Chapter Seven

She stared at herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time as she brushed her hair. Her stomach was coiled in knots and she couldn't understand why she was so nervous, it wasn't like Sonny hadn't seen her in a nightgown before and in far less. Taking a deep breath and putting on a facade of calmness she exited the master bathroom and walked into 'their' bedroom. She entered to find Sonny standing by the armoire which had been designated to her, and he was holding a picture frame. She moved to the bed and cleared her throat as she turned down the covers as a means to let him know she was there, and he turned slightly. He openly raked his eyes over her frame which was covered in a pink spaghetti strap tank top and matching pink and powder blue plaid pajama pants. He instantly took note that this wasn't as sexy as the other bed attire he had seen her in, but it didn't take away from her allure nor diminish his newfound desires for her.

"Your mother?" He asked as he turned the frame in his hand so she could see the picture.

"Yes, her name was Dominica," Claudia answered as she crawled under the covers.

"She's very beautiful,"

"Thank you."

"You look a lot like her,"

"So I've been told all my life." She said with a slight eye roll and heavy sigh.

"Well I meant it as a compliment, I didn't know your mother so I can't speak on the kind of woman she was, but she was very beautiful what in the hell did she see in Anthony?" Sonny asked as he placed the frame back in its place and made his way to his side of the bed.

"I have no idea, I don't remember much about her, she died when I was very young."

"I thought you said she ran off."

"Yeah that's the story a good little girl tells to cover up any questions others might have about her father's involvement in her mother's disappearance." She said in a way that made Sonny think she had been coached to say it over and over again.

"So you think Anthony had her killed?" Sonny asked as he settled into the bed more comfortably.

"Oh I have no doubt, but at least I didn't have to watch it like John did." She said with anger behind her eyes thinking about her little brother having to suffer through such a traumatic event.

"Anthony killed your brother's mother in front of him?" Sonny asked in disbelief, his mind couldn't help but to wonder to the times when he had witnessed his mother being beaten by his step-father.

"Yep, as much as I hated being sent away from John I sometimes think had I stayed he would have killed me too, or I would have killed myself."

"Well you don't have to think about Anthony anymore, he can't touch you now." He said and she smiled as she turned over on her side to face him, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Because you're going to protect me from my big bad daddy, right?"

"That's right."

"Who's going to protect me from you?" She asked in a lowered serious tone, and he bunched his brow in confusion as he turned and gave her his full attention.

"You don't need protection from me, you're my wife. I don't hurt women. I spent most of my childhood watching my mom get beaten down by my step father. I would never lay a hand on a woman and I won't stand by and watch any man hurt a woman like that."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey compared to your father, Deke was a saint."

"Was he in the mob?' Claudia asked curious to know more about Sonny's life.

"No he was a cop, but he was a dirty, underhanded son-of-a-bitch and he had some mob connections, being that he owed them a lot of money. He's why I got introduced to the business. I would run payments from Deke to the local mob boss in Bensonhurst, Mario DeMarco. Then Mario paid me to run packages for him, he took me under his wing showed me the ways of the business he was like a real father to me."

"Sounds like my Uncle Rudy. He taught me the business. My father always felt it isn't a place for women, which is why he hated so much that I was born a girl. But my uncle Rudy he knew that I wanted to be a part the business more than anything, so he figured he'd teach me how to handle myself."

"So why did you want to be in the business anyway, don't get me wrong I think your father is out of his mind , but I have to admit I don't think it's a place for a woman either, it's just not safe for a woman."

"Sonny if you believed that then you shouldn't have ever married Carly nor had children for that matter." She replied and he could only nod his head in agreement. "But to answer your question, and as sick and twisted as it sounds I wanted to be in the business to please my father. I thought that if I could show him that I could run things as good as any man could that he..." She paused as she looked down at her hands.

"Would respect you?" Sonny threw out and she shook her head.

"No, no one has my father's respect not even John. I just wanted him to love me." She said with such frailty in her eyes and her voice that Sonny felt compelled to reach out and stroke her cheek. She closed her eyes and briefly leaned into his touch, before she quickly shook him off.

"I don't think that man is capable of love."

"He loves, I've seen it. I know that he loves John, I mean, it may not be a conventional father, son relationship, but he really loves John. Me he just tolerates. Even though he resents that I was born female and that I remind him of my mother, I'm still his blood, and somewhere buried deep in his decrepit heart that matters to him."

"See that's what I don't get, for me my daughter is the most precious thing God has ever blessed me with. Don't get me wrong I love all my children equally, they're all gifts from God, but Kristina holds a special place in my heart because she's my little girl."

"Then why didn't…" Claudia ended her sentence abruptly, she knew that even though they were having a civil conversation there were some things that would set Sonny off. She'd seen Sonny angered by her discussing his children with him, and in his anger he reminded her of her father.

"Why didn't I what?" Sonny asked as he watched her curiously.

"Never mind," She said as she slid down in the bed more and pulled the covers up under her chin.

"Will you just say it, why didn't I what?" She then moved back up further in the bed and leaned against the pillows.

"Why didn't you sign away your rights to Kristina like you did with Michael and Morgan?" Claudia asked and regretted it almost instantly as she watched Sonny's eyes darken and his jaws muscles clench.

"Do you honestly think it would keep her safe if I did?" He asked as he stared out the open patio doors into the starry night skies.

"She doesn't have your name, are you named as her father on her birth certificate?" She asked and he simply shook his head as he continued to look out the window. "Then yes I think if you cut all ties with her she would be safer than she is being associated with you. Some mob families have this code of family ethics, you know, they don't hurt the mothers and children of their enemies. But there are others that don't think that way, they believe that to destroy their enemies they have to cut out their hearts, they will purposely target wives and children, mothers and fathers. I know for a fact daddy would and has, and so has my Uncle Rudy, as much as I love him, he's got a pretty ruthless reputation too."

"Is that your style too?"

"No," She said quickly. "I would never purposely or knowingly hurt any child." Her mind flashed to Michael. "But I know what it's like being a child growing up in a big mob family. I learnt early on that whenever we had extra guards around there was trouble with another family. I'd over hear my father talking about keeping John safe, and I was terrified that something bad was going to happen to my brother. I can remember once stealing one of my father's guns and hiding out with John in the attic, one of the guards came up there looking for us and I shot him. He lived but I was trying to kill him, I just had this overwhelming need to protect John, I always have. But is that because I really love my brother or because of the life that we were born into and the violence we were subjected to. Even now that I'm an adult I still carry all that around with me. I always carry a couple of guns with me and I have no qualms about firing them. I can kill a man or a woman if I deem them a threat to me or my family. Shoot them dead and not even flinch. I wasn't born the way I am Sonny and neither were you, it's all learned behavior. Do you really want your children growing up to be like us?" He had sat silently listening to her and he couldn't help but think of Michael's behavior the year before he was shot, and how he had noticed that Michael was starting to emulate him.

"I'll call Vinny first thing in the morning." Sonny said as he threw back the covers and stood from the bed, Claudia watched him in confusion.

"What, why?" She asked.

"I'll have him draw up the papers to terminate my parental rights to Kristina."

"Sonny, Look I was…"

"No you're right, I should have never ever brought children into this world. I think what happened to Michael attests to that." He said and then he left the room, leaving Claudia alone with her thoughts and guilt over her part in Michael's shooting.