Aegor
Aegor could never forget that day.
It all began at his father's funeral. The newly legitimised Aegor rode for King's Landing so he could watch the body of his father, who had only visited him once in the older man's whole life, be put to the pyre.
There he met Daemon. Brynden, Mya and Gwenys. Even Daeron and Daenerys. And he met... Shiera.
He was too young to have any feelings for Shiera back then, but he thought her eyes were pretty, and he told her so.
It was only a small, innocent praise. But she smiled and thanked him, in a voice so enchanting that it echoed in his head.
Whenever Aegor thought of her, it was those two things which came to his mind. Odd colored eyes that glimmered like crystals, and a low, quiet, steady voice that captured all his attention.
He was stunned by her. That itself would not be a problem. She was only one of their father's many bastard daughters. Irrelevant to Aegor's goal.
Yet she was the one who would spell their doom. Because Aegor was not the only man she had charmed.
From what Aegor later remembered, he was surprised to find that he did not loathe Brynden immediately. At first, the only thing Aegor felt about him was envy. Envy, that Brynden and his mother could stay at court while Aegor grew up in Stone Hedge. If Barba Bracken could stay in court, Aegor's aunt Bethany might still be alive… and Barba would have stayed sane.
Aegor did not forget the last time he saw his mother. She languished and withered on a bed, screaming curses at King Aegon, at Daeron, at Melissa Blackwood. Even at Aegor himself.
Barba hated his eyes, those eyes that were so similar to the man who promised so much before abandoning her for a Blackwood. The man that had her father and sister killed.
But she hated Aegor's Bracken traits too. For it was Lord Bracken who pushed her to seduce Aegon, a move that would ruin her own life and sent Bethany to her death, all for the fortune Aegon would give him— and then foolishly lost his own life in his schemes.
Aegor could not have his mother's love, except for those rare occasions where she was sane again and recognised him as her own, instead of the two men she loathed.
In those moments, she would tell him the same thing again and again.
"Take your throne, my son, for it's rightfully yours. Take it, and cast everyone who has wronged us into the Seven Hells."
Aegor wished no harm to his Bracken kin, who had treated him better than any bastards could hope for— because they, too, knew that there was still a distant possibility of him taking the throne. They were his only base of support.
But the other half of his blood, the Targaryens, and the other thousands of bastards Aegon had sired? They could die if only to satisfy his mother's bloodlust.
There was nothing personal about this. He was simply fulfilling his mother's wish.
This was what Aegor had thought, though, before he met Daemon and Shiera. But then on that day, when Daemon welcomed him with the warmth of a brother, and he saw Shiera's smile…
The conviction he once held began to shatter.
Daemon had no reason to befriend him, yet he still did, with genuine interest and passion. He truly thought of Aegor as his brother even if they had just met.
As Aegor stayed at court and he got to know Daemon better, he found out why— Daemon treated him as a brother because he truly believed Aegor was one of them. As simple as that.
Not Daemon's friends surrounding him thought the same, but for most of them, Aegor's martial ability was enough to convince them to accept him.
And it was not just them. Through Daemon, Aegor had multiple chances to interact with Shiera, with Daenerys, with Mya, Gwenys, and Brynden. And they all accepted him… back then.
Even now, after everything that happened, Aegor could not bring himself to wish ill of Mya and Gwenys, if only for the kindness they had shown him. He was secretly glad that they were married away to obscurity and safety early on. If they were still around, Aegor would have to send them to the Faith, or kill them too.
Yet the more he interacted with them, the more it hurt. It was clear that he could never truly become one of them, despite Daemon's wish, because Aegor swore a vow. A vow of vengeance for his mother.
Aegor wanted to be closer to them, but he could not afford to. And during his time in court, he quickly learned that his mother's plan was hopeless from the start: Daeron might not be the most popular king, but anyone who looked for an alternative would set their eyes on Daemon. For he was all a king should be, and more.
Aegor tried his best to bury those memories, but he could never forget his own sins, in those dark years when he thought of plotting Daemon's death.
He never told anyone, but Brynden still found out. It was the first time Aegor understood the extent of Brynden's sorcery. Even so, they were not enemies— if anything, Aegor felt that he could trust Brynden, for merely stopping him and doing nothing else.
How wrong he was.
It was not until later when Aegor went home and visited his mother's grave that he decided to help Daemon take his crown. Aegor had witnessed how Daeron forced Daemon and Daenerys apart. Daemon was not their enemy, he whispered at his mother's gravestone. Daemon was an ally, one who would achieve what Aegor himself could not.
He naively thought they — those whom Daemon thought to be family— would all be on his side, for Daeron never showed much interest in his siblings, if any at all. Daeron was not a cruel man, no, he merely failed to imagine how those bastards' feelings would have any importance.
For years, Aegor could not find where it went wrong, as he searched and searched for an answer. The moment he watched Brynden and Shiera with blazing jealousy, and noticed his feelings for her? The moment when Shiera rejected him? The moment when he attacked Brynden in anger when the sorcerer refused to join them?
Or it was before all these?
No matter what, the past could not be changed. Brynden betrayed Daemon and killed him and his two sons. It was too late to think of his mistakes. All that could be done was to avenge Daemon — and now, they finally did it. Calla slew Brynden herself, and Aenys now sits on the Iron Throne.
So why was it that he still felt so empty?
"Aegor." Shiera's voice was as captivating as before, but her smile was no longer genuine. Only a fake mask of politeness remained. "You came. I was expecting you."
"...Let's not waste any more time on this. Tell me what I want to know." Aegor frowned. He could not go soft on her, not now. "You know what Brynden was planning before facing my force on the field."
"Oh, brother," she forced out a pained laugh. "why bother? You already have the answer you seek. Brynden's plan was shattered the moment your little wife landed in Westeros. He tried picking up the pieces, but his efforts were all for naught. Aerys ran away at the Queen's urging, and we both know very well where they went. You didn't come here to ask me this."
"What if I am? What if I tell you failing to provide more information will result in your death?" He threatened her, forcing himself to speak in a monotone. He did not want this, did not want her to despise him more than she already did. And yet...
Shiera looked at him with a bitter smile on her lips. Her eyes closed ever so briefly, before she let out a small sigh. "Then I'd accept your final gift with gratitude."
Aegor shook in blind jealousy and rage. He shouted towards those mocking eyes, filled with fierce determination. "You would rather die with Brynden than take the escape I could offer you? I can keep you alive. You don't have to follow his footsteps.
"You are wrong, Aegor." She appeared completely unfazed. "It's not because of Brynden. I knew of his death before anyone else… I saw him in my dreams, and he told me what happened. In life or in death, it makes no difference to us."
"Then why?" It did not surprise Aegor that Brynden still existed in some form. He was a sorcerer, he had multiple tails even if they cut one off. But he was more interested in Shiera's reasoning. "Do you really hate me that much?"
"You asked me the same thing back then," Shiera murmured, "I didn't answer. I had thought it over and over since then, and I…" She had an expression he had never seen on her face before: regret. "I think I owe you an explanation and an apology."
"What's the point of that? You made your choice." He could not hide the resentment in his voice, his desire for an apology. An apology for pushing him away without saying why. An apology for everything that happened after… but it was not fair to Shiera, was it? It was his own decision that led to Daemon's death.
And he would spend the rest of his life repenting for it.
"Yes, but the truth isn't what you believe it to be. I… I don't hate you. I never did. It's just that I couldn't give you what you desired." She smiled thinly. "I couldn't return your love any more than I could return Brynden's. The only difference between you and him was that he's willing to settle for less. I knew you, Aegor. I knew this wasn't what you could accept."
"That's it? You can't return my love?" Aegor cracked up, a burst of dry laughter. "What kind of explanation is that? You're right. I wouldn't accept that. But I have long since accepted that I cannot have you. So there is no need to say more."
"I don't feel the same way you do… I can't love. Even now, I know not the feelings you held… I never felt that for anyone," Shiera calmly replied. Aegor heard not one hint of deception in her voice. "I don't love you. And I didn't love Brynden, either. It's not something I possess."
Aegor pondered her words, and the past they shared. They had such an innocent time before. A time when whatever feelings they held for each other was pure. Since when it was tainted?
Was it when he started to envy Daemon, with his many children and a happy wife and thought to find himself a bride?
Was it when Shiera started to study what her mother had left her... with Brynden's help?
Was it when he swore to his mother's grave that he would take his revenge, no matter what the price may be?
No… perhaps she was right. For everything he should come to regret, their shared past was not one of them.
He had been desperate for love, for someone that could fill the hole in his heart that his mother left. But she could never provide that for him. Nor anyone else.
"Did Brynden know that all along?" He felt so tired. In the end they were both chasing after something they could not get.
"More or less. He knew that I cannot love him, yet he still stayed by my side. They said that love makes even the wisest a fool. I'm inclined to agree." She stared into his eyes. "I don't know how much of this… Brynden, you, and me… led to the current situation. But I still imagine it would be different if I hadn't avoided you. So kill me, if you must. I see no life in my future even if you allow me to live."
His hands shook. How funny, he thought, for those hands that had spilled so much blood to cower now. "I don't want to kill you, Shiera. I…" How many years, he wondered, had he buried this feeling in his heart? It was shameful to think about a woman that had already so clearly rejected him. Being unable to commit himself fully to his marriage, to Calla… "I still love you."
"No. You don't." Shiera rejected him all the same. "Not anymore. You're only reminiscing about an illusion of what you could never have. Let it go, Aegor, and let me die. If you would not kill me with your sword, find me my poison and grant me the sweet, painless plunge into oblivion."
"So be it." He sighed heavily. It was the coward's way out, but despite all appearances, on matters regarding Shiera, he was always a coward.
Shiera drank. Without even saying a word.
Without even saying goodbye.
Was this wise? He asked himself repeatedly. To let her die, to let her choose her own death. To not send her away to live in obscurity as he originally planned to.
But she was right. He had to let her go, no matter what. Because she had never been his. And he had found something better.
He could never correct his mistakes, but he could do so much more. For Daemon's children…
...And especially for Calla.
The content of Daena's accursed letter came back to him for a moment, but then he pushed it back in his mind as far as he could. There was something more important now.
To accept Baratheon and Aerys' surrender.
