Chapter 7: The fire of my heart…..

She knew that the task she had given herself was a tough one, and not one easily fulfilled. In fact she would need time to accomplish anything, and not a small amount of audacity. The enemy knew that something was out there, and the monsters sent for her told her that he was on the lookout. But the enemy didn't know what she was, or what she could do. She still wanted to learn as much as possible so she turned and rode east, she needed to see whatever borders this Morgoth had before she could form a real plan. The area affected by his powers was immense, the size of a country and she often sent up small swarms of nanites programmed to act like drones to give her a better picture of the situation. There were orcs everywhere, and wargs and other odd creatures too and they were constantly on the prowl. She could sense their hatred and their anguish, and she knew that these beings couldn't be saved. Their souls were too corrupted and she wondered where they went when they died. She rode around for weeks before she returned to the camp of Fingolfin and when she did she was shocked to see that Fingon had returned, and that he had managed to rescue his cousin.

She had believed his task to be impossible and yet he had achieved exactly what he went out to do and she was greeted by a very relieved Fingolfin. She had to meet the former king of the Noldor elves and what she saw almost made her reel back. She had no idea that a living being could be that damaged and still live. He had to have starved for very long and Fingon had cut off his right hand to rescue him, the stump looked inflamed and ugly and the poor elf was almost skeletal They had shaved his head and she saw that his skin was covered with scars almost everywhere, his ears were mutilated too, and he had lost many teeth. What stared at her from the bed was a wreck, something which shouldn't have been alive and yet he was. He stared at her and she saw that his eyes were glassy and filled with fatigue and yet she knew that he hadn't given up. There was still a spark there, still a strong will and she sat down and tried to look calm. He cocked his head. "Fingon told me about you, the one not a maia and not an elf."

She smiled. "Yes, if I tried to explain what I am I am afraid it would be too difficult for any of you to comprehend. "

Maedhros sighed. "I have seen things these last years my lady, things few would even dare to think about. You would be surprised by what I can understand."

She took a deep breath "Maybe, but I prefer to hide, it is for your own safety. I don't want the enemy to know of what and who I am"

He cocked his head. "A fair decision, and a wise one too. "

CeKay saw that he was trembling and she could smell that he was in a great deal of pain. "I could help you with your agony"

He shook his head. "No, as long as it hurts I know I am alive, it keeps me focused"

She found that sort of attitude hard to understand but then again, she hadn't been through what he had. " Will you return to your brothers?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yes, I have to. But not too soon, I am still forbidden from leaving this tent. The healers say I am too weak."

She smiled. "And they are right, you are. But you are the king aren't you?"

He sighed again, closed his eyes, "Yes, but not for long. I am no longer fit to rule my Lady, I…I have changed. Angband changes you, and not for the better"

She leaned forth. "You saw a lot while you were a prisoner, tell me, I need to know as much as possible"

Maedhros managed to form a wry smile. "What do you want to hear me speak off? The horrors I had to endure? The torture, the rapes? The countless times when I begged for death?"

She shook her head. "Strategy, the layout of the place, its defences."

He laughed, it was an ugly laughter. "Oh I could tell you that the place is impenetrable, that it is hell and that all sane beings should shun it at all costs. But that isn't what you want to hear now is it?"

She shook her head again, leaning back into the chair. "If anyone is to make a move against that place every little ounce of information will be valuable. It will be needed, and more so, I doubt that anyone would want to attack if there are elves in there, being used as living shields or worse"

Maedhros frowned, the face had indeed been beautiful, and it still was, but it was a ragged sort of beauty now, one marred and twisted. "You hope to free the slaves? Forget it my lady, there are too many of them, spread all over the place. Nobody can hope to get them all out."

CeKay smiled, a very slow and mischievous smile. "Oh but I won't, there will be no slaves missing, or so it will seem. "

The elf looked confused and she tilted her head, her eyes sparkling. "It will take time, years perhaps, but I do think I can achieve what I want. So I need to know everything you have learned about that fortress, inside and out"

He sighed, his eyes distant "Alright, listen well for I do not wish to repeat what I am about to tell you, not even once"

CeKay nodded and listened and the healers dropped by every now and then to give Maedhros some medicine and food but he didn't stop speaking, he told her everything, every little detail of what he had seen and she stored everything carefully. If her plan was to become a success she needed to make sure that every eventuality was covered.

As CeKay was sitting there listening to Maedhros someone else was also busy, and that someone was far from happy. The two hunters they had sent out had vanished, completely. Even their wargs were gone and it seemed as if their entire energy had simply disappeared into thin air. If they had encountered the thing they were sent out to chase and it had done this he had underestimate that enemy, a lot! What was he to do? What had the power to simply destroy such powerful servants? Oh he had stronger ones, but he hadn't believed that it was needed to use them, Now he saw that he was wrong in this assumption and he was quite literally steaming with anger as he strode down the halls. As if this wasn't enough the prisoner had been rescued, not that it mattered much for that elf couldn't possibly do much harm in the state he was in but it was a blow to their pride. His lieutenant had been glowing with anger when some unfortunate orc came to tell them of the rescue and it had been vaporised instantly. Could the valar really be behind this? Well, who else? A vague idea touched his mind, what if it was Eru himself who had decided to intervene? That left him feeling slightly uncomfortable for even his power was naught compared with that of the maker.

He strode into a vast hall and stared out at an assembly of creatures. The sounds and the stench was overwhelming but he didn't care, he smiled, a wide malicious smile. " Go, wreak havoc. Make sure they fear my name"

Roars and growls were the answer and the gates were opened and the horde rushed out. He stared at them, feeling very satisfied and even proud. Nobody would be able to withstand something like this, he would crush all resistance for sure. Yes, they would soon all bow to his might, and this impertinent maia or whatever it was should be easy to get rid of. He left the hall in a considerably better mood than before,, it was a minor setback, just a bagatelle. It was the final results which mattered and he was sure it would be grand.

CeKay had been sitting with Maedhros for a while, and now the noldo was resting. She had been shocked by what he told her but then again, she was no stranger to the concept of evil. In fact she knew pretty much all that there is to know about it. The Talgmarians had been a force of sheer evil, their intentions purely selfish and their goals hellish. And they had not been the only ones, there were horrible atrocities committed throughout the universe and she had never doubted that this sort of darkness could show up almost anywhere. But she had no idea of what these valar really were, she only knew that they were powerful and seen as deities and so she sought out Fingolfin and made him tell her all that he and the other elves knew. She got an odd feeling listening to him, they acted on behalf of the one responsible for creating them and this world, or did they really? Some of the things he said made her suspect that they had their own agenda, or that they had forgotten what they originally were supposed to do and were running their own race.

The maps were no good, she could see that. She had covered a lot of land and even the avarin elves had been unable to get as close to the enemy as she had. There were so much of which nobody yet could be certain and she had already realized that the elves probably would be unable to conquer their enemy. They could stall him for sure, slow down his progress, even put a siege to his fortress but she doubted that they could do any real damage. A complete victory was almost impossible to achieve without the aid from someone way more powerful than themselves and she was only one. Even if she did replicate herself she wouldn't be able to do much They needed the valar, that was the nasty truth, but what could she do to bring them here? What would arise their interest? Huan had said that Manwë feared attacking his brother out of fear of ruining himself, but could that be used somehow?

She was thinking and thinking a lot too, the days passed by and yet she didn't manage to come to any conclusion. Maedhros was transported back to his brother's camp and she saw that the atmosphere between the two camps was rather tense still. Family was nice she supposed, as long as it didn't break itself apart, like this one had. She had a hard time understanding what the main reason was but apparently it had something to do with a remarriage and breaking the ancient rules. The elves who had come over the ice had split up into groups, seeking their own places to live and she didn't like it. Fingolfin didn't like it neither but he couldn't control his brother's children. They travelled south towards the kingdoms of the sindar elves and CeKay felt an odd urge to join them. Why she did not know but what she heard about Doriath made her curious. The queen was a maia, and she had a daughter? That meant that the maiar were flesh and blood, or at least that they could take shape. There was so much she wanted to learn. But she weighed her options carefully, going south meant that she couldn't help those captured by the enemy. She found that she was more useful up north and so she stayed.

It was about a week later that some avarin elves came to the camp, they were obviously running from something and they told of new horrors spewing out of Angband. Giant wolves, orcs and trolls larger and stronger than before, and way more vicious. It was horrible and many had died. Fingolfin ordered that a line was to be drawn around the lands of the enemy, and that nobody was to venture past it. They couldn't risk more lives and the local elves all moved southwards, towards the forested areas behind the great mountains. They didn't dare to stay any longer and the attacks became rather frequent now, and very violent. The elves did fight well though, and they had a technique which was impressive but the enemy had the benefit of vast numbers. Maedhros abdicated and gave Fingolfin the title of high king, Cekay realized that he had done it not only for his own sake but also for that of his brothers. They didn't like it, but it left them with much greater freedom and yet she knew that the oath they had sworn bound them, and that it was a terrible burden. Morgoth had the silmarils and he would never part with them, thus none of them could leave.

CeKay started working on a plan, it was insane and very daring but it could work. She ordered the warriors to capture some orcs alive and she used her skills to read their minds and memories, learning the language of this race and its culture She also learned of the organization of the fortress, who was in charge of each division, how were things done? The orcs were executed afterwards and she slowly gained enough knowledge to be able to take action. She left early one morning, riding north on Steelsong, she had brought little with her, just some wine in a jug and an extra blanket. She wouldn't need much for what she was going to do. She rode until she reached the border Fingolfin had designed, there she left Steelsong and told the creature to go back to the camp and help defend it. Then she walked forth, in camouflage mode.

Her plan was extremely daring and courageous and it was also downright stupid for anyone not her. She walked on until she reached some orcs, a group of perhaps twenty heading back towards Angband after a raid and she repeated the trick she had used when she first encountered the elves. She simply followed them, hid among them and she made sure that she didn't make any sort of noise nor smell. The orcs were not smart at all, they were in fact brutal beasts with little brain power and she found it rather amazing that they were able to even function. They depended upon their leaders a lot and could be fooled easily. She wondered how their master could be satisfied with such creations, they were expendable for sure and not very useful for anything except killing and pillaging She hid her energy too, made herself completely invisible and prepared herself for the task ahead.

They reached the fortress late one evening, in this land it was perpetual dusk, the clouds of ash from the volcano blotted out the sunlight and it was a land of grey and black. The fortress did indeed fit its name, the iron hill. She had seen images of more impressive structures but not many and it exuded power and malice. The orcs were let in through one of the side gates and CeKay veered off the moment she was inside. She had no interest in visiting the orc barracks, she wanted to see where the slaves were kept, and if there was some way she could help them. Angband was massive, a city in itself with so many levels both over and under ground. The air was filled with dust and sulphur and it did stink and everywhere she saw the servants of the fallen vala. Some were maiar and others creatures she had no name for but they were all corrupted like their master and their light darkened and twisted.

The halls of Angband had a sort of very dark majesty, the architecture very cold and geometrical and there was little light there. Just sconces and lamps and some places rivers of molten rock which gave off an eerie red glow. CeKay was shocked in more ways than one, the wickedness she sensed in this place so deep and so ancient. And then there were the slaves, and prisoners. As she slowly made her way through the fortress she saw the full truth of what Maedhros had told her, and she realized that there was no way she could help them all. It was a terrible truth she had to accept, she wasn't omnipotent, her powers had limits and she had to be very careful for she started to realize that the master of this place could be even more powerful than herself. There was magic here which she couldn't explain, energies brought from sources she couldn't identify and it permeated the air like fog. Any use of power there could be detected so she would have to be patient, very patient indeed.

She hid within small cracks in the very rock itself, she could slide through narrow openings and rest within caves and rooms yet undiscovered and she explored and mapped the entire fortress, never allowing herself to be seen and never intervening with anything she saw, even when it tore at her heart. The torture and mutilation of prisoners was horrific and ghastly and she was feeling intensely remorseful when she couldn't save those she saw dying every day. But she was programmed as a warrior and sometimes you have to sacrifice some to save others, it was the way it had to be. The mountains were vast and she slowly used her nanites to dig a way out of the fortress. It was narrow and long and dark but could be used without any light and it was safe. It ended in a canyon quite a distance from the fortress itself and she kept digging and expanding it for what had to be months. She didn't need to eat nor drink or rest, she kept working and as she worked she also let her nanites weaken the structures of the very fortress itself. It wasn't obvious to anyone but here and there she left small flaws, structural weaknesses which would become useful if the valar ever decided to get off their asses and do something real.

But she soon realized that this place was permeated by a magic which was just to vile to describe, it felt like some sort of slimy goo sticking to her very mind and she was glad she wasn't a biological entity, it would have ruined her. She was more or less immune to its effect but she had to use a lot of energy to hide from it. The dark vala was in deed powerful, and she could sense its twisted intelligence and will. But she tried to create a mental map of the place and she also left nanites here and there, programmed to cause damage. Every little thing she did to help would prove to be helpful and so she rarely rested.

Sliding around in camouflage mode allowed her to get a good picture of everyday life within this place. She used days and weeks before she was used to the routines and she was impressed against her will by the elegance with which the enormous fortress was governed. The orcs were stupid and the trolls even more so but the balrogs seemed to act like officers, keeping the foot soldiers in line and then there were the other creatures. They were breeding wargs and trolls and she saw how the magic was used to twist otherwise natural beings into odd and horrible shapes. It was rather apparent that Morgoth at some point had tried the idea of merging metal and flesh and it hadn't worked out well at all. He didn't have the knowledge needed to create such creatures and so he failed.

She learned the language of the place, learned how to interpret the way the orcs interacted and the way their leaders constantly quarrelled and fought to gain power. It was a society like all others but one based upon wickedness and abuse and it worked simply because they never had experienced anything else. The slaves were seen as beasts, and the orcs feared the elves and hated them and would have killed them all if they hadn't been held back by their masters. CeKay found it disturbing to see the things which were done to these poor elves, she had a hard time accepting that there was little she could do but she was no God, only a single android with some rather unique programming. She had been there for what could be months when she one day found yet another dungeon she hadn't visited. It was placed rather far from the centre of the fortress, near the base of it and it was apparently abandoned a long time ago. She got curious for it could be used if the fortress got attacked and so she entered it, carefully sliding down the dust covered stairs, barely making a mark. She got extremely shocked when she discovered that there was something alive down there.

It ought to be impossible, and yet one of the cells did smell of a living being and she slid closer, completely invisible and hidden. The dungeon was dark, only a few fluorescent mushrooms growing on the mouldy walls provided light and it was very weak indeed. She saw a shape within the cell, it was rather large, way larger than an elf and it was dark too. Almost like charcoal in colour and almost scaly? She cocked her head, this was no creature she had encountered before and she was curious. Apparently it had done something wrong since it had been placed down here, or it had been an enemy of Morgoth from the very beginning. The thing moved again, turned its head around. It did look almost reptilian but it had some human features too and it was old, very old. She could sense it, this thing was extremely ancient and she suddenly realized that it was as alien to this world as herself. It had come from somewhere else and she felt a bang of pity, and an intense surge of curiosity. She had never heard of any race like this, as the thing moved she could see that it had six limbs instead of four, it had two sets of arms and the lower set seemed to have been mutilated, just stumps were left. The creature had a tail, that too had been cut off and the double set of eyes which turned towards her were white. This thing was blind, and it had suffered a lot but it was alive. She couldn't really understand how that was possible for a biological creature like this one, was it like the elves somehow?

The thing tilted its head, the wide mouth with a forked tongue opened and it spoke. "I can sense you, you are not one of his minions now are you."

CeKay almost reared back, the thing could sense her? It had to be extremely sensitive then, much more so than even her! She felt insecure, could she trust this thing? It was a prisoner so maybe she could. "I am no danger to you"

Her voice came as a whisper, giving little away when it came to feelings or her nature. The thing grinned, it did indeed look very lizard like and she could see that it's remaining front limbs were chained, the chains appeared to be extremely strong. "Good, you are not of this place, and you seek his destruction, it will not come by your hands starchild"

CeKay felt shocked. "How do you know?"

The creature blinked, sat up and she saw that it had to have been very powerful once, a mighty being worthy of respect. " I know a lot, too much perhaps"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

The thing took a deep breath, for a moment it seemed to glow faintly. "It is the curse of my kin little one, we know. We see, and sometimes what we do see cannot be changed, even if we try"

CeKay would have felt chills if she had been human, hadn't she heard of…?

The creature chuckled, the odd hollow voice made the sound sinister. "Oh yes, you have heard of us, forgotten within the very void of time itself. Once we were everywhere, now we are…gone"

She gaped. "You are one of the gardeners?"

The creature nodded. "Yes, we were called that, we were few but it was our task to make sure that life would thrive and grow and evolve. Our task ended a long time ago, so long ago even I have a hard time understanding it"

CeKay had knelt down. "Then why are you here? How?"

The thing lowered its head, something which looked like shame crossed over the odd features. "Curiosity, and stupidity. Combined that is a terrible thing, a most horrible affliction. And one of which I am guilty."

She tilted her head. The thing got a little closer to the bars. "You were powerful, like Gods?"

The creature smiled, and broken misshapen teeth could be seen. "Yes, servants of the universe itself, I was the youngest one, and thus I fell, for I hadn't the wisdom to understand that even we can be tricked and betrayed."

She started to get a suspicion. "The one they call Eru, he is one of you?"

It slumped forwards. "Maybe, a powerful one then, and benign, following the biddings. But not flawless, not able to deter all wickedness. A creator beyond doubt, capable of great things, of shaping exquisite worlds"

She stared at it. "What went wrong?"

The thing sighed, its head lulling from one side to the other. "I had drifted for so long, in a different shape than this one mind you, and when I felt a spark of freshly formed power I wanted to see what it was. I was so excited when I saw this world, newly formed, seemingly flawless and I forgot to be careful, forgot to make my presence known. I just wanted to see what my brethren had created and so I descended and before I knew it I was trapped."

CeKay had to frown again. "Trapped? How?"

It waved its front limbs, they resembled arms but had too many joints. " There was a will here, one dark and mean and just horrible and it grasped me and I couldn't resist. I had never encountered anything like it before. Long time has gone since it happened, this world has changed a lot and I have been moved many times, been changed many times too."

She sensed its pain and anguish and started to understand. "The dark lord, he has stolen your powers now haven't he? That is why he can create all these monsters? His gifts were not given to him by Eru at all."

The creatures scoffed. "Of course not, if Eru is one of us and this master of death and darkness sprung from Eru then he cannot do anything if it isn't Eru's bidding. But steal someone else's power and do whatever you wish. He was supposed to deal with things like rock and metal and the shapes of the earth, not living beings."

CeKay would have felt nauseous, if she could. "You have been a prisoner for a long time, does he still need you?"

The thing shook his head. "Oh my powers he has stolen ages ago, and I have nothing left to give him. But he keeps me here since I tried to resist, tried to stop him, tried to withhold the power of true creation. He fears what I know, so he cannot kill me, for then that knowledge will be lost, and he may fail later on."

She was impressed, she didn't doubt that Morgoth and his minions would have tortured the poor being for all it was worth. "You were brave"

The creature smiled, a bitter smile. "No, I was stupid. I gave him power unwillingly, and the power was weakened thus. He can never truly create, only distort and that makes him mad. I have been the cause of such suffering due to that. And yet I couldn't have done it differently, this entire world would have been twisted beyond recognition if I had given in."

She saw it, for a brief moment her mind was filled with an image of dark and burning skies and a world where only things made from metal and rock lived. A dead world, yet alive, in a mock interpretation of the makers true intentions. "You did well, he isn't omnipotent"

The thing nodded. "I was his test subject, he tried everything on me, knowing I am indestructible. And now, now he is brewing new deviltry somewhere within this fortress, something even worse than his previous attempts. He hates light little one, he hates everything which doesn't bow to him and his ideas."

CeKay leaned in closer. "What can I do?"

The chained creature pulled at the chains. " I see things Starchild, I see the possible outcome of every action, of every though and idea. It's like a maze of futures, intertwined and linked together and yet independent. One small action may change everything"

She blinked. "Yes, and I do wish to help, to destroy this enemy of all things good. I want to help this world"

The thing took a deep breath. "I see many possible outcomes of this little one, none too pleasing, No matter what you do or don't there will be death, and suffering, and this world will be changed forever. Its story is already written little one, like an opera leaving the hands of the composer. Only interpretations are possible, small subtle alterations. If you wish to do good you must listen to me and listen well, for if you don't things may be lost forever. You were not supposed to be here Starchild, you are something unseen by the maker, and yet you have brought hope."

CeKay stared at the creature, it was like a God, and yet Morgoth had managed to capture it somehow and force it to reveal its secrets. He truly was one twisted entity. "Yes, so what do I do?"

The creature moved as if in pain. "Continue as before, undermine the very fortress itself, the valar will come little one, there is still many centuries to come before they do but when the time comes this fortress must fall. Then you must make sure that the dark master doesn't manage to kill certain individuals. There are things which must happen little one, things and actions which you may kick into action. Be the one to trigger change, be the one who makes sure that the story does unfold as it is supposed to. Morgoth wishes to change destiny, to avoid his ultimate fate, he has to fail"

CeKay saw that the creature's eyes were glowing slightly. "How?"

The thing bared its teeth. " One day there will be a final battle, one day the forces of light will win and this marred world will be remade, as the maker intended it to be, beautiful and peaceful. Morgoth will be vanquished and destroyed, and all remnants of his powers erased. I will show you the way it is supposed to be, and what you have to do to make sure it happens just the right way"

It reached out with one of the ruined limbs and CeKay managed to touch it and for a moment her mind was reeling, so much information, so much knowledge. It was overwhelming even for her and she felt her core almost overloading from the sheer amount of energy she received. But she saw, she knew and she moaned. So many tasks, so many things which had to be accomplished. She sighed, stared at the creature. "And you, what about you?"

The gardener lowered its head. "He fears me Starchild, for I know the truth. I know how he can be vanquished. I have waited for you little one, ever since I first saw your descent."

CeKay took a deep breath. "You knew I was coming?"

The thing nodded. "Yes, but not when, or in what shape. That is the one problem with my powers, there are many uncertainties and I am yet unable to determine whether or not someone is good or evil at heart. But you little one, now that I have touched your being I know you are of light, created so far away and yet bound to this place. You have such fire in your heart, such strong will."

CeKay had to grin. "I don't really have a heart you know"

It waved a hand slowly. "Pssh, a detail, your soul in lack of better words cannot be broken, it is not programmed to quit. You can do the impossible with what I have shown you, and you can chose to let yourself be run by logic, not feelings. A sentient compassionate being will not do much good for its feelings will get the best of it, and it will fail"

She nodded, the things she already had seen, it was ghastly and yet unavoidable. "But you, what about you? Can I free you? I didn't see you at all in the visions?"

The creature nodded. "No you didn't, for I will no longer exist. I have kept myself alive for so long, just to mock him and to wait for our one hope."

CeKay gasped. "You are gonna die? But…"

The creature nodded. " I will return to the universe little one, this suit of flesh and bones a prison into which I was forced by the enemy. Do not mourn me, for I can finally be free yet again"

She had to nod, but she felt sad somehow. "I am sorry"

He reached out again, something in his hand. "Take this, you will know what to do with it when the time comes. Keep it unto then"

She stared at the object, it was a piece of metal, very dark in color and very heavy even if it wasn't much larger than her thumb. She felt an odd energy come from it and she frowned and stored it inside of a pocket within her own body. The creature smiled again, "My bones will be all that will be left, the enemy will think I perished and some unfortunate guards will be punished. Go now, do the things destiny asks of you."

She touched its hand again. "What name should I remember you by?"

The creature tilted its head. "I was known as Zherab, that name is forgotten now. Keep it with you until the end and then maybe we will meet once more"

CeKay saw that the creature sort of shrank, the skin and flesh almost melted away and suddenly only an oddly twisted skeleton was left there. She felt a swift surge of energy and the she was alone there, feeling confused and lonely even. It was such a task, leading history in the right direction and yet she had no choice, she had seen what failure would trigger,

She went into camouflage mode yet again, glad she didn't feel the need to cry.

She had seen so many deaths and knew that she couldn't prevent even one of them, all she could do was to make sure that it wasn't all in vain. She left the dungeon and now she went to work again with even greater determination. She had seen what was to happen, now she had to make sure that it all happened just the right way. When she was done with her work there she abandoned the fortress, it was a place she would return to later but now there were more important tasks to take care of. She had to ensure that the fortress indeed would come under siege, it as crucial and it meant that she would have to use all of her skills, in a less violent manner than before. She had a smile upon her lips as she raced forth over the plains, unseen by even the dark lord. It would not be easy, but it would be interesting, yes, very interesting indeed.