Episode Six: Doja Cat,

"Ladies and Gentlemen: it's the Eric Andre Show!"

Eric walks out from behind the desk. Eric has set up many thousand worth of domino's right past the area where you were able to see with the camera. The Dominoes are all old. Eric looks straight into the camera. He has a wild smile, and then from under the desk, he rolls a bowling ball into some of the dominos. Random ones crash- but it doesn't set off the chain. The chain has been broken by Eric. He went down and kicked at the other dominos but there were too many. The camera panned back even more. There were bowling ball pins that hadn't been hit.

Eric scoped up a handful of dominos and threw them at the bowling ball pins. They hit the Japanese lady singer. She was bleeding and had to be sent straight to urgent care. That would be a great buren on the budget of this week's show.

Eric took one final look at the Dominos, and then went to the back, grabbed an industrial strength vacuum cleaner and began to vacuum up the dominos, bowling ball, and bowling pins. At first this worked perfectly, but then one of the dominos got stuck between the blades of the vacuum. Eric ignored it at first, but then there was a loud noise coming from the vacuum and it spoked him a little bit, but then he saw the great mess that lay beyond him and he pushed ahead. The vacuum soaked up the dominos and kept going and going, but the bag was too small. This wasn't the normal dust and debris that vacuums are expected to handle. This was intense. This isn't even the cereal that a good, expensive vacuum could handle.

There was a louder noise. The dominos, there were hundreds of them in the vacuum at this point, were all hitting each other. It was chaos, asbouslt, unadulterated chaos inside that vacuum cleaner. Eric heard it, but then he put on some headphones and started listening to the Joni Mitchell Blue album, so he stopped having to hear it. The vacuum kept making a terrible noise. It sounded like your mom when I was fucking her last night. I mean, honestly I don't know, she probably sounded worse. She definitely looked worse. And she was fatter than the vacuum cleaner.

Eric was on the third track of the album, Little Green, singing along and having a great little time with himself. The vacuum was not having a great time, and then two dominos hit each other in the vacuum at just the right movement. There was a loud explosion. The vacuum was on fire, domions were raining from the ceiling, Eric was flung three inches back- he fell on his butt. Luckily there weren't any domionos there.

"Fuck this, janitor,"

Eric in a different outfit came over and vacuumed up all the dominos and dust, with a better vacuum cleaner that didn't explode.

Eric sat at his desk. At first he watched the other Eric clean, but then he got bored and played some Tetris. He was working on becoming a professional.

"The Eric Andre show!" the announcer said in a loud voice.

Hannibal came over and sat in his chair. "Did you like dominos?"

"No man, that's child games, we're adults and we need to act like we're adults" Eric said to Hannibal. Hannibal looked taken aback.

"Hey man, even though we're adults we can still have fun" Hannibal put a hand on Eric's shoulder. Eric looked at Hannibal in the eyes. It was way too gay for television to be honest. Hannibal looked down at thick luscious lips. Eric drew his head in. Just before their lips touched Hannibal let out the loudest fart he had ever let out before. It was disgusting and it would have made every single domino fall down.

"Gay man," Eric said.

"Don't be homophobic"

"Okay" Eric then took a drink of coffee. Which was piss. You wouldn't know if you were just watching the episode though because it was a dark piss. It was def not hydrated. There was probably a little poop isn't here but who knows, not me because I didn't drink it. "Let's bring out our first guest of the night, the very famous, the very hot, the very musically talented, the very good person, the very much alive! DOJA CAT"

Everyone, and I do mean everyone cheered. There was mass hysteria in the audience which was made up of 12 people. They were all moshing and having a good time. Everyone was going insane. Doja Cat walked up, and she was a little started, but mostly just from the sick saxophone beat happening from the band.

She went to go sit on the chair, but the chair disappeared right as she went to sit down. She fell right on the floor. Everyone looked horrified.

"Hannibal! I thought I told you to fix that!" Eric yelled at Hannibal and threw his coffee mug full of piss at him. He began to berate him, as was his duty as a manager who had an employee that was not doing their job right. Eric went over and beat the living shit out of hannibal. Hannibal took it like an employee, which is to say like a man. He just stood there, not moving while Eric beat him.

"I thought I did fix it man, these things are tricky," he said with a straight face.

The sadden Doja Cat was bleeding.

While Eric was beating Hannibal he accidentally kicked her. He did not apologize. That made her bleed more.

Eventually Eric sat back down. "I'm sorry about that, but you know how it is when you have employees. You need to keep them in line"

"I don't know what you mean, and I would prefer a chair, moo," Doja Cat said. Bitch, she still is a cow in this fanfic. Moo.

"Well, we don't have any chairs," Eric said to Doja Cat.

Just then from the ceiling spiderman dropped in. He lifted his mask off of the chin part of his face. Underneath there were big cartoon lips. He was smacking them together in the direction of a doja cat.

"Dude, kiss him, this is like a movie magic girl," Eric said to Doja Cat, who was avoiding Spiderman the best that she could, which was not very good because as I said before, Doja Cat is a cow. Moo.

Then she let out a great big cow fart. Spider Man backed off and did not want to kiss her anymore. He was going all like pew ugh. And brushing his hand over his nose. It was all over the top, I mean the doja cat was still quite the lady.

And then the screen card "We'll be back" happened, and the show went to a commercial break.

Eric was on the streets of New York City, he had a bed full of gifts. "It's someone's birthday- who wants to open the gift!" He said this to many people until he was able to successfully force a bag into a passerby's hand. The person did not seem to want it, but Eric repeated his phrase. "It's someone's birthday, do you want to open the gift"

The man looked forigen. He began to open the gift. It was a cute little bag, with a wrapped piece of something thin and square. He undid a piece of tape and then another piece of tape, and then out from the bag fell a piece of bread. It was whole grain.

Back at the studio, Doja Cat was still a cow, and she had not been fed. She was eating whatever she could. She had tried to eat a saxophone and then she had tried to eat the stage that the band stood on. They didn't want her to eat anything more so they threw an intern at her, and then called it a day. Doja Cat would have gotten to the point of eating the cameras, but Eric made sure that she was sent to a nice farm first.