'You're doing a wonderful job, so stop telling yourself you're not, or that you could have done anything more to have stopped Adam from dying.' Malcolm told Harry, who had shed his jacket and was loosening his tie, in an attempt to shake off the memories of what at this moment felt like one of the worst days of his life.
The team were at Harry's house after the funeral with the intension of reflecting individually and jointly, made easier because Wes was spending the afternoon and evening with his grandparents. With the exception of Lucas and Connie who Ros had sent back to the grid. Not without a protest from Connie that they were being excluded yet again.
Malcolm's use of wonderful, upgraded from coping because of what he'd witnessed throughout and after the service. Observations which he'd used to take his mind off the stark reality of yet another lost colleague. When Harry had been sitting next to Wes, with all the appearances of someone who knew how to comfort a young child, but without making a song and dance about it.
Whether either of them had been able to join in the singing of the hymn 'I vow to thee my country all earthly things above, entire and whole and perfect the service of my love. A love that asks no question, a love that stands the test, that lays upon the alter the dearest and the best. A love that never falters, a love that pays the price, a love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice,' he very much doubted. His own rendition of one of his favourite hymns, which described Adam right up until his last second on earth, hadn't done him the justice he deserved, although mercifully there had been sufficient voices which had. Most of which had come from Adam and Fiona's friends and colleagues from their time on the other side of the river.
But it had been the sight of Harry and Wes standing side by side at the graveside afterwards which had caused him to give way to his emotions and bow his head in silent prayer. Harry's arm firmly around Wes's shoulders, until the moment when they'd knelt down together and Harry had encouraged the young boy, to throw the single rose that he'd been holding into the grave. The grave of his father, now alongside that of his mother.
Ros hadn't coped any better. Having delivered with a good deal of stoicism, the eulogy about the man who she'd known intimately, but had seen for only a brief moment when she'd come back from Russia, just as Malcolm had, she'd closed her eyes. Because the sight of her boss and Adam's child, who she'd once described as sweet, kneeling side by side on the damp November turf with a single Rose, had finally brought home the need that human beings had for each other and how much easier it had been for her to split Harry and Ruth up, than it was taking to reunite them.
Jo who had sitting next to Malcolm during the service, had distracted herself by looking at one of the stained-glass windows. Also turning her attention to the absent Ruth, but in her case imagining how much easier it would have been for Harry to bear if she'd been sitting beside him. That and her personal memories of Adam and in particular, the time when she'd told him that she didn't think she could continue in the job after Fiona had been killed. That he'd told her that she must and yet here she was again, at the same crossroads of indecision and because it was Adam's coffin in front of the alter, struggling not to cry.
.
'That tea isn't going to make itself,' said Ros who was removing the coverings from a couple of plates of sandwiches.
'And you're not my boss at the moment,' said Jo before she could help herself, before doing just as Ros asked her, by switching the kettle on and pouring milk into a jug.
They'd escaped into Harry's kitchen and were endeavouring to lighten the mood by not only doing something useful, but discussing whether or not it was time to tell Harry that they were trying to find Ruth. Because although Malcolm's search with Jean Louis and his pals had produced nothing other than disappointment for Malcolm, Marie had taken him into her office the next morning and shown him the link which would allow him to trace every resident of Paris, without anyone knowing he was doing it. Either way, they needed to come to a conclusion about Harry.
'Assuming that we do find Ruth, I won't be able to have two analysts of the same calibre on the grid and I know which one I'd prefer,' said Ros.
'So do I, but I'm not suggesting that you do.'
'So, what's the alternative then? Ruth stays at home and plays happy families with Harry and Wes. How's that going to work?'
'Very well I would have thought, given that I can't imagine Ruth wanting to return to Thames House or Harry being anything other than thrilled to have her back. It's not as if they have to stay in London either is it? Harry's current contract says that as long he's available at the end of a phone he can go anywhere other than abroad. Besides Ruth must have been working during the time she's been away, so who's to say what else she might have found to occupy her time?'
Good thought Ros we agree. 'Something that doesn't involve attending funerals like this one on a regular basis, or waking up in a coffin as I did, but come on we need to go through before these sandwiches curl up at the edges or Harry and Malcolm get even more maudlin,' she told her colleague.
A brief nod of Jo's head and Malcolm knew that Ros had said yes, but as they'd previously agreed, it was Ros who was going to tell him. The alternative which they'd discussed over a drink in The George the previous evening, was that Harry would eventually find out that they'd been conspiring behind his back and would hit the roof. The timing had to be right though and now that Adam had been laid to rest and when they were all under one roof, a suggestion that he might like to help with the search, they hoped would not only raise his spirits, but theirs as well. Although not until he and Jo had gone home, which they suggested that they needed to do after another hour.
.
'What a bloody awful day, you did well Ros given that you and Adam were close?' said Harry, untying his laces and discarded his shoes. Why he hadn't felt able to do it when they'd all be there, he had no idea?
'Once maybe, but you know me Harry, I bounce back from everything. Besides we both know that Adam was never himself after Fiona died. But before you say it's impossible, there's something I really do need to tell you, which has nothing to do with Adam or what we've been through today. In fact, if you haven't already found it, then maybe now's the time to retrieve your whisky bottle from under the stairs. Because what I'm about to tell you, will definitely result in one or both of us requiring a stiff drink.'
If Harry hadn't been holding a glass of whisky in one hand and Ruth's passport in the other, he might well have stood up. But as was, his legs weren't working and although he wanted to say something to confirm that he'd heard what she'd said, he simple couldn't find the words.
Both of which, gave Ros the opportunity to tell him that 'Malcolm had been to Paris, on a wing and a prayer really that he might find her and although he hadn't, he'd been handed a lifeline that would enable him to continue searching. And before he said what if in any context, the man who'd they'd buried today, would have told him to believe in his team.'
'I'm assuming you had a valid reason for not telling me, but now that you have, is there anything I can do?'
'Plenty yes, but don't ask me what's happening at work, which since you've been putting your feet up here, includes an increasing desire to wring Richard Dolby's neck. But just in case I do, you might want to consider who you'll employ to replace me, or better still, don't lose that passport and if I were you, I'd start planning what I was going to say to Ruth when you see her again. Other than that, you can offer me dinner this evening so that I can watch the apparently newly invented you, cooking a meal.'
'Am I allowed to say thank you Ros?'
'The only way that either of us can do that Harry, is by acknowledging that you and I have to be honest with each other in the future. It's what Adam would have wanted I know that. Adam and I were never going to be Harry. Besides, can you even imagine me taking care of a child?' Whereas you and Ruth are absolutely the right people to do it. Now point me in the direction of whatever's on the menu, before I suggest that we skip dinner and open a bottle of wine instead.'
Although Harry wasn't about to admit it, it wasn't that he'd had one to many whisky's that was making him feel light headed, it was Ros's words 'think about what you're going to say to Ruth when you see her again'. I've missed you. I love you. I'm so sorry, or knowing his past record, he'd mumble something that was totally incomprehensible. Before that though, was the need to remain patient, a virtue that he didn't possess. Which meant that when he woke up in the morning, that's if he even managed to sleep at all, he'd expect the news that they'd found her. By which time Wes would be home again and deserving of his full attention.
'Beans on toast suit you?' he asked Ros, just to see her reaction, before opening the fridge and producing some lamb cutlets ready to go under the grill.
.
Whether Connie or Lucas appreciated Ros, 'thanking them for their patience during what had been a very difficult time,' when she walked onto the grid the next morning, was of no consequence. What was, was that she needed them to be convinced that things were back to normal and any further talk about Adam or how Harry and Wes were doing, had to be consigned to the dustbin.
Now in the meeting room for the first time in several days, her request for 'updates' which didn't allow Connie to ask how the wake had gone, or why there had been unrecorded comings and goings on the grid, brought the response of, 'nothing noteworthy, but I need to look at today's risk assessments,' and 'I've got an asset to meet,' from Lucas, enabled Malcolm, with Ros's blessing, to get on with what he'd been itching to do since he'd come in and for Jo to say she'd make coffee. The last of which she delivered to Malcolm along with her own.
Malcolm who was renowned for explaining at length and Jo who in this particular instance, was more than happy to listen, settled themselves down. She and Ros didn't always agree, but their feelings about Connie were the same, which meant that for the duration of what was laughingly called a break for coffee, when they supposedly downed tools but rarely did, she was much happier spending time with Malcolm and seeing first-hand what he intend to do.
'The centre of Paris which is where I intend starting my search, contains thirty cantons,' he told her, as she watched him press buttons that directed him to the link he was looking for. 'In the same way that London is divided into boroughs, except that the cantons, or at least the people who work there, have a far greater responsibility for the citizens who live within their area. Look at that,' he said as a long list of names and addresses appeared on the screen. 'If Ruth is living in the centre of Paris, I'll find her. It's just going to take me a while.'
'What if she isn't?' was the obvious question.
To which Malcolm gave the obvious answer. 'Then I'll widen the search until I do.'
'Which of course he did, until well into the evening, when tired and running out of hope, he finally struck what felt like a pot of gold. There in front of him when he enhanced it, Ruth Adams, one of Ruth's aliases and an address filled the screen.
.
Ros had stayed behind to keep him company and was sitting in Harry's office on her own when she heard the shout. By the time that she got to Malcolm, he was dialling Jean Louis's number.
'With the hour difference it's far too late for him to make the journey across Paris now. But he says he'll go bright and early in the morning,' he told Ros.
'So do we ring Harry?'
'Better had.'
Only for them to find out the following morning, that Ruth had flown back to the UK more than a month earlier, but without leaving a forwarding address.
'What now Malcolm?' Ros asked him.
'I'll need to be left on my own for at least what's left of the morning. I've got phone calls to make and CCTV to check at both Heathrow and Gatwick.'
'And then what?'
'I'll continue this at Harry's, which means that you'll be faced with another barrage of looks.'
'Let me worry about that,' Ros told him with a barely contained smile.
