With a dozen questions still swirling around in my head, I made my way back to the office. One thing was certain, however. Bremerton was right, and I needed to bring this up with-
"Intrepid!" I practically yelped as I opened the door to my office to find her standing on the other side, an equally surprised look on her face.
"J-Commander!" she stammered as she took a step back to let me inside. "S-sorry, I stopped by to see you, but Brooklyn said you stepped out for lunch…"
"Yeah," I smiled sheepishly as I slipped past her. "Decided to take a walk, get some fresh air. Oh, and congratulations on your scores from this morning! Really proud of you."
Her cheeks flushed a deep crimson, and she looked anxious. "Oh, you saw them already?"
"Yeah," I said, a bit confused by her reaction. "You've seen them, right?"
She emphatically shook her head, her twin ponytails swaying in counterpoint to her movement. "Not yet. Enterprise said she'd get them compiled and posted by the end of the day."
I gave her a conspiratorial smile as I asked, "Do you want to?"
Her anxiety increased but nodded anyway. "Sure."
I strode over to my desk, grabbed the report, and thrust it into her hands. I waited patiently for her eyes to find her name and then go wide with surprise. "I placed first?"
"Yep," I happily confirmed. "Both teams. Warspite was awfully close, but you clinched it. Like I said, you did a great job out there."
Her surprise and shock quickly switched to an elated, confident grin. "Told you I wouldn't let you down, didn't I?"
"And you didn't," I replied. "But I suspect this isn't the reason for seeing me, is it?"
It took Intrepid a second to follow along, but quickly shook her head before she explained why she'd come. "It wasn't. I just found out that we're supposed to have a meteor shower tonight at around midnight, and the weather's excellent for it. They're saying it's going to be the biggest one we've had in decades!"
Immediately, she had my interest. "That's awesome! I've never seen a meteor shower before. Or even a shooting star."
Her eyes widened for the second time in as many minutes, and she shot me an incredulous look. "Really, Commander? For all those times you spent staring up at the night sky you never saw even one?"
"Not really," I said, then backpedaled slightly. "Well, one…sort of…" Assuming that was even real. "It's a long story."
"You can explain it tonight," she said. "That is if you wanna tag along."
"Oh?" I asked, eyebrow raised, "So this isn't part of your master plan for our super secret date?"
"Nope," she grinned. "I mean, we can say it's a casual date, but that big fancy date's still in the planning stages. Don't worry, though, I haven't forgotten about it!"
I saw an opportunity to talk things over with Intrepid, and I decided to take it. "Didn't think you had," I reassured her, "And I'd love to go with you tonight. When and where?"
"Awesome!" she smiled brightly, "Same place as last time, at about eleven! Also, we won't have to carry the telescope up there this time, either."
"Will we need to bring something else up there instead?"
Intrepid shook her head. "Nope! Just drinks and maybe snacks, it's gonna be pretty late."
"Sure thing. See you tonight then. And good luck in your exercises!"
That night, we met as planned and hiked our way up to the top of the hill, this time avoiding any treacherous pitfalls. Once we got comfortable, we shut off our flashlights and stared up into the night sky.
"Soooooo…" I slowly began, "What are we looking for?"
"A streak of light going across the sky," Intrepid answered. "You'll know it when you see it." There was a pause, and then she remembered our conversation from earlier that day. "Oh, right! You said you'd seen something like that before, didn't you?"
I felt my stomach begin to tie itself into knots as I realized that this would lead to the conversation I'd been dreading. But on the other hand, the longer I waited, the more and more uncomfortable I would be. Best to get it out of the way now. "Yeah…sort of," I sighed. "I was about eight or nine, I think, maybe ten, and I was at the mall with my parents. I don't remember why, exactly, but we were there pretty late and it was dark outside when we left. As we were heading to the car, there was this massive green fireball that soared over our heads. I can still picture it in my mind, watching it as it blazed past, tinting the whole night with this ghostly green color. I think I recall them saying it was a satellite that had fallen out of orbit, but I can't be sure. As I said, I was pretty young at the time and I think it was mentioned in passing."
Intrepid was awestruck by the tale. While I couldn't see her face, I could definitely hear it in her voice. "Whoa, that's cool! Even if it was a satellite and not a real meteor, that's still awesome that you were able to see something like that."
"About that," I muttered, trying to tamp down the rising sense of dread and anxiety. "Here's the thing…I'm not sure that memory was mine. Or real."
Even in the gloom of the night, I saw Intrepid bolt upright. "What? What do you mean it's not yours or real?"
I sat up as well and leaned in close, keeping my voice low. "What I'm about to tell you is in strictest confidence. The only other person who knows what I'm about to tell you is Bremerton, and she's sworn to secrecy."
There was a sudden noise as if she'd started to object to Bremerton finding out before her, but it was stifled just as quickly. "I understand. Not a word to anyone else." She paused for a moment as she thought it over. "Wait. Can I talk to Bremerton about this?"
I thought it over for a few seconds before I answered her. While part of me felt uneasy to know they were talking about a very sensitive subject while I wasn't there, perhaps she could get insight that I would not. "Okay," I finally answered, "But only while in complete privacy."
The dark outline of Intrepid's head nodded rapidly. "Of course, of course!"
Now that we'd gotten that out of the way, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "During our expedition to the Siren labs in the Northern Parliament, we found…some sort of device that showed me things. Flashes of the past, or…the future, or an alternate dimension, I'm not sure. Kansen were slightly different there, and there was a human woman, a Doctor…Anzeel, I think, who was their creator. They were fighting some sort of monster, something worse than Sirens, and it wasn't going well. But these weren't just flashes that popped up on a computer screen, it was like I was there. I could smell the smoke and gunpowder, I could feel the heat from the flames, and I could hear the murmurs around a crowded auditorium. They felt like…like…"
"Memories?" Intrepid quietly suggested.
"Exactly," I affirmed. "And it was more than just experiencing those same sensations, I took part in them. They spoke to me and I answered back in my own voice in the way I would respond. And they reacted to it! It felt so real like I was remembering something that happened to me long ago. And now I'm…" I lost my voice, afraid to say it out loud until her gloved hand rested on mine. Reassured, I swallowed hard and pressed on. "I'm worried I'm not who I am. That my memories are not my own. What if…what if I'm this other person and everything I remember, or think I remember, was a lie, meant to keep me from realizing the truth."
"And what would the truth be?"
"That's just it, I don't know," I said with a quiet sigh of frustration. "I don't know what this thing showed me if it was some sort of shared memory system if it was me remembering something that happened, or some alternate universe me, or what, but it's left me questioning who I am. Try as I might, I can't shake the feeling that I was this other person, and if I was, who am I now?"
Now that I'd just unloaded all of that on her, I wouldn't blame her if she simply got up and walked back down the hill. In a way, the darkness was both a blessing and a curse. I couldn't see if she was trying to find the words that would help me or if she was looking at me like I'd just told her the moon was made of cheese and populated by Moon Sirens. When she spoke, however, I could hear in her voice exactly what she was thinking. "I…don't know who you were before," she said earnestly, her voice soft. "And I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it doesn't matter who you were before. We're shaped by our past. But…I do think that who we are, the core of us, isn't something that can be easily changed. When you were…your other self, what were you doing?"
I thought back, trying to piece the scattered sensations and memories together. "I was, uh, something to do with kansen, I think I was trying to save as many of them as I could. They were holding some sort of rearguard, and I didn't want them to throw their lives away."
"That sounds like the Commander everyone's been telling me about," she answered, and I could hear the playful, encouraging smile in her voice. "Did you feel any different? Like you were acting in a way you wouldn't normally act?"
"Not…really," I said after some thought. "It was all very jumbled and disjointed, but when I was able to focus in, I still felt like me."
"Then that's what really matters. Your tastes may change, or be changed for you, but at the heart of it all, you're still you." She reassuringly squeezed my hand. "And I think that's what a lot of people see in you, myself included."
"Thank you," I whispered, grateful for her words of wisdom, but still unable to shake off this uneasy feeling. "And what about my memories, my childhood, stuff I used to enjoy?"
Again, a moment of silence as Intrepid thought it over. "For starters, who's to say your childhood memories changed? Maybe they were changed from a later point? As for things you enjoy, I'd say why don't you ask yourself why you enjoy them. Is it purely out of nostalgia, or is there something else that ties you to it?"
"Not a bad idea," I admitted. "Like stargazing?"
She laughed, although I could hear the nervousness beneath it. "We could start there, I guess, although this'll get real awkward if you decide it's not for you now…"
"True," I smiled as I lay back down on the ground and stared up at the stars. "To be honest, the more I look up at the stars, the more I'm reminded why I loved staring up at them in the first place. And I don't think it has anything to do with my childhood. It wasn't like I took a school field trip to a planetarium and suddenly my eyes were opened, I've just…always loved space. It's so vast and beautiful and wondrous…the only regret I ever have is that I probably won't live long enough to explore it. But who knows, maybe-" Suddenly, a streak of light flared across the sky, just long enough for me to notice before vanishing entirely. "Was that..?"
"I think so!" Intrepid excitedly whispered. "Looks like it's starting."
"Should I get my wishes ready, then?" I joked.
"Not sure that works for a meteor shower," she giggled, "but sure. What would you wish for?"
I smiled to myself before answering. "World peace sounds kinda corny, but…yeah, that. Kick out the Sirens. Get the answers I was seeking. One more thing, but...feel pretty confident about it, so I don't need to make a wish for that one."
Another line darted across the sky this one much brighter than the one before, reminding me of a comet. "Interesting," Intrepid mused as she watched another trail of light briefly blaze across the sky. "Mind telling me what it is?"
My cheeks burned, and I was grateful for the night to hide my blush from her. "Ah, not just yet," I answered. "Maybe one day."
She rolled over onto her side, placing her arm across my chest as she peered intently at me. "Aw, not even a hint?"
"Nope," I emphatically shook my head. "My lips are sealed on this. For now, at least."
Even in the dark, I could hear the playful confidence in her voice. "Oh, is that so, huh? Not even if I do this?"
Before I could even ask what "this" is, her lips meet mine in a soft and tender kiss. Despite the slight surprise, I quickly kissed back, my hands cupping her cheeks until she pulled away.
"How 'bout now?" she grinned.
I smirked and shook my head, "Nope. Guess you'll have to keep trying."
"Looks that way," she murmured as her lips met mine again, and we embraced one another underneath the shooting stars…
We stayed up past one thirty, watching the meteor shower, chatting a little, and making out a lot before we reluctantly headed back to our respective beds. It was just before two in the morning when my head finally hit the pillow, and five-thirty when the alarm went off to get ready for work. Despite how groggy, weary, and just flat-out tired I felt, I found myself in a pretty good mood, even though the rest of me felt like it was dragging.
I managed to get showered, dressed, and grabbed a bite to eat before making my way to the office. When I opened the door, I found someone I didn't expect behind the secretary's desk. For a second, I had to double-check to make sure I wasn't having some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination. "Bremerton, what are you doing here?"
"Doing you a solid," she smiled as she got up from her desk and strode over to me. "I saw Intrepid this morning and she told me how you two were up pretty late, so I decided to give Brooklyn a rest and help you out. Here." She thrust a hot mug of coffee into my hands and I blearily stared at it before taking a sip.
That was a damn fine cup of coffee. "Good stuff," I acknowledged. "So you're here to help me out? Anything else you might be here for?" I may be sleep-deprived, but I wasn't stupid.
"Commander," she admonished in a playful tone as she guided me back to my desk. "Would I do something as devious as that?"
My answer was immediate and deadpan. "Given your behavior over the past few days, absolutely."
Her laugh echoed around the room as she dropped the morning reports on my desk. "Alright, alright, you got me. So…how'd it go?"
I took another sip of my coffee before I answered. "You saw Intrepid this morning, you tell me." Two can play this game.
She grinned wolfishly at me, eager to engage. "I did," she answered coyly, "but I was wanting to get your perspective on things."
"Mmm," I hummed noncommittally. "Was she happy, tired, upset?" I thought the date had gone rather well, but it's always nice to get reassurance, especially from her best friend.
"She looked tired but happy," she offered. "Said she had a good time."
"Good, good," I nodded but didn't say anything more. When it was clear I wasn't going to continue, she fixed me with a stern glare. I held it for a few seconds before I finally caved in.
"Alright, alright," I relented, "I had a really good time with her. We talked about…what you and I talked about earlier and she made some good points. I'm still…uneasy with the entire concept, but she really helped me out last night."
Bremerton smiled and sat down in the seat across from me. "I knew it!" she crowed. "See, Commander, I told you she was good for ya!"
"You were absolutely right," I grinned for a moment. "Although I still don't see what I bring to this."
"Like I said, you bring you," In an uncharacteristic moment, she hesitated, then sighed and continued. "It's not my place to say too much on this, but…there is going to come a time when she is going to need someone to help her through things. And it's my hope, my feeling, that you're that person."
I sat there, turning over those words, not knowing then just how prophetic they would be. Then, as quickly as it came, Bremerton switched back to her cheerful self, "Besides, you're already helping her with her performance in the training exercises."
That took me by surprise. "I did?"
"Mhm!" she eagerly nodded. "Talked to her about it this morning and she said she was trying yesterday to prove she deserved to be there. I think her exact words were 'to be the best damn carrier out there.'"
"O-oh," I stammered, feeling a light blush crawl up my cheeks as I pretended to get started on the morning reports. "Well, good to know I'm having an effect."
With a grin, Bremerton reached over and flipped the report right side up before she headed back to her desk. "That you are, Commander, that you are…"
As I realized today was going to be a bit of a struggle, I still couldn't keep the smile off my face. Things were looking up, and they were only going to get better from here…
A/N-Oh, Bremerton. You're the glue that holds this crazy ship together. Until next week, fair winds and following seas!
