"no great artist ever sees things as they really are"


The cold wind whipped across Lily's hair as she made her way to Muchos Pasteles, a nearby Muggle Spanish bakery with arguably the best desserts that Lily had ever tasted. She tugged her oversized brown coat tighter around her body, shivering.

It was late November, so the snow had already begun to settle across the now withered grass. The birds had begun to migrate, the leaves had begun to fall, and the sun began to hide, leaving the sky a light shade of grey more often than not.

She reached the bakery and pushed open the doors, being greeted by the chiming of bells.

"¡Buenos días!" greeted the woman at the counter. "May I take your order?"

"Uh, yeah," Lily said, looking up at the menu, though she really didn't need to. She knew it by heart, she knew this place by heart. Every twist and turn, every order, every stool. Every waitress, every waiter, all the chefs, what food was tasty and what wasn't. "I'll take a leche frita and a mocha, please."

"Alright! Would you like anything else?"

Lily shook her head, smiling sadly. The memories of this place were fresh on her mind. She hadn't been here in so long. The last time she'd been here had been with… him. Together. On a date. They'd laughed together. They'd smiled together. They'd talked about their future.

The future which had crashed right on their faces.

Or, to be exact, her face.

She doubted that he even cared.

"Here you go, ma'am." A waitress handed Lily a steaming styrofoam cup of mocha and a ceramic plate with three leche fritas on top. "That will be three pounds and fifty five pence."

Lily nodded, pulling out her 'credit card', which basically converted her Galleons into the needed currency at the moment. It was very useful in Muggle situations. She swiped it against the operator and obliged to sign her signature.

"Thank you ma'am, have a nice day."

"You too," Lily managed. She walked over to a lone table in the corner and sat down, wanting to cry. Why had she come here? Why had she thought this would be a good idea? It was all flooding back to her, a gate full of memories she had sworn never to open again.

There weren't many other people in the bakery, just an old couple and a college kid sitting with his earbuds plugged in. It wasn't a very popular bakery, but it was the best.

The bells chimed and the door opened again. Lily could hear a female laugh before saying, "You're funny."

"I know I am, darling, that's my job."

Pain.

Unmistakable pain stabbed at Lily's heart.

It was him.

The man that she'd vowed never to think about again, see again, hear again. The man that had broken her heart. The man that had… The man that had…

He'd done everything possible that could make her life horrible.

And now here he was.

James Potter.

James Fleamont Potter.

"Anyway, babe, what's your order?"

His voice, his voice, his voice. It hadn't changed at all. It was the exact same. The same, deep, slightly scratchy yet so smooth. The light smirk you could faintly hear in his voice. The grin, the laugh he was so clearly about to give off. You could hear it all. Just from his voice, all in his voice.

But she didn't look up at him. She couldn't. It would hurt too much.

But what hurt worse was the babe.

Babe.

He was here with his girlfriend.

How dare he.

This was James and Lily's place. This was their place, this was where they had used to go. This was where he had brought her, where he had introduced her to the amazing world of new desserts. The place where they'd both laughed, smiled, where they'd ordered similar things and fed each other, where James had continuously poured marshmallows into her mug until it was too much for it and he'd just dumped the rest into her mouth instead, resulting in them both bursting out in laughter. The place where they'd both made sloppy smiley faces with the maple syrup, where they'd ordered thousands of cups of coffee and had competitions to see who could drink them the fastest. The place where she finally learned to laugh, to love, to truly be happy with life.

He had had the key to her happiness, and he'd unlocked the door, showing her everything.

Then he'd left.

And the door had slammed shut.

She no longer knew what it meant to be happy.

"I'll take this turrón thingy," the female voice said again. Danielle. Obviously. "Have you had it? Is it good?"

Another stab of pain. Lily had introduced James to turróns, and he'd loved them.

"Yeah, I've had it before. It's good."

Lily just couldn't take it anymore. She abruptly stood up, making a rather loud noise as her chair scraped against the ground and utensils clashed against each other. Every eye in the bakery turned to her, but hers met James.

Warm hazel.

A warm, comforting shade of hazel that had always felt like home.

His eyes widened in shock as something flashed across his face.

They didn't leave hers, and hers didn't leave his.

"Babe?" asked Danielle, looking from Lily to James. "Do you know her?"

James didn't say anything, his eyes still locked on Lily's.

"Babe," repeated Danielle, shaking James's shoulders. "James!"

James slowly turned to her, his face emotionless. "Yeah?"

"I said, do you know her?"

His eyes flashed back to hers, and he held her gaze for a moment before turning back to Danielle, an unreadable, impassive expression on his face.

"No. I don't."


Lily felt like ripping everything she owned into pieces and screaming her lungs out at the sky before going to cry in the shower.

And when she felt like doing that, she did.

She wasn't sure what it was, but it was made of glass, and she gripped it tightly until her hands turned white and blood started trickling down her palm. She hurtled it at the wall, letting out a bloodcurdling scream as it hit the wall and shattered into shards, settling themselves all over her floor.

Then she burst out into tears, sinking down on the ground and burying her face in her hands as salty water travelled down her face and sobs sounded from her mouth.

How?

How could he do this to her? How could he act like he didn't know her, like those entire two and a half years had meant nothing to him?

Had they?

Lily immediately felt small and insignificant. She'd been feeling less and less insecure about herself by the day, but now she felt like she was back at base one.

Those years were undoubtedly the best of her life. They'd brought color into her black-and-white life.

But maybe it hadn't meant anything to him.

Maybe he didn't care.

Maybe he didn't lo-

Briing!

Lily managed to lift herself up at the sound of the doorbell, but she didn't feel like visitors at the moment. She closed her eyes again.

Briing briing!

Lily sighed, just squeezing her eyelids shut tight. She didn't want to meet anyone. She just physically didn't know if she could handle it.

Briing!

She groaned. Apparently someone was persistent on coming in. She grumbled something incoherent and trudged over to the door before pulling it open, revealing a man with gelled dirty blonde hair and a dark blue suit.

"Benjy?" she asked.

"Hey, Lily," he greeted, trudging into her house with a light smirk on his face. He turned to her before his eyes quickly scanned her. "How are ya? How's things?" His eyes drifted to her hands. "What happened over there?"

"Cut," muttered Lily, wringing her hands and putting them behind her back. Benjy seemed to get the memo.

"Oh, yeah, okay. Did someone Floo over recently or something? There's soot on your carpet." Benjy slowly walked over, his boots clicking against the ground. He bent down and brushed some in between his fingers before standing straight again.

"Yeah," said Lily, feeling exhausted. "A man named Malcolm Irwin."

He stopped fingering the ash and turned to her, his eyes alarmed. "Malcolm Irwin, you say?"

"Yes, why?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said smoothly, allowing the ash to fall against the carpet. "He's just a very known producer. Did he just come over for tea, or…?" His eyebrows raised, indicating that she should continue. He could be quite annoyingly interrogative at times, but he was one of the only loyal friends Lily had. The only one who'd stuck with her since the beginning.

He'd used to work for James's management. For his Quidditch Team, but then once he heard the news, he'd quit.

That's what loyal friends were supposed to do.

"He came for a job offer," Lily informed him, her voice clear. "He wanted to hire me as director for a… a documentary."

He picked up on her hesitance. He was rather sharp when it came to those things. "What was the documentary about?"

She blinked.

"Lily?" he prompted, frowning. Clearly he could sense something was wrong. "What was the documentary about?"

She bit her lip so hard she thought it was about to bleed.

"Lily, is everything okay?" he asked, his voice lowering slightly.

"Yeah," she replied shakily. Face up to it, Lily. Grow up. "It… The documentary was going to be about James. James Potter."

Something changed drastically in Benjy's expression. A dark shadow crossed his face and something flickered in his eyes, but she couldn't determine what. Then his face turned impassive.

"And, you said?"

"No," Lily said. "I said no." She laughed bitterly. "There's no way I'm going to do a documentary covering James. Never in a million years."

Benjy nodded. "I get that. It must have been really hard for you. No one's going to force you to take that job."

"Yeah," Lily managed with a smile. "Thanks."

"Anyway, you seem really stressed over all this. Don't stress," Benjy told her as if it was that easy. "You need to relax a bit."

"Yeah," Lily repeated.

"I have an idea. One of my friend's friends is hosting a party in around an hour," Benjy told her. "It's his birthday today, and he's invited a lot of people. Guests are invited to bring guests. It's an open invitation, really."

"I'm guessing he's a people person."

"Quite."

Lily smiled. Slightly.

"So, will you come?" he asked.

Lily sighed. It wasn't like she had anything else to do after all, and it would be really hard to refuse Benjy. He would be persistent until she agreed. "Yeah, okay. I'll come."

A smile spread across his face. "Excellent."


An hour later, Lily had arrived at the venue. The man (whose name was Remus Lupin) had rented out this large place, and Lily had no clue how he'd done it. He must have some tricks up his sleeve.

She was wearing a peach, baggy sweatshirt with LONDON printed on it, along with a lot of chains and rings. She was always wearing jewelry. Not because she was obsessed, but because… she just did. It felt right.

"You ready?" Benjy asked her.

"Mm-hmm."

He led her inside, and holy Merlin, there were a lot of people there. Lots of people were lounging around, loud music was pumping through the speakers, people were dancing, and people were screaming.

It was nothing like a birthday party at Monkey Joes. In fact, it didn't even seem like a birthday party. If the balloons hadn't spelled REMUS LUPIN, she would think it was like any normal club party.

"Yo, Benjy!" hollered a guy. "C'mon over here, dude, where ya been?!"

"Okay, I'll be going now, okay?" Benjy asked her.

Her eyes widened. "What am I supposed to do?" she hissed frantically.

"I dunno, eat something, chill, make friends," he replied. "If you need anything, just call me. I'll be around."

"Oh… Okay," she replied, still feeling unsure.

He patted her shoulder assuredly before walking off to meet one of his friends. Lily looked around. She didn't know anyone here. There were plenty of people, but she didn't feel like she belonged, so she went to the bar and settled herself on one of the high chairs.

"Hey, what would you like?" the waitress asked.

"I'll take a-"

"Glass of Coke with ice and fizz at the top, make that quick."

A man with a black, fake leather jacket had slipped into the seat next to her, wearing sunglasses raised above his eyes. His jeans were black with slight rips and paint splatters, and he had scars littered all over his face and what was visible of his hands.

He turned to her and nodded. "Remus. Remus Lupin. Hey."

"Hello," she said slowly. "I'm Lily Evans."

"I know."

Freaky. "Happy birthday."

A smirk spread across his face. "Thank you. I don't recall inviting you, however. You are?"

"You just said…"

"No, no, not your name. Who you are. Who invited you here?"

"Er… Benjamin Fenwick invited me here."

His eyebrows furrowed. "I don't recall inviting a Benjamin Fenwick over here either. Crash-bombers."

"We can leave if you'd like," Lily offered uneasily. He was acting normal, but his appearance looked like he could whip out his wand and hex them all within milliseconds. It was better not to upset anybody.

"Nah, stay. The more the merrier." He waved his arm in the air lazily before turning back to the waitress. "My Coke?"

"It's coming, sir."

Lily had no clue what a Coke was, but she decided not to say anything. "Erm… Remus?"

"Mhm?"

"How do you know my name, again? Have you watched any of my movies or something?"

He turned to her, something flashing in his eyes. "I have, actually. One of them."

"Oh," she said, her worry disappearing. No creepy stalker on the block. "Which one?"

"Bloody Remains," he replied, watching her expression carefully.

Lily flinched at the name. That was the movie which had ruined her life, and it was also the one that had been a hit. That had been the one over which she and James… the one which she'd done something to James she definitely shouldn't have… the one where…

"N-Nice," she managed out, trying not to act suspicious. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Quite, actually. One of my really close friends played a role in it."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, that's interesting. Who's your friend?"

"Black," he replied, his eyes carefully watching her expression. "Sirius Black."

Lily's eyes widened as her heart started beating quickly. "Seriously? The lead actor?"

"Name another Sirius Black in your movie and I'll tell you if it's him."

"Is… Is he here? Now?" She almost couldn't hear over her frantic heartbeat and the pumping of the music. Please say no, please say no.

"He was invited, yeah. But he didn't RSVP. He never does. He comes if he wants."

"But he's not here today, right?" Her voice shook slightly.

Meeting Sirius would cause weird questions, weird conversations, and at the end of the day it would boil down to James. Last time Lily had met Sirius had been at the release, and they'd left on… shaky terms.

"Nope," Remus said easily. "Not now."

Lily started to breathe a sigh of relief when squeals erupted from all around the party. "What's going on?" she asked.

At that moment, a woman with jet black, wavy hair with pink highlights wearing a matching fake leather black jacket and camouflage pants popped up out of nowhere and grinned at Remus.

"Hey," she greeted, blowing a bubble of the gum she was chewing on. "He's here."

A small grin spread across Remus's face. "Awesome. I'll go meet him." He turned to Lily. "Lily, that's Tonks. Tonks, this is… a guest, Lily."

Tonks grinned and held out a hand. "Yo, nice to meet ya."

"Yeah, you too," said Lily quietly, shaking her hand.

"Anyway, I gotta run," Tonks said, turning back to Remus. "See you later."

He smiled at her.. "Yeah, okay. Have fun." She disappeared into the crowd and he rose, turning to Lily. "I'm off. Really nice to meet you. Hope you enjoy the party."

With that, he suddenly disappeared, leaving Lily alone and quite confused.

How did he know Sirius? Why did he look like he knew something she didn't? His smirk had seemed too knowing for her liking. It had been a year since everything had happened, and nothing had happened since then, so why did she feel like everything was starting to… come back? Reappear? Why was life turning in circles?

The waitress came up to her and gave her a Butterbeer. She took it with a polite "Thank you" before getting up and quickly walking back into the main room, where some unfamiliar song was playing, people were dancing, but most people were gathered around a sofa, 'ooh'ing over who-knew-what.

"Lily!" called a voice. She turned around. It was Benjy. Naturally. "Hey, Lily, what's up? Enjoying the party? What were you doing?"

"The party's cool," she replied softly. "I met Remus…"

"Remus Lupin? Birthday guy?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, the birthday guy. We talked for a bit, then I met his girlfriend and they went off to meet someone."

"Oh, nice," he said, inspecting her face closely. "You look kinda shooketh, though, is everything alright? Did he say something?"

Shooketh. Merlin, Benjy. "Er, no…"

"Lily," Benjy cut across, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"No, it's okay, I just… I mean, Remus knows Sirius pretty well, and I mean… It just sort of scared me at first. You know. Sirius."

"Oh, yeah, I can imagine."

"But he's not here right now, so it's fine," Lily assured him. "And I mean, I know Sirius didn't do anything wrong, exactly, but…"

"You just took it out on him, and it's natural," Benjy finished for her. "I mean, you know, after what James…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Benjy nodded at her. "It's totally okay about that. Now, I'm just going to go grab a drink and meet up with one of my friends. You stay here, talk to people. We can leave after I'm done, yeah?"

"Sure," Lily replied.

Benjy gave her a smile before walking away and leaving her alone for the third time that night. She sighed and started twisting one of her rings, a habit she did when she was nervous.

She had seven rings on her left hand. One with a crescent moon, one tye-dye, one gold, one with a leaf-and-vine pattern, one spiral, one shell, and one with a studded blue diamond. Each one held some value, had some memory, or were symbolic in some way.

Then she had too many necklaces. Most were just gold or silver chains. One had a heart pendant with jple engraved on it. She kept that one tucked under her shirt, not wanting anyone to see it. James also used to have it, but no doubt he'd thrown it away by now.

He'd already clearly shown what their relationship meant to him.


A/N: Things will pick up pretty soon, so stay tuned!