Chapter 4: First Date Part 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, the song 'Undisclosed Desires' by Muse, or the song 'First Date' by Blink 182.
x X x
Previously:
An abrupt beep on the tower intercom pulled me out of my thoughts, and I recognized Robin's voice, his tone grave.
"Raven, meet me in the garage."
His tone alarmed me, and before I could give it another thought, I hastily charged out of my room on my way to the garage.
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Four - First Date Pt. l
As I ran down the main corridor of the tower with ease, I briefly considered that taking the elevator down to the garage would be much more time effective. My powers were still feeling off and levitating wasn't a risk I wanted to take; despite how lithe and hearty I felt now, running isn't my forte, and I felt it in my breath.
Deciding on my course, I entered the small elevator at the end of the hall. Taking the moment to focus and stretch my warmed muscles while I waited, readying myself to regroup with Robin.
Reacting on instinct to Robin's call, it hadn't occurred to me to change into my uniform. If I were to take a hit in battle, there's nothing my current clothes could do to protect me, and my back injury still hadn't completely healed. I'd probably be a liability more than anything, but my responsibility comes first, no matter how unprepared I felt.
Damn, I winced internally as I neared the garage level.
It occurred to me I'd left my communicator on my bed. Nice one, I mentally chastised myself. I frankly couldn't remember the last time I charged it anyway. I considered that leaving it behind might have been a blessing in disguise.
'No need for dead weight, it'll be fine.' I told myself, 'Robin will have his; focus on what's important'.
The Whoosh of the elevator doors forced my attention forward and with a quick breath through my nose, I resumed my jog into the garage.
Upon my arrival, I expected Robin to be typing away in his cape, at the far end of the white cement ceiling and silver paneled walls. Ultimately, standing with his back to me, intensely focused in front of the computer station to update me of the brewing trouble.
Instead, my eyes met with the back of a stranger clad in black, blue and red. The trespasser stood where I'd imagined Robin to be, obscenely defenseless and typing away. My eyes zeroed in on my target.
I calculated the distance between us, and I readied my core for a leap once I made it within striking distance. I pictured giving him a well-placed wallop to the back of his head with my foot, rendering him unconscious. The satisfying image alone caused a spring in my stride, as I lightened my step to increase stealth; he had yet to realize he'd been caught.
Just as I was about to leap, to punish this would-be criminal for breaking into our mainframe and security, I halted my approach a couple feet away from him with no ability to hide my shock. Freezing in place as I recognized the tousled black hair of Robin.
From what I could see, Robin had indeed changed into street clothes! Not clad in his uniform like I pictured he would be. He wore fitted skinny jeans and a matte-black bomber jacket, with red lining on the zippers; the choices accentuating his muscular physique. Finishing off his look, he wore a simple pair of black and white sneakers; the soles of them also red.
"Robin?" I asked, gawking as the click of his typing reverberated throughout the garage.
"One second," He answered, his tone grave, "something is going on and I'm trying to narrow down the coordinates for Kidd Flash."
Robin kept his back to me and did not face me; instead, he remained absorbed his research on the computer. His tone and his words sunk in after a moment of stunned silence, and I shook myself out of my daze, snapping into titan mode.
"What's going on?" I inquired, positioning myself next to him to get a better look at the screen. Making an effort to ignore his choice of attire for the moment.
"Hey Raven!" Kidd Flash's jovial voice abruptly chirped.
I glanced down to Robin's communicator, propped upright against the computer screen and nodded my greeting to Kidd Flash's pearly smile. Meeting his eye briefly before returning to Robin's erratic typing, not able to sacrifice any portion of my attention.
The coordinates Robin had narrowed down, appeared to be a wide section of the docks in Jump City, equivalent to a 3-block radius. Only 2, of the top technology companies, had their warehouses functioning in that specific area; each warehouse had their own security detail. An absolute pain to deal with when investigating with proper authorities, as the security teams hated coordinating with each other; but Robin had his ways.
"I'm receiving an alert of break ins around a specific block," Robin answered to me after a few moments of typing, and pointed to a highlighted region on the monitor, "but the more I look into them, the alerts seem to be scrambling on purpose. I can't get a lock on them; I have a feeling our system's being hijacked."
"-I'll search them all, just send everything to Jinx." Kidd Flash barked.
His tone to Robin surprised me. Glancing back to Robin's communicator near his ungloved hand, my eyes moved to an irritated Kidd Flash on the screen, his background blurring as he sped through the city.
Kidd Flash had nothing but respect for Robin -not to mention Batman- and to see him so blatantly annoyed toward Robin now, and the flash of irritation in his features; it made me wonder if I missed an argument.
I recalled observing Kidd and Robin just a few days prior, as they traded justice league stories and laughed it up as the guys all went out for pizza. A complete 180 compared to now; I wondered what the disagreement could have been.
Without another word from either party, Robin stiffly transferred the information to Kidd Flash and Jinx's communicators. Shocked to see him oblige so easily, I looked to Robin with wide eyes as he sighed, unsurprised to notice he'd decided to sport his usual mask.
An interesting ensemble overall, as the mask gave his outfit the edge it needed, as it highlighted the crease between his brows. Despite how fashionably casual Robin appeared, he exuded danger.
Not a second had passed from the moment Robin pressed 'Enter' on the keyboard, before Kidd Flash chirped.
"-Done. There's nothing Robin, I checked 5 times in each location, and I made sure to leave a note for the security guards to get it together."
"Nothing looked out of order?" Robin asked through a strained jaw.
"Nothing. I literally just checked another 5 times each - and sorry about the security details. They're not happy with me right now." Kidd Flash mentioned innocently, gazing sheepishly into the camera.
Knowing Kidd, his expression hinted that he'd left multiple notes, and I could picture the entire security office covered in sticky notes; if not the entire building. Possibly following my train of thought, Robin's masked eyes narrowed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration; he did not respond.
"Can I put this on the back burner now and pick up Jinx for that robbery?" Kidd Flash began, his background blurring without waiting for an answer,"She hates it when I leave her behind." Jinx's pale face and neon pink hair appeared in his background, in the same frame, on the steps of Jump City Bank.
"You're late." Jinx accused deadpanned, her arms crossing as she looked to Kidd Flash. Her expression made me want to laugh, but her attention momentarily focused on Robin and myself, and I replaced my amusement with indifference.
"Will 'I'm sorry' cut it this time?" Kidd Flash retorted to her; his cheeky grin obscured by the angle of the camera for the briefest of moments.
Awkwardly, I shuffled my stance and averted my eyes from the screen. Attempting to give them privacy and not wanting to observe their affectionate moment. Robin was not as kind.
"Status update?" Robin snapped and the camera readjusted.
"Don't worry Bird boy," Unemotionally, Jinx grabbed Kidd Flash's communicator and kept them both in frame as she spoke, "Forward all alerts to our communicators. I'll do some reconnaissance on my end and I'll also talk with Jerry in security on the docks. Jerry and I are old buddies from back in the day."
"Old buddies?" I asked, when Robin didn't, my brow raising at the cavalier tone Jinx had used.
"He's security for Waynecorp at the docks, turned informant for me and local authorities when I joined the Kidd." Jinx motioned to her comrade, who was currently busy stretching and making kissy faces to her in frame; she rolled her eyes, but her cheeks flushed, "I vouched for Jerry to keep his job to the CEO himself. Don't worry bird brains, we have it handled."
"-no need for backup either!" Kidd Flash chimed in.
"Just have fun on your date." Jinx finished off with a wink and the communicator clicked off. The last image being Jinx's Cheshire cat smirk and Kidd Flash waving goodbye to the camera. The transmission ended before either Robin or I could react to Jinx's words.
It was much too quiet and still in the silence, and I couldn't help but look to Robin. He stood, hunched over the computer with his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose, his expression exasperated with a touch of idle surrender. Confused by his palpable frustration, I leaned my hands on the metal workspace before me, deliberating my best course of action. Deciding to ignore Jinx's last quip as the silence lingered between us, and I chose my words thoughtfully to remedy the situation as quickly as possible.
"Do you want to lend them a hand?" I suggested softly.
My question hovered in the stillness between us, but I never broke my gaze from him. Robin responded without removing his hand from his nose.
"There's not much we could do. Jinx is right; they have it handled. Kidd Flash's speed paired with her technical know-how and connections. We'd just be in the way." Robin sighed and reluctantly rerouted all the titan alerts to their communicators.
I watched as he straightened out his stance and maneuvered the mouse to click out of the open surveillance applications; lastly, putting the computer monitor to sleep in subdued silence. Again, I considered our options.
"We could run diagnostics on our system," I suggested offhand, "notify Cyborg to start the process, and rule out a virus or a mischievous third party."
Robin met my gaze then, and we stared at one another for far longer than I expected to.
The toxic cloud I'd tasted around him previously had cleared and the paired creeping negativity wasn't there; the air simply felt clean. I felt absolutely nothing; my head wasn't pounding; and no chills tickled my nerves. All I felt in that moment was Robin's unwavering gaze, and comforting peace.
It had only been a moment when Robin turned away, releasing me from the hold of it, to gaze blankly to the screensaver on the monitor; appearing distracted. During the enchanting peace while our eyes locked, I hadn't noticed I'd moved my right hand and placed it on top of Robin's fingers on the counter. He hadn't moved away or acknowledged the touch, and my hand lingered on his.
Bewildered that I'd moved my hand without realizing, I hesitated on the contact internally; not wanting to move, but also wanting nothing more but to step back and reclaim my personal space. More than anything, I wished for the security of my hooded robe.
The sight of our connected hands, and the coarse texture of his skin underneath my fingertips brought a single tug to my center before a warmth spread in my chest. We stood unmoving in this position, my indecisive mind wavering on the warmth and our hands, and Robin staring blankly at the monitor.
Robin, sighing deeply and moving his hand out of my touch, grasped his communicator and attached it to his hip. At once, I crossed my arms over my midsection; feeling remarkably susceptible after his disregard to my gesture.
"I appreciate what you're trying to do," Robin began absently, gazing vaguely toward the empty space of the T-car, "but I'd rather not get the others involved. Not right now at least."
"Then what's up with you?" I inquired forthright, and his head cocked at my tone, "I've never seen you turn down a job before. Is there something you're not telling us?" I came off sounding much more aggressive and clipped than I intended, but my questioning felt valid.
Robin looked mystified and reserved. He did nothing but stare blankly at me, and I could only assume what he was fighting internally with. Nothing emanated from him, not even the swirly black mass; his blank expression fueled my frustration.
Standing idly while looking Robin in the eye, the blindness in my center that I couldn't adjust to widened. Robin had always been an enigma to me, and now that my empathic powers were no longer registering him; the unknown grew daunting.
Without warning, Robin squared his shoulders toward me, appearing to come to a decision. The motion reminded me of an animal's back to the wall; I uncrossed my arms to match the calculated movement. Balling my hands into fists at my sides.
In our unspoken confrontation, I idly noticed he wore a plain grey V-neck tee under his bomber jacket; partially noting it odd that everything he wore looked just as crisp as my clothes did. Probably a coincidence, I thought absently.
Blind, fairly defenseless, and standing before Robin after speaking so frankly, it vaguely occurred to me that I might be causing a bigger issue where there was none. Robin has always been a strange person, and we were supposed to be on leave from duty. But his almost defiant silence made me believe he wasn't being completely honest; it frankly pissed me off and I instantaneously felt I was in my right to demand answers.
Gauging my stance and looking over my expression carefully, Robin made the first move to rake his fingers through his hair, exhaling slowly as he spoke. The frustration clear in his breath.
"Alright. The short answer to your question is yes, but it's not as concerning as you might think." He moved to put his hands in his jacket pockets and loosened his posture, backing off his confrontational demeanor, "As for your first question, if you could indulge me, I was hoping we could talk over food first."
"Are you serious?" I demanded, fighting internally to subdue my reaction.
"Please."
His answering resolute gaze, and his right palm opening to me, both an act of surrender. The action was so simple, and it tugged at my gut and loosened my hold on the need for answers. The warmth in my chest struck me and confusion hit me like a fog from the sensation, surrounding and tainting the air with uncertainty and something else unfamiliar to me. I felt myself acquiesce faster than I could comprehend, the stark resilience I had moments ago vanishing and turning my muscles to putty.
I steadied myself on the counter next to me, feeling my legs nearly give from under me. I felt a supportive hand on the back of my arm grip me.
"Whoa, are you ok?" Robin's look of concern brought back my clarity.
"I'm not sure." I answered truthfully, attempting to shake the fog out of my head, "Maybe food is a good idea right now." My head swam, and the discomfort emphasized how empty my stomach felt.
"On it. I'll drive." Robin smiled reassuringly and walked us both toward his motorcycle, grabbing his helmet off the seat of his bike and promptly putting it on. Then he grabbed an extra helmet for me, and placed it over my head, snapping the buckles in place and ensuring a snug fit.
I allowed the assistance with as much dignity as I could muster; frankly, I couldn't be bothered with it.
My thoughts were consumed with my escalating symptoms. My center felt strangely silent, and the shape of my control over it no longer felt welded into its place; like my muscles, it felt reduced to putty. The warmth in my chest and the fog, like Robin's proximity, made it hard to think and function.
Time spent around Robin -the emotional blackhole- meant total havoc on my mind, body, and powers combined; even my equilibrium. I wondered briefly if going out into the public, to continue onward, and embarking into the unknown was a smart idea.
My answering painful stomach growl helped me swing my leg over and scoot my way onto the back of Robin's motorcycle; ultimately giving in to necessity. In one fluid motion, Robin hopped onto the bike in front of me with ease, and the easy swaying of the bike did funny things to my vision. I closed my eyes, hoping the ride wouldn't add to my discomfort.
Kick-starting his motorcycle, Robin reached back to pull my arms around his waist, lacing my fingers together. The amount of care he took would have caused my eyes to roll, if my head wasn't already.
"Where are we going exactly?" I managed to ask through the vertigo spell.
"You'll see. Just hold on tight, it's on the edge of the pier."
With that, Robin peeled off gracefully and we headed in the direction of the city. The swerving and shifting were not as bad as I thought it might feel on my uncertain balance, and the wind of the ride felt rejuvenating and breezy through my clothes.
The radiant sun and the baking heat warmed my blood during our ride, across the Titan's bridge to the city. The wind of the ride eased my troubled mind and my strange symptoms, allowing me to enjoy the scenic view. Spring season had barely passed, and summer began to stretch out our days. I'm partial to fall and winter due to the opposite effect; but I simply could not deny the beauty of dimming sunlight.
Though, as great as I felt on this ride, it did nothing to help me understand the man currently wrapped in my arms. I allowed my mind to revisit my conversations with Robin over the past two days, being mindful about his behavior and the words he chose to use when speaking with me.
Robin seemed to always be calculating his next moves, which is essentially what made him such a good leader; but that wasn't what I admired most about him. It was his stark ability to let his guard down around the team, to simply just be.
He has his faults too, as anyone does. As Robin's friend, I'd come to know him as an undeniably brave, hopeful, and confident leader. Over time, he'd been able to create a permanent bond with every one of us, and as a result, we've all become family.
That being said, the change I've witnessed in Robin in the past few weeks is startling, and it seems he's begun to keep secrets again. Clear proof that losing his relationship with Starfire, has caused much more damage than I'd originally anticipated. Our family is divided, and I didn't know what I could do to fix it.
I didn't believe it a hopeless situation, but a struggle that everyone is dealing with in their own way. Robin's way -apparently- is to harbor secrets, and I fear he's been keeping more than usual.
As awful as that realization is, there's one thing that kept pushing its way to the forefront of my mind: I still didn't understand Robin's words from yesterday, 'you are just as dark as me.'.
From our own link, I've seen images of Robin's past trauma. In return, he's witnessed my own personal demons firsthand. Robin and the team helped me face and take down my father. I owed it to myself to do what it takes to save our family, not out of obligation, but out of honor and compassion.
If Robin is dark, if he has his own personal demons he needs to stand up to, then I must answer his cry for help and assist in defeating them. If that's indeed what he needs, who else would be a better fit than I?
However, Robin becoming my personal kryptonite doesn't help things along. If he requires true guidance through my powers, the idea of trying to enter his mind to beat his demons, would undoubtably result in both our demise. He would lose his mind forever, perhaps confined in Arkham Asylum. I'd be lost to his mind, trapped for all eternity with him. A chilling thought.
My only option is regaining control to command my powers. If I can't do that, I wouldn't be able to help Robin; I wouldn't be a Titan anymore. At some point, whether I want to come to terms with it or not, I must enlist Robin's help to understand why he's affecting me so much.
In doing so, maybe he'd be able to cease his emotional blackhole ways, if he could help it. I frankly didn't know whether his darkness he spoke of, could be removed. Is it tangible? I wasn't sure. If his darkness is tied to the blackhole – it would make sense if we could reverse it, to turn it into his emotional outlet instead. But the problem with that theory is 'how'; a troubling conundrum.
Either way, I needed to entrust Robin with my own problems, and maybe we could both solve our issues with one stone. A comforting thought, and a rewarding thing to imagine. But first things first.
I withdrew from my musings, just as Robin parked us near a sidewalk on the pier. The sun had dimmed to a lovely fire-orange and purple ombre on the horizon. Guilt-ridden proof that I'd definitely wasted too much time in my room, but there wasn't much that could be done about it.
We unloaded ourselves from the bike and his hands hovering near me in case I might lose my balance again, was an unnerving sensation; luckily, I felt well enough to dismiss Robin's assistance and we left our helmets on his motorcycle seat.
Once my feet touched earth and my world balanced out, I assured him that I was alright. In truth, I just didn't want to feel his hands on me again. My clothes feel so airy and delicate; I may as well be sporting napkins as coverings.
"This is it," Robin motioned to the white building before us, "Le Café."
The glass windows were heavily framed with curtains and rusted metallic vines. The elegant italic words 'Le Café' strung up in vibrant blue lights on a white background at the top of the entrance. The pathway was littered with green vegetation and a specials menu to the left of the double doors. My eyes narrowed with judgement.
"The café." I repeated dryly at the sight, "Is that really what it's called?"
"I didn't say it was a palace." Was his remark. My eyes shot to Robin in response.
"You didn't say anything." I pointed out, returning my attention to glare up at the sign again.
"Exactly."
"I'm thrilled."
"Well I'm going inside, follow me in when you're done being judgy." Robin turned with a smirk and approached the archway of the building, and I hastily followed with a grimace.
It took a few moments before the wait staff realized who we were. They gaped unabashedly, all while showing us to our private booth with a wonderful view of the water and the near-setting sun.
The manager promptly removed a 'VIP reserved' sign before seating us, clapping Robin on the shoulder, before giving him a double-fisted handshake with praise. The sight of two Titans in street clothes jarring enough, as the dining civilians dashed to give their gratitude.
I smiled and gave my thanks to each person from a distance. Because of my power, most people never came too close to me, and the ones that did, often made me want to step back from emotional overload. This time, each person who stopped by barely registered as static on my center.
I felt nothing from Robin or the strangers around us, instead it was replaced with peace. The blindness would more often than not frighten me, as if I'd awoken from a deep slumber, only to realize a limb had been amputated at some point during the night. But the constant need to control myself, in order to keep everything else around me protected, no longer felt required.
I felt more human than I ever had at this present moment, and the revelation overtook my apprehension of the sensation. So, I watched Robin smile, and pose properly for a few pictures with the wait staff. I remained in my seat and gave a light smile in the background of each snapshot, careful not to make sudden movements. A crowd had formed and some of the girls on the staff eyed me warily, while the younger teens and children watched me with wonder; my reputation spoke for itself.
Once the crowd dispersed, and the manager shooed away the remnants, Robin and I were left alone with a private candle lit table for two. Complete with matching ice waters in fancy weighted glasses.
The classy setting of the café, I realized with wonder, overflowed with alluring romance. The colors on the walls and décor matched those of the sunset outside: champagne red, gold and red violet. The rusted metallic vines followed us from the ceiling entrance outside, to the dim lighting above us. We were sitting in a mystical forest at sunset, a place that I never knew existed until now.
"Are you thrilled now?" Robin asked, after surveying my thorough examination.
"How could you tell?" I asked, my eyes still roaming over the vines above us.
"I had the same look my first time here." Robin took a swig from his water, and I watched as he smirked into his glass.
An answering warmth in my chest manifested in response to his comment, as a waiter swooped in to drop off bread and butter between our plates. Carefully, placing a piping hot mug of herbal tea for me, and disappeared behind a curtain I hadn't noticed.
"Did you order that for me?" I asked, motioning to the mug in surprise.
"No." He paused and continued upon noticing my confusion at the steaming mug, "You order herbal tea everywhere." He ended bluntly.
My lips pursed, "Does that mean there's some sort of PA about me that I'm unaware of?" I asked dryly.
"I think it goes without saying that you like herbal tea. And as Raven of the Teen Titans, things spread." He retorted; his attention focusing on the menu.
"If that's the case, where's your personalized podium?" I wondered sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Robin's face didn't move as his eyes moved to mine.
"I don't get it. Does that mean I talk too much?" He asked withdrawn, his head tilting slightly in confusion. I thought his question over, wondering if I should go with a safe answer, or a risky one. I decided neither.
"If your podium isn't engraved, I'm stomping out of here."
"Just drink your tea." Robin retorted, earning a smirk from me. His aggravated masked eyes narrowed, but his lips turned up slightly.
A waitress approached us then, a notepad in one hand and a pen in the other, interrupting our banter. I witnessed the waitress hover over Robin, for far longer than I thought appropriate. Her fingers flexing ambiguously, and I guessed that the motion was an attempt to gather the courage to ask for an autograph. Her inaction made me look at her closer, and what I noticed startled me.
This girl had an oddly straight face with deep-set green eyes, paired with a sparkly tan complexion; undeniably pretty. She had long and luscious red hair that looked impeccably straight and vibrant. Upon closer inspection, I realized with a pang that she had a remarkable resemblance to our bubbly red head at home.
I immediately averted my gaze to my steamy mug and endured a painful sip of herbal tainted magma. I stifled my gasp from the burn to my tongue and braced myself to sip again. The silence deafening while our waitress took several moments to find her voice.
Robin cleared his throat audibly, and she came to with a start.
"Hi, my name is Madeline and I'll be serving you tonight. Are you ready to order? Or would you like more time?" Her voice matched the grouchy expression she seemed to default to, a bit dull, but her tone did sound excited. Excitement purely directed towards Robin; I choked down another swig of lava.
"I think we're ready to order." Robin spoke gruffly and motioned for me to go first. I had an ambiguous urge to scratch his eyes out in response. Like me, the waitress blinked at the motion.
Madeline responded first, and turned to me reluctantly, her pen at the ready. I scrambled a glance at the menu on the table and chose the first entrée I glimpsed, pointing to the dish description with my index finger.
"I'll try this Mac & Cheese."
"That has lobster in it, is that alright with you?"
I bobbed my head as my response and the sight of Madeline's dark green eyes formed a wrenching knot of anxiety in my stomach. I didn't need the ability to feel her emotions, even if I could right now, she broadcasted her vitriol as clear as day on her face. I decided to avoid her gaze for the rest of the night.
Thankfully she turned to Robin then, and her sudden wide smile creased her cheeks.
"I'll have the chef's specialty, that's the salmon with pesto isn't it?" Robin's voice sounded acutely neutral, and his gaze never left my face for longer than a few seconds. Intriguing, but also confusing; I wasn't the only one who noticed either.
Madeline's smile fell at once to Robin's indifference and jotted down his order silently. I assumed she nodded her answer, as I was too busy examining the quality of my tea mug.
"Will that be all for the lovely couple?" Madeline then asked sharply.
To this, I glanced up at her abrupt shrewd tone, forgetting my need to divert my attention, and put my mug down in surprise.
Her green eyes met mine, and she immediately averted them down to finish writing something on her notepad, her chagrin undeniable. I glanced to Robin, and his masked eyes were cast down too, curiously sporting his own clear vexation. Was I missing something?
Without my empathic powers, I had to guess, but I deemed the situation as incredibly uncomfortable. Madeline's irritation appeared to be directed towards Robin more than me, but my presence did seem to add to her frustration. Perplexed and mildly amused with the indignant pair before me, I looked to the girl to dismiss her and thanked her firmly.
Without another word, I watched as she eyed Robin and then brusquely turned, disappearing behind the employee curtain.
Looking after the girl, after such an unpleasant interaction, I could only feel pity for her. She'd clearly been slighted, but to show such rude manners; I couldn't understand why she'd made the distinction.
Robin and I were not on a date. Why was that coming up so much today? Even Jinx had mildly teased Robin and I about it earlier, and specifically mentioned the word 'date', as she'd told us to 'have fun'.
At the time, I paid no attention to it; you give a subject gas, it'll take off and leave you behind in the dirt. But this was the second time someone assumed that Robin and I were together. Being honest with myself, I might have once harbored affection, years ago before we all knew each other. Now the idea alone felt foreign, and I've never allowed myself to view Robin in that light, out of respect for Starfire.
Relationships were strictly forbidden for me; my father made sure of that.
But looking to Robin now, his eyes no longer cast down as they searched my expression curiously; I couldn't help but recall the way his hands felt. Callused and weathered from battle, but also incredibly warm and inviting.
That same type of warmth filled my chest as our eyes locked, swelling between us. Suddenly, it reminded me of the moment we had in the garage, and how Robin disregarded my gesture of compassion. I'd done the action unknowingly, but the feeling of him pulling away from my grasp, had reflected earlier in Madeline's eyes; the horrid sting of rejection.
Was I rejected? I asked myself bewildered. Did I mistakenly make an advance to Robin? Were we on a date? Was this truly, my first date with my friend and leader?
Robin's expression mirrored my own, and the confusion I felt. I couldn't read him, and I didn't understand what I was feeling for Robin. Did I feel for Robin? But I could not do that to Starfire, and I could not do that to myself.
My heart began to pulse, and I flinched away from the direction my thoughts had taken. The mere concept of the rumor spreading, of Robin and I on a date, made my stomach somersault in ways I didn't know it could.
No –this isn't a date. I anxiously told myself. We're just friends, right? Wait… why am I trying to convince myself it isn't a date? It isn't. Get that through your head. I forced an even breath, feeling my anxiety mount.
DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT! My anger screamed at me.
Before I could prepare myself, my center snapped back into its shape. Like a rubber band stretched to its limit and released in the same action. Flaccid and warped out of shape. I doubled over on the table under the pressure and held my coffee mug for stability. My neck dewing with sweat, and my mouth drying out, my tongue feeling like sandpaper.
All the emotions within a 5-block radius swirled around Robin and I, and the pressure heightened where Robin sat before me. It felt as if a white-hot light had blazed its way into existence and resided in Robin's body, the swirling intensifying every moment. The pressure alone felt as though it were ripping at my skin.
It took every ounce of training and years meditating to focus and control the darkness inside of me, to contain the upheaval I felt so strongly, so that it would not manifest through my powers.
My internal lock on my center shuddered from within and began to pulsate, until settling into a low rumble, gathering momentum.
Don't breathe.
The rumble purred slightly, rattling against my hold on it.
Don't lose it.
Settling in its place with turbulent kicks, my center held strong, bearing the upheaval down to the last lick.
Lastly; I met with calm and rewarding silence. Allowing a breath once I felt it safe to move.
Too close, I gasped mentally. Have to regain control… I reigned in my thoughts… my emotions… and my mind pulled inward…. I... could not... afford another lapse….
x X x
AN: Quick intermission, this will only be 2 parts, and the 2nd part will be up asap. My editing and revising techniques need some work, so apologies for the delay. I decided to play with POV's in the next chapter! Thanks again for your thoughts and feedback everyone, I appreciate it!
