A/N: I'm back whether you like it or not. Recap: Break ends, the new semester starts this chapter, Padma and Harry get into a verbal argument over how far is too far and Veronica threatens Harry. I understand that this fic is dying and barely anyone reads it anymore but I will still update for the people who are still reading. Super important thing: I got an Ao3 acc so if you see this fic on Ao3 just know I am the one publishing it. I might have to chill out on the intensity a little (not too much) because my mom wants to read this (she wants to make sure it isn't lemon).

Tw: overwhelming guilt, sneaking around (when is he no tho), accepting death & rumors.

Turn's out, two hours of sleep and a singular piece of bacon aren't enough to get someone through potions class, especially when everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of you because you apparently killed a peer.

It was halfway through class that Harry noticed that two students were missing. One of them was no surprise whatsoever, of course Theodore wasn't coming to class that day. He was dead. Harry should've been able to guess that the other student wasn't coming.

Blaise Zabini was marked absent that day.

He dwelled on that as he carefully snipped the thorns off of some weird foriegn vines and carefully put each thorn into the bubbling cauldron, simultaneously counting in his head as each thorn dissolved with a sizzle. The smell was quite pleasing. It was so pleasing that his sleep deprived self almost fell asleep right on the spot.

Harry felt someone poke his elbow and immediately came back to reality. He looked away from the cauldron and saw Draco staring at him instead of the chalkboard or herbs and other weird things (like not rotten squirrel eyes) they were supposed to be preparing for the potion.

"Is it true?" He whispered to Harry before He got the chance to say anything.

"Which part?" Harry responded despite himself, using equal volume so that Snape wouldn't hear their conversation.

Why were they whispering like best friends? Did Draco forget what happened between the two of them in September?

"You were the one who killed Theodore, y'know, in the dungeons."

"Yeah," Harry didn't feel like lying, if people were going to whisper about him behind his back might as well give them the truth so they don't spread lies.

"So…" Draco shifted in his seat, "You caused the explosion, you planted the bomb."

"The bo- what?" He was confused, "There was no bomb."

"What caused the explosion, then?" Draco started mincing some mushrooms.

"I did," Harry stirred the mint concoction, "It was magic."

Draco didn't respond, instead he fixed his eyes on the mushrooms he was mincing and away from Harry. Harry got the message and neither of them continued the conversation. They proceeded to work in silence.

Harry looked ahead and became aware that Parvati was looking at them. He looked into her eyes. He found the familiar warmth that he usually found in Padma's eyes.

He gave her a weak smile. Parvati's eyes widened when she realized that Harry caught her staring and she quickly looked down at the cauldron she and Lavender were working on together.

Harry followed the suit and started snapping roots into smaller pieces with more force than deemed necessary. He was reminded of his and Padma's argument. He had to bite his lower lip to prevent him from whispering Padma's name to himself.

xXxXxXx

He noticed that Blaise didn't show up to any of his morning classes. Harry knew it wasn't Blaise's fault, but his. He felt no remorse for what he did to Theodore, he felt remorse for what he did to Blaise. The guilt was so overwhelming that he made up his mind during lunch.

Before leaving the great hall, he glanced up at the staff table. Hagrid wasn't sitting there. Harry guessed he was in the forest. He would have to make it up to Hagrid later.

He almost turned right out of habit but quickly corrected himself and turned left. He ran down the dark spiral stairs. He ran past multiple empty cells. The cold air hit his face hard.

"Hello again."

He abruptly stopped so that he wouldn't run into the portrait. He looked over his shoulder and saw the exploded cell. Bits of metal bars and tile were scattered around the cell.

"Why hasn't Filch cleaned that up? It was weeks ago," Harry asked the portrait.

"The old squib tried," A sly grin spread across his face as he he leaned forward, "But the magic was too powerful to be undone."

Harry looked back at the rubble. He would dwell on these words later, he had more important things to deal with.

"I highly doubt you came to check on the rubble, young boy. Password?"

He sighed.

Harry dug deep into his memory. Did he here Blaise use the password while he walked away? He couldn't remember.

He heard distant footsteps.

"Fuck, not again," he threw his cloak over himself and vanished into thin air.

The man in the portrait looked unsurprised by this.

An unfamiliar older student bearing a green tie approached. Harry dared not move. He didn't need a repeat of December 21st (the day he killed Theodore).

"Nobility," The portrait swung open.

The older student climbed through the portrait hole, closely followed by Harry. He just barely crept through before it slammed shut. A familiar chill washed over him.

He darted towards the stairs on the left and threw off his cloak as he bounded up the stairs. He stopped in front of the door that read, 'first years' and stuffed his cloak in his pocket.

He put his fist in front of the door, mentally preparing himself to knock. He remembered that it wasn't just Blaise's dorm, but his as well. He turned the door knob and pushed. The door creaked and Blaise looked up at him. He was sitting on the side of his bed, moments before he was staring at the ground. The worst part was Harry knew why.

"What?" Blaise glared at Harry, who stood in the door frame.

"I'm not allowed to enter my own dorm?" Harry asked, stepping forward into the common room and shutting the door behind him.

"I thought it was obvious you didn't associate yourself with us when you decided to leave us for the Hufflepuffs," His tone was harsh.

"Ravenclaws actually," Harry let out a small laugh.

"Whatever," Blaise rolled his eyes, "Look, Harry, if you are here to kill me too, just get it over with."

"Kill y- what? No! I'm not here to kill you!"

"Why the hell should I belive you?"

"I-I don't know," Harry looked down.

(A/N: why is Harry giving off Wattpad Y/N vibes rn?)

Blaise looked directly into his face.

"Why are you here?"

"I came to apologize."

"So remorse," Blaise asked.

"No, I will never feel remorse for what I did to Theodore."

Blaise's face twisted into one of confusion.

"I came out of pity," Harry started, "For you. I killed your only friend. I've seen the way you look at him, you both were as close as brothers. I feel pity for the boy I left friendless and alone."

"Friendless and alone? What gives you that idea?"

Harry threw his head back in laughter.

"Ok, wow, where to start…" Harry trailed off, "Nobody in any of the other houses wants to be seen with an un-reformed Slytherin and the older Slytherins wouldn't be seen dead with a first year. Now for the rest of the Slytherin first years, Draco doesn't give a damn about you, Pansy, Vincent & Greg all mindlessly follow him. Never have I once seen you or the Greengrass twins even acknowledge eachother. Last but not least Millicent doesn't talk to anyone, let alone be friends with them."

"Was that an insult?"

"Was that an invitation to continue?"

They both stared at eachother. Harry felt himself getting more and more frustrated. He clenched his fists to refrain from slapping Blaise across the face. A voice in the back of his mind told him to leave Blaise alone while he was in a grieving stage. Another voice reminded him that Blaise made his choice when he walked away instead of convincing Theodore to leave.

"I don't know why I bothered to come," Harry broke the deadly silence, "I wouldn't have if I had known you wouldn't even accept the apology."

"You killed him… you murdered my best friend and you expect me to accept your apology?"

"I didn't do it on purpose, I tried to stop, I really did but, y'know," Harry confessed, "Things got out of hand and now I have blood on my hands. His blood on my hands. I don't feel remorse for killing him, no. He deserved it, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't trying to kill him. I'm not even completely sure how I did it, I just know that I was the one who did it and I'm glad I did. One of us had to die that night, hell, we could've both died that night but neither of us was going to leave that cell while the other still breathed. Your friend made that clear."

Blaise stared at him in shock.

"I'll see you around, Blaise," Harry left, shutting the door behind him.

xXxXxXx

His afternoon classes flew by and before he knew it, the day was done. He sat down in the library, ignoring all the weird looks surrounding students were giving him as they passed him. It wasn't until Padma approached him that he finally closed the textbook he was studying from.

He found a familiar warmth and comfort in her deep brown eyes.

The happiness he felt from seeing her vanished when she spoke.

"Harry," She sat down in an armchair next to his, "We need to talk."

"About Theodore…" Harry muttered, not meaning for Padma to hear.

"Exactly."

He sighed.

"Last night you said you accidentally killed Theodore, how is that even possible? You planted the bomb, you knew what you were doing when you decided to blow that place up, whether it was an attack on Theodore or he was a casuality. You knew there was a chance someone would die. Wait- it was a bomb right? With all the rumors going around you can't figure out what is myth and what is fact. Most kids are saying a bomb killed Theodore but some other people argue. Malfoy is delusional enough to say you caused it with magic, but that's absurd. It would take an insanely powerful wizard to accomplish such a feat without a wand."

"No, no, there was no bomb," Harry gulped, "And Draco isn't delusional."

"What?"

"I somehow used magic to blow it up, I can't explain how, but I know I did it."

He dared not look up at her, into her face. He longed to though. He yearned to find comfort in her eyes. He couldn't bring himself to. His eyes were fixed on the floor. Harry almost slapped himself.

Just look up, He thought, she is probably smiling, about to hug you. She isn't angry.

He wanted to believe the voice in his head. He wanted to discard the hurt and pain of the world. Harry knew the little voice was lying, even more delusional than Padma thought Draco was.

Just look at her, the little voice said.

He kept his eyes fixed on the floor, not obeying the little voice. He could hear her soft breathing patterns. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her tie resting on her chest, going forward and back as she inhaled and exhaled. He would have felt at peace under any other circumstance, sitting there with Padma.

She cleared her throat.

"I'll leave you to your studying," Padma got up.

Harry watched as she walked out of the library, wanting with all his heart to grab her by the arm and pull her back into the armchair beside him.