Response for a few reviewers from the last chapter.
EngLitLover – Yes, Emma did throw out a petulant "At least Frank appreciates me," –her underlying motive (in my mind at least) is that she is pointing out that the disparity actually bothers her. "You don't appreciate me" is what she is actually implying—Frank is just the stand in to get her point across!
Laina Lee – you'll get some of what you are thinking in that review, a touch of clairvoyance on your part! Nice guess!
MyAdamisinheaven— I'm glad you liked the gifts and Emma's thoughts! ;)
Meo—Absolutely! This chapter sheds some light on that exact thing!
W - Yes, flaws and all is certainly my goal. I love how you connect this to their individual strengths "K's upright morality can also be judgmental and inflexible, and E's lively joie de vivre can also be impetuous and thoughtless"! That is so insightful! I've never thought of it that way but can't believe how accurate it is now that you mention it!
You are all amazing, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!
Chapter 35
From Donwell with Love
It had brought her so much joy to pick out gifts for the children that when Amy was scheduled to stay Emma found that she had frontloaded the stay with shopping for all sorts of items that might amuse them both. Two weeks was the time agreed upon and recommended by Dr. Hughes and Mr. Perry.
It meant that there would be many days, all with activities needed to pass the time. And Emma was grateful for the impending distraction and fun that Amy would surely bring to Donwell. It had been impossibly quiet since George had left for London, as a result, she had written Isabella twice in almost as many days.
Distraction would be most welcome indeed.
She purchased a miniature tea set, for she could not find hers in the chests that had made the journey from Hartfield. She did find novelty jewelry and a few dress-up princess smocks, crowns and wigs—they were from her play-acting phase when she was ten or so, well preserved by perhaps Miss Taylor or whoever had packed the items away after Emma's interest in that phase had waned. She couldn't exactly remember but perhaps she had sent the tea set in a chest of children's toys to her sister when she first had news that Isabella was expending a child. It seemed so long ago now; she'd need to ask Isabella if she recalled anything to do with that.
She picked out a pretty pink set with matching cups and saucers in simple pottery instead of porcelain—thinking that if it were plain, that Amy might keep it when she returned home.
She added to this colouring books, puzzles, magnifying glasses, and toys that were the sort to amuse both an adult and a young girl. She also purchased a set of alphabet blocks and cards with simple words listed and a set of readers. They would have the time that they might be a little bit industrious in amongst the play and fun.
She also requested a woman in the village make a children's apron for Amy, as Emma had commissioned one to be made for herself when she first wished to learn pie making when she lived at Hartfield and she expected to spend an afternoon or two in the kitchen with Amy, learning how to make the cookies they both liked so much. For Amy's apron, Emma bought a bright fabric that had small flowers in bright colours, as it looked more childlike than the plain cream colour apron that Emma had made for herself. And simply because she could not get the idea out of her mind, she also requested the same woman also make a few simple dresses, one in light purple, one in a grey-blue and the other in a beige fabric, the light colours in summer-weight fabrics and the grey in a fall fabric and each with extra material so the hem might be let out as well as the sleeves.
She also picked out small gardening tools and children's gardening gloves, as they would undoubtedly spend time outdoors working with the plants and flowers—maybe even getting started on the planning for expanding the flower bed area as George had said she would have the opportunity to before—although many plants would need dormancy for transplanting, they might move certain plants that did not require that.
And having as many preparations as she could do completed, she was ready to welcome the child when Dr. Hughes brought her to stay on Sunday afternoon.
And after undertaking all the preparations she could consciously think of, she sat down to write a letter. Which, at first attempt, was to be to her husband.
"Dearest George,"
No, it didn't sound right. She put the piece aside; she would use it as a scrap piece to teach about watercolour with Amy.
"Darling George,"
It didn't sound right either. Too flowery, she was missing him and it showed. She added the piece to the other at the side.
"George,"
No, trying her hand a casual did not help in the slightest. It sounded almost bored or unfeeling. That was not how she felt at all. She added the page to the growing pile.
"Dear George,"
Too formal. She racked her mind for other phrases that mind be used.
"Dear Knightley Clan,
I hope you are most enjoying each other's company and I so wish to be with each of you again soon. I do hope you children enjoyed the gifts! And I hope that you are having tremendous fun with your uncle, as it is very unselfish of me to spare him! – George, darling –know that I miss you and would like you back here with me as soon as London can spare you.
I feel John wincing through the pages, so I'll not say more on that!
I wanted you to know that a friend is staying with me at Donwell, she will be here a few weeks while things are sorted out at her usually dwelling. I'm sure to regale you all with stories of our fun adventures as soon as she arrives or at least once I have a spare moment. It may be difficult to write often while entertaining. ..
George
"George—darling!" his brother laughed, they made their way into the study after Isabella had read out the letter, her tone and inflection sounding nothing like Emma's but her mannerism matching in a most uncanny way. Since Isabella was feeling well again he could see the resemblance keenly.
"You'll not tease me," George tossed back.
His brother filled each of their glasses with a finger measure of the gift he'd brought him.
"Tease you, no—at least not in earnest,-no, I might congratulate you,"
"Congratulate me?" he asked, taking a sip.
"Certainly, your wife is in love with you, George—darling" he said with mirth circulating through his expression, his smirk causing dimples to appear. "Well done," he finished, raising his glass as if to offer a toast.
"Yes, now I know you're teasing me," George concluded. "Thank you," he commented dryly and he offered a salute with his own glass.
"Teasing you? Of course not," he disagreed. "Brother, when a woman says, darling, I miss you they usually mean it," John encouraged with a knowing look.
"I thought maybe it was for your benefit and Isabella's, as the letter was to all of us and she has an image to uphold—of course she'd say she misses me,"
"Well, as it's only been four days, I'd say that boasts of a true statement if I were cross-examining —you think she's lying?" his brother asked him blankly.
"No, not lying outright but that perhaps it is exaggerated for effect, she's always known just what to say to win people over, it is in her nature,"
"Well, how was she when you left? Was she indifferent?" John asked, looking perplexed.
"No, of course not, no if anything she was warmer towards me but that isn't overly significant," he explained, "but when she says that she misses me—" he took in a breath and rubbed his fingers against his hairline while trying to think of the words to describe it. He settled on taking another sip from his glass and handing back to his brother. "Emma is tactile, she is lovely—" he winced inwardly at how that particular word made him sound, "no she's better called charismatic, warm and radiant," his brother handed back his glass with another brandy. He took another sip before nodding, "yes, she's like the sun—glowing, shining with warmth and radiance on all who bask in her rays," he continued with a pained smirked, "but one would be deluded or incredibly uninformed if they believed that the sun was only shining on them; that they alone were the only ones benefiting from the display of warmth! How absurd would it be to believe that that the warmth was purposed with that person in particular in mind?" George added.
He took another deep breath and relished the sensation of the brandy as he took another sip. "And in exactly the same way, I would be a fool if I believed it meant something apart from her general being. She is a warm person, her natural personality is cheerful and excited, she is emotional—she has deep feelings of every sort. She enjoys the company of others, and although she also needs and appreciates some solitude, she shines brightest in a crowd. Emma is a social creature; she's inclined to miss people—even if only to prevent life from becoming too monotonous. So does she miss me? Of course! Do I doubt it—not at all! But when asked by my own heart, 'does she miss me as one misses a husband or a friend', then I cannot rightly say. And if I were to bet on it, I would have far more peace with the latter than the former for I know I've held that title for as long as I can remember—at least it is a safe bet and all but assured. But to think on the alternative, when I ask, could she miss me deeply, as a wife, first and foremost? As a wife misses her husband? Craves him, wants him near in that same sense? – I have no proof of that."
"But she was warm when you left," John encouraged.
"Probably warmer than I've seen—but that too, I'm left the question, 'What does she mean by it?' Is it just another method—another way to accomplish a goal? She's used to knowing exactly what to do and what to say—how to achieve her aim and it sounds bad when I say it that way but it isn't bad. It isn't evil or malicious in its intent. It isn't a scheme on her part, though I have teased her of scheming enough times in humour or when I have been sore about an argument! But it isn't any of those things, it is just her nature. She innately knows what to do and exactly what to say at all times and she for years has enjoyed watching the pieces, the people, the master plan—whatever the case may be, come together with relative ease at her bidding. She deigns it and everything falls into place accordingly.
"Have you thought of asking her?" John asked, his face looking as plain as his words.
"Asking her?" he echoed.
John nodded, "Yes, asking her what she feels,"
Another sip of brandy for that question, his pause was drawn out as he thought about it. "Of course she'll say she loves me, and she does. She's said it before, it is in the same way she loves her dear papa or her own arm –Oh of course she does, she has compared it to many things and I have never doubted that she cares for me. I have been her dearest friend for her entire life, of course, she cares deeply and possibly deeper than for any other living person. And it all sounds perfectly lovely but it is mainly problematic because it is inclusive—friendship is not a singular sort of love, you may love many friends all at the same time with equal fervor. But that kind of love is not reserved, it is not something she can relate to being only the possession of one individual. That kind of love isn't the kind that might only be given to me, as with the other kind,"
"Ah, and then you are jealous for it?" John agreed.
"Sometimes wildly, depending on the circumstance and individuals around us and at other times I forget it is missing—there are moments where it is easy to pretend—easy to imagine we are like any other husband and wife, easy to forget that it isn't devoid of significant pieces,"
"Then it is your job to tell her, simply tell her that you'd like to be man and wife without any shortcomings,"
"Ah Yes, that's it! I'll merely tell her. Why hadn't I thought of that? Eureka! And exactly how much brandy would a phrase like that require?" George tossed back with a mixture of a laugh and a half biting sarcastic tone.
"Alright, laugh at me brother if you'd like. What do I know? I did all of this the easy way, asking my wife properly to marry me without any hidden details or technicalities. And yes, I was nervous and it was astonishing how much I was shaking in the hours before asking Isabella but it was worth it and we are very happy for it! And I will own that your situation is now rather different but it stands that if you don't wish to tell her in words then you're left with something that looks rather like seduction,"
"The alternative sounds vulgar," he hissed out the word vulgar, almost sounding annoyed with John.
"I'll own that it does. But I will also posit that it only does because it is not oft practiced within the grounds of a proper marriage! I cannot imagine why not," John chuckled, before turning serious again, "The only elements tied to the word under normal circumstances are outside of a godly institution, as a result, it has a lecherous connotation but would it be wrong to sit closer to her? " George affirmed by a motion that it would not be, "and to run your hand along arm or hand, her to touch her gently whenever the opportunity presents, and to carefully increase the pattern and degree—to just woo her to you gently?"
The elder rubbed his temples and took another sip of brandy.
John continued, "I cannot know it as a constant but from what I have seen in the limited glimpses of your interactions together over the past months, I suspect you are treating her a degree too much normalcy and she doesn't know any more than you do about how you feel for her. I would guess she has the very same uncertainty that you do, having enjoyed your adoration her whole life and not being able to see a great difference. I know you've loved her more deeply than that long before you married her—how is she supposed to feel and distinguish any difference? "
"I'll not ask you how you know that," he said with a brooding tone looking into his glass before taking another sip.
His brother smiled, "I think I've seen it written all across your face since she was sixteen,"
George sighed.
"But don't fret about it, it wasn't as if you were overtly obvious about it. I could just see a change in your view of her— I think I'd classify that as a brother's intuition,"
"And what if I wasn't sure how she would respond? –What if she doesn't—does not feel for me in that way?" He emphasized accompanied by gesture and a very serious, almost pained looking expression.
"You'll never have one hundred percent certainty of anything in the realm of love, Brother. It is like many other things where you must take that risk to find out for certain the outcome. And if I know nothing else about Emma, she is outspoken and would tell you –directly but without exaggeration or meanness. And that she is also rather forgiving and would not hold it against you once the topic closed. Although, those examples assume an unfavorable outcome and I do not think you have cause to worry about that,"
Author's Note: I wanted to share with you guys a few fun things I've enjoyed for passing a little time here or there and one super new thing that I am LOVING! I would love it if you guys did the same in the reviews, but no pressure!
Everything entertainment wise recommended is completely free! Yay!
The national theatre (UK) starting putting full productions up on You tube, so If you are a theatre fan that's an awesome resource! I think they just took the Jane Eyre national theatre version down but it was really good and it seems like they are planning to keep adding plays during this season at least!
You tube has a full version of Jane Eyre (1997) with Ciaran Hinds –it's not perfect (I'm a novel canon purest) but it is pretty good. You tube also has a full version of a few JA movies. Including Northanger Abbey –my least favorite JA novel but I love me some JJ Field since seeing him in TURN. I'm watching Northanger Abbey tonight!
If you like audiobooks, LibriVox is a free public app that other readers record a very professional-sounding version of books in the public domain. It is amazing and I use it a lot in the summer, sitting out in the yard enjoying a book with my sunglasses on and eyes closed in the sunshine. My Canadian-ess is going to show but Anne of Green Gables is amazing and is recorded by a lady named Karen Savage who is amazing and sounds exactly like Megan Follows to me! So many JA books including Emma and other classics (anything over 70 years old is public domain and fair game). Check that out if you are looking for enjoyable things to do.
I just got hired for a part-time online teaching ESL job, any Canadians or Americans with a university degree can apply and they will pay for your training and a TESL certificate (if you don't have a specialized teaching degree already). It is helping little kids learn English, mainly playing games with them. The kids are adorable! This feels like such a bright spot for me in this season! I honestly needed something to do that has a productive element to it –weekends are pretty boring where I am these days, and I hate feeling restless! Anyone wanting more info about this just let me know in a PM, I have a referral code and would be happy to send you links to resources I used to get hired!
Lastly, this chapter feels like such a mirror image of chapter 2! It almost feels like the next chapter would be the last one for poetic symmetry. I know a few of you are wanting to see, life continue beyond the novel. For me, stories are kind of like trees, and you allow certain branches to grow or be cut back, arriving a whatever outcome that feels the best—a hundred different paths not chosen. Feedback is good—let me know what you think!
I am hoping to start on Friends of Hartfield again, if you haven't checked out the first chapter go do that ;)
Stay safe! And hope to keep writing more soon!
