Calla
Calla almost cried out when Aegor hugged her. Even if that was fake, she wanted to pretend… to pretend that he loved her.
But the moment ended before it could begin properly. He released her, and they walked back to see Aenys.
He was pleased with how the situation on the Iron Islands was resolved. Calla saw her new niece, and after a feast Aegor insisted on having in her honour, she finally had time to talk to Daena.
"Calla," Daena called, frowning, upset written in her eyes, "I'm on my wit's end here."
Calla had heard about how Aerion Brightflame refused Aenys' offer of legitimation. In Calla's opinion, that trouble of a madman was better dead than alive. But it was clear that Daena thought differently. Despite Aenys urging her to meet with her husband, whose mental status seemed to be in rapid decline according to the guards, Daena hesitated to visit him.
"Don't know what to say to him?" Calla sighed. Daena was brave and clever, almost too wilful for her own good, but there were also scars on her heart that had never been healed. Because of how Mother died.
Because Calla could only save Daena.
After that day, Daena had spent a whole year without speaking a word to anyone. She held her dagger and clung to Calla, clung to the light of Crystal. Calla remembered staying at Daena's bedside every night so she could sleep.
Calla had been tired of it, tired of the lively Daena being reduced to a sobbing creature, tired of her useless self. But Haegon never got tired of Daena. He would talk to her every day and every night, telling her pleasant nothingness, and giving her flowers and pretty stones.
No matter how hard it was to travel from place to place, no matter how the day was filled with bloodshed and brutality, there were only pleasant stories to hear from Haegon's mouth. At first, Calla thought he was trying to avoid Daena's wound. But as days passed, Calla understood. In Haegon's eyes, he saw only the flowers.
There were people in the world who saw only beauty in the ugliness surrounding them. Just like Daemon Blackfyre, First of His Name. Haegon was truly the son that resembled Father the most, in every way. And only through his support, Daena regained the will to speak… the will to live.
But Father was dead. Haegon was dead.
There was only Calla.
"I'm afraid… I'm afraid that I'll really have to kill him, if he doesn't listen to me," Daena uneasily admitted. "After all, he's still Rohanne's father…"
"Be honest with me," Calla pressed, "You talk to me instead of Aenys or Aegor because you can be honest with me, right? Do you… love him? Truly?"
Daena grit her teeth, her lips shaking. "I'm such a fool. I thought it's me who had entrapped him, but I… I left myself vulnerable. I thought there's something between us—"
"Daena." Calla took her hand, "Just answer me."
Daena sighed, a long, sorrowful sigh. "...Yes. I do love Aerion."
This was not the answer Calla wanted to hear, for she knew the depth of the madness the man went through later in his life… or rather, would go? The future had changed.
Maybe Aerion would be different, too.
"I think he is a cruel madman, from what I have heard." Calla tried to squeeze Daena's hand comfortingly. "But you're the one that knows him best. Do you think differently?"
"He is quite cruel, sometimes. And mad… he's just stupid. Unbelievably stupid. But I think… I thought he cares for me. Not just for Rohanne, but for me. But then, why did he throw it all away? Is his stupid pride more important than me?" Daena gripped Calla's hands back tightly. "I hate that he betrayed my trust. I want to kill him for this. But… I still love him."
Calla didn't know what she could do for Daena. She disliked Aerion, and Daena's words didn't exactly change her opinion of him. But Daena was in love… "I thought you liked Haegon."
"Aenys told you too?" Daena grimaced.
"Told me what?"
Daena hesitated for a moment. "I asked Haegon to marry me before he left."
Calla's eyes widened. That did sound like something Daena would do. Considering what Haegon was like, though… "And he refused you."
"That he did. He knew that I was desperate and comforted me. But I'm still afraid, and when I found out that Aerion joined the Golden Company… I thought I must seize this chance."
"Daena, no one wished for you to marry Daemon. Daemon himself was never interested in you." He was interested in his own dreams more than anything, not even his friends, and certainly not Daena.
But Calla could have… should have done more to pull him out of his shell, knowing how it would end.
"Of course he wasn't. He blamed everyone for not listening to him. But I would most certainly be forced to become his wife if he did take the crown. Uncle Aegor—"
"He never intended for you to marry Daemon! We need more allies anyway, and it'll be a waste to marry you two together." Calla was in Aegor's confidence enough to be sure of that.
Yet Daena's eyes were cold. "Who? Who in Westeros would be worthy enough to take my hand? Or rather, who will provide the most troops to us for a royal marriage?"
"...That I don't know. Daemon's rash actions changed everything. A great house, or at least the second powerful—"
"Royal marriages are useful bargaining chips. Yet Uncle Aegor kept you for himself." Daena almost spat, "That alone is enough to make me think he would wed me and Daemon."
Calla's mind stopped working for a second. It was as if Daena was implying… but, no. "You know I can't be married out. I cannot have children, royal or not, no other man will take me as a wife."
"For sure. But no one knows that, back when Uncle Aegor married you. Why did he not talk Father out of the idea? If you were promised to another major lord's son, we might have won the first time on Redgrass Field. He kept you so that he could maintain control over our House."
Calla frowned, her face flushed red in anger. Not Daena. Daena shouldn't say that, out of all people. "Aegor cares about us, Daena. You know it."
Daena shook her head. "I'm not saying he doesn't care about us. But he wants to be the only one we can rely on. The man behind the throne. And now Aenys is marrying that Peake girl… Gormon Peake was one of Daemon's supporters. Uncle Aegor can't be the only one that decides our policies anymore. If I had stayed available, then I would have married Aenys. Calla, I know you love him, but don't be blind to Uncle Aegor's faults."
Calla didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think that Aegor kept this marriage not even out of the love he had for her father, but power. But could she truly say otherwise? Could she really say that he didn't have a selfish motive of his own?
...No, of course not. Of course, he had his own reasons. Yet…
If there was even a tiny fraction of his motivation that was for her, she would be happy.
"...Don't change the topic," Calla forced herself to say, "This isn't about me. You didn't want to marry Daemon, but Haegon also rejected you because he knew that this marriage isn't what you and he truly desired… then you pulled that scheme with Aerion, and fell for him."
"I hate to admit it, but… yes." Daena sighed, "The worst part is that I don't even know why. Aerion isn't a good man. But still… There are some parts of him that resonate with me. He asked about me… wanted to understand me…"
"He tried to understand you?"
"He asked about Mother after I insisted on naming Rohanne after her. I didn't tell him everything, but I let him know how mother died."
"Then…" Daena had grown up since that day. Calla could not imagine Daena talking about her trauma to anyone else. She must be really in love with him. But…
Calla mused, "Have you tried to understand him in return?"
"I…" Daena widened her eyes. "About his family? About how— that Dayne name… I should have known! I should have guessed!"
"Sometimes guessing isn't enough. You need to talk with him to know," Calla advised.
"Yes, I'll talk to him now. But sister…" Daena pointed a finger towards Calla's nose, "Do take your own advice sometimes."
Then Daena left, leaving Calla in her own thoughts. Talk? There was nothing to talk about.
Aegor didn't love her. But that was fine. It was a dream from the beginning. But he was…
He was acting for the good of House Blackfyre, for the brother he loved dearly. Calla was sure of that. Anything else… any other reasons—
Did not matter.
—
Calla kept herself alerted when she observed the feast. It was a joyful occasion, to be sure, but the great hall was also full of former enemies… or perhaps, current ones.
Her eyes narrowed at the sight of Aerion Brightflame, now Aerion Blackfyre, dancing with Daena, the pair's eyes focused on each other and nobody else. There was an empty space surrounding them, no one daring to approach. Good.
Calla supposed no one would want to risk charges of treason by approaching the former Targaryen claimant. At least, not in the public eye. But she still needed someone to keep a close eye on him, someone who wasn't Daena… Fortunately, she had just the right man in mind.
But that would have to wait until he came back. Calla turned her head to glance at her brother and his new queen. Aenys was talking with his new goodfather, a brilliant smile on his face, not forgetting to occasionally turn to his wife and ask her something or cooing after her comfort. For her part, Selyse Peake had looked like a perfect blushing bride, glancing at Aenys' face dreamily.
Calla wished the best for them, even though a brief burst of jealousy overtook her as she recalled her own wedding. She was just a child just then, and she did not know the meaning and the weight of marriage.
But this was pointless. Her father gave her the best husband he could possibly find, and the sad state she was in was nobody's fault.
Aenys and his bride were a handsome pair. The wedding was not an extravagant affair, but it was still a wedding fit for a king. The queen might have dressed and looked plain before, but she was gorgeous in her wedding dress, and she was obviously happy… drunk on the promise of romance and queenship.
Aenys… he was acting gallantly all night, being the charming king and husband he was, yet Calla felt something off about him. He was charming, yes, always, but the way he refused to drink more than three cups of wine, the way he returned to his seat after a couple of dances, and how his gaze often wandered across the hall… he was nervous, Calla realised suddenly. Alert, just like Calla herself.
Was he afraid of someone making a move, too? He was the only male Blackfyre alive, and if he was poisoned or assassinated, there was a "Targaryen" that could be crowned right in this hall.
But nothing had happened, and the night was almost at the end. Selyse was slightly drunk now, her face flushed red, and more and more Aenys' gaze turned towards his giggling bride with worry. Perhaps it was wise for him to stay sober to support his wife.
"You don't have to worry for Aenys, Calla." A comforting hand was put on her shoulders. "Calm down," Aegor whispered.
Calla shook and looked at her husband with wide eyes. How long had Aegor been looking at her? Long enough to know what she was thinking, that was clear…
"Calm down," he repeated, grabbing her hands— and it was just then she noticed that she had clenched her fists. Aegor opened her fists finger by fingers and massaged her palms. Calla was sure that she was blushing.
It might be her wishful thinking, but she felt that Aegor had treated her with more affection and tenderness since she returned from the Iron Islands. But she should not get her hopes up. He could never love her, Calla knew that, as long as he still had Shiera Seastar in his heart.
"I just want to make sure no one will try anything. Weddings…" Calla remembered the history— the future— she had seen. "...can be dangerous."
"House Blackfyre has proved its valour on the battlefield, and most lords gathered here have the incentive to stay loyal to Aenys. Don't worry, Calla. The night is almost ending and you can let yourself relax…" Suddenly, there was a gleam in Aegor's eyes, and he grasped her hands tight and pulled her up from her seat. "I have an idea. You should come with me."
Confused, Calla followed his lead. No one seemed to mind that the Hand and his wife were leaving the great hall, and when her gaze met Aenys' he only tilted his head with a questioning smile on his face. He would ask for answers later, she could read from his expression, but not now.
Only when they were on the balcony that he faced her, looking down at her with a gentle smile. "Calla, may I have the honour of a dance?"
"I…" Yes, her heart screamed, but she still hesitated to nod. She did not want to get hurt again. "Why?"
Aegor did not seem to be discouraged by her question. He knelt down, so he would be on the same height as Calla. "You must want to dance too. But it'll look foolish if we are to dance in the great hall, so I took you here. Or you would rather not dance with an old man?"
Oh. Dancing was the last thing that was on her mind, but Aegor probably saw the flash of jealousy she had towards Aenys and Selyse. He only wished to comfort her… as he always did, since she was a child.
"There's no one else I would want to dance with but you," she answered and immediately regretted it. Was it too much to say that?
Yet Aegor only took her hands and squeezed, before standing up and drawing her into a dance. The music was weak here, but it suited them just fine, for they were both tired of the noise in the hall. The moon was round and bright and there were no clouds in the sky.
The height difference between them was awkward. Calla was not used to dancing, and it was clear that Aegor had not invited someone to dance in a long while. But to Calla…
This was the most romantic dance ever.
When the dance ended, Aegor stood beside her, one hand still clutching hers. "It has been a while since we had time to simply gaze upon the night sky," he said.
"Yes…" When Calla was younger, Aegor had trained her to use Crystal from dawn to dusk, and when it ended she would stand beside him, just like now, glancing into the sky and speaking about anything and everything.
It was, perhaps, how she felt in love with him.
"We can use more of that, you have been too tense lately. It does no good to anyone for you to be exhausted, Calla," he continued, unaware of her thoughts and feelings.
"I would love to. I…" She swallowed nervously, "I miss that time too. The training, then talking like this… it's simpler. I'm out of my depth in court politics."
"You don't have to worry about that. I'll take care of it. From now on, you can care for yourself… you have done enough for your house." Aegor glanced at her face with reservation before reaching out and ruffling her hair. "Recently I have been thinking, you were trained as a soldier for so long that you didn't have a proper girlhood. There must be things you want to enjoy but couldn't before. Say it, and I'll arrange it for you."
Calla wanted to cry. The only thing she wished for was also what he could not give her. Can you love me?
But she could not ask that. Could never ask that. "I think… this moment, here… is all I want."
He was not expecting that, Calla knew that when he frowned. "Nothing at all?" Yet his tone was still soft.
"Nothing," Calla confirmed, "I…" How much she wished she could show how she felt. In an effort to hide— or to show, Calla could not tell— how she felt, she drew Crystal.
She held the sword towards the moon, the mysterious green and blue crystal shimmering in the moonlight, changing its colour continuously. It was eye drawing no matter how often you saw the sword.
Any ordinary man might be too stunned to approach it, but Aegor was no ordinary man. He touched the face of the sword from the tip until he reached Calla's hand. "It's beautiful," he murmured.
"Yes. But I hope… I hope I don't have to use it again." Crystal was beautiful, but the memories related to it were full of bloodshed.
"Me too. I hope you can be happy." Aegor's voice was light and laced with guilt, "As a normal girl."
But her happiness was impossible to achieve the moment she held Crystal… no,
The moment that she fell in love with the man who could never love her as a wife.
