It was only later that I found out that Mrs Sakauchi used my absence to lie to Lord Pembridge. She told him that she had mentioned my attendance to some well known rakes and that I was no doubt going to dance with all of them.
I was later told that some of these rakes, none of which I knew the names of, would have viewed me as something of a conquest.
Needless to say, Lord Pembridge had no intention of allowing any such man to dance with me, despite the other consequences…
"You have no one for this dance, do you?"
"Lord Pembridge! I thought you were going to stay in the refreshment room."
"I had intended such a thing, until Mrs Sakauchi mentioned something. I will take this dance."
"Lord Pembridge," Mai hissed, "That would be the second dance—"
"Or do you intend to stop dancing?"
Cheeks once again scarlet red, Mai accepted the dance. So distracted was she by the stares of some members of the crowd that she danced quite poorly, though if Lord Pembridge noticed, nothing was said by him.
Once the dance ended, Mai all but ran from Lord Pembridge. She located Madoka and dragged her to a corner in the card room.
"We are to play at piquet until it is time to return to Harker Hall," Mai stated.
"Whatever is the matter?"
"Lord Pembridge is the matter. He has been out of society long enough to forget what certain actions mean. He has no idea what he just did and…"
"Lady Astley, calm yourself. Here, let me deal the cards," Madoka took the deck, "Tell me what he did?"
"He asked me to dance a second time."
Madoka's eyes widened for a moment, then a smirk grew across her features.
"Oh really, did he now? And how was it? You danced with him in London too, yes?"
"A few times, yes."
"Mrs Sakauchi will be thrilled."
"What?"
"She has been in contact with his mother, you know?" Miss Mori asked.
"No, she has? But why?"
"Lady Pembridge recognised that you were the only person he would dance with. That you got along well…"
"That is only a recent thing," Mai insisted. "Only while we were in London was he friendly. As soon as we returned to this place, he became cold towards me again."
"Until you, yourself, became quite cold. Was he not very attentive to your needs?" Madoka asked.
"Because you were causing such a stir!"
"He came tonight, I did not ask him to do that."
Mai looked away in distress.
"You cannot seriously be suggesting that Lord Pembridge is in love with me."
"Not love, not yet. But I think he has feelings in that direction. I think with some encouragement and kindness, you could win him over."
"He is only kind to me out of duty to my late husband, nothing more. Please, stop with this nonsense."
"If you say so, my Lady. But do let him down gently, if you are to refuse him."
"Miss Mori, you are being quite ridiculous."
"There are a great many people that care for that man, regardless of whether his manners deserve such treatment. I do not want you to break his heart as well. He has lost so much already."
Feelings rose in Mai that she could not contain.
"Excuse me."
"Lady Astley?"
Mai ignored Madoka and stood. She swept from the room, collected her coat and marched out of the front doors. She knew it to be rude to not say farewell to her hostess, but she would write and apologise on the morrow.
For now, she was too furious at it all.
It being Madoka's ridiculous notions. It being Lady Pembridge meddling in the trifling friendship she had established with her son. It being Mrs Sakauchi assisting in that meddling.
How dare they?
She strode through the cold winter night. Snow had begun to fall again and several groundsmen were out ensuring the road did not become impassable.
"My Lady, should you be alone at this time of night?"
She ignored them. While she knew their words to be from kindness, she did not think she could speak to anyone civilly at the moment.
She left the Sakauchi Estate and began in the direction she believed Harker Hall to be. Mai cursed to herself, wishing she had paid more attention on her previous journeys to and from this place.
Some quarter of an hour later, a carriage drew up behind her.
"Lady Astley, please get in the carriage," the coachman said. "I will take you home and return for Lord Pembridge and Miss Mori after."
Mai burst into tears and thanked the coachman. Her winter coat had not quite been warm enough and she was sure she was lost. The coachman jumped down, helped her in and then drove her home.
Mai was too embarrassed to be seen at breakfast the next morning, so she asked a maid to have food brought up. Miss Mori, who evidently realised she had spoken out of turn, had not made an appearance.
She ate, read a little of a book — not Berkeley's gift, but a different, lighter and happier novel — and determined to go for a walk.
Mai made her usual round of the grounds and finished at the greenhouse. She had expected to find Takigawa there, but instead she found a redheaded woman she did not immediately recognise.
"My Lady, I apologise, I did not—"
"Do not apologise, I am afraid I do not know your name?"
"Ayako Matsuzaki, my Lady."
"The cook! Yes, Miss Mori has spoken much of you. And so had Mr Takigawa. You are well liked."
"It is not hard to be well liked when you cook as well as I do, my Lady."
Mai laughed.
"I expect not. Well I thank you for all your excellent meals, especially those when I took ill."
"Thank you, my Lady."
"You are collecting herbs?"
"Yes, my Lady, for tonight's dinner. Roast lamb, I was collecting rosemary."
"A wonderful combination."
"If I could be so bold, my Lady, Madoka — Miss Mori, I mean — was quite distraught this morning. She recognises that she upset you last night at the ball, but when you left in such a hurry… She feared you had been kidnapped and…"
"I returned here, that is all."
"Yes, the coachman made her aware of that fact. But she is embarrassed to talk to you now, and while I understand you might still be upset with her, could you find in your heart to forgive her? She meddles where she should not. I understand that; she has been trying to imply Mr Takigawa has feelings for me, which is ridiculous. But she means well. She does not expect to marry well herself, or even for love. She wants to see those she cares about happy."
Mai remembered Takigawa's own words on the subject, but decided this was not the best time to share them.
"I see." Mai looked around at the floor for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. "At the moment, I am still upset. The feeling has settled in my chest and I do not know how to… How to lighten the heavy sensation I feel."
"Perhaps speaking to her about your feelings might help. And I do not say this as someone who is tired of hearing Miss Mori cry at my kitchen table."
Mai could not help but laugh at this.
"Thank you, Miss Matsuzaki. You are wise in ways more than just as a cook it seems."
Matsuzaki smiled.
"I have had to settle a fair amount of squabbles between the younger maids. And though you yourself are highborn, I think some things are universal."
"I think you are right," Mai agreed. "Thank you. I will let you get on with your work."
She left the greenhouse and walked a little longer, not quite ready to return to the house.
When she did return, she took up residence in the drawing room and asked a maid to fetch Madoka and the pot for tea.
The maid returned with Madoka and a tray laden with things for tea. Mai set about pouring tea, allowing Madoka to stew a little longer in her chair.
"I spoke with Miss Matsuzaki this morning."
Madoka's eyes widened.
"She told me you have been distracting her from her work."
"I—"
"And that this is due to the disagreement we had last night."
"Lady Astley, I am so sorry. I did not mean—"
"She also told me that you care a great deal for certain people, myself included. And while I was hurt by your words, I understand that they come from a place of kindness."
"Lady Astley, I—"
"I do not want to remain upset with you," Mai continued. "I ought not to have left as I did. But you should not have spoken as you did. We are both at fault. I apologise for my abrupt departure. Please be rest assured that the coachman saw me home."
"He told us so. Lord Pembridge was quite furious. Lady Astley, I am so sorry. You are right, I should not have spoken as I did. I forget myself often. I will not do it again."
"I daresay you will do it again. It is in your nature. But I hope next time to be better prepared for it."
Miss Mori had the good nature to look ashamed of herself.
"Was Lord Pembridge angry with the coachman or myself?"
"Both. But the coachman has heard far worse. He is not to be punished. And as you were not at breakfast…"
"I think I ought to make a basket to thank the coachman. Once we have finished our tea, we will do that, I think."
Madoka nodded.
"Did I miss anything else of note last night?"
"Lord Pembridge also had some terse words for Mrs Sakauchi after she implied you had left early due to his dreadful dancing. There was a great deal of gossip about the fact that you had two dances with him and then left."
"I must have caused him some embarrassment. I will apologise to him."
They finished their tea and invaded the kitchen. Matsuzaki, though she did not say anything, looked pleased that the two women were speaking to one another again. She gave them a basket to fill with various nice things and instructed them where on the property they could find the coachman at a time like this.
They delivered the basket which was accepted gracefully.
"Any good man would have done the same thing, my Lady. And the Lord's ire is not so bad. But my wife will do wonders with what you have given me here. Thank you."
After that, as it was getting late, Mai and Madoka returned to the house where they dressed for dinner. Mai arrived a little early so she could feel settled before apologising to Lord Pembridge.
He arrived perfectly on time, sent one glare her way, then sat down without a word.
"Lord Pembridge, I must apologise to you. My leaving so suddenly must have caused you great personal embarrassment and that was not my intention. Nevertheless, I must have—"
"You think that is why I am angry? You think I care what the gossips of this town say about me?" he asked, his voice deadly calm.
"I can see no other reason—"
"Lady Astley," he interrupted. "I spent all day ensuring your health and then you disappear into the cold night with only that flimsy coat and you think I am angry about my reputation?"
"I—"
"I promised your husband I would care for you, that I would keep you happy and healthy and you flagrantly try to make my life as difficult as possible!"
He stood up and placed his hands on the table.
"What will it take? Hmm? What will it take for you to understand?"
"I do not…"
"Leave us," he ordered the servants. He glared at Madoka, who also hastened from the room.
Mai stood herself, her heart beating in her chest.
"Lord Pembridge, I—"
"What will it take for you to understand?" he asked again. "What must I do?"
"My Lord, you seem quite unwell, perhaps I should take my leave of you and find a doctor—"
"I am quite unwell, yes. I am burdened with a great many things. And for most of them, I continue out of duty. I have a duty to the people of this house, of this town. I must manage the whole damn lot to keep everyone alive and well." He straightened. "There are very few things I do for more sentimental reasons. I care personally for so very few and yet in the few short months you have been here… You called me 'Oliver' and I lay at night thinking about that. The way you said it to me as if you trusted me to protect you and—"
"My Lord—"
"I care for you, Lady Astley. Do you not see it? Are my actions not clear enough?"
"You are mistaken, this is just your duty my husband and your promise to him. You said so yourself."
Lord Pembridge's face was unreadable.
"And I suppose that is all you can ever see me as? A promise to your dead husband?"
"You are quite unwell, I am going to fetch Mr Lin," Mai said. "Excuse me."
She opened the doors to find the various servants that had been banished listening intently. They scattered.
"Where is Mr Lin?"
"I am here, my Lady, how might I be of service?"
"Lord Pembridge is not himself. I think perhaps too much drink or too little food, I am not sure. Please can you care for him. And have my dinner brought to my private rooms, and Miss Mori's too."
Mai took Miss Mori's arm — she too had been listening at the door — and led her away.
Author's note: Thank you all again for your reviews, someone asked a question about the italic bits. Those are Mai writing to her unborn child as she waits to give birth. I do not think she would actually give such a raw account to a child, but I'd like to think maybe when the kid was like 8 or 9 she would convert this into a sanitised but creepy story to tell them... How is everyone's new years resolutions going? I am doing well so far! I actually threw out a pair of worn out socks. I am so proud of myself!
