Red Light
You rest your head against the back of your seat waiting for this damn red light to change, silently thanking all said deities that you were able to sneak out of the poor excuse of a reunion party. Hands on the steering wheel your eyes begin to close as the music on the radio begins to fade.
You used to love when the light turned red. So you could lean to your right side and kiss her lips...
.
Small Flashback
"Baby" she sighs as you kiss her neck
"It's a red light we have time" you husk back licking from the base of her neck up to her ear lobe as your left hand gently turns her chin, allowing you better access.
"Fuck, I love you" she moans as you smile sucking on her pulse point, mentally high fiving yourself because you do this to her and you can't wait to get her home so you can remind her just how much she means to you, to show her over and over again just how much you love her.
"I love you too Luce"
End flashback
.
.
Tonight was the first time you've seen her since you both left for college, your mind kept replaying the millions of shared memories while your heart did everything in its power to shield you from them. Knowing it was a battle you'd never win, you resorted to sneaking out of said party. You really should have known better, you always were defenseless when it came to her and tonight seemed to cemented it.
Quickly coming to the conclusion, you're still very much in love with her and probably always will be.
And as disappointment hits you realize it will never be enough because you're Santana Lopez, she's Quinn Fabray and between your reputations and histories,
it was doomed before it even started.
You told yourself over and over again that you were both headed on different life paths and over time the arguments began to center around whether or not the long distance would even work after high school because honestly who makes it and after many, many arguments you both agree to end it. Now she's at Yale and you're at Columbia
Remembering back to the night of the failed wedding, you were determined to show her you were different than anyone else she'd ever been with and for the night it seemed to be enough. But after not being acknowledged by her tonight at the glee reunion party, you think maybe you were just a beautiful distraction for her. Knowing in the end you'll always be her best friend and maybe that steamy affair just wasn't enough. You think maybe it meant more to you than it ever would to her.
Hearing a nearby engine rev shakes you out of your reverie. Glancing to your left your heart drops. There she sits, angelic almost in the way the moonlight seems to frame her, the way her eyes are closed as she smiles bobbing her head against the headrest and you wonder what song she's listening too. Knowing you should probably look away, you can't bring yourself to do it and then you see him pull her in. And you never thought you'd have to watch her do that with someone else. She doesn't seem to fight it, instead she allows herself to lean in a little before shaking her head. He brings his left hand up as he cups her cheek nodding and you notice it's almost exactly like the way you used to and you wonder if she feels the same spark with him like she did with you?
Double checking again to make sure the light hasn't changed you glance back. Hazel eyes meet brown and as her smile slowly fades you see her normally beautiful stary eyes are now filled with tears and it makes you think maybe, just maybe a small part of her still loves you.
But the truth is she probably always will, it just may not be in the way you want her too and maybe that's all she can give you but sooner or later you may have to accept that.
As the car behind you honks your realize the light has now turned green, putting the car in drive, you wipe the tears from your eyes offering her a small nod. Driving away you turn up the radio as you hear the chorus and laugh realizing you probably look like a crazy person right now as the mascara filled tears continue to streak down your face. And as much as you have always hated this song, the singers words still ring true.
Almost really is never enough.
For the first time in a long time you allow yourself to really get lost in the lyrics and wonder, would she feel differently now if she knew how you truly felt? Maybe she was just as scared and heartbroken as you were? Does she know what that night meant to you? As you ask yourself these questions one giant question rings through, are you really willing to risk waiting until it's truly too late?
Deciding to take a small detour you pull up to her parents house, noticing her bedroom light is on you exhale a sigh of relief when you don't see his car in her driveway. Sliding the lock on the back gate you venture through the yard. You cautiously toss a pebble, not a rock because you don't need a repeat of Russell Fabray bitching you out for breaking said window so you wait….And just as you're about to toss another, it finally opens. Standing there in her black tank top and short pink sleep shorts, she never fails to steal your breath, even now she looks so beautiful with her hair pulled up haphazardly as she dries her face.
After tossing the towel aside she smiles softly waving you up and you slowly shimmy up the ladder the two of you hid behind the roses back in 8th grade. Once in her room you sit on the ledge with your hands on your knees taking a moment to catch your breath because you haven't worked out since being back in Lima and it shows.
You look at her sitting on the bed patiently waiting for whatever you have to say and you tell yourself it's now or never. Taking a big gulp you move to kneel in front of her and when she places her hands on your cheeks asking if you're okay, it gives you just enough courage and confidence to hope that maybe, just maybe she'll feel the same.
You tell her how your feelings never changed after the break up, you tell her how you can't stand seeing her with anyone else, that you're willing to travel to New Haven every weekend if that's what it will take, you pour out every ounce of your heart and to be honest a little part of you is surprised that
A. She hasn't stopped your rambling.
B. She hasn't laughed or made fun of you for being so cheesy.
No.
She simply grabs your cheeks gently caressing them as she offers a sweet kiss. Pulling back she then goes on to tell you the kiss you thought you witnessed tonight was a respectful -I-like-you-only-as-friend- rejection and nothing more. She continues on to say her feelings for you have not only doubled they've tripled since the failed wedding hookup but she wasn't sure you felt the same.
In that moment you both realize distance was never the problem at all, it was fear.
She nods smiling through the tears as she reminds you that you're Santana Lopez, she's Quinn Fabray and rules have never applied to either one of you.
As she initiates another kiss you smile as she slowly lays back on the bed gently pulling you on top of her, promising once you both land back in New York you'll give this a fair chance, no distance, no small town, no parents or grandparents getting in the way, just the two of you. Before taking anything further she leans back and makes you promise that this time you're both in this together no breaking up, no arguing and that you'll both communicate your feelings and fears at all times.
Nodding you both agree to make the effort.
Again you smile against her lips because you believe her, more importantly you truly know her and the best part is, she never stopped loving you. Maybe it's time to allow yourself to fully trust in that love. Moving next to her, you close the small distance again because tonight she's in your arms again, tonight it'll be your name rolling off her perfect lips and because nothing is going to stop you from finally having your dream girl.
This time you promise yourself, that you're going to do everything in your power to make sure it lasts a lifetime as you tell her over and over you're never letting her go.
