Every time, Intrepid thought as she tried to shake the jittery feeling she felt before combat. Every single time.
She took a deep breath, counted to four, and then let it out slowly as she looked to her left and right. Beside her Baltimore, Essex, and Atlanta were all making final checks of their rigging, making sure everything was set and ready to go. They knew something was up, and that they all wanted in on it. But for Intrepid, she felt that pressure more keenly than most. Or at least, she felt like she did.
Of course, there was the obvious fear of being sidelined while everyone else goes out and gets the glory on some big mission, but for her, something was weighing even more heavily on her: the fear of disappointing John. This was her big chance, and if she blew it now, then she'd spend the next few weeks scrambling to catch up and prove that she was good enough. If she'd even be able to. And while she knew that her budding relationship with him wasn't contingent upon her success, if she didn't get to go with him, they'd be on opposite ends of the world just when things were finally starting to click.
Hey, you're the Fighting I! She thought to herself, trying to shake off that old, familiar anxiety. You've got this! You've got Essex and Baltimore and Atlanta here with you, and we're going to kick some ass, no matter who it is!
A grin spread across herself as she felt those fears fading, replaced by a growing self-confidence. A self-confidence that would be shattered when the doors on the other side of the training arena groaned open and revealed their opponents.
First out was the Hornet, followed by Warspite, wielding her massive sword, then Columbia, and finally, much to her complete dismay, Sheffield.
Her heart sank at this lineup. All battle-hardened veterans, all with impressive records that would far outstrip hers. And to top it all off, there's Sheffield. Oh, god, please don't let her do any flips or cartwheels…
Her downward spiral continued as they made their way out to their assigned starting positions. They'd formulated an attack plan beforehand, for all the good that would do now. This is it. I'm going to screw this up and ruin this for everyone and we're going to be stuck here for months without the Commander. Again.
No! She emphatically shook her head, fighting off the growing despair, replacing it with a defiant rage that swelled up from within. She wasn't going to just lie down and let them win. Even if she failed, she would show John and everyone else what it was to be the best damn carrier she could be!
Her resolve came back just in time for the buzzer to blare across the training grounds, signaling for the match to start. Everyone sprang into motion, darting across the lagoon in separate directions, each looking for a gap in the enemy's defenses to exploit. Intrepid quickly began sailing backward, keeping pace with Essex as they both launched their first waves of aircraft. As they'd arranged earlier, Essex launched Corsairs and Helldivers while Intrepid launched Hellcats and Avengers. The aircraft roared into the air and directly towards Hornet. If they managed to neutralize her, they could play to their strengths and keep Warspite as far away as possible.
Her heart was racing as she directed her Avengers around the lagoon, trying to bypass Columbia and Sheffield's murderous AA fire and strike at Hornet from an unexpected quarter. Columbia, however, picked up the maneuver and tried to cut across to catch the squadron of torpedo bombers. But as she tried to intercept them, Baltimore quickly caught her out with a volley of eight-inch gunfire, forcing the light cruiser back in line.
Things were going well, Intrepid thought. In fact, a little too well… Baltimore pinning down Columbia aside, no enemy fighters had risen to meet her strike planes and she didn't see anything else on radar, either. But if Hornet wasn't launching aircraft just yet, that could only mean one thing...
"I think Hornet's going to hit us with her B-25s," she hissed over the radio to Essex, who glanced over and gave her a curt nod.
"Agreed," Essex concurred, "Let's hope we can knock her out before she can get them off her deck."
Intrepid emphatically nodded once and refocused her attention on her Avengers, pushing them down into attack position. Hornet's anti-aircraft fire began to open up, an intense volley that eased up as her systems began to split fire between Intrepid's Avengers and Essex's Helldivers as they nosed over and dove down in their own attack run. As the aircraft grew closer to Hornet, she could make out the Marauders starting to materialize on her flight deck. If she screwed this up, then Hornet's counterpunch could cripple them both.
Explosions rocked and buffeted the heavy Avengers, and the lead aircraft's engine burst into flame. It stayed aloft, however, and that was all Intrepid could ask of it. To keep on course for another five seconds. To the plane's credit, it held out for seven before crashing into the sea with a thunderous splash, but not before it had loosed its lethal payload, along with its squadmates. Dozens of tiny wakes all converged on Hornet, surrounding her in geysers of water that overlapped just as Essex's bombers struck home, sending up huge clouds of smoke and flame. When everything cleared, Hornet was out of action, dejectedly headed out of the combat zone.
Her heart skipped a beat and Intrepid let out a little "Yes!" as she directed her Avengers to head home, already preparing a wave of Helldivers. But such elation would be short-lived, ended by three little words.
"Bella dura despicio!"
Intrepid never wondered before then if the Sirens felt fear, but if they did, she suddenly understood the terror they must have felt when they heard that cry. Immediately following those words, Warspite's cannons thundered with a volley that landed directly on Atlanta. When the smoke cleared, the poor shipgirl was floating on her back, staring dazedly up at the sky. Clearly, she was out.
And that spelled trouble for them. With Atlanta out, it left Baltimore to fend off two light cruisers on her own, and Sheffield was already closing to torpedo range, knowing the heavy cruiser didn't have any of her own to keep the spy honest. And once she was down, Intrepid and Essex were in serious trouble.
Quickly sizing up the situation, Intrepid saw two courses of action. The first was to focus their attacks on Warspite and knock her out before she could get off another salvo like that again, the other was to try and take out Sheffield or Columbia to even things out for Baltimore. If she picked wrong, it would end in disaster for them. She shut her eyes for a second, took a deep breath, and made her choice.
"Essex!" she called out over the radio, "I'm going for Sheffield to ease the pressure off Baltimore!"
Essex gave a thumbs up as Avengers roared from her deck. "Got it! I'll keep Warspite busy!"
Another flight of Hellcats leapt from Intrepid's rigging, followed closely by the heavy Helldivers. While there were no enemy aircraft to pounce on her dive bombers, the fighters would at least soak up some AA fire meant for her attack craft. It didn't take long for them to reach Sheffield, and as one, all of her planes rolled into their attack dive. Gunfire spat from the wingtips of her Hellcats as they tried to divert attention from the Helldivers that were screaming down towards the target below them. Columbia's anti-air fire joined Sheffield, filling the sky with tracer rounds and flak, sending plane after plane tumbling from the sky in flames. But despite their best efforts, most of the dive bombers got through, pulling up as they released their payloads.
The sea around Sheffield boiled with near misses, and for a second, Intrepid thought she blew it, her heart beginning to sink until the remaining bombs scored hit after hit on the Royal maid. When the smoke cleared, she was still able to fight, although by how slow she was moving, it was clear she'd been crippled. All it took was one broadside from Baltimore to knock her out completely.
"Nice save, Intrepid," Baltimore sighed over the radio, "Thought I was toast."
Intrepid couldn't help but grin as Essex cut in as well, "Good job, Intrepid! Now let's-" Whatever plan Essex had, they'd never find out. Warspite had reloaded.
"Bella dura despicio!"
The battleship's guns thundered again, the shells arcing towards Essex this time. The carrier quickly crossed her arms in front of her face and shielded herself with her rigging, the heavy blows slamming into her flight deck. While the salvo didn't knock her completely out of the fight, her rigging was pockmarked with a half dozen holes. She wasn't going to be launching any more aircraft this match.
"I'm out!" she cursed as she began sailing out of the area. "It's all on you two!"
No pressure, Intrepid sarcastically thought as she tried to keep her heart rate and breathing in check. She had to keep playing things perfectly or she and Baltimore were toast, and if she felt the pressure before, it was almost crippling now. Her blue eyes darted around the lagoon as she assessed what was left of the field. Baltimore and Columbia were still duking it out, although it was growing increasingly clear that Baltimore was gaining the upper hand. Warspite seemed mostly intact, although she was maneuvering a bit slower after Essex's strike. If she got another barrage off, Intrepid was sure she'd be the next target and that would be it for them.
The carrier took a few calming breaths and decided to lay it all on the line. She launched every single aircraft she could as quickly as she could, and on soaring silver wings, her entire air group took to the sky. Controlling that many planes at once was incredibly taxing on the kansen, and sweat poured down her face as she tried to keep them all in formation. Warspite easily saw the oncoming swarm and immediately began taking evasive maneuvers, but the blows Essex had struck severely limited her mobility. In desperation, Columbia broke off her engagement with Baltimore, rushing back to Warspite to try and shield her, even if it left her vulnerable to the heavy cruiser.
In the end, it was all for naught. Bombs rained down on Warspite as the seas churned with the wakes of dozens of torpedoes, all converging on the venerable warship in a cacophony of explosions.
With Warspite out of the battle, and Columbia severely damaged, the light cruiser held up her hands in surrender. The buzzer sounded and Intrepid let out an excited whoop as she punched the sky.
"We did it!" she cheered, and Baltimore joined in while Essex was busy getting Atlanta back onto her feet.
"Congratulations to the Blue Team on their victory," Enterprise's voice boomed across the training grounds, carried by the speakers placed all around the lagoon. "Please head back inside for repair and debriefing."
One by one, they all filed out of the arena, with Intrepid being the last to leave. Still on an adrenaline high, and buoyed by her success, she spotted a camera trained on her. Knowing John would see it, she raised her hand to wave excitedly at it…
…and promptly smacked it against her rigging. While I couldn't hear what looked to be a rather colorful curse, I saw her grasp her hand, flexing it for a second before she shook it off and gave the camera a proper wave just before the feed cut out. I chuckled and shook my head at her clumsy, but adorable enthusiasm as I closed the file out. It was a truly impressive show, even if that last wave looked like it really took it out of her.
Which brought my doubts as to what exactly I was bringing to this relationship. Bremerton said she needed a good support, but based on what I saw, she was good enough on her own. I seriously doubted my words lit a fire that big under her. No, this was something she had on her own, she didn't need me. I leaned back in my chair and let out a long sigh. The biggest problem is that I didn't know what I could offer her because I don't know who I am anymore. I'd become the job, and after what I experienced up in the Polar regions, I wasn't sure that I could trust my own memories anymore.
Did I really look up at those stars when I was younger and wonder about life beyond our solar system, life, and love? Or was that something that was made up and…implanted somehow? Or was that somehow carried over from this…other me? How much of me is truly me?
I doubted I would get any answers to those questions. The Siren facility was less than forthcoming with answers, and unless I could find another one like it, I held little hope that I would find what I sought. And so, I would have to deal with these questions on my own.
And now I had this new question to add to the pile. What did I bring to this? From what I could see, nothing. She didn't need me.
But you need her.
That traitorous thought made me sit upright as I realized it had a point. On some level, part of me did need her, that I got something from her. I enjoyed our time together in a way I haven't felt…well, in a long while. My stomach growled and I sighed, almost welcoming the distraction. In any case, I wouldn't be doing much thinking on an empty stomach. I slowly got to my feet and decided to head out for lunch, hoping the fresh air would help clear my head…
After picking up a sandwich and a drink from the commissary, I found a bench that was off the beaten path. As a bonus, it had a good view of the harbor, and I found myself watching the ships and shipgirls going out to sea. As I slowly ate my lunch, my thoughts turned back to Intrepid, myself, and our relationship. Unfortunately, the fresh air did little to allay my concerns nor did the walk give me any clarity as to my next course of action. Fortunately, salvation was just around the corner.
"Heya, Commander!" came the familiar, upbeat voice of Bremerton. "Didn't think I'd find you here of all places!"
I turned around, my mouth still full of pastrami and rye to find her standing there, with a full tray of food in her hands and a smile on her face. I held up my finger so I could finish chewing before I replied. "Didn't expect anyone'd be here," I answered with a wry grin. "What brings you out here?"
"Intrepid's still doing training stuff so I figured I'd enjoy the nice weather while I had lunch," she shrugged. "Guess I wasn't the only one. Mind if I sit with you?"
"Not at all," I smiled as I scooted over on the bench to give her more room.
Bremerton smiled back as she took her seat and placed her tray in the space between us. "So you're working Intrepid pretty hard by the sounds of it."
I grinned somewhat sheepishly and shrugged. "Enterprise is handling the day-to-day training operations, I just put together the overall group lists."
When I wasn't more forthcoming, she nudged me in the ribs and gave me a conspiratorial grin. "Well, don't keep me in the dark! How's she doing?"
"I've only got the results from the first training exercise, but she's placed first so far." I tried to keep a positive tone in my voice, but I should've known better than to try and hide from Bremerton.
"Then how come you don't sound happy about it?" she asked softly.
"I am," I quickly explained. "I'm very proud of her, don't get me wrong. She had a tough fight against some serious opponents and she came out on top. I just…" I sighed and tried to collect my thoughts. "You said she needed my support, but based on what I just saw, she's doing just fine on her own."
She took a sip of her drink and stared intently at me, her eyes boring into me. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you, Commander?"
"I just…I feel like I don't bring anything to the relationship," I confessed as I slumped back against the bench.
Bremerton graced me with a reassuring smile. "Of course you bring something. Yourself."
"And how much of me is me?" I asked, glancing around to make sure we were completely alone.
"Ah," she said, her smile faltering. "That's…not an easy question to answer. In the end, unless you can find another site that would unlock more memories, if that's what they are, really the only one who can tell that is…well, you."
I let out a resigned sigh and shook my head. "I was afraid you'd say that."
The pink-haired cruiser gave me a sympathetic grin and shrugged. "Sorry, wish I had better news." We sat in silence for a few more moments as Bremerton chewed thoughtfully on a grape. Eventually, she spoke up again. "So…if you aren't sure about your past, what about your future?"
I side-eyed her and raised an eyebrow at her question. "The future? Definitely unsure about that. Hard to predict what will happen in the next five minutes around here, let alone five years."
"Fair enough," she chuckled. "Let me rephrase. If you're worried about your past not being real, does that mean any future you have isn't real either? Or are the new things in your life that bring you joy truly genuine experiences?"
That one hit home with the weight of a battleship shell, and I turned the question over and over again in my mind. I'd never seen Casablanca before, and I loved it now. Does that mean alternate me would've loved it, too? How much of my enjoyment of Casablanca was based on past experiences and how much of it was just…me? "I'm…not sure," I finally said slowly. "I guess, truly genuine? I dunno, this existential stuff is well above my paygrade."
Bremerton smiled as she reassuringly patted my arm. "Fair enough. Maybe this is something you should talk about with Intrepid, then?"
She was right, of course. "Yeah," I sighed. "Just need to find the time. And I don't want to bring this up on this big date she has in mind."
"Ooh, right," she grinned, her eyes lighting up like Christmas trees, "I forgot she has that planned. I think you're going to love it, Commander."
I smiled for a moment before I realized she probably was in on it. "Wait, you know what she's planning for our date? What is it?"
Her grin turned mischievous as she gathered up the remains of her lunch. "A date? It's something couples do to strengthen their romantic and social bonds with each other, but that's not important right now. Gotta get back to work! Laters!"
"Aw, c'mon, at least give me a hint!" I called out to her as she walked away. "Bremerton! Brem! Bremmy!" When it was clear she wasn't going to clue me in, I sighed and slumped back against the bench. At least the company'd been nice…
A/N Oh man, what's Intrepid planning? And she's really living up to her namesake's combat prowess! Here's hoping this good run keeps going… Until next time, fair winds and following seas!
