "Nell simply needed a way forward, child. Sometimes people...they get to a place, thanks to you, where they can finally spread their wings and fly. You must be willing to let go."

The words gored Light Spinner through the chest, and she sobbed. Sobbed for the lost companionship with him, for the fact she would never read books, or dance, or ride a horse with him again. Sobbed for the fact that the boy with the tawny skin, that handsome biracial Del, would never be her husband.

Light Spinner crushed her eyes shut. It's ironic, really. How things always end for me, how they must end every time. I have lost two things once again: my best friend, and motherhood.

She tried to cast a kinesis spell to move herself, but she couldn't focus. Closing her eyes, she kept her breath level for fear of jostling her rib, and stayed still. She would wait for the Spell to bleed the life out of her. It was a merciful end, since she'd destroyed her own life without even trying.

Micah lay in her bed that night, staring at a picture of Light Spinner from her Guild coronation hanging above her bathroom door. He didn't know how to sleep unless she was in the next room or on the couch, and he knew she would be there if he needed her. Sleeping in her bed had recovered her rosy fragrance, but it just reminded him of what had happened three hours before.

He summoned the picture to his hands. Back then he'd thought she was sad - now he knew just how far down that sorrow could go, how twisted her mind had become. Had she loved him at all? Or was she just using his power for the Spell - a spell that he had backed out of? Her voice, vengeful and teary, echoed in his mind like the sound of a concha against his ear. There were so many questions he would ask her, if only they'd had more time.

In the end, he hadn't been enough for Emeth Light Spinner. But the rest of the world had known she was trouble from the start, and it would go on as though nothing had happened. Arvina had been crowned the Head Sorceress in private, and Light Spinner's spot would be empty until Micah or someone else took her place.

He vowed not to make her mistakes, but what were those mistakes? Manipulating a teenager for her own gain - even though she had gladly put her life on the line for him in times past and saved him? Letting anger cloud her better judgment - though the Guild's was just as poor? Allowing fear of the future to impact her morality - though Light Spinner was the bravest person he'd known?

There were a thousand questions he would ask her. He searched in her nightstand for a journal so he could write his letters and send them to her if she made it out alive.

Dear Light Spinner, he wrote in Meyan. He would get better at expressing himself later. I miss you so much. It's only been a few hours since you left me. But I...

He blushed. I miss your crêpes. They taste amazing. And I want to give you a hug. I want to know why you left.

He wasn't a good writer like her. But he could almost picture her taking a shuddering breath as she wiped the tears from her scarred face and read his letters, and that eased his embarrassment. I don't think there's anything that'd make me stop loving you.

Light Spinner longed for the Spell of Obtainment to kill her. Death was better than living without power, without support from any kingdom, without her Micah. But death refused to come. Why wouldn't it come?

After a time, she pressed her hands to her face, which was sticky with sweat and blood and shadow. At last, she sat up. If I'm not going to die, I should at least know where I'm lying here like a fool.

Sand crawled beneath her fingers, and the silver glimmer of the ocean stretched a few hundred yards away from her. Light Spinner squinted, a current flowing around her, gold and blue and violet sparkles soaking into the sand.

Magic. I can see magic. Not just the moondust...the power within it. It's so beautiful.

And in the distance, at the Arrowhead Delta, was a single small hut, its roof collapsed. Light Spinner gasped against the pain of her broken rib, but worked up the strength to move again. Anywhere the moondust landed on her body sent small tingles of pleasure down her spine, and strength.

She stumbled on her hands and knees toward the door of the house. The seashell wreath rested crookedly on the door, just as Micah had described it to her, with the Closca de conx in blue, white, and yellow. She stood against the pain in her back and shoulders and entered the room, her hands having aged a thousand years in only a few hours.

The house was so small. So humble, just like him. If she had known that his plucky attitude, his precious dark eyes, and his warm arms would become the staple of her sanity - moons, would she have hugged him on the spot when they'd met.

Light Spinner fought against the hand that now had a hold of her heart, that forced her entire body to scream power, power, power. She feared she would obtain Micah just as she'd obtained Norwyn. She picked up a tiny doll in the corner of the room, which had looked like her before the Spell had raked its ugly claws across her skin. Micah had probably made this to show his mother what Light Spinner looked like when he'd come home that first summer, back when he had just been another student.

Her hands clenched, and the Spell won the battle for her heart. I love him still. But since she could not have Micah, she would make those who had stolen him away from her share her pain.

The next day, Micah stood in front of the mirror in Light Spinner's office. Today was his last day here, after which he would be living with Emeth Arvina until he came of age.

I need help. Help from someone who doesn't think Light Spinner was evil. "Take me to Queen Angella's palace." The glass swirled before his eyes, fading into the castle. He inhaled. The last time he'd been there, it had been with Light Spinner, only six months ago.

He stepped through the soupy silver liquid, staying focused and dedicated to reaching the other side, just like she'd taught him. His own voice from the night before terrified him. The Spell was evil. You saw what it was doing to the room. To us.

Micah stopped in the In-Between as pressure cramped down on him. Sighing echoed around him in the mirror, and his gaze passed to his hands. Stay focused, Micah. There's no one to save you if you get stuck.

Trudging onward, he reached the white window and exited the In-Between to Bright Moon Palace. When he looked up, Queen Angella was holding her face in her hands.

A shock passed through Micah. Does she know? "Your Majesty?"

Angella gazed up in surprise. "Micah? Where is Emeth Light Spinner?" A breathy laugh. "Or did you two get separated again?"

He hugged himself. After a moment, her eyes widened. "Micah, what's wrong?"

Micah gave a shuddering sigh. "Light Spinner - she...she's gone. Not dead - at least, I don't know - but she's not around." Tears welled in his eyes, and he crushed them shut. "I think she might have tricked me," he said, his voice wobbling. "She used the Spell of Obtainment - or at least she tried -"

Angella's eyes widened. "The Spell of Obtainment? Micah, that's not your fault. What did she tell you?"

"That she modified it and it wasn't dangerous. But she was wrong. Something went wrong, and I think..." He swallowed. "It was my fault."

The queen knit her brows. "Are you here alone?"

"Yes. I shouldn't even be telling you about it - it was supposed to be a secret thing in Mystacor." He wiped his tears away. "I need your help."

"With what?" she asked, standing again. Her violet eyes were kind, as always.

I will join your Rebellion. For both of you.

Micah steadied himself. "I want to know if she's really dead. She taught me about power readings - there's a thing people can use to find out where a sorcerer traveled."

"Of course I'll help you," Angella said gently. "Is it a spell?"

"Sort of. I'm going to need a cauldron and these ingredients," he said, writing with magic in the air. "We'll need to do it outside."

Angella nodded, looking at the list. Then she spoke to one of her servants, and they exited the room. She placed a hand on his shoulder, her expression grave. "Even if we find Light Spinner, you won't be able to see her for a long time. You understand this, don't you?"

Micah lowered his eyes; that truth had been so difficult for him to face. Even if she survived the Spell, she would be stripped of custody and banished from Mystacor, and placed in a Drylian prison for life at best. Micah wasn't even sure if he wanted her to be alive, not if she was the same rabid animal that had killed Norwyn.

But the other part of him, the part that loved her unconditionally, would never give up on her. Because whatever she was that night, it hadn't been Light Spinner. It couldn't be. You'll always have me as your friend, Light Spinner, he thought, thinking of the time they'd held one another in the snow. Always.

He nodded. "I just want her to be alive. And for us to save her."

Angella placed a hand on his shoulder. "And we will find out together soon."

Micah cast the spell. "Show me where Light Spinner last teleported." He breathed deeply, drawing the mandala in the cauldron, and it shimmered pale blue just like his magic had always been.

But the magic faded to dark purple. Angella knit her brows together beside him, clasping her hands together. Micah stretched his gaze toward the horizon, then looked at his compass. She went east. East right toward...

His eyes widened. "She went right toward Tropicilas."

Angella gave a sharp inhale, and Micah sighed, tears stinging his eyes. His hopes of getting his teacher back, whoever she was now, waned away. The Fright Zone knew who she was, especially since she had attacked the Horde before.

"I'm...so sorry," Angella said, putting her hand on his shoulder, but he pushed it off and rushed toward the mirror, silent tears rushing down his cheeks.

Only a year after his mother died, he'd lost his best friend too.

Could it have been a nightmare? If so, he longed to wake up and enter the common room of her house. He wanted to hold her and feel her deep voice rise within her like a mighty earthquake. His fingertips needed to cling to that anchor of strength and love. But he would never hear her voice again.