As Time Turns:


"I thought about what I was going to do. And I don't think it's the best idea if I stay at Hogwarts full time."

I stood alongside Astra in the Chamber of Secrets.

"If that's what you think should be done," I told her.

"Yes, I do," Astra confirmed. "I don't see why you're sticking around for long anyway. There's one person who might have caused you problems if you left and he's currently in a long-term ward in St. Mungos relieving your past childhood trauma. Don't really see a reason why you're still playing school, but I respect your decision."

"And I respect yours," I said. "Besides, if we need to meet up, I've got it all set on."

I pointed to the Vanishing Cabinet, currently set up in the Chamber of Secrets. I lifted it from it's position in Hogwarts, before Peeves could damage it. And I acquired the other one from Borgin and Burkes, somewhat legally.

"The other one is delivered to John's house, right?" Astra asked.

"Yes, safe and secure, although be careful," I said. "He won''t be back from interdimensional limbo for years, but be careful."

"Don't worry, I'm well aware of the kind of things that I might run into at John Constantine's home," Astra said. "And my mother is there, remember?"

I did remember. Natalie, just fresh off of being brought back from the dead, killed herself out of grief of her own daughter being pulled down into Hell. She haunted Constantine's old childhood home.

"You told me he was working on a way to remove that shade from your head," Astra continued. "Before it all happened. And he had to go. Maybe he left notes? Maybe my mother has ideas. Maybe I can find something."

"I'm looking too," I told her. "When we find something…"

"We'll tell each other," Astra said. "Four Horcruxes are destroyed, and Riddle's spirit is weakened. I won't be satisfied until they're all gone, and he's off to his eternal torment."

"It would be poetic if Riddle and Dumbledore were stuck together for all eternity," I said.

Astra's lips flickered into a smile.

"Proof to Riddle that there are things worse than death."

I looked at Astra. I could read her better than anyone else.

"You're to be looking for any signs of anyone else?" I asked.

"That's an idea," Astra said. "A lot of them are very young, not even born, or in the future, so…I really hope not, for their sake. Having those memories in bodies even younger than we are could be damaging to their psyche."

Yes, I supposed that would be the case. I just looked at Astra for a long moment. She shook her head.

"I'll be careful. And discreet. And won't draw attention to myself."

"Then, you're going to need this."

I handed out a silvery cloak.. Astra took it, almost astonished. She ran her hands over the fine silken materials, hand shaking when she edged it over her fingers when eying it.

"When did you get this back?" she asked.

"Just this morning," I told her. "I figured it could give you an added bit of help if you pry. And also, I made you a present."

I handed Astra a rather crudely made, but extremely functional watch.

"Signal watch?" she asked.

"And portal," I said. "Not necessarily made in a cave, but I still made it using a box of scraps."

'Tony Stark, eat your heart out," Astra said with a fond smile. "So the pass code is still…"

"Enter the Dragon," I told her. "Good luck. And keep me updated if you find anything."

"Likewise," Astra said. "If you change your mind about playing school, you know where you can find me."

"I do," I informed her. "But, this place still has resources, and I've got some networking I have to do."

"And you've got your eye on a few older women," Astra said. "Some things never change. Although technically speaking…"

I silenced Astra with a kiss, which she returned with eagerness. We parted ways for a second. She frowned.

"Not making this wait easy on me, are you?" she asked.

Astra stepped into the Vanishing cabinet. I watched my Lady Black leave with the Cloak of Invisibility. Astra is one of the few people I would trust with such a responsibility.

She did have a point though. Even with only having a partial maturity at fourteen the first go around thanks to the Horcrux in my head, I had quite a few encounters with older women and favored them. Fleur, after the second task of the Triwizard Tournament was my first and I revisited that several times over the years. Nymphadora, many times after we met the summer before my fifth year. Cho, although that one regretfully was ill-timed, due to us being in a really awkward place with Cedric's death. Our future hook-ups had been on far better terms,the time or two we ran into each other post-Hogwarts. Angelina Johnson, a few times, and I also hooked up with Katie and Alicia, although not as much as Angelina. Also, I got some of Rosemerta's personal service when heading down to Hogsmeade quite a few times. Hooked up with Gwenog Jones after I met her at one of Slughorn's little get-togethers. Also, Hermione's mother, Charlotte, after I met up with her in Australia. Turns out by having the memories of her daughter removed, Hermione inadvertently removed the only reason why Charlotte and David were married in the first place.

Ooops.

Just to name a few. But, I'm getting off of the subject.

I exited the Chamber of Secrets.

"Harry, we need to talk."


Daphne Greengrass stood in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom before me. She motioned for me to come closer. She acted a bit strange the other night, so I did wonder.

"Alone," she whispered urgently. "Without anyone eavesdropping."

I understood instantly, although I wanted to know for sure.

"Oh, Daphne, you should have seen the Head Boy!" I cried in an overly loud voice. "He's going to be the Prefect bathroom for hours wiping off after Peeves dropped that gunk on her."

The sound of a whoosh from the Girl's Toilet could be heard. Well, I can always count on Myrtle being a degenerate pervert.

"Okay, he is up there, but I'm not sure for how long," I told Daphne. "This isn't about the ice cream bars, is it?"

"No," Daphne told me. "Three days ago, I went to bed, a curvy, mature,adult woman, with a body to die for and a fortune to match. The Queen of one of the greatest Ice Cream Empries in the world. And I woke up eleven, going on twelve, still a Hogwarts student, but not as I remembered it. I was no longer in Slytherin, but I'm a Ravenclaw."

Well, this is a new wrinkle in things.

"You traveled back in time, didn't you?" I asked.

"And you apparently beat me here," Daphne said. "I chalked it up to Mum accidentally sending me the wrong ice cream at first. Maybe I didn't want to believe it. But, the moment I saw Astra here with you, I figured it out."

I looked over my shoulder and filled in Daphne about most of everything. She nodded, and listened to what I intended to do. She eyed me for a good long second.

"You don't know what happened do you?" Daphne asked.

"Not a clue," I admitted to her. "How did you find me?"

"I took a trip to the Forbidden Forest and found the entire Acromantula colony wiped out," Daphne told me. "It was a hunch I had, but I was glad I was right. That means you took control of the Basilisk."

I would have told Daphne off for doing something so dangerous, but those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

"Her name is Rosa," I told her.

Daphne rolled her eyes.

"Of course the Basilisk is female."

I just smiled and Daphne folded her arms against her chest, practically glaring at me. I had not seen her this mad in a very long time.

"Problem?"

"Well, other than I went from a powerful and influential heiress back to a kid overnight, I really don't have a problem," Daphne said. "I'm just some child who people barely take seriously now. And I see all of the things which I hated back then about this world, but they're even worse in hindsight! And the reminder that they pretty much could not be bothered to check up on the boy who they put on a pedestal and left him at the mercy of his magical hating relatives, that really pisses me off!"

Daphne's voice rose a little bit and she caused the torches in the bathroom to explode into flames.

"And now, I'm supposed to pretend everything is okay, and there's nothing wrong!"

"Daphne, calm your tits."

"THAT'S PART OF THE BLOODY PROBLEM, POTTER! I LOST THOSE OVERNIGHT!"

Daphne broke into a multitude of emotions before collapsing into my arms and sobbing. It could be quite jarring to go from a rather stunning young woman to an awkward, although still cute, preteen.

"Your two maturities were extraordinarily kind to you," I told her gently. "You'll be fine. Better than ever, as you won't have to deal with the fallout of Voldemort's return. Not this time."

Daphne choked out a sob and nodded.

"Daphne? Are you in here?"

Daphne and I paused, and the door opened, with Padma and Tracey entering the bathroom. Time stood still as Tracey and Padma stared at Daphne and me. And we stared back at them.

"Uh, what are you two during here?" Tracey asked.

"Oh, I've..well…I heard a rumor that there were some seventh-years hoarding ice cream in this bathroom," Daphne said. "And I roped Harry into looking for it."

Good, smart, quick on your feet, and kind of plausible. Good one Daphne. Tracey blinked and nodded.

"Did you find it?" Tracey asked.

"No, that's why I was so upset," Daphne said.

"This is really the last place anyone would want to be," Padma said.

"That's why it's the perfect place to hide ice cream," I suggested.

Padma considered my point and nodded, although she still frowned.

"It's been a weird day," Padma said. "I was talking to my sister at lunch. And Parvati's convinced that you sabotaged the sorting so you can build a harem."

I blinked. That was strange. I did sabotage the sorting, but it wasn't for collective building purposes.

"Huh, I don't know what gave her that idea," I said.

"Don't know," Padma said. "She was kind of upset she didn't get sorted into Ravenclaw too."

So, I wondered what was going on there.

"There's no ice cream here," Daphne said. "So, we better go."

Tracey and Padma nodded and walked off. Daphne walked beside me, clinging onto my hand as we left. I was going to have to keep a close on Daphne. She obviously had a feeling of dysphoria being back in her younger and less mature body. It was quite the adjustment, admittedly. She stopped suddenly and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

"Astra beat Kara back?"

I nodded in response. Daphne just looked baffled.

"Huh, I thought Supergirl would be the first to find you."

You're not the only one, Daphne.


I found myself sitting in the back of the Hufflepuff first-year Defense Agaisnt the Dark Arts class. Bellatrix asked me to assist her during a couple of classes and considering they coincided with History of Magic, I agreed. More than a few members of the class of twelve students gave me a curious look as to why I'm here. Bellatrix stood in front of the class.

"Alright, as you can see, I've got a new teaching assistant. He's top in your year in Defense Against the Dark Arts and when I'm indisposed at a certain time of a month, he will be stepping in to help teach you brats."

"Wait, are you a werewolf?" Anthony Goldstein asked.

Some of the class cringed at Goldstein asking such a personal

"Oh, no, much worse than that," Bellatrix said. "You see, once a month, Auntie Bellatrix's Auntie Flo pops in for a visit. And makes her all moody and irritable. There's a lot of blood spilled when Auntie Flo is here. And it's not fun for anyone to be around me. Thankfully, Potter is more than qualified to teach you munchkins the rudimentaries of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"But, couldn't you ask an older student to do that?" Hermione asked. "I mean, he's a first year like us, isn't he?"

"Well, judging by the mediocre quality of your essays, Mudblood, I daresay he can teach you quite a lot," Bellatrix bit back.

"You can't just call me that!" Hermione yelled.

"Oh, give it a rest, Mudblood," Malfoy murmured underneath his breath.

Bellatrix's darkened expression fell on her nephew.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for using that word!" Bellatrix snapped sharply. "Don't you ever say that word again, or I'll wash your mouth out with soap. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Aunt Bellatrix," Malfoy said in a defeated voice.

"But, Professor, we're Hufflepuffs not…"

"Another ten points from Gryffindor," Bellatrix said, cutting Hermione off at the pass. "For lying to your Professor and trying to tell me you're in a made-up house. Everyone knows there's no such thing as Hufflepuff."

"But, Hufflepuff is…"

"Ten more points from Gryffindor!" Bellatrix snapped.

Susan grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her in.

"Let it go," Susan murmured.

Hermione looked like she was not going to let it go, at all. Oh, to be young and to think house points really mattered in the grand scheme of things. If anything, Bellatrix's obvious abuses of the house point system might get the entire damn thing abolished.

"Potter, it's your show," Bellatrix said. "Good luck."

Bellatrix made her way off and I turned to the class. They all looked at me.

"Today, we're going to learn a very valuable spell when fighting hostile opponents," I said. "The Tickling Spell."

Everyone in the class looked at me like I had lost my mind. And they were right, although not about this particular thing.

"The Tickling Spell?" Malfoy asked. "You have to be joking."

"This is no laughing matter, Mr. Malfoy," I told him. "Can anyone tell me why a tickling charm would be a good weapon in a duel?"

Susan raised her hand. I smiled.

"Miss Bones."

"Because, they wouldn't see it coming?" Susan asked.

"Right, in a sense," I said. "In a duel, you have to throw your opponents off. And they expect spells which would cause them great pain and misery, and not mirth and laughter."

"So, a Cheering Charm could work as well, right?" Megan asked.

"It could, it could, although those are more advanced than your tickling spells and Professor Flitwick doesn't teach them until third year," I said. "Five points to Hufflepuff for each of you."

"Wait, can you give points?" Neville asked. "No offense um…sorry, I don't know what to call you…"

"Harry is fine," I said.

"Neville has a point," Hannah said. "Can you give points?"

"Don't know, check the hourglasses later," I said with a shrug. "Neville, could you tell me another advantage of a Tickling Charm in a duel?"

"Well, um, you could be a really powerful wizard," Neville said. "And you could put a lot of power into your tickling spell and make your enemy…well, make them wet themselves because they're laughing really hard."

"Embarrassment, and emotional pain, more scarring than any attack can be," I said. "Trust me, I know."

Most of the class responded with grin nods.

"And it could open them up for the kill," Malfoy said. "You know, that's something, isn't it?"

"In the hands of a really capable witch or wizard, any spell and charm can be a weapon, anything."

"How do you know this?"

I turned my attention to Hermione who had interrupted me.

"How do I know this?" I asked.

"Potter, you're just a student, a first-year like us," she said. "You can't know all of these things."

"And why not?" I asked her.

"You lived with those Muggles, and you told us all, they weren't..well they weren't nice," Hermione said.

"I learned quickly, because I had to," I said.

"You shouldn't be this good, though," Hermione said.

"Jealous, Granger," Malfoy muttered.

"I've worked hard, and studied hard, and you're still better at me, in every single bloody subject!" Hermione shouted.

This was getting to her. It was like sixth year Potions, only on steroids. Granted, the Half-Blood Prince book might have given me a leg-up, although it was proof that Snape knew his shit, he was just shit at teaching.

It wasn't like I was given a time turner to attend a couple extra classes.

"Language, Miss Granger," I told her. "I told you, I have to be the best, because there are a bunch of people who would want to make a name for themselves for being the one to take me down. And would anyone want to know why?"

"Because, you're the one who beat You-Know-Who," Millicent said in a soft tone. "And if they beat you, they can claim they were badder than him."

"Very good, Miss Bulstrode, five points to Hufflepuff," I said. "You work hard, do your very best. And if you're not the top, then who really cares?"

Hermione's lip trembled and was about to say something. Megan and Susan grabbed her arms.

"Sir, she's under a lot of stress," Megan said. "I mean, Harry, she's just, she's trying. I think she's struggling, because she was the top student in a small private school. And now Hogwarts is just a lot tougher."

"I told you that in confidence," Hermione hissed.

"Calm down," I told her. "SIT DOWN, MISS GRANGER!"

Hermione's face went beet red.

"I think you're cheating!"

Everyone looked at Hermione like she was completely insane. Dean swallowed, and so did Neville.

"Hermione, you can't say that to someone like Harry Potter!" Neville said. "You can't make that accusation. There's going to be consequences, even if you're right."

"Potter can have your magic for that one," Malfoy said, looking almost giddy at the prospect.

"Yeah, Hermione, that was out of line," Susan said. "Look, Professor, I'm really sorry, I thought she was getting better, but you being chosen to be Professor Lestrange's assistant pushed her a little bit."

"I'm sorry, you feel that way, Granger," I told her coldly. "But, get over yourself. Someone is doing better than you. But your work is not bad. It's acceptable. You are a decent acceptable student, bordering on Exceeds Expectations. That's not bad. Your essays could use more fine-tuning, but that's not bad."

I swept across the class.

"If you have a problem with me teaching you, that's fine," I said. "Exit's right where it was earlier. You can walk, but Professor Lestrange will give you a Troll grade for the day."

No one moved, not even Hermione, although she glared daggers at me for a very long time.

"Right," I told them. "We're going to start with a demonstration on how powerful the tickling spell can be. I'm going to divide you all into pairs. I've randomly selected them before class."

I cleared my throat.

"Mr. Longbottom and Miss Bulstrode."

Neville and Millicent locked eyes for a minute and nodded.

"Ms. Abbott and Mr.. Thomas."

Dean and Hannah were the next off. Fair duelists, and rather pleasant people. Thought they would be good partners for this class.

"Miss Perks and Mr. Hopkins."

Admittedly, they were two students that, well they were there. The quiet types that did not say much. No wonder no one noticed that Sally-Anne was gone for months in the old timeline.

"Ms. Bones and Mr. Finch-Fletchley."

Susan likely would eat Justin's lunch due to what a fierce duelist she was, or rather would be. And Justin thought that Lockhart was a powerful and component wizard.

"Ms. Jones and Mr. Goldstein."

Anthony and Megan nodded and moved over to each other. From what I remembered from our study group fifth year, they were evenly matched. Which left only two students left.

"Which leaves, Malfoy and Granger."

Hermione and Draco looked at each other like they had been sentenced to the chair. I did love chaos.


Well, they were first-years, so it was not anything spectacular.

"Justin, you gotta be quicker on the draw," I told him. "Nice spell-casting Susan."

"Thank you, Professor," Susan said with a cheeky smile.

"Good one," Millicent told Neville. "You're getting better."

"Thanks," Neville wheezed in between laughter. "Although, you rammed me pretty hard into that desk."

"Obviously," Millicent said. "Broken ribs would make a tickling charm hurt more."

Millicent helped Neville up to his feet and let him try again. I moved amongst the group and gave my feedback to them. They could not put enough power into these spells to cause the accident which Neville suggested earlier.

"Granger, you telegraphed your right this time!" Malfoy told her.

Hermione broke out into a fit of laughter.

"You always keep moving, never stand still," Malfoy lectured her.

"Oh, if you're so smart, why don't you do it?" Hermione giggled.

The tickling spell wore off. Hermione fired the tickling spell, and Draco deflected it back at her. She broke into laughter and her knees gave way. She was on the ground, laughing so hard that tears were rolling down on her face.

"Dean, you want to twist your wrist slightly, will give you more coverage," I told him as I stepped over her.

"Right, I'll try that next time, thanks," Dean said.

Hermione was in a hysterical fit, laughing so hard she was crying. She tried to perform the countercharm, but her arm was shaking so much she could not do it. Fortunately, Susan took pity on her and performed the spell.

"Damn it, Bones, I wanted to see if she would piss herself," Draco groaned.

"How did you do that?" Hermione asked.

"Trade secret," Draco said with a smug smile. "All purebloods are taught that secret. Although, we don't go around telling it to snotty little Mudbloods who accuse someone like Harry Potter of being a cheater. You haven't earned that knowledge."

"I'll show you!" Hermione yelled.

"Show, not tell, Granger," Draco fired back.

Unfortunately, there would be no showing for today, as the bell rang.

"Alright, that's enough for today," I said. "Write an essay detailing the technique flaws youre going to need to improve. And I believe you all need to be off to Herbology next with the Gryffindors. Hope they aren't too sore with all the points you lost them."

Everyone filed out. Susan grabbed Hermione, and the two, along with Hannah and Megan had a spirited discussion.

"Um, Harry?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," Hermione muttered. "You're not a cheater."

She spoke to her shoes instead of me. She walked off in embarassment. Susan walked over to me while Megan and Hannah followed Hermione.

"She's just lashing out," Susan said.

"Her actions are going to have consequences if she lashes out at the wrong person," I said.

"I know," a resigned Susan said. "We'll have another talk with her. Malfoy was right. You were well within your rights to take her magic for her accusation."

"That serious?" I asked.

"Yes, very serious," Susan said. "Thanks for not doing that."

I wish them the best of luck. Susan really had the patience of a saint trying to deal with Hermione when she was like this. I am not quite sure how I did it at times.

For the sake of her own mental health, she really needed to take a step back.


"She accused you of cheating?"

Penny looked outraged when I mentioned the events of that class with the Hufflepuffs to her. She was rather insulted, even more than I was.

"She did," I told her. "I've been trying to avoid her when I could, because I get the sense she doesn't like it when anyone does better than her in a class.

"And you get higher marks than her in all of the classes," Penny said. "I can't believe she would be that spiteful."

"I really don't want to waste any more breath on Hermione Granger right now," I told her. "She's hopefully learned her lesson. Apparently, I could have taken her magic."

"You could have and left her a squib," Penelope said. "But, I agree. We shouldn't talk about her. Are you coming out to watch Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff?"

"Don't know," I said.

To be honest, I had not seen a Quidditch game in years. And I had a serious problem with watching them a lot of times. Mostly to do with the Seekers, and them missing an obvious Snitch catch. It drove me nuts.

"It's not as exciting as Slytherin against Gryffindor," Penelope admitted. "Those games are nasty."

"And yet they're still put together for Potions class," I said.

"Don't know what Dumbledore's thinking," Penelope said.

That was a question many people asked. Although maybe not for much longer. Dumbledore was not getting any better. McGonagall was still the acting Headmistress, although the Board of Governors would be meeting over Christmas break to decide on what to do with that matter. Hopefully, they chose someone competent to take over Dumbledore's place.

"You'll be fine."

Cho walked over with Marietta. Cho had been dressed to play Quidditch and looked rather petrified. I never really played her until third year, so I had only dealt with her as a seasoned Seeker and not a terrified rookie.

"I'll be fine, yeah, fine, sure, Marietta, I'll really be fine," Cho grumbled.

"First game jitters?" one of the Chasers asked.

"It happens to us, don't worry," another team member said.

"Oh, I can't eat anything, I'm going to throw up," Cho said.

"Relax, you'll be fine," I told her.

"You're just saying that," Cho said.

"I saw you out there flying the other day," I said. "You're graceful, like a swan. A beautiful, an elegant swan."

Cho blushed slightly at my compliment. The other members of the Ravenclaw team moved over and Cho moved off. Marietta moved over.

"Thanks," Marietta said. "She's afraid everyone's going to hate her for messing up getting the Snitch. You know, if she freezes up out there."

"She'll be great," I said.

"I've been telling her that all night and all morning," Marietta said. "It's more convincing coming from you. Probably because she fancies you."

Thanks for your bluntness, Marietta. Thankfully Cho did not hear that one.

"She can't do worse than that idiot the Gryffindors scraped together for Seeker," Roger said. "Idiot knocked himself out five minutes into the game."

I wondered who Gryffindors were saddled with, given they could not have the youngest Seeker in a century. Cho perked up a little bit, and I gave her an encouraging smile, which she returned shyly. Oh, have the tables turned this time around.

"Ready?" Daphne asked.

"Yes," I said.

"I heard about Granger," Daphne said. "Nice to see she's still the world's most well-read idiot."

I gave Daphne a cross look and she wisely said no more. Daphne and I walked over, joining our fellow yearmmates as we headed out to watch the game. I hoped it would not be too frustrating for me.


"And Chang gets the Snitch! Ravenclaw wins!"

The Hufflepuff Seeker, who was not Cedric Diggory, not until next year, I think, had been outflown and outclassed by Cho in every way. Granted, I saw about three or four potential points where Cho could have grabbed it early and really snuffed Hufflepuff out of the running. She would get over it.

"Great game, Cho!" Penny called.

"Thanks," Cho said. "Thought I bungled it up for a minute."

"You were fine," I told her. "Could have ended it five minutes ago, but it's very easy to armchair it from this side of the stand."

"Maybe you can try out for the team next year?" Roger suggested. "Heard your Dad was a kick-ass Chaser."

Hard pass on that one. I liked flying, although playing Quidditch was not something I wanted to do anymore. I moved through the stands, with Daphne, and we went down through the crowd. Padma waved me over, and Parvati was with her.

"There he is," Padma said. "You want to talk to him, talk to him!"

"Well, I can," Parvati said. "Hey, Harry!"

The Ravenclaws and the Gryffindors did not share any classes together, so I had not had a chance to talk to Parvati at all in this timeline. I recalled my conversation with Padma a few days ago and the curious statement Parvati had been making.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked.

"Yes," Parvati agreed.

"Come up to the school, we'll do this in private," I said.

She nodded, and Parvati and Padma made a beeline, with Daphne following behind them.

"Oooh, what do you think this thing is?"

I stopped and a chill went down my spine. A pair of fourth year Gryffindor girls had picked up an item which I recognized instantly. It was a third generation, Red Sun smartphone. An Omega-K. In the year 1991. Many years before it would even be invented.

Curious and curiouser.

"I'll take that," I told them.

"Hey, you can't do that!" one of the girls pouted.

"I'm the teaching assistant of Professor Lestrange, so I can," I said. "Unless you want to take it up with her."

They shook their heads and surrendered the future technology to me without a further argument. I looked at it. Not that I could do much with it, or unlock the phone's secrets due to the network the phone ran on not being in existence for a very long time.

I recognized this phone though. This particular phone. And I knew it's owner.

Yes, I'm being a vague asshole on purpose. I did not have the technology to crack what was on the phone, due to us being many years away from it being invented.


"I figured out what you're up to. You're the only boy in our year in Ravenclaw and there's an abnormal amount of girls!"

Parvati looked triumphant as she joined me, Padma, and Daphne in an unused classroom. There were a lot of those in Hogwarts for some reason. Makes me think there were a lot more subjects or maybe a lot more teachers for the core subjects. I sometimes wonder how these teachers talk a full class load because there simply was not enough time in the week.

But that is a road to madness to even think about it.

"Well, Miss Patil," I told her. "Padma told me all about you. You think I hijacked the sorting, so I could build a harem."

"Yeah, although I don't think that, the Sorting Hat told me that!" Parvati cried out in triumph.

"The Sorting Hat told you?" I asked her.

I am going to mangle that piece of fabric.

"What were you doing talking to the Sorting Hat?" Padma asked.

"Oh, I snuck into the Headmaster's office," Parvati casually said. "Fred and George Weasley told me how to do it. The Sorting Hat has the best gossip, and the portraits do as well. And Dumbledore has a lot of really good candy, just hidden away in his office."

Oh, bloody hell. She better not be talking about the candy that I thought she was.

"What do you know about time travel?" I asked her.

Padma blinked and Parvati looked puzzled.

"Well, there are a lot of people who think that Dumbledore is really a time-displaced Ron Weasley," Parvati said. "You know, Ron Weasley went back in time and took on the identity of Albus Dumbledore. A lot of people seem to think that."

Who are these people?

"Did the Sorting Hat tell you that too?" I asked her.

"No, the Quibbler."

Should have known.

"The Quibbler?" Padma asked, scandalized. "Seriously, Parv."

"You read it too!" Parvati said.

"Only for political satire cartoons."

Parvati just smiled and patted her sister on the shoulder.

"If I was building a harem, wouldn't I stick all of the girls in my year in the same house?" I asked.

"Well, you don't want to make it obvious," Parvati said. "I know we really can't do anything until we've hit at least our first maturity."

Well, I can tell this was going to have the potential to go off of the rails quickly.

"Okay, fine, yes, I'm building a harem!"

"Ha, I knew it!" Parvati yelled.

"But, I'm only selecting the very best and the very brightest and the most beautiful women."

"Well, Padma and I are twins, so that must count for something, right?" Parvati asked.

"Kindly leave me out of your degenerate scheme," Padma said.

"Oh, I can see your longing looks towards him, the smile on your face when you talk about him," Parvati said. "You want to be a part of it and you know we should be good sisters,and sisters share. Plus twins!"

"Parvati!" Padma yelled. "Harry's a good friend…"

"And you'll want benefits when you're old enough, right?" Parvati asked.

Daphne just smiled at me and I sighed.

"I'm going to be very rigid and very strict with who I include in my collective," I told him. "I don't want it to be absurdly large."

Daphne giggled like a hyena on laughing gas in response which caused both Patils to look at her strangely.

"Sorry, Tracey told me a funny joke earlier," Daphne said.

"Right," Padma said. "I know I'm going to regret this but what requirements are you thinking of?"

"Five Outstanding NEWTs," I told her.

Both Patils blinked.

"I told you I wanted the best and the brightest."

"But, that means, we can't join until our second maturity," Parvati said.

"Well, that makes sense," Padma said. "Harry's a powerful wizard. So his first maturity might be more powerful and our bodies and magic won't be evolved enough until our second maturity at seventeen."

"Right, right, of course," Parvati agreed. "You're the smart one. It makes sense, I guess."

"I want to keep this quiet, Parvati," I said.

"Oh, don't worry, Harry, your secret is safe with me," Parvati said while blowing me a kiss. "And Lavender, I told Lavender as well. And I'll tell her about this too, we're best friends and we share everything."

Telling Lavender, that was the opposite of keeping things quiet. I liked Lavender, but she could have a big mouth sometimes. Padma looked like she was thinking the same thing.

"Good luck," Padma said. "You like older witches more, don't you?"

"What gave you that idea?" I asked.

"Hey, that's fine if he does, gives us more experience when he gets to us, finally," Parvati said. "Going to snag that Ravenclaw prefect, aren't you?"

Parvati waggled her eyebrows at me. I'm not entirely sure she did not travel back in time now. Although she's doing a very elaborate trolling job if she did.

"We won't be eleven forever!" Parvati sang.

Actually, I wondered if she snagged some of Dumbledore's private stash of lemon drops. That would explain the zaniness.

"Come, sister," Padma said. "I think Madam Pomfrey should check your blood pressure."

"I feel fine!" Parvati cooed. "Give me a kiss, Paddy! Good practice for when hero-boy snogs our brains out when we're all grown up!"

Yep she was high. She had to be. Seriously, Hogwarts really needs better security. Or Dumbledore needed to hide his edibles better.

"I just need a lemon drop. I'll be fine!"

"No more lemon drops for you!"

"Spoil sport!"

The twins left and Daphne had been left with me. Daphne broke the silence.

"We both know you're not showing any restraint," Daphne said.

"I will," I assured her.

"Your Kryptonite is a beautiful woman in need," Daphne reminded me.

Yes, Kara often made that point to me too, as did others.


"You motherfucker!"

"You mad, bro?"

I had stormed into the Headmaster's office and jammed the Sorting Hat on my head.

"Why are you telling eleven year old girls that I want to start a harem?"

"Oh, you don't?" the Hat asked sarcastically.

"A small and intimate group of the best women," I told her.

"And I have a future on Broadway," the Hat said.

"With your songs, I doubt it very much."

"That's the joke."

"I hate you."

"Well, I don't like how you ruined the sorting," the Sorting Hat said. "Although, your little plan to qualify haremettes might have some merit."

"Explain," I said.

"Well, it buys you some time so the sex is not squicky with being grossly underaged," the Sorting Hat said. "You know a lot of these girls will grow up to be knockouts. Although, they did not have a chance to grow up last time. And you can live your delusion you're going to have a more select group this time. And it will also raise the standards of Hogwarts education. That's been in the dumps for a long time."

"You don't say," I said.

"I do say," The Sorting Hat said. "Hogwarts is the laughing stock of the magical world. Poor staff appointments. Lack of support. Funding getting cut in half. Spreading the few qualified teachers we have too thin, so students don't get the support they need to excel at their gifts. You could be the spark to raise standards."

The Hat paused for a long minute for dramatic effect.

"Girls will up their game. And the boys, with their ego, will up their game as well. We'll have more qualified witches and wizards which will improve the standards in the Ministry. And Hogwarts will get a wider pool of teachers to choose from. So fair play, you little green-eyed bastard."

I took off the Sorting Hat and placed it on it's stool. The desire to give it to Fluffy as a chew toy was very strong.


So far, Astra had not found anything regarding a safe removal of the Horcrux in my scar, without blasting me with the Killing Curse. I had not either. It hit me that there was a resource that I could use. Although, I would need to be discreet.

"Professor Lestrange!" I called after her. "I've got a question for you."

We had been alone in class. Bellatrix raised an eyebrow at me.

"Seven Outstanding NEWTs if you must know," Bellatrix told me. "Andromeda got the same. And Narcissa got eight, but she was always an overachiever. Shame Daddy dearest saddled her with a real lemon for a husband. Not that I have any room to talk."

"What?" I asked.

"Your little harem scheme," Bellatrix said. "I must say, I approve. Especially considering you're taking extra care not to get any stupid bints in your collective. Fair play. Although, the marks have improved over the past month, so the competition will be fierce."

So, Bellatrix knew, which meant others knew.

"Overheard Patil and Brown gossiping," Bellatrix said. "Took twenty points from Gryffindor off of them a piece. If we both make it to your fourth year, we'll talk."

That's comforting to know.

"Sinistra and Vector both seemed intrigued when I mentioned it to them as well," Bellatrix said. "They were top in their years in NEWTs as well. Adorable how they tried to be professional and scold me about how it was inappropriate for me to be talking about such things. Burning a teacher gets the panties burning, you see."

Yes, thank you, Bellatrix.

"That's not my question," I told Bellatrix. "I wanted to ask you about Horcruxes."

Bellatrix's expression darkened and she grew so serious it was almost chilling.

"Where did you learn about that term, Potter?" she asked me.

"I was reading about Herpo the Foul," I said. "And the book mentioned that he created Horcruxes, although I don't understand. Something about it being a rather dangerous form of magic."

"Very dangerous," Bellatrix hissed. "Horcruxes are the worst of the most vile, the most dangerous, I won't even touch magic like that. Only a complete imbecile would try and make a Horcrux."

Interesting, why don't you say that to your Master's face next time you see him? If you ever see him again. It seems to me Bellatrix did not know what the Cup was, and Voldemort just told her it was an important magical item. Interesting.

"You kill someone and split your soul," Bellatrix explained. "And you place your soul fragment in an object. The theory is that you can't be killed. Although the life you lived is miserable and you are rendered unstable due to the Horcrux created, you would be better off dead."

"Could you make multiple Horcruxes?"

Bellatrix had been shocked due to the anger she felt at that line of questioning. She recovered quickly.

"Why would you want to do something, that stupid?"

"I don't, but could you?" I asked.

Bellatrix calmed herself.

"You could, but it would be ill-advised," Bellatrix said. "As in completely brain-dead. Complete no-brain move. Each Horcrux will make you emotionally unstable and prone to increasingly irrational decisions. You will be more senseless than the most brain-dead Gryffindor ever. The number of idiots who made Horcruxes and ended up sucking out their entire soul and leaving themselves an emotionless husk are too high. Daddy dearest explained that to the three of us. We should never try to meddle with soul magic. It's way too fucking dangerous."

"I see," I said.

"No one would be stupid enough to try and make multiple Horcruxes," Bellatrix said.

"I read that someone did," I said. "His name was Tom Marvolo Riddle."

"Riddle?" Bellatrix asked. "I know of no Wizard family of that name. Some stupid Mudblood."

"Muggle father, squib mother."

"Yes, and he tried to play with the big boys, no doubt," Bellatrix said. "He tried multiple Horcruxes, you say? Did your little book say what happened to this little half-blood idiot?"

Oh, this is just too rich. I tried not to smile, because it would set Bellatrix off.

"His power broke and it ripped what was left of his soul from his body," I commented.

Bellatrix blinked.

"I see," Bellatrix said. "What did he think was going to happen?"

"Well, he wanted to split his soul into seven pieces," I told her. "Magically powerful number, meant he thought the Horcruxes would work better."

Bellatrix snorted in response.

"What a dipshit," Bellatrix murmured. "This Riddle, what happened to him, it's why you don't fuck with Horcruxes. They're too dangerous."

"I've got one more question," I said. "Can a person be made into a Horcrux?"

"That would be even more stupid than what this Riddle did," Bellatrix remarked. "It would be worse than making a person into a Portkey. The Horcrux would be even more unstable. I shudder to think what would happen to the host, poor bastard. Might as well just slice your throat open at this point, because there is no future."

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"If the victim did not go full Dementor due to the corruption of the Horcrux and start sucking out other people's souls to sustain themselves, I would be surprised," Bellatrix said. "They would decay within a few years of being cursed with the Horcrux."

"What about a more powerful form of soul magic?" I asked her.

"Maybe, it could overpower the Horcrux," Bellatrix admitted. "Although, that's outside of my area of expertise. I hope that Riddle bastard is suffering wherever he is. Serves him right."

It was hard not to smile. Although, I was no closer to getting an answer about how to remove the Horcrux.

"Killing Curse would work to dislodge it, although the victim would be a tad dead," Bellatrix admitted. "But, it would work."

"Yes, I knew that.

"Thank you, Professor."

"Just one thing, Potter," Bellatrix told me. "Do not under any circumstances try to make a Horcrux. If I catch you doing so, I will kick your arse and put you into Detention until you're thirty."

"Oh, of course Professor," I said. "What kind of idiot would make a Horcrux, much less seven?"

"A huge one," Bellatrix said. "I will have to look into this Tom Marvolo Riddle to learn more about the kind of idiot who does such a thing. I want to know more about how someone could be so monumentally stupid with dangerous magic."

I barely could hide my grin as I walked off.


I made my day to the last Potions class before the Christmas holidays. The news came out that three high-ranking Ministry of Magic employees have been dismissed due to being a security risk due to claiming to be under the Imperius Curse during Voldemort's reign. That was seven since Sirius's trial and more to come.

This put them in a pickle. Either they would have to admit they were lying or they would have to continue the con, and pretty much have their future employment opportunities limited to the most menial and senseless labors. While some ,like Lucius Malfoy, still had "fuck you" money at the moment, there were others who were less fortunate and would have a hard time.

Either way, I win.

I entered my Double Potions period with the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs. I caught a very interesting individual lurking around in the corner.

"Sirius!"

"Hey, Harry," Sirius said..

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"Well, Andromeda let me out to play," Sirius said. "Things are going well with my consoling and I figured I could use a break, stretch my legs, and just see what kind of class Snape runs."

I whispered something into Sirius's ear and Sirius grinned.

"That's genius," Sirius told me with a big smile.

"Black, what are you doing here?"

Snape's notoriously sour mood got even worse when he entered the Potions classroom.

"Well, Professor," Sirius said. "It just so happens that they made me the Hogwarts High Inquisitor."

"The what?" Snape asked. "What is this nonsense, Black? I think Azkaban has addled you more than usual."

"Well, there are people at the Ministry who are concerned about the downward slide of teaching Hogwarts has undergone over the past few years," Sirius told him. "Especially in Potions since Professor Slughorn retired. Therefore, I've been chosen to look at how you perform as a teacher for a surprise inspection."

"I should have been informed of this," Snape said.

"Surprise inspection," Sirius said slowly and clearly. "Don't worry. Act like your normal charming self."

Snape grumbled and moved about, acting like his normal charming self.

"Wait, you're not teaching them the basics?" Sirius asked. "Because, I know you knew them, given you were practically born in grease, but Professor Slughorn spent six months drilling the basics of Potions making into us during our first year. And then, we only did a couple of highly supervised Potions. We really didn't start getting to unsupervised Potions making until our third year, come to think about it. And you're just giving a bunch of first-years instructions on a blackboard, without properly explaining them?"

"Black, I expect a higher standard from my students than Slughorn did," Snape said. "Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?"

Everyone in the class watched with great interest.

"Why yes, Snape, I believe I am. Because quite frankly, we could train a monkey and have him teach Potions at this point. And the monkey would have far better hygiene and be a far better instructor."

"That's enough," Snape said. "First Lestrange, and now you…I don't know if I can deal with this much longer."

"You could just quit," Sirius suggested cheerfully. "I will gleefully accept your resignation."

"Well, he can't resign as Dumbledore's blackmailing him, for some reason," I said.

"Potter, keep your nose out of this discussion," Snape said. "Five points from Ravenclaw."

"Ten points to Ravenclaw for having an awesome godfather!" Sirius sniped back.

"You can't do that Black. That would undermine the integrity of the Hogwarts point system."

I'm not going to say it. It's too easy.

Before this could escalate any further than it already did, the doors of the Potions classroom opened and several Ministry Aurors moved in, wands at Snape. Business was about to pick up.

"Severus Snape, you are under arrest for being a follower of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"This matter was resolved over ten years ago," Snape said. "Dumbledore vouched for me. I was a spy for our side"

"Well, Dumbledore's word is no longer strong enough," the lead Auror said. "You will surrender your wand and come with us quietly. Your case is to be reinvestigated, especially in light of new evidence we acquired due to our interrogations of both Bartemius Crouch Jr. and Peter Pettigrew."

Snape surrendered himself to the Aurors. So ends Severus Snape's tenure at Hogwarts. Not with a bang, but with a resigned whimper.

"So, I guess that means he's been sacked too?" Dean asked.

"Well, maybe," I said. "Given that there's a precedent of letting Azkaban prisoners work Hogwarts on a work release, I wouldn't be so sure about this."

"Killjoy," Susan murmured.

Well, given all of the complaints Snape had received about his teaching over the years, that Dumbledore had swept under the rug, he might not be back. There was no Dumbledore to shield him this time due to his incapacitated state.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we finally got him," Sirius said with a smile. "I'm going to see if I can track down that bottle of wine that James and I promised we'd drink if Snape ever got thrown in Azkaban."

I wished Sirius the best of luck. For many around the school, they would receive an early Christmas present with the end of Snape at Hogwarts.

It's a Christmas miracle.

To Be Continued.