Calla
The story of the hero with white hair ended here, in an explosion of green light. When the light eventually died off, Calla found herself in complete darkness.
But not emptiness. There was a solid ground that she was standing on, and she could feel her limbs normally. Was she… not dreaming then?
She tapped her foot on the ground and it ringed, a strange sound, familiar to the chime of a bell but with more hollowness and a fizzing. Carefully she knelt and caressed the surface of the ground. It was… hot, and her fingers tingled from the touch.
Burning? No, it was more like… the heat was only a byproduct of the working of this place.
She stood back up. Nothing to do but to explore this strange place.
One, two, three… counting her steps, she walked forward in the darkness. If she found nothing in one hundred steps, that meant—
She saw light. Shining green…
Crystal.
Calla ran, each step causing the floor to chime. The sound echoed in her ears, making her head twinge, but she did not care. She was at the end of the tunnel.
And Calla saw her, surrounded by strange machinery Calla could not identify. The Goddess herself.
The woman in front of Calla had no legs, her lower body replaced with a snake's. She held Crystal with her only hand. "I finally reached you, Wielder of Crystal."
"You're—" Calla had heard of her name before, in the Hero's story.
"We have no time," but the Goddess interrupted Calla, frowning, "Evil has landed on your planet. You must destroy them, or they would claim your lands as their own and leave no living souls on your soil. This is your destiny, as the chosen of the Sword."
Calla was confused. Evil? Leaving no souls… she was chosen by Crystal, she knew that, but…
"I've shown you the story of him, the Hero, the Sky-asker. He was the one who had used Crystal to its full potential, to its intended purpose. He doesn't exist here in your universe, but you're his mirror image. Take my sword," she urged, and so Calla took Crystal from her hand.
But the moment she took it, Calla felt pain shot through her, as if she was slashed by thousands of blades. She could sense the faint smell of blood, reeking from her own body.
"Urgh…!" The pain forced her to her knees, yet she still gripped the sword tightly. Crystal shined brightly, unaffected by her pain and sorrow, just like that day—
—The day I massacred the residents of Flea Bottom.
"I… I killed…" Oh, now she remembered. She killed and killed until there was nobody left, for Aegor… yet he…
I just… I just want you to tell me it's fine. Am I wrong? Have I lost your approval too?
Tears welled up in Calla's eyes. A drop of tears, full of despair and loneliness, dripped onto Crystal, and the sword shattered into pieces.
Calla futility grasped at the shards of Crystal on all fours until the last of their light disappeared. "Crystal…?" This was the sword that had never broken, the sword that had only ever brought victory—
The Goddess sighed. "You have seen Sky-asker's story. You know why this has happened to you. No… this will happen if you don't change your ways."
Crystal will be destroyed by your weak tears.
But was this weakness? Was Aegor her weakness?
But he… he tried to stop her. He wanted to stop her. He called for her to listen to him.
Thinking that he would possibly condemn her made her heart bleed. You're the one who signed that warrant. You gave permission—
...But she was the one who pulled out the sword. What responsibility Aegor had, it did not excuse her sins...
Was it her fault that it ended up a massacre?
"If you're still uncertain, I shall read your future as I had done for him." As the Goddess' spoke, a small pond appeared on the ground. Calla peeked into it and she saw Aegor, on her bedside…
"...What?" This was from the Goddess. Calla glanced at her and found her mouth agape, eyes widened. "I have made a terrible mistake… the time discrepancy…"
"Calla," Aegor— the Aegor from the pond— said, "Wake up. I beg of you."
Calla felt something warm on her head, the sensation of a huge, warm hand…
He… he still wanted her back. Even after she killed so many innocent people.
The ground shook, the image of the Goddess flickered. A finger pointed at Calla, she screamed, "You're a human full of sins, your hands full of blood—"
"I know!" Calla blurted out, "I know what I did, whose blood I spilt! I… knew all along."
Yes, blaming Aegor was just finding excuses. Even if he had backed her into a corner, she was still the one that held the sword. She knew that. But… "Please… let me hear him… let me know if he…"
The Goddess stared at Calla, a strange light in her eyes. "Ah. I see. Do you think the love you seek is more important than the lives of every other human being?"
"Huh?" Calla blinked, "...Of course not! But there's… no conflict…"
But she had killed for him. There was a conflict, since the day she received Crystal. She just did not notice it because she had only fought in wars before.
The Goddess sighed with resignation. "By accident or not, my sword has chosen you. It has heeded your calling. Then you must have some potential in you as well, even if you had chosen to dirty your hands before. You can know right from wrong, so tell me, what should you do?"
What should she do? The exact way to achieve it, Calla did not know, but she knew the final goal. Because the Goddess was right, she did have that ability. "I need to pay for what I did to those poor souls."
The Goddess nodded. "Yes. You must repent and leave the path of destruction before Crystal abandons you for your sins. Because you're still the only hope we have."
Calla nodded, her chin colliding with the heated floor. "I will… I promise…" She would not lie. But now, she had to see him.
And so the Goddess flickered out of existence, leaving Calla grunting in pain on the floor. Yet Calla did not care. She climbed, desperately, towards the only source of light. The pond.
She only wanted to hear his voice.
"Whatever problem Crystal brings you, we'll face it together. I won't let you get hurt again. So… don't go," Aegor's voice echoed in the vastness, "Please don't leave me."
He was calling for her. Unlike last time, when he had mistaken her for Shiera...
This time, he was calling for Calla and Calla alone.
"Aegor…" Calla cried. As her hot, bloody tears dropped into the pond, the water was dyed into a deep, dark red, covering Aegor's image.
"No!" She reached out into the pond of blood and tears. She sunk deeper and deeper, her screams muffled until no more sound could be heard.
Yet even when suffocating in the bloody tears of her sins, she wished to reach him. Even if it was a dream, she wanted to hold it and cherish it with her own two hands...
—
"Calla!" Aegor was holding her shoulders, rocking her body, "Can you hear me?"
...She was there, in the land of the living.
The warmth from his grip was so overwhelming. When Calla noticed, she had already burst out of tears.
"You… you called for me… right?" She asked in a weak, hesitant whisper. She was afraid that the voice she heard was only her fantasy.
He nodded firmly, his lips spreading into a relieved smile. "It's fine now, Calla. As long as you're here, everything's alright…"
She leaned into his arms, weeping. This was all she wanted to hear from him—
"...I'll take responsibility for all that has happened. You will never have to pick up a sword again," he continued to say, caressing her back in an attempt to comfort her.
But is this fine?
She froze.
The blood was in her hands. She could not just walk away and pretend nothing had happened. The Goddess had warned her clearly.
And he said he would take responsibility, not that she was right— because of course, she was wrong. It was just that he would shield her from the consequences.
You must repent.
She could not let him do that. She was not a child anymore. She needed to know what truly happened…
Then atone. She had promised.
"...Why did it happen?" she asked, "Why did those people tell me that the shelters were full? Why did you sign that warrant that authorised the Gold Cloaks to burn down people's homes?"
She could feel Aegor's body stiffened under her questioning. "The order I gave them was to clear out the ground for rebuilding. I didn't know that they were burning down people's houses at that time."
Calla frowned. This sounded awfully like an excuse to her. Aegor was no naive wide-eyed idealist. He must know that the Gold Cloaks would use whatever means they deemed necessary to accomplish their tasks…
"I…" Was she brave enough to challenge— no, she had to. "Were you unaware of it, or you just ignored the possibility?"
"...Calla…" Aegor sighed, pulling her straight and looked into her eyes. "Before you fainted, you told me I made you do it. You're right. It's my fault." Calla could see only honestly in his eyes. "I know what kind of people the Gold Cloaks are, and that they will use violence. What I didn't know, however, was that there wasn't enough shelter. No violence could change that, and instead of reporting to us, the Gold Cloaks saw it fit to chase the extra people into the streets. Ultimately, those are all my oversight."
"You… didn't care that people might get hurt because of this project?" Calla was stunned by his response. This could not be right. Aegor could be ruthless to his enemies, but… "They are all innocent people…"
And I killed them.
But what Aegor said froze her to the bone. "Sinner or innocent, people will die or be killed unjustly," Aegor's mouth set in a hard line, "I wish this wouldn't be the case, but this is just how it is. We both know this well. So you don't have to feel guilty about what you did that day. I didn't intend for people to die over Aenys' project, not on this scale, but what is done is finished."
Calla felt pain in her chest. The value of life… those whose blood she spilt…
She had feared that he would condemn her for her actions, but hearing that he did not care about killing innocents, not caring how many bodies she had piled up... hurt her all the same.
Was he not her role model, the man she could always trust to make the right judgment?
...Back when Daemon had sneaked away from their camps and came to Westeros on his own, Calla had to convince Aegor to send support, to the extent of threatening him with her safety.
But that was because he didn't know where Daemon went, he didn't intentionally cut Daemon out…
...So he could make the more suitable Haegon king. He was always like this, wasn't he? Aegor would do anything to accomplish his goals.
"...Did you mean what you said?" Calla asked, tears once again filling her eyes. The Goddess was right. She was weak. "Or are you purely saying this to comfort me?"
This was not fair. If he said he was lying, she would feel bad for making him lie, but if he was telling the truth, then… there was a rift between them too far apart to mend.
No matter what he said next, Calla would always feel bad. Yet she asked anyway.
"Why do you cry?" But Aegor… Oh, he wiped her tears away so tenderly. She wanted to forget about all these so badly. "It's all true. We all understand what stakes you had faced when you made that decision. It's not just me, no one in this castle will blame you, no one."
...But once she had seen it, she could not unsee his true face.
You must leave the path of destruction.
Perhaps he was not as morally upright as she had imagined. Perhaps… She did not tell him about everything she saw in her dreams because she subconsciously knew she could not trust him with it.
"There is," Calla trembled, "Me. I shouldn't kill them. I slaughtered innocents. This is wrong and it's entirely my fault."
"No, if you have to blame someone for this—"
"I must repent for the blood on my hands!" Calla cried out, "I need to… I want to! If a murderer like me can run around with no consequences, then there's no justice in this world! Aenys should put me on trial for the crime I committed. A fair trial, one that will give me my due punishment."
Aegor's gaze towards her hardened. "You understand what you're suggesting?" Clenching his fists, he growled, "You'll be executed! Don't let things such as guilt affect your judgment. We can't lose you. You are the reason why House Blackfyre managed to sit on the Iron Throne. No lives matter as much as yours," he swallowed, "None."
That's it? That's the only reason you don't want me to die?
"If you won't listen to me, Lord Hand, then I request to see the king," Calla said, biting her lips, "His Grace must hear my report as the Lady Commander of the Crystal Guards."
"Aenys will want to hear you even less. He has defended your actions in front of the whole small council quite a few times," Aegor sighed, his voice softened, "You're not clear of mind now, think about it, Calla. What will Aenys and Daena think when they know you want to die for this? There are so few of you left now… do you want to leave them just for a worthless atonement?"
It's not worthless, Calla wanted to scream, it's the only thing I can do now.
Aenys' rule would be strengthened by upholding justice. Daena… her sister had her own family now. She was no longer the girl who clung to Crystal's light to fall asleep. She could bear losing Calla.
But there was one more thing Calla wanted to know.
"What will you think then?" Calla asked, tears dripping down her face. I'm so pathetic. "Will you cry for me?"
Did you cry for Father? For Shiera?
Calla had never seen him cry.
His eyes widened for a moment. "Of course I will!" There was anger in his voice, "You're… you're important to me, Calla."
"Then…" Calla felt her strength, her resolve sucked out of her. "I… I don't want to die. But I don't know… what else can I do..."
What am I doing? This isn't what I'm supposed to do. The Goddess was clear in her words. I have to repent.
Aegor sighed with obvious relief. "You don't have to do anything. It's all over." He squeezed Calla's hand, and the last of her resistance died in her throat. "I'll get a maester to look over you and inform Aenys and Daena that you're awake." He offered a slight smile, "They'll be happy to hear it."
But how can I be happy with myself?
