Episode Nine: Juice World,
"Ladies and Gentlemen: it's The Eric Andre Show!" The announcer said he was confident. He was beautiful. He was everything. HE was Keanu reeves. This was a digital world, and Eric Andre was living in it.
It's the mid-nineties. There are naked babies, computer-generated yes, but beautiful and interesting, and truly very fat. Eric was there, also computer-generated. Just flying through the air- high as a kite. Happier than ever. Happier than a Metapod on meth. That's a saying in the pokemon community.
But Eric was a hacker. And it was time to hack. He didn't use computers- not he hacked into both women's and men's hearts. I'm sorry non-binary people, Eric won't hack into your heart- because that's his real type, and he wants true love.
Eric was flowing the wires of his set, going through the camera, and to his desk, and then into the lighting equipment. Eric was all around the studio. He was everywhere and nowhere. He was in your heart. That was the true Eric Andre.
And then he came out through a vent- body, and everything. He threw up on the desk of an overpaid intern and started his day. He kicked his desk and in one punch the desk flipped in a 900-degree spin, a new trick for this new world, and landed right on his feet. It was perfectly untouched looking. Eric Andre was the biggest hacker he could have ever been at that moment. He was angry, he wanted more. He attacked the showroom. He punched the floor, it was untouched. He took a baseball bat to a mirror. It was broken. He struck again, but nothing happened. He didn't bounce back, he just struck and the mirror was unmoved. He punched an intern. The intern did not move. Eric screamed and dug down. He got a drill and drilled the ground, it didn't break. He did a Kamehameha on the ceiling, but nothing happened. The ceiling was in place.
Eric collapsed in emotional pain. He was on his knees, crying into the ground. Nothing would change. He was defeated.
And then the screen card "We'll be back" happened, and the show went to a commercial break.
When they got Eric was in a good mood. He was smiling, he was happy. Hannibal was there. Hannibal said hello. Just a polite way to the camera. Everyone was having a good time. Eric and Hannibal held hands. Their smiles grew and grew until they covered all of their faces.
"Nah, we 're joking,'' Hannibal said. He sat down in his chair. Eric took a long time. He thought that Hannibal was going to go along with the gag for a little bit longer. But it lasted a long time and I had fun.
"Man, how are you doing today?" Eric said to Hannibal. Eric really felt like he was asking Hannibal a nice question. It was one that he had been thinking to ask Hannibal, but it was one that he needed to work himself up to. One that he felt took a lot out of himself.
"You asked me this when I got to work. I'm doing alright, how are you doing? You're hanging in there" Hannibal asked Eric. Eric was having a hard time. He had tried pot for the first time before the show. He was in space, he was on a mountain, he was everywhere and nowhere.
"Well, are you ready to bring out your first guest? '' Everyone clapped. People were excited, oh yes, what could this new guest be. All the interns stood up and clapped. Really there was way too much clapping in the building. It hurt Hannibal's head.
"Yeah, man I've been ready," Hannibal said and put away his phone.
"Alright, give a warm welcome to Alex Trackback," Eric said.
Reggies Filman walked out. He didn't say anything and just walked out of the chair and sat down.
"Hello, how are you?" Regis said.
Eric looked at him, and then looked away. He was like, man I don't want to talk to this guy. Reggies didn't say anything for a while, and Eric kept dodging his eye contact.
"Are you going to ask me a question?"
Eric looked around, and Hannibal was on his phone. Eric was staring at the desk, and then sometimes backed up to Reggies. Regis was just sitting there. Sometimes one of the cameramen would urge Eric on, but he didn't really get that far.
Eric tried really hard to ask Reggie a question. He opened his mouth, and a small sound came out, but it had neither the inflection nor the words necessary to be a question. Regis did not answer it. Instead, Reggies just keep looking around confused. Trying to connect with Eric, but failing, because the connection was not what Eric wanted at that moment.
Eric looked down again. He really gathered the muster that he held in his body, really dug in, and really tried this time to just ask Regis Filman a question. But by this time, Reggies was just on his phone. And even though Eric tried his hardest to get something, anything out of his body.
Eric began to cry. He was defeated. He had given his everything, his all to this job. He spends many hours a week working to make a good 'Eric Andre Show" ? like at least 12. That was a full-time job, and people just didn't care. This Reggies Fillman guy wouldn't even answer a single question. He wouldn't even hear Eric's question out. He would just sit there, phone out, on Eric Andre's late-night talk show, and just make a fool out of Eric. Eric. Eric, he just, he could not handle it anymore. In the words of the movie network, I'm done with your shit and I am not taking any more.
He bit off Regis Filman's ear.
There was blood and stuff and an ambulance called Hannibal was uncomfortable and didn't know if should comfort his friend, or just… avoid Eric.
