Out of Gilderoy's Head.
France had been a wonderful trip and it was good to reconnect with Fleur and find out she went back in time. She is a valuable ally to have. Given how I altered the timeline, I doubt very much the Triwizard Tournament would be happening or that Hogwarts with its sweeping changes would be even a part of it. And circumstances would not be the same, for many reasons. Namely, the one person who wanted me in the tournament is no more.
Granted, I am sure I could find some inventive ways to abuse the Goblet of Fire and screw with a bunch of people I do not like. So, I am going to make do with what I have.
Longbottoms are being treated and looked at. Gideon and Zari are working hard in trying to decode Alice's secret message.
"So far, nothing?" Kara asked.
Kara, Astra, and I finished eating lunch out in London. Andromeda and Sirius were also close by, although we slipped away to have a moment of conversation with ourselves.
"Maybe it is nothing," Astra said. "Maybe it's just the random attempts of a woman trying to bond with her son in the only way she knows how."
Well that would be a fine waste of time and resources if it was. But, I think there's something beneath the surface.
"I refuse to believe this is nothing," I said. "There's some kind of message there. It's just trying to hone in on the right pattern. The mind works in a strange way. Especially a mind which has been messed around in the way that Alice's has over time."
The Longbottoms had been put in that position by the attack. Crouch Senior did something. And obviously, he did not play the game his mysterious masters wanted, given his wife was killed.
Likely in the same way, Daphne's father was dying. In fact, she would get the news, during her first week of Hogwarts. Daphne worked hard, and I got a sample of his blood to Chiara to look at, but unfortunately the news was not promising. The damage has been done.
"As long as it isn't a secret message telling Neville to drink his Ovaltine," Kara quipped.
"Oh, I would be so done if it was," Astra groaned.
"Well, proper nutrition is a good thing," Sirius said. "Sorry, was not eavesdropping, really."
"Madam Bones is going to meet us at the Leaky Cauldron," I said. "Did you get a read on what she thought when you met her last week?"
"She's rather confused about why you're adamant about getting Crouch Junior out of Azkaban," Andromeda said. "Ever since Godric's Hollow, there's been a lot of odd things you've been doing. And Nymphadora, I'm not sure what happened to her, but she's been acting more strangely than usual."
"I'll tell you everything at the end of the summer," I said. "But, right now, Junior is the key to unmasking some particular insidious individuals."
Andromeda did not understand. Although, she wondered if she was better off not asking too many questions.
"Alright, nobody move!" a voice yelled from inside of the bank. "This is a hold-up!"
"What's that?" Andromeda asked.
"Looks like someone borrowed his wife's pantyhose, put it on his head, and is about to rob a bank," Sirius said.
Kara used her X-Ray vision to scan the bank.
"Hold this, please."
Kara passed her coffee to me. And zipped off into the bank. Seconds later, she zipped out, and the mugger had been bound and left ready to the place. I wordlessly handed Kara back her coffee.
"Nice one," I told her.
"Guy was an amateur, "Kara said.
Kara, Astra, Andromeda, Sirius, and I walked into the Leaky Cauldron. Madam Bones sat behind the bar and eyed us.
"I'll buy you a drink," I told her. "After the last few weeks you had."
"Purebloods complaining they can't perform magic, those who still can are going for the throat and staging coups, old families are at war with each other," Amelia said. "Weird magic being performed at Godric's Hollow which no one can explain and Cassandra Jacobs and Merula Snyde being spotted in the area. Still wanted for questioning by the Ministry, along with Cassandra's brother."
Oh, yeah, I'll get back to that guy later.
"And then Dumbledore's death," Sirius interjected. "Lot of people grabbing power now that he's gone."
"Yes," Amelia agreed. "And the Longbottoms. That stunt you pulled. Which was the right thing to do, but I wish you would have waited."
"Given how jumpy certain people were getting, I had to act," I said. "And Augusta came around to my way of thinking eventually."
"Yes, although trying to appease her grandson is a huge part of it," Bones said. "You were lucky that the matter was made internal between myself and Augusta. And Fudge was preoccupied with other manners."
I read that as trying to set up the new school and also losing his meal ticket, in Lucius Malfoy. Because these days, Lucius had far worse problems.
"What's the chances I can legally get Bartemius Crouch Junior out of Azkaban?" I asked.
"If he could still perform magic, he would be more than qualified to assist Professor Lestrange in teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts," Bones said. "The work-release act that Dumbledore and Fudge put into play has not been repealed as of yet. But, you will have to work quickly before someone patches that hole."
"There is a precedent to squibs working at Hogwarts," Sirius said. "As the Caretaker. And Remus and I could use a little help, if we can wrangle it."
"I'll see what I can do to get it working," Amelia said. "The Ministry is doing it's best to stifle Hogwarts, although repealing the work-release law has been overlooked with all the other problems. For the moment."
"This school isn't going to last," Andromeda said. "I've seen the lesson plans. And some of the teachers they hired."
"Unfortunately, too many parents bought into this new school," Sirius said.
Unfortunately, Sirius had a point. Quite a few familiar faces would be leaving Hogwarts. I just hoped once this fiasco was off of the ground, people would see the light.
"Do you trust Junior has the information you seek?" Sirius asked me.
"Trust, I trust he knows something," I said.
"You've been rather coy about what it is you're looking into," Amelia said. "Even the information you sent me, it's a bit murky. If you weren't so spot on about Mr. Black, I would thought you had been reading too much of the Quibbler."
"More people should read the Quibbler," I told her. "But, don't take everything you read too seriously. Learn to mine the nuggets of gold hidden in the sea of insanity."
Amelia sighed and gazed at me.
"Sometimes, I forget you're twelve," Amelia said. "You shouldn't be worried about things like this."
"He shouldn't," Andromeda agreed.
"I shouldn't, and yet here I am," I said.
That was the story of the timeline, both timelines.
Students from two different schools shopping for school supplies, that could get a little bit crowded. Astra grabbed my shoulder and pointed to the sign on the window of Flourish and Blotts.
"Special twenty percent discount for students enrolled in Prosperity School of Magic," I said.
"How is that fair?" Kara asked.
"It's begun," a familiar voice said from behind me. "The Ministry is going to make their school appealing."
"Hey, Penny," I told her.
The soon to be sixth year Ravenclaw stepped in. Penny showed up and I spotted Cho in the crowd, and the Patil Twins.
"Can you believe it?" Parvati told her sister. "Since I'm not going to that Ministry school, robes are fifteen percent higher."
"Potions ingredients are higher for Hogwarts students as well," Cho said.
"Complete rubbish is what it is," Ron fumed as he stepped in with Ginny, the Twins, and their parents. Oh and Percy who turned his nose in the air.
"We should have insisted he went to Prosperity," Molly said. "I'm not sure if we're going to afford this."
"We will manage," Arthur said. "You might have to put in a few more hours at the diner and I might have to at the Ministry."
The diner? Molly Weasley has a job?
Well that's an interesting change of pace.
"I know you think it's rewarding that I work outside of the home, but I think it's much more efficient if I just stay home and take care of everything," Molly said.
"Molly, Ginny's leaving for school, and the house pretty much runs itself with all of the charmwork you've put in over the years," Arthur said. "Have pride in the work you've done. You don't need to micromanage everything."
"Harry!" Ginny called. "Can you believe this? Twenty percent discount for Prosperity students."
"Well, the Ministry be rewarded for all they've done," Percy said. "Students will know the proper school to go to, if they want to work at the Ministry."
I really wish I could take the stick from his arse and beat him with it.
"Well, good thing no one in their right mind would want to work at the Ministry," George said. "Sorry, Dad."
"It's fine, boys, you're entitled to your opinion," Arthur said. "If I had a choice, I might have chosen a different path."
I noticed that there were very few students here who took advantage of the discount. More concerning was the large crowd of middle-aged house wives surrounding a table.
Oh, no. It's him
"Gilderoy Lockhart," Molly said. "I can't believe I get to meet him in person."
Arthur looked sick. So did Sirius when he saw the man. And so did the other Weasleys. Even Percy. Because he had some standards.
I really thought that Lockhart and his colorful robes and all too shiny teeth would be the worst thing I saw. However, I saw her, standing a few feet away from Lockhart. The terrible toad dressed in pink, unfortunately having survived being catapulted out of Hogwarts all these months ago.
"Wasn't that the witch who got hurled out of Hogwarts?" Ron asked. "With the Catapult."
"Dolores Umbridge," I said.
"Oooh, she's nasty," Penny said with a shudder.
"Too much pink," Parvati said.
"Between her and Lockhart, I think I'm going to go blind," Lavender said. "That's a fashion nightmare."
"I'm going to be sick," Parvati said.
"Yes, yes, of course, it was a hard fought battle, but in the end, I saved the day," Lockhart was saying. "Madam Umbridge, could you please give me some room?"
"Sorry, Gilderoy, I'm just all a flutter being near such a strong and powerful wizard."
Astra and Kara both looked revolted. And Umbridge was practically groping Lockhart in public. I am pretty sure what Umbridge was doing could be considered sexual harassment to Lockhart. Lockhart looked very uncomfortable.
Almost felt sorry for the guy. Except I remember he is a memory stealing fiend, so it's really hard to feel sorry for someone too much. Even if the other woman is the worst human being that ever lived.
Although calling her a human being is stretching things.
"I think Lockhart needs an adult, "Kara whispered with a smile.
"Ugh, Mum fawns all over him," Ginny said. "And she's not the only one."
"I can see," I said.
Umbridge kept touching Lockhart as often as she could get away with it. I feared for the man's virtue.
"So, Potter," Zacharias Smith said. "Bet you're really regretting being a part of Hogwarts now. Hogwarts is just a bunch of Hogwash. I wonder how much longer the parents are going to put up with these high prices."
"I'm guessing Hogwarts is going to have to go on without one of its model students," Ron said.
"Weasley, your parents can't afford this," Smith said.
"Oh, he won't have to worry about that," Blaise said.
"Well, you're lucky your sugar Daddy is here," Smith said snidely.
"Do you think you could say that again, Mr. Smith?"
Katerina Zabini turned up. I smiled as Zacharias pulled an exit, stage left.
"Hello, Harry," Kat said. "Nice to see you. Less nice to see the Ministry's pettiness on full display."
"I can see it," I said to her. "Nice to see you as well."
"I've heard a lot of rumors regarding you, Harry," Kat said. "We might have to get together for lunch sometime. If our schedules align."
"Watch out, Harry, you're going to be number eight," Blaise quipped. "But, I'm not calling you Daddy."
"Don't worry, Blaise, I wouldn't ask you," I told him.
"Now, it's just a business lunch, nothing scandalous," Kat said. "I'm certain that Sirius would agree."
"I'm sure we could do lunch if Harry doesn't want to," Sirius said.
Oh, Sirius, you old dog, you live dangerously.
"Nice of you to offer," Kat said. "But, I'm afraid Harry has that certain spark of danger that I'm looking for."
"But, I was the Prisoner of Azkaban," Sirius said.
"And completely innocent, sorry," Kat said. "Perhaps though, we can make an arrangement Harry. I would love to get your perspective on the strange affliction that has been spreading through pureblood families. Wouldn't you say that getting a tattoo is a mistake many regret when they're older?"
Kat's savvy enough to put two and two together.
"It does come across as foolish," I said. "And…"
"Move it or lose it!" the photographer said.
"Hey, watch it!" Astra snapped.
Lockhart looked my way.
"Well, if it isn't Harry Potter!" Lockhart yelled.
"Sorry," Astra murmured.
I waved it off and Lockhart moved towards me. Now I needed an adult. Sirius was the closest to one here, so he would have to do, for now.
"Hold it," Sirius said.
"Sirius Black," Lockhart said. "I just wanted a photo-op with young Harry. I never once believed you were guilty of those heinous crimes. I never got a chance to appeal to the Ministry though, because I was busy conquering the forces of evil."
"Of course," Sirius said. "Well, it's up to Harry if he wants a photo opportunity with you."
"Why not," I said.
Astra and Kara both gave me worried expressions. Lockhart steered me over into the frame. Unfortunately, the camera malfunctioned before it could take the shot.
"Well, that's a bother, but I guess the two of us together were too much for that poor camera to handle," Lockhart said. "Harry came into this shop, wanting an autograph, wanting a copy of my book, Magical Me. But, when he attends Prosperity School of Magic he will…"
"Actually, I'm a Hogwarts student," I interrupted.
"Well, Harry had his heart set on Hogwarts," Lockhart said. "But, once I learned that I have accepted the post as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Prosperity School of Magic, he could not wait to transfer."
"Actually, I'm still going to Hogwarts," I said. "And hey, everyone, I'm Harry Potter. And I've got a special deal for the students of Hogwarts. Did you know that Carla's Cauldron down by the entrance to Knockturn Alley is selling school books at a much more affordable await than Flourish and Blotts and their Ministry mandated price gouging."
"But, Carla's Cauldron doesn't sell Gilderoy Lockhart books," Lockhart said. "You can only get the complete collection of Gilderoy Lockhart at Flourish and Blotts…"
"Carla Bowen has poured her heart into creating a family-friendly small business with affordable prices," I said. "In fact, there are several small businesses which will sell pretty much everything you need, at more affordable prices than all of the larger chain stores in Diagon Alley."
"But, she doesn't have my books," Lockhart said.
"What are you doing, you nasty little boy?" Umbridge asked.
"Well, you foul old woman, I'm just telling all of my friends and their parents where to go for smart shopping," I said. "My friends Kara and Astra have a list of all of the small businesses operating out of the back corner of Diagon Alley which you can purchase your school supplies. And they won't discriminate."
Umbridge scowled. Several of the students and their parents.
"And if you do choose to go to Prosperity, and heaven help you if you do, you can still get most of what you can get for much more affordable prices!" I yelled. "Let us support our humble shopkeepers and small Diagon Alley businesses!"
"Yes, we really should," Penny said. "The Ministry shouldn't dictate these things."
"And they shouldn't favor businesses who donate to their top officials," Kat said.
"In fact, until Flourish and Blotts cleans up their act, I suggest we boycott it and go over to Carla's Cauldron and get all of our school books!" I called. "Unless you're not for supporting small businesses and the entrapaurnial spirit, Mr. Lockhart and Madam Umbridge?"
"But, they don't have my books," Lockhart whined.
Everyone was gone. And Umbridge looked like she wanted to kill me for the stunt I pulled.
"You should have never given him a platform to speak, Lockhart!" Umbridge shrieked as I was out the door.
All Lockhart and Umbridge were left with was a small army of middle aged house wives who were fawning over Lockhart.
"When will people learn never to give you an inch," Ron said.
"When they do, that means all of the idiots are purged," I said. "And my work is truly done."
I was not holding my breath for that not to happen anytime soon.
It does give me satisfaction to support the small businesses of Diagon Alley. I had all of my school supplies and it was time to have lunch with Professor Arnaut, who was going to attend her award ceremony tonight. I smiled at Helena and sat down at the table with her.
"Thanks for coming," Helena said. "I heard that Gilderoy Lockhart is having an autograph signing for his autobiography. I really hoped there wouldn't be this sort of nonsense."
"Not a fan?" I asked.
"Not a fan," Helena said.
"Hey, Harry," Sirius said. "And you must be Helena Arnaut. I've read about your work and your theory that you can fine-tune the Wolfsbane Potion."
"Well, it's nothing more than a theory," Helena said. "But, I'm confident that given time and research, I can find a way to prevent the transformation entirely. Providing the werewolf drinks the potion on the full moon, Mr…."
"Sirius Black," Sirius said. "And if you need funding, I might be able to help you. I have a friend who is a werewolf. The Wolfsbane as it is, it helps him keep his mind during the full moon. And maybe if we put our heads together, we can create a complete cure."
"That would be a dream," Helena said. "But, the curse is ancient. We would have to go back to where it began and the origins have been lost."
"Maybe there is a secret on the moon itself," I suggested.
I was half jesting, but Sirius raised his eyebrow.
"You might be onto something," Sirius said. "It would require a trip to the moon though."
"Where is Lockhart?"
"I want him! Where is that bastard?"
A small group of women came into the Leaky Cauldron and they were rolling baby carriages. I can only imagine the nonsense.
"Ladies, what seems to be the trouble?" Tom the barkeep asked.
"Gilderoy Lockhart is my child's father," one of them said
"No, he's my child's father," another said.
"My baby has his teeth!" another one of the mother said. "But, I can't remember sleeping with him."
Oooh, this is not going to be good. At all.
"I can't either," she said. "But, my baby spent two hours primping in the mirror. It has to be his baby."
"His baby is my baby!" one of the women yelled.
This is worse than the Snapewives. Google it.
Actually don't. Trust me. Your remaining brain cells will thank you for it.
Oh, boy, this is…why is that baby carriage smoking? And suddenly, the entire bar filled with smoke. A fog.
I had a theory.
One of the heads of one of the women exploded. Yes, it was another bloody robot. And the smoke got thicker. I could see a pair of hands reach in and grab Helena's bag and rush off into the shadow.
"Harry!" Sirius yelled. "Are you there?"
"I'm here!" I yelled at him. "There's something ticking though."
Someone was going to commit an act of domestic terrorism with those fake babies. They did look like Lockhart and they were all ticking.
Kara and Astra rushed back into the bar and helped clear the smoke. Kara took the exploding bundles of joy out to civilization.
"Professor Arnaut?" I asked.
Helena coughed and rose to her feet. The robotic mothers all crumpled, their damage done. Kara returned, her clothes slightly burned, but otherwise, she was okay. Real girl of steel that one.
"It's gone!" Helena yelled. "The serum is gone."
"I thought I saw some hunchbacked bloke run through here!" one of the patrons yelled.
Hunchback bloke? Well that can be only one guy. Bob Smith, if that is your real name.
"Sirius, make sure she gets help," I said. "Astra, Kara and I will be right back."
And there we were, off after Bob the Hunchback.
"What is he going to do with the serum?" Astra asked.
"I don't know," I said.
Astra, Kara and I moved through Diagon Alley. Between Lockhart's crazed fans and a lot of the students and their parents, finding an oddly shaped hunchback man is a lot easier said than done.
"There!" Kara yelled.
Astra flicked her hand and blocked Bob's escape into Knockturn Alley. I whipped my hand and ropes wrapped around him.
"What is the meaning of this?" Bob asked.
"Well, you stole a very powerful magical serum that you were eye-balling back in France," I told him.
"Where is it?" Astra demanded. "Where is Professor Arnaut's serum?"
"Amadeus Crouch, he has it!" Bob gasped. "I gave it to him. Not sure what he's going to do with it, but the boss has a plan. A plan to make sure they all pay. All who has thrown him away and cast him out of society. They will pay!"
"So, there is an Amadeus Crouch," I told him.
"YES!" Bob yelled. "We met in the wilderness. Cast out of society. There are others who were driven from their homes. But, we survived, while others perished. And now he wants to make them all pay, just like he suffered. The entire world will understand our pain."
"Yes, yes, I've heard it before," I said. "Where did Crouch go?"
"I don't know, somewhere where he can test the serum out," Bob said. "Bring monsters to life which would show them true horror."
Bring monsters to life? That was not what the serum was for. It was to solve world-hunger.
Always some asshole polluting good science for bad purposes.
"Lockhart's books," Astra said. "Every one of them, he defeated some kind of hideous monster."
"That's insane," Kara said. "The serum can't do that. Can it?"
"Combined with what Master Amadeus found in the woods, it can do many things," Bob said.
The metal box, whatever was in it, Amadeus intended to combine it with the serum. We had to head to Flourish and Blotts.
Given my show there earlier, I doubted I was welcome.
"Are you here to drive off the rest of my customers, Mr. Potter?"
The irritable shopkeeper blocked my path into the shop. I was not in the mood for this.
"Move it," I said. "There's a dangerous man in this shop."
"Can't be any worse than you," the shopkeeper said.
"You don't care about the people shopping here, all you care about is padding your pockets!" Astra yelled.
"Of course, feeding a family of four is not cheap," the shopkeeper said.
I noticed a figure skulking around. I moved the shopkeeper out of the way.
"Amadeus Crouch!" I shouted.
Lockhart, Umbridge, and the middle-aged house wives all looked up. A figure dressed in a hooded robe eyed me with a smile.
"Either, I get this or the Cloaks do," Amadeus said. "Mr. Potter, it's a privilege to meet you. But it's time to say goodbye. This will really get their attention. They will pay for stealing my magic!"
Amadeus hurled the vial over his shoulder. I caught it just in the nick of time before it smashed all over the Lockhart books and caused a catastrophe.
Catastrophe averted.
"Well, damn," Amadeus said.
"What is this rubbish, Potter?"
Umbridge ripped the vial out of my hand and it slipped through her fat toad fingers and smashed open on the Lockhart books. They started to glow.
I really ought to feed her to Fluffy. But, I would not want to give the poor thing indigestion.
"You foul toad….argh!"
The books exploded into a bright light. Kara, Astra and I crowded around.
"Oh my!" Lockhart gasped. "That's…that's….that's….ooh my!"
Gilderoy, I'll be happy to explain. That's The Bandon Banshee, Wagga Wagga Werewolf, The Vampire of Venice, The Terrible Troll, the Yeti, and the Giggling Ghouls.
Monsters you claimed to defeat, Gilderoy And they all howled in anguish.
"Smooth move, Umbridge," I hissed angrily.
Well, this is a problem. Lockhart's past, that he fabricated, came alive from those books.
"Potter, this is all your fault!" Umbridge yelled.
If I only had a galleon for every time I heard that, I would be even richer.
Umbridge went flying thanks to the Yeti backhanding her. Not as epic as the catapult, but still satisfying to see her fly halfway across the room.
Oh, Amadeus is gone, because he did his damage by releasing these monsters out into the wild. A rogue gallery of Lockhart's past stolen claims of victory moved towards the author, blood-thirst in their eyes.
That's not sweat trickling down Lockhart's leg.
I suppose I'm going to have to save him. Because, once those monsters get done eating Lockhart and subsequently overcome their indigestion, they'll likely turn their attention to innocent people.
"Kara, Astra, don't let them leave," I said.
"How powerful are these things?" Astra asked.
Good question. One we're going to have to learn the answer to the hard way.
To Be Continued.
