A/N: Sorry it's been taking a long time for me to post recently. I think writer's block has a crush on me or something. Anyways, here is a recap of the last few chapters: Harry IS STILL sleeping in the Ravenclaw common room (so some random death eater's kid doesn't slit his throat while he's vulnerably sleeping), Harry decided fuck it, I'm eating with the Ravenclaws on Halloween (and has not repeated since), Harry saw his parent die in his annual nightmare on Halloween night, and last and maybe least, he watched the sunset over the lake while internally screaming. As always, leave constructive criticism and enjoy the chapter (or not, I can't control your emotions).

Tw: Blood & descriptive pain & explosions & feeling trapped in your own body & mentions of drowning & death & some parts might be seen as suicide attempts & some pretty sad thoughts. Holy shit that's a lot. Proceed with caution it is going to be kinda sad.

The days blurred together and before he knew it the sign-up sheet was set up for students to stay at Hogwarts over winter break. He was overjoyed at the thought of most of Hogwarts having few people including himself.

There was just one problem with this new sign-up sheet. It was in the common rooms.

He had exactly one week to get his name on the sign up sheet. The following Thursday, it would be too late to change your mind and you would be stuck with whatever he chose.

xXxXxXx

He spent the rest of the week building up the courage to go into a room filled with people who hated him and were willing to show it. While he would never admit it to anyone, he was absolutely terrified.

When Saturday came along, he ate as fast as his mouth would let him and rushed back to the Ravenclaw common room to mentally prepare himself for the unknown. He had it all planned out.

The common room would hopefully be mostly empty, if not completely empty. He would walk into the Slytherin common room causally, as he would draw more attention to himself if he tried to sneak in and got caught. After he made it in he would try to not look around in a suspicious way while still checking who was in the common room.

He would walk over to the sign-up sheet for winter break and sign his name on the list. Afterward, he would walk out of the common room, hopefully unnoticed.

Worst comes to worst, he could run outside. Outside there would be over half of Hogwarts, not to mention most teachers can see the grounds from the windows in their offices and classrooms.

Was he overthinking it?

Definitely.

Did he care?

No.

xXxXxXx

It was 10:39 am when he went downstairs.

The dungeon was empty, just as he hoped and planned.

Harry walked along the corridors of the dungeons. His footsteps echoed in the dimly lit corridors. Green flames danced in their sconces. As he walked, Harry peered into the empty cells that once held criminals against the throne.

He finally saw the portrait of the old man who guarded the entrance to the Slytherin common room.

"Password?" He croaked in his old, wizened voice.

"Toadstools," Harry responded confidently.

"Incorrect," The man in the portrait said.

What the fuck.

"What? Toadstools is the correct password. Stop lying you dimwitted slug," His temper rose, "How the fuck is that not the correct password?"

The man didn't respond.

"Answer me!" Harry demanded.

"Passwords change," the man stared at him, wearing a bored expression on his face.

Harry picked up part of a broken quill off the ground and threw it at the portrait in a fit of rage. The abandoned quill bounced off the canvas and landed back at Harry's feet.

"I'm a portrait, you cannot harm me," He talked as though someone hadn't just thrown something at him.

Pure anger filled him. How the fuck was he supposed to know the password changed?

He wanted to scream.

"Where exactly is your frisbee?"

"Somewhere in the dorm."

Shit. People were coming.

Not good, not good at all.

Harry looked around for a hiding place. His eyes landed on a jail cell buried deep in the shadows. Perfect. He darted into the cell and went to the farthest corner, trying to melt into the shadows.

So much for acting casual and not sneaking around.

He watched as Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott approached the portrait.

Harry moved an inch closer, trying to listen to the password so he, himself could get through the portrait hole. Huge mistake. His foot kicked a rock on the ground. He listened with dread as the rock skipped along the floor.

All three of them stopped moving immediately.

Theodore pointed his wand at his hand.

"Lumos," The tip of his wand ignited, "Who's there?"

As Theodore checked the cells from a short distance, Harry held his breath. He carefully backed against the wall, thankfully not kicking another rock.

Theodore shined the light where Harry was hiding. Holy shit that was bright. Harry couldn't take it. He covered his eyes with his arms.

"Harry?" Blaise walked over as Theodore lowered his wand.

"You," Theodore spat, "What the hell do you think you're doing down here?"

"Calm down, Theo," Blaise faced Theodore, "What are you down here, Harry?"

He thought it would be better if he didn't lie to them.

"I need to sign the sign-up sheet to stay at Hogwarts over winter break but I forgot the password," Harry chanced a step forward.

"Oh, of course, the new password is-" Blaise started.

"None of your business," Theodore cut him off, "We don't help blood traitors. Get lost."

"No," Harry held his ground, he wasn't going to be pushed around, not again. He thought about Dudley. All the times Dudley pushed him around. He wasn't going through that again, especially not with Theodore.

"I said get lost."

Harry's feet were planted.

"You'll regret this," Theodore punched him in the face.

The impact threw Harry to the ground. He tasted his own blood. His head was spinning. He had to admit, Theodore knew how to throw really good a punch.

"Theo, let's go, we'll get in trouble for this," Blaise looked down upon Harry.

Harry brought himself to sit up. Once upon a time they had been on good terms with each other, they had been close. Now… Theodore punched Harry in the face and Harry refused to "Get lost".

Was he too young for all of this? Age eleven always seemed magical to him. A chance to escape, to be rid of Dudley. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"He has to pay for what he's done, if you can't handle that then go inside the common room."

Blaise stared at the floor as he left.

Harry managed to stand up, he held onto one of the bars for support.

No signs of weakness.

A fist landed in his face.

No signs of weakness.

Another punch, he lost a tooth.

No signs of weakness.

The next punch brought him to his knees.

He couldn't bring himself to stand. His ears were ringing. His glasses were across the cell. He lost three teeth. He fell. From his spot lying on the floor all he could see was Theodore's bloodstained shoes and even that was blurred without Harry's glasses.

Theodore kept going.

The pain was horrid.

Harry tried to scream. He tried to cry out in pain. He tried to call for help. No sound escaped his lips. He felt trapped in his own body.

He remembered when he was only a little kid. Dudley would beat him up. He thought he could escape that. He couldn't. He was doomed to the same fate for the rest of his life.

He felt a bone crack. He heard Theodore panting. Harry thought Theodore would punch him until he died. Beat him worse than anyone else. Is this how he would die? Being beaten to death?

No.

Something awoke in him.

"No," He repeated aloud, barely able to speak.

"No, what? You are in no position to win this fight," Theodore stood up, using his robes to wipe the blood off his hands.

Harry grabbed the bars of the cell. He used them as support to pull himself up. He held on for dear life, he felt like he would fall any second, but he couldn't afford that.

"I-" Harry coughed up blood, "I said no."

Whatever awoke in him must've been powerful. For a short moment everything stood still, every last speck of dust. Anger and rage controlled him. When he realized what he was about to do, it was too late to stop himself.

The center of the cell exploded. Both Harry and Theodore got thrown back from the impact. The satisfaction of seeing the smug grin getting wiped off of Theodore's face was worth all the blood and pain.

That was the last thing he saw before his head hit the ground and his world went dark.

xXxXxXx

Where am I?

His ears were ringing. He couldn't see anything. He heard muffled chatter in the background. His senses were turned off, like he was being drowned.

Slowly but surely he came back to the waking world. At first he was confused, frightened even. Then it crashed over him like a wave. He did this. He blew up the cell. He caused the explosion.

He managed to open his eyes and shove his glasses on. He was sitting in a bed in the hospital wing. Across the infirmary was none other than the limp body of Theodore Nott. Whether he was sleeping, in a coma or dead, Harry had no clue.

He looked down at his own hands. They were covered in dry blood, most likely being his own blood.

"What's wrong with me?" He thought aloud.

xXxXxXx

Harry didn't manage to fall back asleep. He couldn't no matter how hard he tried. His brain kept replaying the memory of the explosion.

Shortly after the sun rose, Madam Pomfrey came into the infirmary.

"Finally, you've been out for long enough. I already examined you and treated your wounds. You're perfectly fine. Go bathe, you're covered in grime, debris, and blood."

Harry didn't need to be told twice. He put his shoes on and made for the door.

"Wait," Madam Pomfrey said, "One more thing, you were the only survivor. Theodore Nott has lost his life."

Harry stopped in his tracks.

Not only did he blow up the cell, but he also killed someone. Holy shit. He would've felt bad if he didn't remember why he had done it. Pure anger and rage. All the blood and bruises.

Serves him right.

"Understood," Harry walked out of the infirmary.