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Chapter 9

Helena was exactly where Jefferson had told Rumple she'd be. As Rumpelstiltskin descended into the cool air outside his castle he walked slowly stopping when that stone sticking out of the ground came into view. It represented his Belle even as it didn't. As he looked at it from afar, Rumple couldn't help hating it, but mostly because it wasn't good enough. His Belle deserved more.

"Nothing could ever be good enough for her," thought Rumpelstiltskin his eyes landing on his daughter in that moment watching her as she put flowers on her mother's grave. She was putting roses, they had been her mother's favorite since that day when Rumple gave her the rose that unbeknownst to her had been her fiancé. He knew they were probably from her mother's very garden, for like that rose from long ago they were red. Rumple remembered when Belle planted her rose garden in that moment; she had insisted the roses be red. As he thought of those times, Rumple had another thought, he never did tell her who exactly that rose was, and focusing on their daughter he wondered what would have happened if he had. Would she still have loved roses just as much? Would she had torn her whole garden apart in outrage at the news? Rumple didn't know and he never would. And in that moment, he wasn't sure if he should have told her or not.

"She is as precise about things as her mother used to be," thought Rumpelstiltskin watching her place each flower by the headstone being reminded more and more of Belle with each passing second.

Since her death, Rumple had noticed Belle more in each of the children, but more so in Helena. Now he was noticing that more. Helena didn't just look slightly like her mother, she was her mother more in her personality then any of the others, and as he watched her Rumple knew that without Helena and Grace the others wouldn't have survived his absence. She was raising her siblings along with Grace now and he couldn't imagine the thoughts that brought to her mind.

"You are so much like your mother, Helena. She would have been so proud…she was very proud of you," whispered Rumpelstiltskin breaking the silence that hung in the air. Helena stopped what she was doing in that moment her body becoming stock still. But finally, she laid her final rose on the grave. Helena still didn't look at him after that, she simply sat at her mother's grave staring at that headstone refusing to look at him. The longer she wouldn't look at him the more he suddenly felt a pain in his heart. He had done this, no one else, him. Rumple wasn't sure what to expect from her, he didn't expect her to just run into his arms forgiving him, but he didn't want to see hate in her eyes. In any of their eyes.

"I miss her…she didn't have a choice. She never would have left us," said Helena her hurt clear as her voice broke the wind beginning to blow around them. It was then that he realized she was looking right at him.

"I know, she always put being a mother before anything else," whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking her in the eye not seeing hate, but hurt. Slowly he walked towards his daughter then not sure what he was going to get when he was close enough to touch her. But then he sat right next to her at Belle's grave. All was silent between them a moment as they simply looked at each other and wrapping an arm around her Rumple hugged her. Nothing would ever make up for walking away the way he did, but he hoped maybe this was a start. That was when the tears started.

"I miss her," exclaimed Helena.

"So, do I, sweetheart, so do I," whispered Rumpelstiltskin attempting to cradle her in his arms, but she wouldn't let him.

Before Rumple could stop her, she had left his embrace, and was running away. At first, he only watched her, but soon he was following even as he knew she wanted to be away from him. But he hurried after her.

"Helena," exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin striding after her. But then as suddenly as she had run away, she stopped. She stopped in the middle of Belle's garden standing stock still as if deciding what to say.

"Mother would never have just left us…if you had died…she would have stayed by our side the whole time. But it wasn't you…it was her because unlike her you are immortal," screamed Helena rounding on him.

"Mother loved us more than anything. You said she always put being a mother over everything else…well maybe you should take a page from her. If she was here…she wouldn't have let you do what you did. She wouldn't have let you walk away. She always made sure that you put us before that curse. If she never got sick or died she wouldn't have let you lock yourself away forgetting about us," exclaimed Helena taking a step towards him with each word. In that moment, she stared him down her eyes holding so many emotions, but still hate was not one of them. She simply stared him down waiting to see what he had to say in response.

In that moment though she suddenly just stopped staring him down the entire time before striding towards him.

"She made everything good…and you're tearing everything…everything she made good apart," exclaimed Helena stopping directly in front of him. Rumple almost expected her to hit him, he wouldn't have blamed her if she did, but she didn't. Instead she only continued to stare him down and in that moment Rumple didn't dare touch her or try to sooth her. He just waited. To Helena, he was still her father, and to attack him would go too far. He was still her authority figure and she had to respect him as such even as mad as she was.

"It should have been you," whispered Helena not meaning it even as she said it.

She only stood there not knowing what to do until looking her father in the eye she crumbled. As she started to sob, Rumple wrapped his arms around her holding her head to his chest so she could cry into it, and in that moment, he knew this is what she needed.

"I know, sweetheart, it should have been me. I'm so sorry it wasn't. I'm so sorry I wasn't here all this time. I'm so sorry," whispered Rumpelstiltskin holding her all the tighter as he held in his own tears knowing this moment was not about him, but her. His daughter said nothing in response to what he said. In that moment she needed to cry, so she did. She cried tears that she had held in as the older sibling needing to take care of the younger ones. She cried tears that she needed to cry because in that moment she knew she would never be alright because her mother, her best friend, her confident was gone. But when she was done crying she turned those same tear-filled eyes on him.

"I promise you, sweetheart, I'm not leaving again. From now on I will put being your father before everything else," exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin taking her face in his hands. Only in that moment as he made that promise did he let his tears fall down his own cheeks. This time he swore he would keep that promise. Nothing would ever be more important to him than them ever again.

"That curse means more to you, more than us, so please don't say that," said Helena her voice cracking with more tears. This only made Rumple hold her closer, never in his life would he have thought his children would think that. Nothing had ever been more important than them and now that he knew they didn't know that he would work his life away to make sure they did know from now on. He never knew they thought that. Taking Helena by the shoulders Rumple made her look at him even as he didn't know what to say.

"That isn't true…you, your brother and sister…you are my world. The curse is just…something I must do. Someday, I'll help you understand more, but now just know that you are my world. Just know that I love you," said Rumpelstiltskin his eyes baring down into hers.

He could tell as he looked at her that she was listening, but that there was something behind those eyes.

"What is it, sweetheart?" whispered Rumpelstiltskin upon reading that look.

"I'll accept that now, daddy, but someday I want to know the truth behind that curse. Until then…until you think I can understand…just promise not to disappear again. We need you…mother's gone, so you're all we got," said Helena looking away as she finished thoughts of a life without her mother filling her mind. Rumple only nodded as he held her in his arms. He simply held her closer as they started to walk quietly through the garden both feeling Belle's presence in that moment. It was as they walked that Rumple kissed her head making her stop them. As they stood among the red roses, she looked up at him, and it was then Rumple saw forgiveness in her eyes.

"I never forgot, my dear, and I never will," said Rumpelstiltskin pulling her into his arms as they walked. They walked in silence then and as things seemed to mend between him and his daughter, Rumple thought of his son. What would the talk with Nicholas be like? Did he think the same thing Helena did? Rumple couldn't help thinking that that relationship wouldn't mend so easily.