"if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life."


James lay awake in his bed all night, staring at the ceiling. Lily's words kept replaying in his head.

I really thought he loved me, she had said.

He wanted nothing more than to reach out. He wanted to go up to her. Comfort her. Tell her he was there, he was listening, he knew.

He wanted to talk to her.

He wished he could.


Finally– after a whole week of filming– the weekend came, and everyone got a break.

It also happened to be the birthday of Dorcas, one of the make-up women, and she was hosting this massive party that she had absolutely insisted Lily come to. James had said he wasn't coming, so Lily decided she needed some social activity.

She'd stopped back home to pick out her dress. It had to be something warm– December had already begun to show itself in the sprinkles of snow that dusted the cobblestones. She settled on a cozy black sweater dress and minimal make-up.

"Ah, Lily, it's been too long!"

She grabbed her wand and whirled around, heart thudding furiously as Benjy Fenwick stepped out of her fireplace, smiling graciously. "Woah."

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said, smirking. "I just haven't seen you in what… two weeks?"

"One week," she corrected, catching her breath. "And can you please just alert me of your presence before inviting yourself into my home?"

"Of course," he said. He scanned the room, being the observant man he was. "Are you… going somewhere?"

"Wh– Oh, yeah, I am."

"Where are you going?" he inquired.

"Birthday party. Dorcas's," she replied. "She is one of the women on set. Dorcas Meadowes, I think."

"Ah, Meadowes! Very reputable family, very nice. My parents are friends with her parents… Ministry connections, you see."

"That's cool," said Lily. "I should probably get going, though. We could chat later?"

"Of course." His eyebrows furrowed. "How many people are going to be there?"

"A lot," she said with a shrug. "I'm not sure. Why?"

"I could tag along," he said thoughtfully. "I've met Dorcas a few times, we're like friends, it'll be fine. I'll just slip right in. Like we did with the other guy!"

"Remus Lupin?" She scowled. "You weren't invited to that one. He called you a crash-bomber."

He laughed. "Not too far from the truth, is it? Oh, well. Anyway, I like that idea. I think I'm going to tag along."

Her eyes widened in alarm. "With me?"

"Why not? I can accompany you. I'm sure Dorcas wouldn't mind if her friend invited a friend, am I right?"

You're wrong, Lily wanted to say. She knew it was selfish, but she really didn't want to bring Benjy along. She wanted to go to a social event all on her own. She wanted it to be a new, fresh place, where nobody knew her past, and where she could just be herself and start over.

But deep down, she knew that wasn't fair. Benjy had helped her through numerous things. She couldn't stop him from coming to a party just so she could be herself.

Plus, it would be extremely hard to refuse him. He would be stubborn about it, or wiggle his way into accompanying her. It was easier to just let him come along.

"Okay," she said resignedly. "You can come. We have to go soon, though."

"No worries. I can come in this." He gestured to his dark burgundy suit, and she shrugged.

"Fair enough. Let's go."

He grabbed onto her wrist and they Apparated to the venue. It was some kind of Wizarding Club. They could hear the loud music blaring outside the building, and crowds of people were pushing their way through the doors.

"That's… a pretty violent crowd," commented Lily.

Benjy snorted. "Nobody is going to notice if I slip in through that. You were worrying over nothing, Lily."

She didn't say anything.

"It's not a bad thing," he said quickly. "Don't worry about it. It's all good. Should we go in, then?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You want to wait in that crowd? It'll take us hours– and lots of blood, by the looks of it."

"Hm, you're right." He grinned. "No, no, I don't think we're going to be going through that."

She simply looked at him.

"There's a side entrance," he explained. "Here, follow me." He ducked through the crowd and she followed him to the side of the building, where what seemed like a bunch of drunk people were lining against the wall.

"You're v-very preeety," slurred one of the men to Lily, though his eyes were half-closed. "Want a beer?"

"Just ignore him," grumbled Benjy. "It's a much better area inside the club."

Lily grimaced but didn't say anything.

After a few more yards of walking, they reached a relatively empty area where a door was built into the wall. "This way," he said, and he yanked open the door.

She'd thought the music couldn't get any louder, but she was wrong. Ear-splitting music was roaring out of the speakers, and hundreds of people were mingling around in crowds, laughing and singing.

"This… is her birthday party?" managed Lily.

"Seems like it. She must be quite popular."

"She must be quite the party thrower," corrected Lily feebly, slowly making her way inside the club.

"Yo, Lily! Didn't know you were coming!"

She turned around, grateful for sight of someone she knew, to see Lucas heading towards her, a glass of butterbeer in his hands. "Hi, Lucas."

"Good thing you came. I don't know who or where anyone is, I keep getting lost."

She smiled. "Yeah, it is pretty crowded. Is Dorcas here?"

"She's gotta be. It's her party."

Benjy cleared his throat politely.

"Oh, hey," said Lucas, turning to him with wide eyes. "Sorry about that. My manners got lost with that music… I swear, it's killing me. I'm Lucas. I work on set with Lily."

"He's in charge of costumes," she explained. "With Marlene."

Lucas grumbled something incoherent.

"It's very nice to meet you," Benjy said. "I am Benjamin Fenwick. I am part of the management for record labels and sports teams."

"That's really cool," murmured Lucas. "I swear I've heard your name before… Hey, you were the manager of England, weren't you? A few years ago?'

"That's right," he replied smoothly, looking pleased with himself. "I quit last year."

Lily felt herself tense, knowing the exact reason why he quit. Thankfully, Lucas didn't ask.

"Well, that's really great. It's nice to meet you. If you don't mind, can I show Lily something?" he asked. "Lily?"

"Sure," Lily said.

"Of course," said Benjy. "I think I'm going to go look for Dorcas. You know, to give her my regards."

"Good luck with that," said Lucas, grinning. "See you around."

Benjy nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

"That's your boyfriend?" Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow. "No offense, but he seems kind of… weird."

Lily laughed. "He's not my boyfriend. And none taken. He's just like that. He's been really solid, though, so I put up with it." She shrugged, desperately wanting to change the topic. "What did you want to show me?"

"Oh, yeah. Follow me." He dodged through the crowd to lead Lily to a counter covered in what looked like all kinds of desserts. Eclairs, cheesecakes, danishes, croissants, mug cakes, glazed donuts, poke cakes, banana breads, root beer pies, lava cakes… everything you could think of. Right in the middle was a gorgeously sculpted chocolate fountain, chocolate pouring down the sides graciously.

It was practically a pastry paradise.

"Woah," she breathed. "That's incredible."

"You know what's better?" he asked. "It doesn't run out."

"Wait, what?"

"I know, right! Look." He grabbed a cinnamon pretzel bite and popped it in his mouth. Lily saw that it hadn't vanished from the bowl.

"That's crazy," she said. "How do they even do that?"

"Some kind of complicated magic," he said. "I dunno, I barely passed Charms in school."

She frowned. "You didn't go to Hogwarts, did you?"

"Nope. I went to Ilvermony. I grew up in America."

"Ohh. Makes sense."

He nodded and the two of them continued chattering for a while. They'd both finished a few Butterbeers before he spoke. "I'm going to go find Mar, she said she'd be here around ten, it's already getting late."

"Cool." She liked Lucas, she really did. He was a nice guy. He was just… a little overexcited, and Lily felt like she was giving him the wrong ideas. She didn't want to do that. He was too nice for that. "I'll just stay around here."

"Sure," he said, flashing her a thumbs-up. "See you in a bit."

"Yep." She managed a smile towards him and it had only been seconds after he'd left that she heard another drawl from behind her.

"Well, well, we've developed a habit of meeting at these parties, haven't we?"

She whirled around to see Remus Lupin standing here, arms crossed over his chest, a Firewhiskey in his hand. He was smiling. "Hi," she said quietly.

"I do hope you were invited to this one," he continued. "Wouldn't make a good impression if you entered two parties in which you weren't on the guest list…"

She felt herself starting to get annoyed. Who even was he? "I was invited, actually. Dorcas and I work together."

He raised an eyebrow, amusement rearranging his features. "On the James Potter biopic?"

Uh-oh. Bad topic.

Curse you, Remus Lupin.

He and James didn't know each other, did they? She remembered that he'd mentioned being friends with Sirius Black– good friends– but not James…

"Mm," he said, apparently taking her silence for a yes. "Guessed it. How is he?"

She could feel the excess Butterbeer sloshing around in her stomach, and she suddenly regretted having taken so much. It wasn't alcoholic, sure, but it still gave her this weird buzzy feeling. And this was not a conversation she wanted to have with a buzzy feeling. "He's okay. I don't know."

He nodded. And then out of nowhere, "Still not over the break-up, then?"

What?

"What do you mean by that?" she spluttered. "That's… What…"

"I'm just saying it like it sounds," he said, holding his hands up. "He's probably being a bit of a jerk, am I right?"

"Wait." She narrowed her eyebrows. "Do you know him?"

"Know him?" he asked. He let out a laugh. "Of course I know him. He's one of my best friends."

And that, that statement, those six simple words, were the words that made Lily want to die on the spot. "He is?"

"Of course." He smiled. "What, do you not want me to know everything about your… ah, fall-out?"

Normally, she would've snapped back. But it was late at night, and she was feeling tired, and sluggish, and the accursed butterbeer was still buzzing around in her body. "I don't know," she said quietly.

He gave her a sympathetic look. "He is being a jerk, isn't he." He didn't say it like a question.

"I mean… I guess it was kind of warranted. I would act the same way if…" She wasn't sure why she was telling him this. Must've been the Butterbeer. She was so going to regret this in the morning.

"If?" he prompted, not unkindly.

She frowned. "Don't you already know? He must've told you."

"I think so. I just want to hear it from you." There was a pause, and then he offered a weak smile. "I'm not going to repeat a word of this to anybody, Lily. Especially not James."

"Thank you," she managed. "But you know what I said to him the day before… the…" She couldn't say it, not again. She cut off, hoping he would understand.

He did. "Yeah. I do know. But Lily, that's not why he did that."

Was he drunk? "No, Remus, I said some really bad things to him."

"I'm aware," he said gently. "It was harsh. But he forgave you for that. It was a justified reaction."

"N-No, it wasn't," she whispered. "It was an awful thing to say."

"It was. I'm not denying that. But you know what he said first."

"Yeah, and that was more justified… I hadn't seen the newspapers… And then Sirius…"

Remus scoffed. "The news cooks up a new story every single day. James knows that, you know that, I know that. Nothing that is printed on the news is reliable."

"But of course he would want to ask me about it, the picture was out of context, though, because–"

"Lily, listen to me," he cut her off. "It's not my story to tell, but you need to trust me on this. James knew you better to believe that you cheated on him just because of something in the newspaper. That's not why he…" He broke off.

"Sure," said Lily with a dark laugh. "Then you tell me, Remus. Why did he do that? It wasn't even just a break-up, a break-up would've been better than that."

He sighed. "I wish I could tell you," he said, and he looked like he really meant it. "But I can't, and I'm so sorry, I really wish I could. You have to believe me. You and James had been dating for two years, he wasn't going to break it off with you because of a stupid rumor in the Prophet. Celebrities get into all kinds of rumors all the time. And it wasn't just that, look at it logically, Lily, there was no way you could've cheated on James with Sirius, they were best friends. James knew that. He thought it was another media cooked story. Which it was. It was really convincing though– I'm sorry, even I fell for it for a while– so he just wanted to clear things up with you! He wasn't trying to accuse you of something you hadn't done, he just wanted to know the context behind that picture!" He sounded almost angry.

She took in a deep, shaky breath. This was all new to her, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered. "I-If that's the case, then why did he cut off all ties with Sirius? Why did he cut off all ties with me? Why couldn't he just text me? He didn't even tell me we were done, or it was one of those management stunts– he didn't answer any of my calls, my texts, my owls, nothing! I just had to see… the next day…"

He rubbed his hands over his face, looking stricken. "You are not making this easy."

"Good! I don't want it to be easy! I'm sorry, Remus, but what you're saying makes absolutely no sense!"

"I know, I know," he groaned. "I just… I can't tell you, Lily, I can't betray James like that. I can't betray you like that."

"Betray me?" Lily let out another dark laugh. "How would that possibly betray me?"

He just looked sad when he replied. "You don't know, Lily. There's a lot more to it than you think."


She didn't know what to think. Too many thoughts were cramming her head, and she just couldn't deal with any of it. She had run out of the party soon after her talk with Remus.

Just when she had been moving on. She'd been making progress. She'd felt good about it, was even starting to socialize and move on. And then this new wave of information had hit her.

Remus had to have been lying. There was no other explanation. How could that even make sense?

I can't betray James like that. I can't betray you like that.

Was he telling the truth? Had James really done what he had for another reason?

A bitter realization came to her, as bitter as ginger or coffee beans. It didn't make any difference. How could it? James hadn't done it for a good reason. There was nothing pleasant about the situation. If anything, this had just made it worse.

There's a lot more to it than you think.

What? What could there possibly be? What was more than what happened?

Lily felt like screaming.

When would all this ever end?


Emmeline sighed sympathetically. "James is a nutcase, Lils. What Remus said doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't," agreed Lily. "But I still want to know."

"I know. You're curious, and you have every right to be. But that's in the past. You've got to move on. There are so many cute men out there!"

She laughed. "Like who?"

"Like Lucas. He is adorable, Lily, and he definitely likes you. You should go for it."

Emmeline was probably Lily's closest friend. Emmeline knew almost everything about Lily's life. After some deliberation, Lily decided she needed to get the talk with Remus off her chest, and so she had called Emmeline over.

She was an ever-faithful friend, and Lily was immensely grateful for that.

"Go for Lucas?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "I don't know."

"You can't tell me he isn't cute."

"He… He's okay," said Lily truthfully.

"He gives golden retriever vibes."

Lily snorted. "And giving dog vibes is a good thing?"

"He's loyal. And he is head over heels for you. Why don't you try it out, just take him on one date?"

She contemplated that. It wasn't such a bad idea. "I guess I could."

"You'd even make James jealous."

"Potter won't get jealous," muttered Lily. "He has his own girl. What would he be jealous of? Judging from what I've heard, he doesn't like Lucas much either."

Emmeline roared with laughter. "That's even better! Double jealous."

"That's not the goal," sighed Lily. "I just don't know what to do."

"Just try things out," she advised. "Maybe parties are your thing. Well, not yesterday's, that didn't go so well… But the others have gone fine."

Lily grimaced. "Parties are not my thing."

"Okay, fine. Maybe just hanging out with some friends. You and I haven't gone shopping in like, forever."

She shrugged. "I've been kind of busy." It was the truth. "What with the movie and all."

"That's okay. Are you free today? Like, now?"

Honestly, Lily was going to say no. She didn't want to go shopping, she was going to say, but she knew that wasn't the case. At home, she would just wallow in her miserable thoughts all day.

That probably wasn't the most healthy option.

"Okay," she said resignedly. "We can go shopping now. Just give me a second to change." She gestured to her too–large dirty t-shirt. Emmeline laughed.

"Lily, you rock everything you wear."

"Yeah, sure. Except my hair. It's frizzing up like a wet grizzly bear."

It was true. Lily's hair frizzed up a lot these days. Maybe she needed to spend more time taking care of her hair, like she'd used to.

"I can help you with that!" Emmeline enthused, sliding over to the bathroom. She rummaged through Lily's supplies until she found a curler.

Lily laughed. "Why don't you just use a spell?"

"Eh. Muggle ways are more fun sometimes."

She smiled. Emmeline's energy could be contagious. "If you say so." She then allowed Emmeline to use various hair products to help style Lily's hair. Once they were done, Lily had to admit she'd done a good job. Her hair was no longer puffing on the top. It was laying flat and wasn't straight and bushy anymore. Instead, it had been curled at the ends and just looked nice.

She was reminded of the old days, and it felt really nice.

"Your turn now?" Lily offered.

"Sure." Emmeline grabbed a flat iron, a diffuser, and some essential oils. "What do these do? What's a diffuser?"

"You attach the hair dryer to the diffuser," explained Lily, biting back a smile. She pulled out the hair dryer and for the next half an hour, she and Emmeline played around with different Muggle hair supplies.

They were just dabbling around with leave-in conditioners when the doorbell rang.

Lily frowned. "That's weird. I haven't invited anyone over." She walked over and opened the door to reveal the smiling face of Marlene. "Oh, hi Marlene! I wasn't expecting you."

"Hi!" Marlene said cheerfully. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You left pretty suddenly at the party yesterday. Lucas wanted to come too, but his sister came over at the last minute. He told me to tell you he says hi and hopes you're okay."

"I'm fine," said Lily with a smile. She felt touched that someone had actually cared about her, done that for her. "Thanks, though."

"Anyt–"

"Hey!" greeted Emmeline, bounding over to where they were. "I'm Emmeline Vance. I'm Lily's friend. You're Marlene, right?"

"I… Yeah, I am," said Marlene. "How did you know?"

"Lily's told me about you," she explained. "She said you had highlights, and I just guessed."

"Yeah," said Marlene, grinning. "I like the highlights." She tilted her head to the side. "Speaking of hair, Lily, yours looks different. In a good way. Did you curl it?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Emmeline curled it. She forced all these random hair things on me."

"Don't tell me you didn't like it," Emmeline said in a sing-song voice.

"It does look really good," Marlene agreed. "Good job, Emmeline."

"Thanks!"

As annoyed as Lily was trying to act, she was happy that her two friends were getting along. Emmeline had been her friend since Hogwarts days, and she had bonded with Marlene a lot throughout the past week. It was just nice that there was something peaceful in her life. No fighting, no stress. She'd been fretting for far too long now.

"Hey, we were actually just going to go shopping," Emmeline said. "You want to come?"

Marlene's eyes widened. "I… I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You're not," said Lily. "We're inviting you. It'd be fun if you come."

"Yeah, Lily hasn't gone shopping in ages," said Emmeline. "She still wears Madam Malkins!"

"I do not!" Lily scowled as she kicked Emmeline in the shin.

Marlene snorted. "Well, in that case, Lily, we have some serious shopping to do."


As they exited the mall, Lily was feeling a lot lighter than she had all year. She felt like things were back to normal. For once, she had just laughed and been happy with her friends.

Emmeline and Marlene were life-savers, truly. They hadn't brought up anything sad or negative at all. The entire day was filled with fun chatter and bickering as they argued over what clothes to wear.

She couldn't care less about the dresses and accessories she was buying, so she just let the other two guide her choices. She was in this for the fun anyway, not the purchases.

"Okay, see you at the shoot tomorrow, Lily," said Marlene, wrapping her up in a quick hug. "I expect to see you wearing that pink blouse we chose."

She smiled, returning the hug. "For sure."

"I'll see you around, too, hopefully?" she continued, turning to Emmeline. "You're pretty cool."

"Oh, definitely. I'll make sure we meet again soon," Emmeline said back. "See you, Lily. I'd stay longer, but I've gotta run now…"

"No, it's okay," Lily assured her, still smiling. "I'll see you later."

They all finished saying their good-byes and everyone went their separate ways. Lily felt like a bit of a walk. The weather was just right– not too cold for December, just chilly enough to keep her feeling a bit of a breeze. She was all bundled up in a large jacket and pink sweats, so it was okay for her to walk home.

It started to get dark by the time she was almost at her house. She was crossing in front of a dirty alleyway when she heard two low voices. Arguing.

"–and I've told you, I don't want to–"

"I don't care! Get your hands off me this instant."

Then there was a sound that sounded suspiciously like a fist coming in contact with skin. She cringed.

Normally, she would've walked on. She knew better than to engage in fights between shady men in alleys.

But she recognized the voices that were arguing. She would recognize both of them anywhere.

She walked through the dark street quickly, her heart thundering against her chest. She took a turn behind the alley to be greeted with the sight of Benjamin Fenwick and James Potter engaged in a rather violent display of conversation.

It only got worse when Benjamin pulled his wand out, sneering. "I told you not to touch me."

"Well that's too bad, seeing as I just did," shot back James, breathing heavily. "Go on. Curse me. Kill me. See if I care. Then who's going to play your little game, huh?"

"My little game?"

"Yes. Yours. You're the one who's been manipulating everything this whole time, you slimy little–"

"Enough!" thundered Benjamin, and he looked enraged. Lily had never seen him this worked up before. But it was gone as soon as it had come, and his sneer was back. "You've gotten this all wrong, haven't you, Potter? You're just–" He lowered his voice then, and Lily wasn't able to hear anything he was saying.

But whatever he had said must've hit close to home, because James looked beyond furious.

"Don't you dare ever say something like that again," he said in a deathly quiet voice. "Just because she doesn't know doesn't mean you have to…" His voice also dropped lower.

And the next moment, Benjy had hurled a hex towards James, but he dodged it within a millisecond. Lily's eyes widened at the speed of which he'd dodged it. She hadn't even noticed it coming, it had all happened so fast.

"Nice try, Fenwick," laughed James. It was an eerie laugh. A cold one. "You might want to aim better next time, though." He pulled out his own wand from his robes and pulled it back as well, a wicked glint in his eyes.

No.

Without thinking, Lily lunged forward and shoved herself in between the two men. If it weren't for the situation, the looks on their faces would've been priceless. Benjy looked like the Mona Lisa had come alive, his eyes wide and jaw dropped.

James, however, stared at her like he'd never seen her before. Something glistened in his eyes. It was almost hope, happiness. But it was gone as soon as it had come, and she wasn't able to analyze it fully.

"Lily!" cried Benjy in shock, and James's eyes snapped back up to his. "Get out of the way, I'm about to murder this man…"

"You're about to murder me?" laughed James tauntingly. "You're about to murder me? What, with your aim rivaling a first-year? Go on, try it. I'd like to hear what the media has to say about this."

Lily didn't know what the big deal was, but Benjy's mouth dropped like he'd just said something extremely offensive.

James pulled his wand back once more. "Stu–"

"Stop!" cried Lily desperately. She couldn't have either of them dying, not now, not like this. "James, please don't–"

He didn't seem to be listening, so she grabbed his arm forcefully to stop him. As she did so, she noticed something gleaming on the front of his chest.

She stopped dead, her hand dropping from James's arm. She felt herself staggering back.

'jple'

He still had the pendant.


next 2 chapters are gonna be pretty crazy, so be ready!