"every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter"


Lily was at a candy shop.

She didn't know how (or why) she'd ended up here, but here she was. She was most likely going to buy a lot of candy, and then end up not eating it. More likely than not, she was going to put it in that box in the pantry which was full of assorted candies.

But naturally, she would never lay a finger on it.

"Good morning!" greeted a voice. Lily turned around, and her jaw dropped as she saw who had sauntered into the shop. Sirius Black. His dark, messy hair was reaching until his shoulders, and he was sporting a Gucci floral suit and silky pants. Luckily, he hadn't spotted her yet. There was time to run.

"Hi," replied the woman at the counter shyly. "Are you Sirius Black, the actor?"

"That I am." Sirius shot a grin her way. "Care for an autograph?"

"Y-Yeah, that would be lovely."

Lily watched as Sirius crossed over to the back of the table and signed a piece of paper before handing it to the woman.

She slowly started to turn and walk away, when,

"Lily Evans!"

She froze.

"Fancy seeing you here."

Lily groaned. This was going to be so awkward. She turned around, feeling wary. "Bl… Sirius," she greeted slowly. "Good afternoon."

Please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask.

"I saw you the other day, actually. At Remus's party. But before I could say hi to you, you went off with that boyfriend of yours!"

It took a moment to register. "Benjy's not my boyfriend."

"Sure." He laughed. "So, what have you been up to all these years? It's been a while since I last saw you."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't mentioned anything. Which meant either he didn't remember it, or he was purposely avoiding the awkward talk.

Either way, she was relieved.

"Nothing really," she replied. "I've been doing a few more movies. Lots of offers."

"Well, of course. Your movies are bomb," Sirius said. "And, naturally, so are mine. That's why the one we did together was a hit."

"Yeah," replied Lily. They were slowly inching closer and closer to the forbidden topic. "So, how has everything else been in your life? Any new girlfriends or boyfriends?"

Sirius's face darkened slightly. "Not quite."

She tilted her head to the side, knowing better than to press.

"My ex," he said slowly, letting out a breath. He rolled his eyes. "I'm over her, though, don't worry."

"I never said you had to be over her, Sirius. There's nothing wrong with still liking her," Lily replied. She wasn't sure where the kindness was coming from, but she was grateful for it. He hadn't necessarily done anything wrong.

His eyes travelled to her face and he cocked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I'm just saying."

"Sure you are," he drawled slowly, a strand of his hair falling in his face. He didn't bother pushing it away. "You said that because of James Potter, didn't you?"

"Sirius, please-"

He cut her off. "It's best not to lie to yourself."

Lily simply stared at him, making sure her emotions didn't show on her face. How had things gotten like this? How had Lily let them? They'd been going fine, casual, and then she had to go ask about Sirius's partners. Now? She was trapped. "I'm not denying anything, Sirius, I just don't want to share them with you."

"Naturally. Do you share them with anybody else?" he asked, his voice hard. "It's important for everyone to have a confidante in their life."

Her mind flew to Benjy. "Yes, I do."

"Okay, then." Sirius looked skeptical. "It's always good to have a new perspective on life, however."

Lily's eyebrows narrowed. "You don't know the first thing about my life, Sirius-" lie, lie, lie "-so stop acting like you do."

"Try me."

Lily's eyes glinted. "Go ahead, then. Let's see what you can do."

"You still like James," Sirius said smoothly. "You haven't gotten over your breakup that happened a year ago. You hate him, but you love him. You're jealous that he's with Danielle now. You think you don't know why you guys broke up all those years ago, but you do. You also think it's your fault. Rather, you know it's your fault. But you still blame James for it, because you're a coward and don't want to admit your mistake. Oh, you were probably too scared to face me, too. Because of what happened. You're still hung up. More likely than not, you've gotten the offer to lead the documentary of James the media is blowing up over and you a hundred percent turned it down because you don't have the guts to face him. Am I right, or am I right?"

Lily's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.

That was all a load of rubbish.

It wasn't her fault. She hadn't done anything wrong.

But the voices in her heart and head said different, and she knew it. It was obvious. She was the reason for their break-up.

She didn't still love him, however. Sirius was also wrong about that.

And then he'd called her a coward, and that was crossing the line. That was stooping low.

"How dare you call me a coward," she said in a low voice. "You have no right, absolutely no right, to call me that. You don't know me, Black. We did a film together. That doesn't give you the power to call me a coward. You are not my partner, you are not even my friend. So don't you dare think you can call me a coward and get away with it. Because you can't."

He simply blinked at her, not at all put off. The nerve of him. "You're right. I'm sorry. But that doesn't change the fact that it, or at least the rest of it, is true."

"And you would know that because?" Lily asked.

It's common sense," he replied, as if he'd read her mind. "You're easy to read."

"You think I'm easy to read?" challenged Lily.

He frowned. "Naw. I take that back. I'm just good at reading people. You're not easy to read. Quite the opposite, actually."

Lily just looked at him silently.

"Anyway. Was I right about the documentary offer? You got it and turned it down?"

She took a deep breath. Could she trust Sirius? Really? After Benjy, he was the one who knew the most about… everything. This could go two ways.

But, he was right. Everyone needed to hear a new perspective on things.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "It was a documentary about his Quidditch journey."

"And you refused," stated Sirius.

She nodded. "Yes. I refused."

"May I know why?"

She stared at him. "Why? You want to know why? Black, isn't it obvious? I'm going to have to see him. I'm going to have to talk to him. I'm going to have to face him- and Danielle. It's going to be so difficult, Sirius, it's going to be so awkward. I don't want anything to do with him anymore!"

"Why not?"

"Are you deaf? Because-"

"No, I get that. But you've 'moved on', haven't you?"

She stiffened immediately. "Yes, I have."

"So it shouldn't be awkward."

She simply raised an eyebrow.

"If you truly have moved on from him, then you shouldn't find it awkward. And plus, you're going to be one-up if you've moved on as well. And he knows that. He's clearly over you, sorry, Lily, get over it, and you're clearly not. If you sit around moping about him, and avoiding every chance to see him again, it's just not going to work. It's going to be better if you two move on, and at least patch up as friends," Sirius told her.

She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. Why did Sirius keep spitting out monologues? No. She couldn't do that. She was over him, yes, but she was never going to see him again. She could avoid him for the rest of her life.

Couldn't she?

But she thought about it. If she showed James that she'd move on… what good would that do? Sure, James would know she was over him. But how did that one-up her?

But Sirius said she should.

Should she?

Could she?

Would she be able to muster the courage to actually talk to James, face-to-face?

"C'mon, Lily, don't be a wimp. If you're truly over him, then it shouldn't be a problem. As long as the pay is good…" He trailed off with a wink.

Lily bit her lip. "No, Sirius. I… I can't. I seriously can't."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Presumed as much. In that case, I really should be buying some candy. I have females to impress. Have a good day."

She didn't say anything back. She couldn't.

He started walking away, and then he stopped at the end of the aisle and turned around.

"Oh, and Lily. The more you act like this, the more clear it is to everyone that you're not over him."

And with that, he was gone.


She reached her house.

She went to the table.

She found the light blue card.

She picked it up, and fiddled it within her fingers.

Yes? No? Yes? No?

Yes.

She dialed the number on the card.

"Hello?"

"Mr Irwin? It's Lily. Lily Evans. I'm ready to take up that job offer."


"Good evening!" greeted Malcolm cheerily once Lily had reached his office in the studio. "How are you today?"

"Fine," Lily said shortly, lowering herself down on a chair without another word.

Lily was an introvert. She hadn't always been like that. She'd actually used to be an ambivert, but she grew less and less social over time. Being an introvert didn't mean she wasn't friendly, definitely not. She liked hanging out and talking to people. It just… drained her sometimes. She didn't like answering personal questions, or having small talk. She preferred getting to the point.

The walls in the studio had the smell of just being covered with new paint, Lily noticed. Awards and certificates were framed and put up behind the desk, which was rather neat.

Malcolm cleared his throat and sat down on his chair, looking slightly awkward. After Lily's tone, it probably was a given. "So, you're here for the documentary. Obviously, we have to go over a lot of the rules and regulations about it. But I'll try to cut it short." He handed her a stack of documents. "I'd like you to go over these, and then your signatures. Saying you accept the terms and conditions."

A lot of people that Lily knew just flipped to the end and signed their name. But she knew better. Way better. There could always be a sneaky thing written somewhere in the middle of the papers, that most people skimmed across, that could land someone in trouble.

Huge trouble.

She carefully read through every single line and made sure there were no loopholes anywhere. After a while, she was satisfied.

She looked up to Malcolm. "Pen?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Here you go." Malcolm handed her a black pen and she took it, her hand hovering against the line.

Once signing this, there was no way out.

She couldn't get out of this if she wanted to. She was signed as the director, and that was that.

She was going to have to meet James.

Was she ready?

Lily's heart said no.

But her mind said yes.

So she picked up her pen, and she carefully wrote down Lily Evans on the signature line.


"Perfect!" Malcolm looked delighted. "So, Lily Evans, welcome aboard to our crew! Hopefully you'll enjoy your stay here."

Lily nodded briskly. "Thank you."

"Now, for shooting. Normally it takes a while to get started, but we have the arrangements necessary."

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"We had a director hired before you," Malcolm explained. "But we fired him."

"May I know why?" inquired Lily. He had been in her place. She was now in his. She needed to make sure she knew what was going on, what could potentially happen to her.

Malcolm nodded. "Of course. He didn't get along well with the team. He was rather… bratty, if I may. Rather harsh, bratty temper. The rest of the crew didn't like him, and he didn't get on well with multiple people on the team, so we simply fired him."

Lily processed that information. It meant she had to get on well with the rest of the team, or else her job was down the drain. Not hard, normally, but this was anything except normal.

She had to get on with James. Professionally, of course. Otherwise she might get fired from the role. While she wouldn't mind much, it would be a free exit, she didn't want that on her record.

"Okay," she replied slowly. "Understandable."

"Great!" Malcolm said, his Australian accent seeping his words. "We're all really happy you accepted the offer! Shooting starts day after tomorrow. At 7' o'clock. I'll text you the address."

"Alright. Thank you," she replied.

Malcolm grinned. "My pleasure! Now, some of the staff need to meet you. They're in Room 3B. You can meet them now, or tomorrow morning. It's getting rather late, so…"

Lily nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Mr. Irwin, I'm excited to be the director of this."

"We are too, Ms. Evans." Malcolm shot her a grin. "We hope you have a great time."

"Me too," said Lily with a forced smile. "Thank you."


Benjamin raised an eyebrow. "You took up the job."

"Yeah," Lily said softly.

"Did you think this through?"

Lily looked at him skeptically. "Have you ever seen me make a decision without thinking it through properly? I think about how it's going to go, how it's going to end, what I'm going to do."

"You dated James," he said simply.

"People make mistakes," Lily said coolly. "That's different, and this is different. I know what I'm doing here."

"I hope so, Lily," Benjamin said, his voice lowering. It scared Lily. "I hope so."


A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one :)