Chapter 3: Discomforting Situations


Author's Notes: Kingdom Hearts is rated T for Teen. This fanfiction isn't. In this Fanfic there wont be anything explicit, but lets just say the vibes I got from Marluxia whenever he interacted with Namine gave me baaaaad feelings, not when I was younger and first playing the game, but older looking back? Yeah... I remember the cut-scene when he put his hand on her shoulder, she jolts in fear, that she can barely stand to look up from the floor. If you can't handle the implications or notion of that kind of child-abuse, see yourself out. This is your only warning, this is a darker fanfiction.


Waking up to a warm bed was a strange sensation. No shivering or chills, no stuffy noses. What's more... her body felt... fine. Her body didn't feel like it was fading in and out of existence, she felt all of her limbs, there was no tingling numbness or lack of sensation, no fear that she was about to just vanish. There was no pain her chest for a lack of a heart, no empty sensation aching to be filled with whatever she could manage through interaction, even DiZ's cruelty had been preferable to empty isolation. She didn't feel the same flexibility of a Nobody's body (a monster's body), where she could bend at inhuman angles if she really wanted to. There were no lingering pains or aches from old injuries (abuses)...

Namine just... woke up warm and nothing felt wrong.

She couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears at that.

There was such a swirl of sensations inside her, she wasn't blind or dumb, she knew exactly what they were. What it meant for her to feel. That she... that she wasn't a... a Nobody anymore... that Kingdom Hearts had been able to give her what all Nobody's yearned for. Yet... it was constricting, suffocating, it hurt to be bombarded by them all at once. It was also confusing, because she swears she had felt some of them before, not to this extreme, and not through Sora or Kairi or those linked to them, but through herself... she had brushed them off always as phantom sensations, things she desired, or remembered through other, yet... having felt them full force now...

She doesn't understand.

Then the door to her room opens, and there is a quick pattering of tiny feet before little Kairi scrambles up into the bed and hugs Namine as tight as she can. "Hey! Hey! Are you okawy?"

Namine chokes, because it feels like she can't breath. Yesterday was a confusing mess, now... now its settling in and... she just can't...

"Grama! Grama!" calls out Kairi worriedly.

Namine curls, trying to breath, trying not to be a bother, there's spots in her vision, can't... can't...

There is a hard whack on her back and it jolts Namine into a deep, ragged breath, and then a fit of coughing, she lays there, shaking and breathing, Kairi clinging to her, the girl's grandmother rubbing her back. "Shhh child, shh..."


Namine gives a start and blinks awake, not sure when she fell asleep again. She immediately feels the swirl of... of emotions again before trying to shove them down. She doesn't need to drag Kairi and her Grandmother in and away from whatever they're doing just because Namine can't... can't handle this. She wonders, absently, if any of the Organization Members had ever considered what it would actually mean to get their hearts back, because Namine can't stand herself, couldn't before and definitely couldn't now with a heart, and while what she did to Sora, to Roxas, was horrible, what many of the Organization had done was even worse. Would they have been able to handle it?

She has doubts on that.

She doesn't move from Kairi's bed, just pulls the covers tighter, clings to Boco harder. It aches inside, it hurts, she doesn't want to go anywhere and do anything but stay here. She's not paralyzed, she'd felt that from Larxene's shocks and knives into her spine before the cure spells fixed the damage, its just... like there is some kind of fog in her head, a weight all over her body, crippling and preventing her from doing anything...

When Kairi and her Grandmother come in, and Namine doesn't react to them, Kairi whispers to her grandma. "Whaz wong with her now?"

Now.

As if its was expected for something to be wrong with her.

The weight gets heavier...

"Depression."

"Waz hat?" asked Kairi.

The Grandmother sits on the bed, running a hand through Namine's hair. "She's just sad Kairi, really sad..."


"Dear child? There are some people who would like to speak to you after you've finished your soup," said Kairi's Grandmother.

A request, and another scolding for not finishing it yet. It... it was just so hard to find the will to eat. She let out a soft sigh, nodded, and sluggishly moved to the edge of the bed, to the prop-up table put there with a now lukewarm mostly full bowl of soup. She sluggishly lifts the spoon, little droplets of it spattering on the table, on the bed, and on her clothes. It adds more to the weight... getting their room and clothes messy... she lets the spoon sink back into the bowl after her first mouthful and stares at it in silence.

There is a pattering of booted feet several minutes later, heavy, but as if they're trying to be quiet. The bed shifts and she feels it depress. She turns her head slightly to see Laxaeus... no, Aeleus, he's not a Nobody yet, sitting down carefully next to her. She catches a brief sight of Xaldin leaning against the door near the wall, she doesn't know what his somebody's name was.

"Good afternoon young one," offers Aeleus in a deep, but soft tone, so gentle compared to that empty powerful voice she remembered.

She doesn't respond, she can't bring herself to, she just stares at him.

The man's lips purse with clear unhappyness. His hands are clenched tightly around the blanket on the bed. She... upsets him. She bows her head and looks away, she doesn't want to be anyone's problem anymore...

"My name is Aeleus, and this is my friend, Dilan," offers Aeleus.

Namine knows its polite to say something, she just...

Aeleus holds his silence, waiting.

It takes Namine a very long time to offer a quiet, "Hello..."

Aeleus takes in a quick breath, had he been holding it that long waiting? "Could you tell me your name, young one?"

Namine swallows thickly. Why do they keep asking? It doesn't matter... the last person she had ask her name had been Roxas, or had she offered it without him even asking? It didn't matter either way, she had destroyed him to save Sora. Its better they not know her, safer for them. If... if she could just get the will to form a Dark Corridor and go somewhere else... she wouldn't bother them...

"I'm no one," she murmurs.

"Do you not have a name?" he asked, his voice thick with... something, "If... you were never given one perhaps..."

At that, her breath hitches. Xemnas had tried to name her once, but she had refused him and chosen her own... its why she had been left in Castle Oblivion rather than joining the Organization, even back then something had rubbed her wrong about him. There is a flare of fire in her all of the sudden that washes over the fog. Her fists clench in her laps, and its like she's burning inside. Maybe she is no one, but she will never let anyone else take her name from her and give her another.

"Namine," she answers, her voice quiet but harsh, "My name is Namine."

Aeleus gives a soft hum. "Namine, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Strange," comes a soft murmur from Xaldin, "She reacted at the notion of being named?"

Aeleus doesn't pay him mind and continues to speak, "Namine, I would like to ask you several questions, is that alright?"

She gives a sharp nod, but doesn't look at him, still staring at her soup. The fire is still there inside, she doesn't know what to do with it.

"If you are not comfortable answering, you may refuse," offered Aeleus, "But we wish to help you, and make sure who hurt you cannot hurt others. We were told you had cut marks on your back. What is the name of the person who did this?"

She's still burning, it won't stop, why won't it stop? She spits out the name with venom. "Larxene."

She catches Aeleus looking to Dilan out of the corner of her eyes, but the man shakes his head. They wouldn't know Larxene, at least not by that name, she might not even be of this world for all Namine knew. Oh she desperately hoped she wasn't...

"Was there anyone else who hurt you or... touched you in ways that made you uncomfortable?" asked Aeleus, sounding extremely uncomfortable himself.

Touched you...

At that, the fire is gone, turned into ice that chills her. She curls a little, the ice she feels is black, black ice, its... its fear. She doesn't... doesn't want to think of Marluxia... the hand on her shoulder, chilling voice whispered so close to her ear, the hand trailing down her trembling arm to her...

"Namine?" questioned Aeleus softly, a hand on her shoulder.

Namine gives a sob and violently pulls away, knocking into the prop-up table and flipping it, sending the soup all over. She curls on herself as she feels the bed shift. The world spins for her, shes in her room in Castle Oblivion, Marluxia's hand on her shoulder, knees depressing and shifting as he leaved over her, nononononononono... she had done what Marluxia wanted, he PROMISED! He promised not to...

"Dilan, go get Lady Ame," ordered Aeleus, "Now."

The world jars around her, shes not in Castle Oblivion. Marluxia is dead. Except he's not, he could come back again...

She bursts into tears. He could come back... he could come back... she can't... she can't...

Kairi's grandmother is there moments later, clutching her tightly. "Shhh dear one, shh, its alright, its alright, you are safe here. No one can hurt you here."

Namine clutches her desperately, burying her face into the woman's shoulder, taking deep and ragged breaths.

"Damn," she faintly heard Aeleus whisper, "Likely molested as well. When I get my hands on whoever did this..."

"All murder will do is end you up in jail," muttered Dilan, "Throw the book at them, but don't throw your life away with it. Scum like that isn't worth it, the other inmates generally take care of such trash anyway."

"If you could take such talk elsewhere, please?" stressed Kairi's grandmother.

The two leave the room, and Namine clutches the old woman for dear life, slightly flinching when Kairi comes to join and hug her. They stay there for a long time, letting her take deep breaths...

In out...

In out...

In... out...

I...n...o...u...t...


"What was the person's name?"

The question is soft, and gentle. Still so odd from Aeleus's lips, even a few visits now. Namine hated herself for being so weak. For freezing up or sobbing at the thought of... of... Castle Oblivion and what happened there. It had been easier when she didn't have a heart. What had she been thinking wanting this? Everything ached so badly, things she'd been able to think about before in a detached way, or at least suppressed compared to this, were so hard to handle. She had been able to get up every day to help fix the damage she did to Sora without trouble. Now?

Now it was a struggle to even get out of bed, to even eat. It made Kairi's grandmother scared, which made her feel bad. It also made her feel physically weak. It took her far to long to realize that since she had a heart, since she was human now and not some freakish non-existent monster... that she had all the requirements of being human. Nobodies didn't need to eat, but she'd seen the Organization do so, something to cling on to, something else to fake to make themselves seem normal. Seem real. Sleeping was one of the few restrictions they seemed to share with real beings. Aging... well... that was a swing and a miss for Nobodies, it was weird how it didn't make sense. Some aged, but most didn't, maybe she was missing something on the why of it. Namine herself was weird anyway without that. Her none-existence had broken enough rules as it was, so that wasn't really that big of a thing...

"What was the first letter of their name?"

Namine blinked at that. M... M... that was... that was easier...

"M."

"The next?"

"A."

"R."

"L."

"U."

"X."

"I."

"A."

When she didn't continue, Aeleus sounded it. "Marluxia."

Namine reflexively curled, choking a little.

Aeleus's hand was on her back, rubbing gentle circles. "Shh child, shh. They can't hurt you anymore, you have the entire castle guard who would readily stand as your shield."

She blinks up at him through tears, opening and closing her mouth a few times before a whisper escaped, "Why?"

There is deep sorrow on his face. "No child, no person, should be hurt as you have been, young one. All of us care, and are deeply concerned for you. We would readily step in to protect you."

Then why didn't you before?

Something must have shown in her eyes, because he closed his own and sighed, "I'm sorry we couldn't before."

Namine stares down at her knees, her fists clenched tightly in them, saying nothing...


"So that's the girl, huh?"

Namine sneaks a look from the couch on the living room of Kairi's home. She had learned that there had been guards stationed continually to watch over their house since she had first been reported. To protect... protect her. The warmth that invaded her chest at the thought of it, ever since learning it, had... had helped her get up from bed. Helped her eat. That more than just Kairi and the Grandmother who raised her could care. That the two weren't just special unique over-caring circumstances. It changed day by day, and she got to meet new faces, most she didn't recognize...

But the young man she saw now at Dilan's side peeking through the doorway she did. Was that... Leon?! He was so young...

Dilan cuffs the back of his head. "It's rude to stare, let us check in with Lady Ame and be on our way."

Leon scowls at the man, but moves, briefly giving Namine a nod as he does, a protective glint in his eye. He doesn't even know her... but he still wants to... to keep her safe...

Namine's eyes trail the specter from Sora's past until he was out of sight. That's right... she hadn't considered it, but he was from this world. Apparently as a guardsmen... or an apprentice one at least...

Then Namine's eyes furrow. Ame? Was that Kairi's grandmother's name? She feels abashed, it had been well over a week and she hadn't once asked the woman her name! She sighs and bows her head, curling on the couch and dragging Boco close to her. She lets her thoughts drift. If Leon was here, then so was Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Cid, and Yuffie. She felt a little... awkward. She had seen who those people had grown up to be after...

Namine's breathing hitched, her eyes going wide.

...after Radiant Garden fell to the Heartless and they wound up in Traverse Town.

Pure ice rolled down her spine, a choking sound escaping her lips. Oh no... oh no no no... Apprentice Xehanort was here, doing his experiments with the others, and it was going to lead to this world being ruined. Lead to the outbreak of the Heartless and in turn the Nobodies. Kairi would end up on Destiny Islands, clueless about her origins, about her lost loving grandmother. Xemnas would be born and start the Organization, he would find others, fine L... Larxene and M... Mar...

She shivers, gasps escaping her lips. Why? Why can't she even...

"Nami?"

She startled, blinking rapidly and seeing Kairi next to her, hands on the couch leaning towards her with concern. "Need Grama?"

Namine takes in a shaky breath and lets it out. "No... no I'm... I'm okay."

Kairi gives her a dubious look, pulling herself up onto the couch and cuddling next to her. Namine rests her head ontop of Kairi's, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She doesn't deserve to have been born from Kairi... she really doesn't...


"Do you want to go outside today Namine? I cleaned your old dress for you."

Namine looked up at Ame, and then at the white gown, and recoiled from it.

Ame took a step back at that. "Namine?"

"Not... not in that," answered Namine shakily.

She stared at the dress, befuddled and a little transfixed at the bubbling blackness inside of her. The... the hate... of it.

Ame frowned a little, carefully folding it. Her eyes questioning, but doesn't ask.

Namine averts her eyes before swallowing and answering anyway, "I..."

When she sees that dress, sees that white... she thinks of Castle Oblivion, she thinks of the White Room in the Mansion...

"I hate white."

Ame asks the question then that Namine really wished she wouldn't have. "Why?"

Minutes pass before she can work up the nerve to answer. "My... my room was all white. Nothing else."

Nothing else but her drawings.

"I didn't... have any other clothes but that..." mumbled Namine, barely withholding the urge to curl on herself.

Ame nods slowly, tucking the folded clothes away. "Of course. Why don't we go shopping today and pick you out some colorful clothes? Would you like that?"

"I... you don't... have to spend your money on me," murmured Namine.

Ame smiled softly. "Money isn't an issue child, even if it was, I would still do so. Do you wish to go shopping?"

Namine swallows, feeling so small. "I... I would like that..."


"...and the Castle is home to Ansem the Wise," explained Aeleus, sitting next to her on a bench in the gardens, "Our leader."

Namine freezes for a long moment, swallowing back her fear to runrunrunrun. "What... what is he like?"

What was DiZ like before he... before he became DiZ? Became a monster just as bad as the Nobodies he hated?

Aeleus studied her reaction for a moment. "Would you like to meet him?"

She instantly shrank away from him.

Aeleus frowned a little at the reaction. "There's no need to be afraid. Ansem the Wise is one of the most kind and gentle beings you will ever meet in your life."

Namine stared up blankly at him. DiZ... had been nice once? It... it was hard to imagine. DiZ hadn't been nice to her a day in her life.

"He leads us, and is one of our chief intelligence in our society, an impressive scientist along with his apprentices," explained Aeleus.

Namine swallowed at that. "What... are their names?"

"Even and young Ienzo."

Namine blinked. What...? She thought... she thought Ansem had six apprentices, not two? When had... when had the other four officially become his apprentices? Now that she thought on it, when had Aeleus made the switch from Guard to Apprentice? How... how far back was she? She doesn't think Kairi was much older than this before Radiant Garden fell. She can't... she can't even poke around those suppressed memories, she's linked to this Kairi yes, but that replaced the Kairi she had originally been born from. She no longer had a deep chain of memories to look into, and she finds herself woefully uninformed.

She takes a moment to identify who they are with the weird X name scheme. Vexen and Zexion. Vexen she hadn't interacted much with outside... outside of his initial 'testing' of her to identify her powers and abilities. She holds back a shudder at the thought of it, mind skittering away. Zexion had been a lot like his comrade, uninterested in her and uncaring. Spent more time in his books in the basement of Castle Oblivion than in the upper floors.

"What are they like?"

"Even is... absorbed," answers Aeleus in an amused tone, "He is devoted to science and the exploration of endless possibility, as he would say. Ienzo is a shy lad, a little younger than you. But he is very inquisitive and intelligence, a prodigy to be if there ever was one. Ienzo is more of an intern than an apprentice at his age, so the title is more for his benefit and self-esteem than official, but I imagine he'll officially earn the position in a year or so anyway."

He huffed. "He'll be the youngest scientist in our society to date. I wish he would enjoy his childhood more though, it worries me that he may be giving up to much in exchange for the purist of knowledge."

Namine peers up at him, remembering how the pair had stuck together as Nobodies. "You care for him."

Aeleus looks a little caught offguard before he gives her a considerate look. "Yes, I do. I knew his parents before they passed. I do my best to look out for the castle's young ward."

"That's kind of you," she offers quietly as they start heading back.

He gives her a warm smile and a thank you, but all the while, Namine is burning again, burning with the question of why he didn't look out for her, and trying to swallow back the guilt at the thought, because Aeleus isn't the same man who had looked the other way before...


"...and there's been these odd little creatures roaming about that have been attacking people," warned Dilan, whispering to Ame quietly, "We don't know where they come from or what they are, but you should be careful transversing Radiant Garden for the time being. There has been no casualties yet, but plenty of injuries ranging from scratches to broken bones."

Ame nodded solemnly, "I will be, thank you for the warning."

Namine listens quietly from her position curled on the couch. She'd thought they might be referring to Heartless, and wouldn't that be terrifying for them to be already here. But no, if it were Heartless, there wouldn't be physical injuries like that, people would be losing their hearts and transforming into more Heartless. It couldn't be Nobodies either at this point, not before the giant Heartless outbreak. So what were they talking about?

"And do not hesitate to call on us if need be, you have two young children to look after," continued Dilan, "And the guard as a whole are rather fond of young Namine."

Namine blushes a little, clutching Boco tighter to her as the warmth in her chest spreads and encompasses everything. She lays on the couch, a lazy smile on her face, and puts the creatures to the back of her mind...


Namine nestled in behind Kairi as Ame sat down on the chair next to the bed. "Tell Nami the story Grama!"

Ame gave her Grandaughter a warm smile. "Of course child."

She coughed and cleared her throat. "Long ago, people lived in peace, bathed in the warmth of light. Everyone loved the light. Then people began to fight over it. They wanted to keep it for themselves. And darkness was born in their hearts. The darkness spread, swallowing the light and many people's hearts. It covered everything, and the world disappeared. But small fragments of light survived... in the hearts of children. With these fragments of light, children rebuilt the lost world. It's the world we live in now. But the true light sleeps deep within the darkness. That's why the worlds are still scattered, divided from each other. But someday, a door to the innermost darkness will open. And the true light will return. So listen, child. Even in the deepest darkness, there will always be a light to guide you. Believe in the light, and the darkness will never defeat you. Your heart will shine with its power and push the darkness away."

Kairi's breathing had evened out to sleep or close to it by the end, but... Namine's had not, her eyebrows furrowed. That story...

The true light sleeps deep within the darkness... was that... Kingdom Hearts? It had been behind the Door to Darkness, what the Heartless Ansem had been seeking. "Ame?"

"Yes dear?"

"Where did you learn that story from?"

Ame chuckles. "Why, the same way you are learning it. I was a young lass myself when my own Grandmother first told it to me."

"Oh," said Namine, "Thank you for the story."

"Its my pleasure dear, good night."

Namine stayed awake longer than she should of that night, linking various things in that story to real life. The darkness that spread and swallowed both light and people's hearts... was that the Heartless? They had consumed the hearts of worlds after all. The hearts of children that pushed back the dark... was that referring to the Princess of Heart? Did... did Ame know what Kairi was? Or did she just assume it was a fable? Because she was right that the worlds were all scattered. The Door to Darkness had opened once, to destroy Ansem, but... Kingdom Hearts hadn't actually returned from the Realm of Darkness.

She wants to think on it more, but sleep slowly overtakes her...


"And I wike these flowers the bestest!" giggled Kairi, dragging Namine along through the gardens while Ame was in the castle visiting the library.

Namine lets her, a little smile on her face as Kairi picks from each pocket of flowers without focus, which Namine translates to 'all' of them being her favorite...

Skitter skitter

Namine blinks at the odd sound, what in the world was...

"Oooh, kitty!" giggles Kairi.

Namine frowns and follows Kairi's gaze... to something that is definitely not a cat. It was this strange little creature that was somewhat humanoid in shape, but not color or appearance. It was entirely blue, and had thin arms and legs that didn't end in hands or feet. Its head was triangular, with oddly shaped ears and red eyes. Namine feels... irritation. Not herself, no, but from the creature. Its weird... its like the thing is composed entirely of irritation...

Then Kairi's hand reaches forward to pet it. "Kairi wait!"

The creature lashes out, scratching at Kairi's hand, making her squeal in pain and stagger back, clutching her hand to her chest. "Owwww!"

Skitter skitter

Namine's breath hitches when a lot more of the creatures suddenly show up. Her eyes go wide, her heart constricts with fear to see so many of them starting towards Kairi. She acts without thinking or hesitation, the fear in her chest transforming into... into something hard and firm, grabbing Kairi, struggling to lift her in her thin arms, and bolts for the castle. "What are they Nami?!"

"I don't know," breaths Namine, stumbling a bit before setting Kairi down, grabbing her hands, and running with her as the creatures keep coming for them. They run up the steps, and she sorely wishes she knew how to cast magic. She had been linked to Sora's memories, yet she had never bothered to try to learn from them, and the child Sora currently alive definitely didn't know magic.

They finish climbing the steps, only to find more of the creatures there blocking the door to the castle, no one else in sight. Namine chokes a bit in fear, and Kairi lets out a shrill scream, "They're coming up the steps!"

She grabs Kairi and runs to a wall, pushing her against it, trembling and swallowing thickly. She stands protectively in front of Kairi."Stay away!"

One Kairi had given her a new life, another had taken her in, she wasn't going to let her get hurt!

The first Namine takes a step forward towards and boots it, kicking it away. The next two though scratch at her, clawing at and into her pants. She hisses and stumbles back onto her butt before the whole group leaps at her at once. "Nami!"

Namine raises her arms defensively, choking a bit in frustration and fear, then someone's voice rings out.

"No!"

SHING

Namine lowers her arms, her breathing hitches, as her eyes land on a blue-haired woman standing protectively in front of them... the recognizable form of a Keyblade in her hand...