Episode Seven: Lil Uzi Vert, Martin Scorsese

"Ladies and Gentlemen: it's The Eric Andre Show!'' Eric fell down from the ceiling onto the wooden desk. He got up and then pulled out a baseball bat from behind the desk. He smashed the desk and then found the sword from final fantasy 7. He used to use a large cheese wheel. He then proceeds to eat no less than three pounds of cheese. He then screamed loudly and began punching the set.

The band was playing a cool song. One band member got out a hair dryer and brought it up to a windchime. He was playing the electric windchimes. It sounded terrible. It was the worst sounding wind chime anyone in the room had ever heard. Eric's penis immediately got hard. He used his rock-hard penis to destroy the windchimes. The entire band began to get him in the hands. They were a crowd and they were carrying from him. They tossed him in the air. Eric was elated. They tossed him in the air again. He went even higher in the air. Then the crowd tossed him one more time and Eric went through the roof.

He went all the way through the roof and then he went up further and further. He passed airplanes. He passed a NASA spaceship. He passed the most ambitious bird ever. He passed the moon and then he passed the sun. He passed the god of the milky way, they had a conversation about cereal brands, god, it turned out was picky, but not about gay people or abortions but rather about the nourishment he puts in his soul.

Eventually, Eric wanted to get back to earth. It had been a few days, but he was done with this whole space thing. He farted, turned direction, and then farted again. He was going backward 180. He passed by various aliens, he passed by the Futurama people making a delivery. He passed by god again who was doing pilates with mutahama Gandhi. Heaven was a place far from earth. And then he passed by that ambitious bird who was flying even higher.

He started his way home, and then he began the show.

"How are you, Hannibal Buress?" Eric said, folding his arms in front of him and staring straight forward.

"I'm fine Eric," Hannibal said. Side eyeing Eric. "Andre,"

"Have you expected God's love?" Eric asked Hannibal, he had a hand on a bible under the desk. He was going to pull it out when Hannibal answered, but instead of using words, Hannibal pulled out a Glock. He frowned. And then with practiced swiftness, shot Eric Andre.

"That wasn't the real Eric Andre" voice, many octaves lower than usual.

And then with one last fart, the real Eric Andre landed in the seat of the desk. He kicked away the fake Eric Andre.

"Is the CIA trying to infiltrate us again?" Eric asked. He looked to the left, he looked to the right. There was no one around him. But he still felt like there were people with their eyes on him. Then he remembered that he was on TV, and calmed down.

"I think so" and Hannibal put on some sunglasses. He gave a small smile and put the gun back in his jacket pocket.

"Are you ready for the first guest?" Eric asked.

"No, but I have to get the money from this job, we have to bring out this first guest, but is there any way it can be an easy guest? '' Hannibal said, with desperation behind the sunglasses he was wearing.

"Yes, it will be the easiest guest we've had," Eric said.

"Thank you Eric," Hannibal said in a near whisper.

"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE GET READY FOR JOE ROGAN '' Eric said, jumping excitedly from his chair. No one was really ready for Joe Rogan. Not after everything that had happened. Actually, almost everyone who was watching their butt holes really tightened up.

"C'mon," Hannibal said to himself. He wiped the sunglasses off his face and threw them at the floor, and then crunched them on the ground with his feet.

Joe emerged from behind the curtain. He was massive. He was such a strong and cool guy. Everyone saw it. No longer was Hannibal the cool guy on set, now it was Joe. Plus this guy had coke on him, you could tell. He definitely looked like he had coke on him.

"Hey Joe, how are you," Eric said to Joe Rogan.

And then the screen card "We'll be back," happened, and the show went to a commercial break.

The commercials were good. They were trying to sell the people watching things like shampoo and watches. The commercials came fast and left early. They were louder than the rest of the show. Some people who were watching at home, left their tv sets, and they went to go get some more food.

One commercial was for McDonalds. It made you want to eat a Mcdonalds' sandwich. It worked so well that almost everyone left their tv sets, and then drove straight to the MacDonalds. No one was watching the Eric Andre show at this point. They had all gone to get a mcchicken. Even Eric and Andre lost their set and went to go get a chicken. He had already eaten lunch. He was not hungry at all. The commercial was so good.

Joe did not succumb to the McDonald's ad. He sat in the chair and just watched. The set was non-reactive. Joe just sat. Staring ahead. Watching and not thinking about anything. He would have talked if there was another person. There was not another person.

Eric in the meantime was very happy eating a chicken. He was completely lost in the McChicken. So happy that it was mayor ed up. Eric took bigger and bigger bites until he was out of the McChicken. When he was out of McChicken he went back to the drive-through and he got two more McChicken.

Eric did not have a car, so he would just talk into the drive-through window. They hated that. But they knew it would have been racist if they had said anything. That was the world they felt they lived in. That they would get canceled because they allowed simple drive-through protocol that was implemented with a good mind and meant to help keep everyone safe, black or not. Eric was yelling now. He was screaming into the drive-through.

"GIVE ME MORE MCCHICKEN" Eric was yelling into the mic.

"SIR, CALM DOWN" The person who was working at the drive-through began to yell. It was a lady and she was irate.

"MCCHICKEN" Eric began to chant.

"CALM DOWN"

"MCCHICKEN"

A security guard gave up and arrested Eric. That made him sad, as he did not get another McChicken.