That Harry still feels shaken by his reaction to Wes climbing into bed beside him, is not only because it has brought back the memories of the day that they'd buried Adam, but it has triggered the thought that just over a month later, he could have lost Wes as well. Wes who had told him how frightened he'd been when he'd seen him being sick. That he'd thought he was going to die. A thought which at the time hadn't escaped him either when he'd seen the expression on Ruth's face when she been forced out of the room. All of which he intends telling her, but not during the build up to Christmas which he wants to be a happy time and is why he's more than content that he's been left to his own for a while.
Because not only is it lovely to be free from the scrutiny of the nurses at the hospital, but of course it's Ruth whose been looking after him. The added intimacy which has come from letting the person he loves most in all the world, helping him to get showered and dressed, without commenting on how the accident could have been avoided. Or telling him he's too old to be throwing himself in front of metaphorical horse, whilst she'd been unashamedly gazing at every inch of his body and no doubt wondering how many of his nine lives he's already used up.
Although she has made him promise that he won't do anything stupid while she's out. Stupid which in his case means that he mustn't over exert himself and for her, a walk to the far end of the estate to the big house with Wes. To thank them for the hamper and whatever is in the envelope that is a present for Wes. All of which will be followed up by lunch, before he becomes a reluctant spectator while she and the boys decorate the tree.
The sum total of which, tells him that his decision to retire is the right one and now is the time to do it.
Which leaves the one question that he doesn't have an answer to – when does he to tell Ruth? Because it's not as though they get any time on their own, other than when they're in bed and as much as he wants to be fully awake when he tells her, he really doesn't want to do it when he's lying down. Some of his worst and he recalls best conversations have taken place when he's been in bed, but none more important than this one. With some flowers would be nice, something he's never bought her.
Not that he's completely alone, because in the background he can hear Angela tidying up in the kitchen, having already tackled, her word not his, the boy's bedroom. Only for her to appear in front of him with a cup of tea and the instruction that he should be putting his feet up. Before what he hadn't banked on, which is for her to revisit her the conversation that she'd had with Ruth, but from a different angle, by saying, 'before Ruth told me what you do for a living and the reason she spent two years on the continent, I did perhaps wonder if you'd been leading a double life. That you had a wife tucked away somewhere?'
'Not for a long time and it was a disaster of my own making,' he told her, in an attempt to avoid a conversation about his own infidelities, whilst at the same time forgetting that her own husband had done a runner, before thanking her for the tea.
At which point, Angela asked him the one question that he did have the answer to, but couldn't answer truthfully until he'd told Ruth. 'Why when you're so clearly happy here, are you still working?'
Wondering if perhaps Angela had she ever considered working for the Security Services herself, because there was something in the way she was nibbling away at the edges of his patience, to suggest that she thought that by looking at him he'd eventually tell her the truth, 'I made an arrangement with my superiors and I intend to stand by it,' he told her.
Only to look up after what he'd assumed was sufficient time for Angela to have lost interest, not only to see her smiling but ready with the response of, 'has anyone ever told you, that you and Ruth are so alike in the way that you think and speak, to the point of being extraordinary? Because if they haven't, I'd like to be the first person to tell you that you're in for a wonderful life here in Suffolk. Oh, and just in case you're worried Harry, remember I'm an accountant, so I do know how important it is to respect a confidence.'
Trying to prevent his jaw from dropping, or pointing out that they were currently in Norfolk. The second of which wasn't called for in that she wasn't one of his staff, so didn't have to jump when he said so and more importantly ask him how high, he waited until Angela gave up and walked away. But not before throwing him a look that inferred she knew what he was thinking. Which had him wondering if she was implying that if Ruth hadn't gone away, that they'd still be in the ridiculous limbo before she'd been exiled. And more to the point was she right? Probably rather than possibly he concluded, making him even more determined to tell Ruth, either this evening or in the morning.
Lunch when it arrives is the obligatory soup, but today because he's served his sentence of nothing solid for at least twenty-four hours, it's accompanied by sandwiches and a much happier Ruth. What more can he ask for he thinks, after Angela says she'll do the washing up, something which again makes him feel guilty, but means that he can sit back and watch Ruth and the boys decorating the tree. Whilst planning, if planning is the right word, exactly how he's going to word his decision, so that it sounds more romantic than, 'I'm going to hand in my resignation darling.'
Helping his cause is that there is some Christmas music playing in the background, which along with Ruth holding the ladder which Wes and Michael are taking turns to climb, proves to be enough to distract her from asking him what he's thinking, or in this case has decided. Which is that Ruth needs to be tired enough that she'll still be asleep when he wakes up in the morning, which given that he's not supposed to exert himself, will require him to be not only persuasive, but inventive when he tells her that he feels well enough for them to make love tonight. And having done so and after they've had breakfast in the morning, she'll accept without argument, Angela's offer to keep the boys occupied. By taking them on a five-mile hike if she can be persuaded or even longer. Providing that they don't go anywhere near the river of course.
.
Having always prided himself that he's never needed an alarm clock to wake him and he's had his phone beside the bed to tell him if he's got time for a coffee before he leaves for work, this morning, having received the only Christmas present that he wants and then some the previous night, without the opposition he'd expected, he has to rely on his instinct when he climbs out of bed and walks barefoot through to the kitchen. Any lingering doubts dispelled long before Ruth had fallen asleep in his arms and with Angela's words of 'you're in for a wonderful life' he can honestly say he's never felt more certain. Now having made himself a cup of coffee, he stands by the window and waits for the sun to rise. Something that Ruth also loves to do and is the reason they now walk together on the beach every morning. Their quiet time she calls it, until the energy that Wes brings to each day keeps them occupied.
He doesn't have to wait long before he hears the kettle click on and she's standing beside him, slipping her hand into his as she always does. Before saying, 'I've missed our shared sunrises.'
'Three more days and we'll be home,' he tells her. 'Walking on the beach every morning,' says as much about the previous night as it does this moment.
Especially as it's Christmas Eve, which even during the worst of times, he'd always considered to be a special day. Something that for moment, makes him think about his own children and how they'll react to his decision to retire? With disbelief probably, until he tells them why? Something that he won't have to do until he and Ruth come back from London.
'I do love you and I'm not just talking about last night,' Ruth tells him from where she's now making herself a cup of tea. By which time he's sitting down at the table and making a mental list of things he wants Angela to get for him.
.
'How much holly?' Asks Wes, who Ruth knows questions everything, when he and Michael are pulling on their warm gloves and heading out of the door. Angela only too happy to be leaving the tidying up to them and the packing of presents such as they are, which are hidden under her bed. None of which Harry had any input in buying, which is why when Angela had said she was going to take the boys to Southwold for a walk on the beach and lunch in the café that serves fish and chips, he'd asked her if she'd mind doing some last - minute present shopping on his behalf. Angela, who he knows deep down would do anything for Ruth and by extension him.
'Holly?' questions Ruth, after the door closes and she follows Harry across the room to where he's sitting in front of the Christmas tree with an expression to suggest that he's up to something.
'Christmas isn't Christmas without holly, we all know that and Wes asked me if there was anything else we needed.'
Wes who had jumped at the idea of choosing some flowers for Ruth, when he'd told him that it would be a surprise from them both. Because Harry had realised the importance of including Wes, in what he plans to be not only the most heartfelt, but romantic sentences he's ever delivered.
