Chapter 2: Struggling Emotions


Harry awoke to the sound of an alarm ringing off, startling him. He groaned loudly, rubbing his irritated eyes as the loud ringing continued to beat against his eardrums. He had only gotten a little over two hours of sleep and was too exhausted to even lift his arm to shut the alarm off. Instead, Harry flopped back down into his bed, and pulled his pillow tightly over his head to muffle out the high pitched sound that was making his ears ache. He just wanted to rest for a few more minutes before he had to get up and face the day.

Fortunately for him, Ron had also awoken to the irritating noise, and Harry heard him groan loudly before slamming the alarm clock, the noise dulling down for a few seconds before going silent entirely. Harry sighed in relief and peeked from underneath the pillow to check the time. Seeing he had a least another fifteen minutes before he really had to get up, Harry covered himself with the pillow once more. He couldn't fall back asleep of course after being woken up but he didn't care, as long as he could lay down for a while longer. His aching body needed all the extra rest it could get.

Besides, even if he could fall back asleep he wouldn't have been able to as his mind was already buzzing with thoughts of Draco, and the night before. He wondered if Draco was getting up now too or if he was still where Harry had left him. Curled up in bed. Naked. Alone. Did it bother Draco that he woke up alone every morning after they spent the night together as much as it bothered Harry to wake up in his bed after spending the whole night in another's? Because it bothered him. A lot.

Harry gripped his pillow tightly, his heart throbbing. It was painful to go to bed with the person you fancy and wake up without them the next morning. Harry envied the idea of getting to sleep with Draco, curled up against one another, making the dungeon mornings not feel so icy cold. It seemed cheesy but to Harry, that was a dream come true. He wanted to be in a relationship with Draco so badly but he was too terrified to make a move, afraid Draco would end things between them. It was kind of funny though since Harry had faced worse things before without fear but the thought of gathering up the courage to ask Draco out on a proper date made him want to run for the hills.

Harry sighed once more, burying his face into his pillow. A depression cloud looming over him as he thought about the blonde. It was hard, really hard, falling for the one person that didn't want a relationship with him. Even though Harry absolutely hated the fame attached to his name, he wished just this once, he could use it to woo Draco over and make him his. Alas, Harry was wise enough to know that it took more to impress Draco and even though they had been 'together' he knew nothing about him aside from how to please him.

Of course, Harry had no regrets being with Draco, but he regretted not challenging him on the rules. They'd been doing this for a month now and yet there would be no way for Harry to tell Draco his feelings without putting what they had at stake. He was too scared to lose what they had, even if it was just sex. It was the only way he could be close to him. The thought of having to go back to what they were before made his insides cringe. Nothing would be the same between them ever again. Harry just simply couldn't go back. Would Draco be able to if he was given the chance?

Harry pulled the pillow off of his head and rested on it, looking at the window near his bedside in an attempt to think of something else. The window looked like it was coated in ice, telling him it had snowed again, and Harry wondered if he should go flying today after classes today. He hadn't practiced much since Draco was taking up most of his time so it'd do him good to do a lap or two around the pitch. Angelina was determined to maintain Gryffindor's reputation now with Wood gone, and she'd been on Harry's heels for the last month, demanding that he use all of his extra time to practice.

Looking away from the window, Harry glanced at the clock. His heart sank when he saw it was time for him to get up and he closed his tired eyes to prepare himself for the long day ahead of him. Sitting up, Harry shuddered when a cold draft crawled over his neck. As much as he loved Hogwarts, he hated the cold that crept it's way into the castle.

Harry tossed his covers off, influenced by the cold to get dressed as quickly as he could. He stretched out his back and arms, sighing in satisfaction when his joints cracked. Reaching for his glasses, he grasped them and slipped them on. Harry grumbled at the coldness in the air when another unpleasant shiver through his body. Using the blanket as a shield, he wrapped it around him before looking over at Ron. It didn't look like the redhead was ready to get up either, his arm hanging off the bed and soft snores erupting from his partially open mouth. It seemed he'd fallen back asleep.

"Ron…" Harry croaked out, "Get up, we've only got an hour or so before classes start. We gotta go and get something to eat. Snape will have our heads if were late to class."

Ron peeked an eye open at the mention of food but he shut it before turning away, mumbling what sounded like "I'm too tired," and "Snape's a blimey tosser," Rolling his eyes, Harry persuaded him the only way he knew how to.

"If we don't hurry all the bacon and sausage will be gone by the time we get there."

Nothing more was said as Ron quickly got up at the thought of missing out on his favorite parts of breakfast. It made Harry's own stomach grumble and mouth water at the thought of food. He'd skipped dinner last night to go with Draco and he was just now realizing how hungry he was.

"We better hurry then," Ron said tiredly, rummaging around his disorganized bed for any clean clothes hidden within the sheets.

Harry chuckled at Ron's sudden eagerness before unwrapping himself from the covers. He tried to rub away the goosebumps that appeared on his skin and quickly went to his trunk that sat at the end of his bed. It was messy and full of random things Harry would just toss in it when he was feeling lazier than usual. After sniffing a few shirts, Harry couldn't distinguish between what was clean and what was dirty. They all smelled the same to him. Impatiently, he continued to rummage through his trunk, trying to find the thickest sweater he could.

As he did, Harry's other roommates also got up when he had mentioned breakfast. Neville banged his head on his bedpost as he hurried to get dressed, Dean snuck into the bathroom, and Seamus was already halfway changed. Harry was still trying to find a sweater to wear and from the bottom of his trunk, he pulled out a thick, light grey one he had gotten for Christmas from Hermione the year before.

Harry smiled vaguely at the color, thinking of Draco. It reminded him of the blonde's greyish eyes. Without a second thought, Harry slipped off his pajama shirt and put the sweater on, feeling warmer already. He was changing out of his sweats when Ron's voice met his ears.

"Oi, Harry?" Ron asked quietly, he had a curious look on his face.

"Yeah?" Harry replied, looking up at his best friend as he put on his socks.

"Erm.. Mind staying behind?" He asked sheepishly, looking away from Harry, "I have to er-talk to you about something."

Harry raised an eyebrow at his weird behavior but nodded. "Yeah, alright."

Harry went back to getting dressed, wondering what it was that Ron wanted to talk about but he shrugged it off as just another argument between him and Hermione. They'd been bickering more ever since Hermione became penpals with Viktor over the summer, which Ron strongly disliked and he wasn't afraid of showing it. Harry silently wished the two would get over themselves and date already but it seemed they were still far from it.

"Are ya guys comin' or not?" Seamus asked Ron and Harry. He was standing at the door, Neville, and Dean with him. All three were waiting patiently for their roommates.

"You go ahead, Ron and I will catch up with you guys later." Harry answered, "I still have to gather up all my books."

"Alright, we'll see ya later then," Seamus said with a wave. Neville and Dean also waved before following Seamus out the door, shutting it behind them with a loud click. Harry looked at Ron.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" He asked, "Is it about Viktor again? Because I really don't think there's something going between him and Hermione."

"No, it's not about them. You have a hickey on your neck." Ron said, pointing at his jaw. "I didn't want you to go out with it but I didn't want to point it out when the others were here because Seamus has a bit of a big mouth about these sort of things."

Harry flushed and instinctively covered it with his hand. He had completely forgotten it was there.

"Um, thanks." He said awkwardly, trying to cover it with his sweater while he looked for his wand. He cursed at himself inwardly, feeling stupid for not getting rid of it before he left Draco's room earlier that morning. Now he'd have to deal with Ron's teasing and questions all day. Again.

"So," Ron's voice piped up again much to Harry's grimace. He was sitting on his bed, looking at Harry with a sly smile spread across his face, "Is that why you skipped dinner last night? You were busy shagging your secret 'friend' again? What time did you get in last night? Because you looked like you haven't slept in days."

"Yes I was with them again, and I'm fine. I got plenty of sleep last night." Harry replied, ignoring his other questions, finally finding his wand. He pressed it against his neck, and muttered, "Episkey."

"Come on, you're really not going to tell me anything else?" Ron pressed on. He put on his best hurt face. "I am still your best friend aren't I?"

"Ron, I-it's more complicated than that. I've told you before." Harry said, feeling guilty. He hated having to lie to his best friend about this thing he had with Draco but he knew it was for the best. Harry had a better chance of capturing the giant squid in the lake with his bare hands than having Ron accept what was going on between his best friend and their sworn enemy. He'd probably ruin their friendship forever if the truth came to light.

"You've been seeing her for a few weeks now right? And it's obvious things are getting serious between you two." Ron pressed on, "Don't you think I deserve to know a little more than just the aftermath of your dates aside from hickeys and a goofy smile-"

"It's not that serious, and they're not dates!" Harry interrupted his face flushing at the word. He'd hardly call shagging until you collapse a date. "And I do not have a goofy smile!"

"Oh please!" Ron said exasperated, standing up. "Whenever you spend time with her you look as giddy as a first year. Plus, you've started skipping quidditch practice just to spend time with this girl Harry! Quidditch. I definitely think you two are getting more serious. A lot more than you think. And you're not even telling me anything!"

"Ron, it's not like that." Harry sighed, rubbing his temple. He needed to tell Ron something. It was the only way he'd get him off his back. At least for a little while.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked, confused.

"It doesn't matter if I tell you about them or not because we're not dating." Harry started, "We're not in a relationship. There's nothing more to it than just a casual shag. So there's no point in learning about someone who's just going to be a temporary thing anyway."

It hurt to say that, especially when Draco meant so much to him. But he couldn't deny the truth, it would be a temporary thing. Draco had made that clear and it didn't seem he would be changing his mind anytime soon, so Harry was left with the thought of enjoying things while they lasted.

Ron looked at him even more confused at first, then guilty and finally concerned.

"But I thought you two were dating, you were always sneaking off to see her between classes and at night. I'd consider that as dating someone, even if it's in secret." Ron paused, "I mean I thought you were keeping her hidden because of, well, because of who you are."

"That's what you thought but it isn't true, at least the dating part of it." Harry shrugged, "I've never been interested in dating before and I'm still not. It's just sex and that's it. No dating."

"So no dating? Just sex?" Ron asked slowly, making sure he was hearing him properly.

"No dating. Just sex." Harry repeated.

"Alright well," Ron hesitated and gave Harry an awkward smile, "I really wasn't expecting you to get involved in something like that so I'm not really sure what to say."

"Believe me, neither did I," Harry replied, letting out a chuckle.

"Well," Ron continued, "I don't think that's something that you should be doing but I'll support you no matter what you want to do. I just think you should reconsider what you're doing here since this isn't something that's good for you-"

"You sound like Hermione." Harry joked, "Besides, there's no harm in fooling around. I'm having a good time and that's what matters right? I'm fine. Tired all the time, but fine."

"All right, I trust you," Ron said with a smile. He walked up to Harry and held up a fist bump to him. "You're my best friend. And I get that you want to keep things between you and this girl private because of your name but if you ever need to talk about it, you know I'm here right?"

It hurt Harry to see the sincerity and loyalty in Ron's face. Even though Ron meant good with his words, it still felt like he'd been punched in the gut. How could he be doing this to his best friend? Harry gave him a weak smile and lightly bumped his own fist with Ron's.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." Harry said. He grabbed his book bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one more thing though." Ron said as he grabbed his own book bag, "As a prefect, I have to tell you about skipping quidditch practice. Angelina was at my throat last week when you didn't show up and Hermione was at my throat last night when she found out from Angelina. I figured it'd be better to hear this from me before the two of them could get ahold of you."

"Alright," Harry grumbled, still a little envious about Hermione and Ron being prefects, "I swear I won't skip anymore. I'm actually planning on going for a fly after class today if you want to join?"

"As much as I'd like to, I can't." Ron said sadly, "All this prefect stuff is making me fall behind on school work. Even Hermione is struggling to keep up with it all. So we're planning on going to the library after classes, maybe after you're done flying you'll join us before we have dinner?"

"Maybe, I don't know how long I'll fly for but I'll definitely be there for dinner tonight." Harry said, "Come on, let's get going."

The pair left the dormitory in a hurry. Hermione wasn't waiting for them in her usual spot which meant she had left without them already. When the portrait closed behind them, Ron broke the short silence that had fallen between them.

"So, can you tell me a little bit about her?" Ron asked slowly, not wanting to set Harry off.

Harry hesitated at first but he eventually nodded. As long as he was careful with how he answered then he would be fine.

"Fine, I'll give you.." He thought for a moment, "Ten questions but I get to pass on the ones I don't want to answer."

"Deal," Ron said happily.

Harry shook his head while Ron stayed quiet, deeply pondering the questions he'd be asking. The two of them were halfway to the Great Hall when Ron finally asked his first question.

"What's her name?"

"Pass," Harry said with no hesitation.

"Damn. Too bold." Ron muttered, "Is she in our year?"

Harry hesitated but he nodded. Their year was unusually small due to the war but he was still confident Ron wouldn't figure it out. He thought he was with a girl so that tipped the odds in his favor.

"Is she in our house?"

"No," Harry said.

"Really?" Ron said, obviously surprised, "I always thought you'd land up with someone in our house. Alright, well hufflepuff and ravenclaw girls are pretty nice too I guess. Do we have any classes with her?"

"Yes," Harry said, feeling uncomfortable. Ron didn't even consider slytherin as an option. Even for the women. It just showed how badly he would take the news if he found out Harry was shagging a slytherin. Who was also a man. Who was also Draco Malfoy.

"What does she look like?"

"Like any other person."

"That's not a fair answer." Ron protested.

"So you admit it's an answer." Harry said cooly, "Five more questions left." The two were approaching the Great Hall before Ron asked the next question.

"Is it someone I know well?" Ron asked, pausing at the door.

"You know of them," Harry replied.

"Is it Padma Patil? She's in Ravenclaw and she went with us to the Yule Ball."

"I wouldn't date anyone you were previously associated with. That'd be weird." Harry answered, "Three questions."

"Looney-I mean Luna Lovegood?"

"No. We're just friends."

"Hannah Abbott?"

"I don't even know who that is." Harry said, "Last question."

"She's in hufflepuff. Her and Neville are always geeking out about plants in herbology." Ron explained, "And alright. On a scale of one to ten with one being the lowest, how hot is she?"

"Isn't that a bit of a shallow question?"

"So you admit it's a question," Ron said mockingly, smiling. Harry rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling back.

"Off the scale." He answered. It was true, even before Harry and Draco started their fling, he always thought the blonde was attractive.

Harry and Ron finally entered the Great Hall. Harry's stomach rumbled at the smell of food and Ron was practically drooling. Harry caught sight of bushy hair and saw Hermione sitting in their usual spot. She looked up at that moment and waved at them before dipping her head back down to continue reading whatever book she was studying this week.

When they got closer, Harry and Ron sat down in front of her. Ron was already distracted by the food and he quickly started piling his plate. Hermione was busy reading Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. Again. After knowing her for so long, Harry still didn't know how she wasn't sorted into Ravenclaw with her love for books and knowledge. Then again, he shouldn't be stereotyping the houses since he was meant to be in Slytherin. They all went to their house for whatever reason and he quickly dismissed his assumption. Besides, if Hermione had gone to Ravenclaw, he and Ron would've died their first year for sure.

"Morning." She said to the two of them, not looking up from her book, "What took you two so long? I waited for you in the common room for nearly half an hour and neither of you showed up."

"Ron and Seamus got into a pillow fight," Harry said, scooping up a spoonful of eggs and hashbrowns. "Should've seen it, feathers everywhere, girly screams, the whole nine yards, it was madness I tell you. We barely made it out of there alive. Ron got knocked out in the end and I had to take the time to resurrect him."

"I did-We did NOT!" Ron said defensively, his face turning red at the blatant lie. Harry gave him a look that told him to just go along with it. Ron kissed his teeth and huffed but went along with it anyway. "It was actually a manly wrestling match between two men. Which I won by the way." He grumbled under his breath, avoiding Hermione's gaze.

Hermione brought a hand to her mouth to stifle her laugh before clearing her throat.

"Okay then." She said softly, going back to her reading.

Harry smiled, glancing off to the side when he heard Ginny laughing. He watched her and Dean for a moment, the two of them obviously flirting with one another. Ginny had her head rested on Dean's shoulder, practically cuddling with him as they talked amongst themselves. Both of them had smiles plastered to their faces and despite Ginny's endless amount of freckles and Dean's dark skin, Harry could see the blushes tinging their cheeks. It was then that Harry felt a sense of jealousy surged through him but it wasn't aimed at Ginny since he had no feelings for her.

It was directed at her and Dean's privilege. The things they could do without anyone caring. The things they could have, that Harry couldn't. He'd never wish ill upon the two of them, but it was upsetting to see others have relationships and to actually have the person you like, like you back. He just wanted to be able to do that too.

Harry turned away, thinking of Draco. He stuffed a strip of bacon into his mouth before looking up towards the Slytherin table, scanning for his blonde hair. It was stupid, but he was always trying to catch a glimpse of him whenever he had the chance. He just couldn't help himself and was often looking for him during meals and in class. After Ron had called him out on it once, he tried to do it less but it was hard, seeing the blonde always made Harry feel a little happier. How could you not want to see the person that made your heart flutter or stomach twist in a good way? You just simply couldn't.

Harry took a sip of his juice, his eyes continued to dart back and forth and they finally stopped when he saw Draco. His lips immediately curved into a small smile, which he quickly hid behind his cup of juice, his stomach doing backflips at the sight of him. Draco was sitting between Zabini and Parkinson, the usual.

Draco seemed to be laughing and Harry didn't know what he was laughing about at first until he saw it was because a group of ravenclaws that looked like they had fallen. Harry figured Parkinson had been the one to prank them since she was the only one with her wand out. As the ravenclaws tried to recollect themselves, Parkinson and Draco were sneering at them, their mouths moving in what was probably a list of prepared insults. Zabini even seemed to smile briefly before going monotone again. Harry didn't approve of bullying but seeing Draco laugh made him want to laugh along with him.

His humor disappeared quickly though when Parkinson suddenly latched herself onto Draco's arm, resting her head upon his shoulder. Another surge of jealousy tagged along with anger passed through him and Harry clenched his fork hard, wanting to stab Parkinson with it. He glared at the two after all how dare she touch what was his.

Harry blinked, breaking the trance he was in and felt alarmed at the claim he just thought. Draco wasn't his, they weren't in a relationship, he had no say so whatsoever over what he decided to do. Tearing his gaze away, Harry felt sick at the idea of Draco being with anyone else other than him. Insecurities began rising up, and he began wondering if he wasn't the only one Draco was fooling around with. Was he with Parkinson too? Or maybe, Harry looked over the Slytherin table, had any of them seen Draco in the same way he did? He looked over at the other houses, even his own house and couldn't shake off the worrying feeling he had that others may be involved with Draco.

Harry swiftly took another gulp of his juice, trying to ease the pain he felt in his stomach as he pushed the thoughts into the depths of his mind. He looked over at Draco and Parkinson one more time, feeling a little better when he saw they had separated from one another. She was pouting and looking cross, so it seemed Draco had shrugged her off. Harry's stomach unclenched and his heart soared at the fact it had been Draco that stopped their coddling.

Realizing he had been quiet for some time now, Harry cautiously looked around his table to make sure no one had noticed his behavior. Luckily, everyone seemed to be interested in their own conversations with one another, including Ron and Hermione, who were busy arguing over a creature in Hermione's book of some type of spider Ron kept insisting he had seen at the Burrow even though Hermione told him it was only found in Southern Australia.

Not interested in their discussion, he looked at Ginny and Dean again. They were still in the same position as before, not moving away from each other. Again, Harry was left wondering if he'd ever have something like that with Draco and he sighed to himself, toying around with his food before taking a bite. Sure he enjoyed the sex they had and that was definitely important to a good relationship but he wanted less sexual things as well.

Harry's mind started buzzing with different scenarios filled with cuddle sessions, gentle caresses, going on dates together, forehead kisses, inside jokes and much more. As long as Draco was involved, Harry wanted it. He wanted all of it. His favorite idea was getting to hold hands with Draco while walking to class together or even just casually. It was simple but he craved the idea of showing off Draco to others, to show he was his, that they were together and most importantly, that they were happy. He just wanted to live the story of a boy named Harry who liked another boy named Draco. Even more, he wanted the story where Draco liked him back.

"Harry, are you listening?"

Hermione's voice tore Harry away from his thoughts and he looked up at his friend.

"What?" He said.

"Told you he wasn't listening," Hermione said to Ron, an irritated look on her face.

"Sorry, didn't mean to tune you out. What were you saying?" Harry said, stabbing into his eggs before taking a bite.

"I asked if you were going to start going back to quidditch practice." Hermione said, "Angelina talked to me last night and she is still really upset with you."

"I know, Ron already talked to me about it this morning," Harry said before she could continue, not really wanting to hear her lecture. "It was a one-time thing, I'll start going back to practice I swear."

"There's one other thing," Hermione said, her voice lowering to a whisper. She looked at Ron before looking back at Harry.

"And that is?" Harry asked, an eyebrow raised at the shared look, and he took another bite of his food.

"Cedric is coming back."

Harry nearly choked on the food he just swallowed and he quickly drank some juice before he went into a coughing fit. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, all of his attention was on Hermione now.

"Are you-Are you serious? How do you know that? When is he coming back?" He said in a rushed whisper. He hadn't seen or spoken to Cedric since the tournament. He didn't even know what happened to him afterward. Cedric was just ceased to exist. Disappeared. Vanished. Even Cho didn't know what happened to him.

Hermione leaned closer to Harry, not wanting to be overheard. "Professor Dumbledore sent an owl for Ron and me to come by his study last night and told us. He wanted to tell you himself but he said the news would be better if it came from the two of us and that you'd handle it easier. We wanted to tell you last night but you were busy with your 'friend' and we didn't have the chance."

Hermione's tone got bitter when she said the word friend and Harry saw the anger flash in her eyes. She was the only one that actually knew the truth about Draco but hadn't said anything because of her respect towards Harry's privacy. She had found out about them pretty quickly when she had noticed Harry staring at Draco all the time and his change in behavior towards the blonde. She confronted him once she had all the evidence she needed and Harry didn't see any reason to lie to her about it. He didn't tell her much about them, just that they were seeing each other and it wouldn't be something that'd last very long. Even though it took some time, she eventually came to accept it, despite almost choking him to death and telling him he was absolutely mad for seeing Draco.

Harry didn't pay any mind to her glare though, taken aback from her words. He fell into silence, trying to wrap his head around what he'd just been told. Cedric was coming back. He was actually coming back to Hogwarts. He'd be walking the halls again. He'd be sitting in the Great Hall again. As cliche as it was, Harry was touched at the thought of his return. He needed to talk to him about that night in the graveyard. Harry wanted to know why he suddenly abandoned everything.

"We'll tell you more about it later," Ron said when Harry didn't say anything. "We best be on our way now. Breakfast is almost over and it'll take us a while to get down to potions."

Harry nodded, shoving a few more forkfuls of food into his mouth before standing up. He glanced over to the Slytherin table one last time, hoping to catch one last glimpse of Draco before being forced to ignore him in their potions class together. Harry was surprised when Draco was facing his way, an odd look on his face that Harry could only describe as a look of concern. He looked away quickly though when he noticed Harry looking at him and Harry's eyes lingered for a moment before he also turned away. Harry kept his eyes glued to the floor, not listening when Hermione and Ron started talking again. He gripped the front of his shirt tightly as the trio exited the Great Hall, he could feel his heart hammering against his fist.

"Damn." Harry thought, "Damn it all."

Harry continued to stare at the floor, trying to calm himself down when Ron suddenly cursed loudly from behind him, pulling him from his thoughts.

"SHIT!" The redhead shouted, rummaging wildly through his bag. "Shit shit shit!"

"Language." Hermione scolded through gritted teeth, glancing at the younger students passing by, her eyebrows furrowed.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked as Ron continued to look through his bag. "Did you leave something?"

"I forgot my parchment back in the dorm." Ron groaned loudly, sinking to his knees, his hands covering his face. "It's the first major essay for this month. Snape will give me detention if I don't turn it in. Or worse, he'll take house points from gryffindor this year. The prat is always looking for a reason to knock us down."

"Are you sure it's not in your bag?" Harry asked, peering into the disorganized bag, "I'm more than sure I saw you put it in this morning."

"That was for charms," Ron said grimly, shuffling around the items in his bag as he searched again. "I was up doing it last night in bed. I must've left it on my nightstand before I went to bed."

"Do you have most of it memorized?" Hermione asked, "Or did you perhaps write down a copy?

"Why on earth would I take the extra time to do that?!" Ron snapped, making Hermione flinch. She recovered quickly though and Harry felt a chill go up his spine when her look darkened. It was the same look she had she when had slapped Draco in their third year.

"Well that 'extra time' would've gotten you out of this mess wouldn't it?!" Hermione snapped back.

"Alright alright!" Harry said before the two could start bickering. "Why don't you just run upstairs and get it? We still have-" he looked at his watch, "-twenty minutes."

"I'll have to run." Ron whined, "Even then I don't think I'll make it."

"I'll distract Snape if I have to." Harry said, "Here, give me your bag, and start running. We'll meet you there."

Ron said nothing and jumped to his feet handing Harry his bag before sprinting towards the staircases. Hermione sighed loudly as she watched him. She smiled weakly at Harry.

"He's not going to make it is he?" She asked.

"Probably not but we'll see." Harry replied with a shrug, "Come on, let's go. The least we can do is buy him some time."

Slinging Ron's bag over his shoulder, Harry and Hermione started their way down towards the dungeons. They avoided the mass crowd of first-year students who were trying to find their way around the castle but Hermione stopped every few minutes to help a distressed gryffindor. Harry stood awkwardly off to the side as she talked to them before they continued walking. When they were far away from the crowds of students, Hermione's soft voice rang through the air.

"So..you're still seeing him?" She asked, getting straight to the point. She never wasted a moment to remind Harry that what he was doing with Draco was a mistake.

"..Yes." Harry replied, feeling the tension rising.

"It's been a month now Harry." She said slowly, looking up at him, "When are you going to end it with him? Haven't things gone long enough?"

"I don't know," Harry answered, avoiding her intense gaze. "Things are.. things are still at the same point they were a month ago. Nothing has changed between us and I doubt they will in the future. It's only a matter of time now."

"You sound disappointed by that," Hermione said, her voice strained. Harry could hear the anger rising in her voice but didn't try to deny anything since she was right. Lying to her would only make her go off. "And things have changed. For everyone. You just haven't realized it yet because the only thing you see now is him."

"I do not." Harry said defensively, "And it's still only a temporary thing."

"Exactly how long is temporary?" Hermione persisted, the anger was crawling more and more into her voice. She clenched her books tightly. "Because this isn't a fling anymore Harry. Skipping practice? Lying to Ron? Spending the night in his dorm? What you're doing now is considered dating-"

"We are not dating." Harry interrupted, not wanting to fight about this again, "We're just fooling around. That's it. There's nothing else there."

"You don't believe that and neither do I," Hermione said coldly but her eyes softened when she saw the sad look on his face. She touched Harry's shoulder gently, in a comforting way. "I see the way you look at him, Harry.. It's not just fooling around anymore. At least on your end. If you aren't going to tell him how you feel, then why bother with him?"

"It doesn't matter if I do. Nothing is going to change Hermione," Harry said with a shake of his head, his heart aching. "There will never be anything between us, and it doesn't matter how I feel."

"It does SO matter!" Hermione said loudly, making a few nearby students turn their heads. She glared at them until they turned away before lowering her voice to a harsh whisper, "You've been so down and shut off lately from everyone that you can't even see how this is affecting you! He's obviously just using you Harry for your fame or whatever! You should be with someone that actually cares about you, takes care of you and might even come to love you when the time is right! You have to stop seeing him at once Harry!"

"I knew what I was getting into before we started this. And I'll admit I haven't been myself recently but it's honestly because I'm so tired all the time. I just need some more rest and I'll be myself in no time." Harry explained, trying to detangle himself from the mess he was making, "I'd really rather not talk about this because it doesn't matter anyway since it won't be lasting much longer. I appreciate your concern for me but I'd rather be left alone on this one."

"Fine!" Hermione said angrily, her eyes watering, "I'll leave you to your own thoughts then!"

Hermione stormed off, her bushy hair bouncing around her as she marched. Harry didn't try to stop her as no one could stop an angry Hermione. It was better to let her cool down first before trying to talk to her. Harry jumped when a hand suddenly clasped onto his shoulder and he was surprised to see Ron, who was bent over and breathing hard. He held up a crumpled parchment, an annoyed look on his face.

"It was in-" He gasped, "-my robe's pocket. The whole time."

"Come one." Harry chuckled, patting Ron on the back, "Let's go to class."

"Where's 'Mione?" He wheezed out, taking his bag back from Harry. "Why'd she take off like that?"

"She's mad at me," Harry answered, feeling guilty that he made her upset. "She told me I needed to end the fling and stormed off when I told her I wanted to handle this myself."

"Ah-don't mind her." Ron said with a wave of his hand, "She'll get over it like she always does. What's she got against your gal anyway? Hermione doesn't even know who she is and she acts like she's the scum of the earth."

"She's just worried for me." Harry said, "I haven't been myself recently so she's just trying to help."

"Still." Ron shrugged, "She doesn't have to be so hateful, especially when your fling hasn't done anything to her. Come on, we're nearing to potions."

"If only you knew." Harry thought, following Ron silently. "You'd also hate me."

The day went agonizingly slow for Harry, especially with Hermione ignoring Ron and him. She was quiet for most of the day and only spoke when she wanted to answer a question in class. She didn't even sit with them for lunch or bother to respond when they tried talking to her. Harry had given up at this point and decided to just wait it out until she came around but Ron was persistent as ever, not wanting her to find comfort in writing letters to Krum.

"I'm going to the library," Ron stated loudly when they finished their last class for the day. "Hermione will be too focused on her homework to stay angry. You sure you don't want to come?"

"No, I think it's better if you talk to her first," Harry said, his eyes wandering towards the window. The skies still looked clear enough for flying and Harry needed to practice. "I don't think she's ever been this upset with me so I don't want to set her off again if I show up."

"Alright, I'm off then. I'll see you at dinner." Ron said with a wave of his hand before heading down the staircases while Harry continued his journey to gryffindor tower.

Harry went straight to his room once he got there to drop off his bag before heading outside. Since it was likely that it was cold out, Harry would need to change into something more suited for the weather. However, once he got to the empty dorm he felt a wave of tiredness wash over him. Harry leaned against the closed door for a moment, shutting his eyes as if he could get a full night's sleep within the next few seconds. He sighed loudly to himself in the empty room.

Today had been a tiring day for him. Snape was an ass as usual during class, Angelina yelled at him during lunch, and now Hermione was ignoring him, the one person that seemed to understand all of the crazy things happening in his life currently. Despite all these things, what was bothering him the most was the fact that Draco was avoiding him for whatever reason. The blonde usually would give him small nods or looks to hint at Harry to come by his room later or at least a note telling him when the next time would be. Instead, he got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even an insult from him. It was both infuriating and worrying since Harry didn't know what it meant, Draco never left him wondering like this.

"It's fine." Harry reassured himself, trying to get rid of the uneasy feeling in his stomach, "He probably has other things to do like me. He's fine. We're fine." Somehow, the thought made him feel worse.

Another sigh escaped Harry's lips and he stood back up. He needed to fly. It was the only way he could destress when he was feeling like this. Tossing his bag on his bed, Harry changed out of his school uniform and put on regular winter clothes, not wanting to waste another moment stuck inside. Without a second glance at his bed that was desperately calling out to him, Harry left the dormitories and started his way downstairs to the quidditch pitch.

His walk to the pitch was uneventful and the hair on Harry's neck stood up when he stepped outside, it was colder than he had thought it would be. He glanced up at the sky as he walked to the locker room. It looked like it would be snowing soon, the clouds were turning a dark grey color and the sun was hidden. But it didn't concern him, he wasn't planning on staying out long. That twelve-inch essay was still waiting for him, along with the ten-inch one Snape had assigned earlier that day.

He shivered when a gust of wind blew through him and walked quickly to the locker rooms, where his new quidditch uniform was waiting to be broken into. He changed rather quickly, excited to fly and he practically ran to the broom shed to grab his broom, itching to soar with the winds.

Being careful not to slip on the patches of ice, Harry mounted his broom the second he passed by the towering stands and flew until he was several meters in the air. He did a few laps to warm up before double-checking the time to see how long he could fly for. He had about two hours before dinner time. He'd fly around for an hour or so, do some homework, go to dinner and finish whatever was left afterward. At this point, Harry accepted the fact he wouldn't be seeing Draco tonight but deep down there was a flicker of hope he would.

"Don't think." Harry thought, shaking his head as if he could empty his thoughts out that way, "Just fly."

Gripping tightly onto his broom, Harry took off into the sky.

The cold air was quick to nip at his exposed face but Harry didn't pay any mind to it, it actually felt nice, flying to Harry was like taking a dip in a cold pool on a hot day. He shut his eyes for a brief moment, relaxing into the feeling of the wind blowing past his ears and through his hair. It was an amazing rush and sent chills through his body, from the tips of his fingers to his toes. All his worries and fears melted away.

Opening his eyes again, Harry slowed down to a stop and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a golden snitch, the silver wings immediately unfolded when exposed to the outside air and slowly fluttered, waiting to be released. Since Angelina was the new captain of the team and wanted to keep up Gryffindor's reputation, she had given Harry the snitch to practice within private for extra practice. Harry glanced around for a moment, just waiting for Snape to pop out of the snow and take points away from his house. When the greasy git didn't, Harry let go of the snitch and it whizzed off, losing sight of it quickly.

Harry flew around quickly, trying to find where it went. As he did, he practiced new moves, like sharper dips and smaller loops, anything that would help sharpen his reflexes for the upcoming games this year. He soared high into the sky once more, looking intently for the snitch and listening for the faint humming of its wings. It was difficult since the snow on the ground was reflecting against the dim sunlight, making it look as if the ground was covered in thousands of shimmering snitches.

"Where is it?" He thought, moving higher up to get a better view of the field, "Angelina will murder me if I lose it-"

"This what you're looking for Potter?" A cool voice said from above.

Harry snapped his head up, his eyes locking with twinkling grey ones.

Draco was hovering above him in his own quidditch gear, hanging upside on his broom, snitch in hand and a faint smirk on his face. He was too close for comfort, only inches from Harry's face and Harry caught a whiff of his cologne, the one he personally liked. Harry's face flushed when he realized how close they were and he jerked his broom back instinctively, his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to think of something to say.

Unfortunately, Harry wouldn't get a chance too, for he had pulled his broom too far back and lost his balance. It all happened so quickly, Harry found himself grasping desperately at the end of his broomstick, trying to pull himself up but his fingers were too cold to get a firm enough grip and his strength had abandoned him. His broom lurched again, Draco shouted, and then Harry was holding onto nothing, falling down towards the ground.


Hope you enjoyed, reviews are appreciated! Follow my Tumblr 23ster for sneak peeks of later chapters.