AN: ...aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK! I am a little disappointed by the lack of reviews guys, come on get your head in the game. Sorry for the extended break i'm in college if you didn't know (yall probably didn't) I was pretty busy with college stuff.
I don't own anything (obviously)
Let's dive right in
In the radical viewing booth in outer space…
"OH MY GAWD!" both of our favorite chaotic besties exclaimed simultaneously. The pair were currently holding each other and jumping up and down like school girls while viewing their 'son' that had just vaporized the handsome face of a giant space worm. Well in some circles that was considered handsome, probably circles that were made up of not normal people.
Beevus and Butthead pulled away from each other with wild grins on their faces. They were wearing a shirt with the same graphic design on them, it was a picture of their favorite small, adorable, murderous, and orange kitty. There was text above the head of the cat formerly known as dog that read 'I'm a pet parent' in big bubble letters, each in a different color on what the humans call… the rainbow. Below the picture were the words 'and this is my son' in what scholars would call times new roman.
"Our son is like what the humans call 'Built like a brick shithouse' he is thick!" Exclaimed Butthead, his voice full of pride and admiration for their collective creation.
Beevus was just as excited, "I don't think that means what you think it means!" He returned just as enthusiastically. He didn't care, this was the most interesting thing to happen to him since he figured out how to make a solid form for himself.
Their creation was going ham on those aliens, like a weird looking action hero… that ate everything it killed. This was well worth the wait.
"I'm just loving what's happening here." Beevus revealed gesturing to what was happening on the surface of the planet they were orbiting.
"Shut up! The best part is coming up!" Butthead hastily claimed. As he turned his attention to the scene unfolding before them with greater anticipation that he had moments before.
"You shut up." Beevus fired back snarkily under his breath.
"What?" Butthead questioned without looking at his counterpart.
"What, nothing." Beevus returned. Both of the cosmic beings turned their full attention to the surface of the planet with excitement.
In New York… Kitty(?) pov
My previously red and clouded vision turned crystal clear as I examined the large sack of meat that was making me drool so hard that spit was pouring out of my mouth. I looked down and noticed that my previously very large and intimidating body has reverted back to its original cuddly form of a regular sized house cat.
Something was tugging at my memory, a certain tune that narrated what I had just done perfectly. It was Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas, that's so 2008.
"Meow." I stated in a way that I thought made me sound passive to the situation that had just unfolded before my eyes.
Of course I did not mean to say this, what I meant to say was: Shittin on yall with the boom boom. The perfect quote from will. , that if I was still a human, probably would have received high praise and a crisp high five.
I looked around to the civilians that were staring slack-jawed in awe and terror at me amazed that there was a being that could do what I just did, even more so that I looked exactly like a household pet.
"What the fuck?! Are all cats able to turn into truck sized lions?" One male onlooker asked incredulously to the universe, "Are the cats uprising?!" His tone turned into one that made someone question their own existence and fear what was to happen next.
"Is that thing on our side?" loudly questioned another nameless civilian with disbelief laced in their tone.
"Hell yeah he is!" Nick Fury answered with a wide grin and all the enthusiastic gusto in the world. I turned to the man who had barely fired his weapon… I'M carrying the team.
Suddenly two small but chubby arms enveloped my small kitty body and I was lifted off the ground a foot.
"Kitty made the big evil monster go away!" Exclaimed Cecilia with glee. Speaking of big monster, I turned my head towards the gory and mutilated remains of the giant flying invader.
My gaze walked over the vanquished foe, picturing it as a juicy and tender oversized prime rib from an esteemed restaurant somewhere in New York that I couldn't quite remember the name of but always hung out by the windows so I could stare creepily at people eating delicious food. Mmmmm... what a meal that has presented itself before me.
Nick Fury, noticing my attraction to the carcass, hurried over before I could scar Cecilia for life by devouring my prey in front of her. I myself am horrified about that particular function of my body, not because of me eating dead things, but the fact that they are so humongously bigger than I am. Yet, when it is all said and done, it feels like I just ate a bag of chips.
The director snatched me from the arms of the toddler and threw me high in the air towards the huge dead thing. My jaw unhinged off my skull releasing my otherworldly dark tentacle-y tongue engulfing the previously flying monstrosity that is literally and physically one thousand times larger than me and my small kitty innards.
If you can imagine an average human consuming pasta by slurping it and shoveling it in their mouth with a fork and spoon; you pretty much have a good idea of how I ate that unrealistically big flying turd worm. With about as much ease as a normal human ate the spaghetti, just replace the fork and spoon with dark tentacles and the noodles with a fucking disgusting mass of blood and meat.
Damn… what am I made of? Am I just a bottomless pit on four legs? Let's not think about that for the time being.
I landed on all fours gracefully, as one would think a cat should.
"Where does it all go?" A middle aged female in the crowd of civilians asked incredulously, "My teenage son does the same exact thing, but with actual food."
If I were a human like I once was, a comment like that directed towards me, would have made me beam with pride. All teenage boys have a secret that they don't tell anyone, one of their legs is hollow and the stomach extends to the bottom of their ankle…
Just kidding, I remember eating large quantities of food back when I had opposable thumbs. Then after that I always asked with a squeaky high pitched voice, "Please sir may I have some more?"
"Ahem," Nick Fury sounded off in an attempt to get my attention, "Hey Kraken, there's some more aliens down that way if you're still hungry." Nick Fury said this like he was holding a cat treat above my head and that if I was good and killed the aliens, he would give me that delicious meow mix! Hell yeah!
Wait what?
I found myself compelled by the secret commander's words at the thought of more scrumptious alien sized bags of chips. My legs moved by themselves towards the direction that Fury had presented with his arms comically, as if showing off a new car to his friends. A scent filled the air, it was coming from aliens that had witnessed me in all my random and freaky glory devouring their previously alive comrade. The scent which I knew now as fear was addictive and controlling, at least to the feline genome.
*CLANK* *CLANK*
The sound of my claws spawning from the end of my soft and padded appendages sounded off, startling some of the civilians that I had just scarred the lives of. Did they look at me as a hero or some new weird breed of house cat? Did they fear me? Am I a monster?
An exploding car shook me out of my existential thoughts and my focus fell once again on eating aliens. I resumed my blitz on the enemy force, who were now running for their lives away from me, the small innocent killer that I was.
My legs shifted into a second gear, not that I was controlling them anyway, and jumped twenty feet in the air. My body jolted into the sky and corrected itself with my head pointed towards an alien that reeked of fear and was currently hauling ass away from me. I came down on its head with my mouth open and jaw unhinged, swallowing the distressed alien weapon and all.
"Hell yeah!" Nick Fury praised while in hot pursuit of my destruction as he gunned down the retreating invading force with deadly accuracy. He was sprinting and firing at the same time, what an awe inspiring image.
There was a pressure that began to build in my nose. I focused on the enemy force, who began to hide behind cars and use guerilla warfare. The pressure turned once again into immense heat behind my eyes and my vision quickly faded as I tried to point my face in their general direction. A mass ejacuation of lasers from my eyes smited everything in front of me. It almost feels like when you throw up and your entire body flexes, except it's not throw up, it's lasers.
My vision cleared up and I continued my pursuit of I would consider immaculate tasting food.
Nick Fury pov
He ran after his powerful ally with vigor and enthusiasm that he hadn't felt in years. There is something about running and gunning that he can't quite put into words. It makes him feel whole again, instead of shooting at terrorists, he's shooting at the Chitauri who have been so nice as to run away out in the open and not even try to return fire after they saw Kraken perform a new martial art that involves being a cat and eating your opponent from above.
"Damn it feels good to shoot something!" The Director exclaimed to no one in particular while popping a cap in the back of a fleeing Chitauri's head. In the twelve years that he had this… this… thing in an ice cube, never in his wildest dreams did he think that it could EAT SO FUCKING MUCH. The main question that has captured his thoughts is: Where does it all go?
A funny image popped into his head at that moment of his own jaw popping off the bottom of his skull and sucking down an oversized flying earthworm like it was a delicious bowl of noodles.
He continued to fill the heads of aliens with lead as fast as possible, and make his way towards the source of the invasion, the giant gaping blue asshole in the sky that was above stark tower.
"Yeah mothaFUCKA!" he exclaimed giddily as he exterminated enemies with relative ease because they were running away from the overwhelming force that was Kraken, who was now completely covered in purple Chitauri blood. What a weird specimen that has become an entity that actually resembles the overwhelming mythological force that was The Kraken.
"This is so bad ass." He said under his breath to himself. Kraken and himself were carving a path into the aliens towards STARK tower.
Cecilia pov...
My kitty ate the giant flying worm! That's a lot of worm to eat, even for a big girl like me! I hope that my kitty doesn't get hurt by the mean monsters. He looks hungry…
In Earth's orbit…
Beevus and Butthead were cheering on their creation as he was wrecking shop through the chitauri losers. Sure they are a formidable force, but when faced against a powerful opponent they crumble. Plus they already had their hands full with those avenger fellows.
"WHOO! GO…kra...k...Kraken?" Butthead exclaimed confusedly.
"It doesn't sound right does it?" Beevus asked with understanding.
"We should give him a name." Decided Butthead.
"I agree with you, we should name our creation accordingly." Beevus stated with content in his tone.
"I like that, but it has to be special." Butthead requested.
Beevus fell into deep thought and came up with this gem, "What about, The Devourer of Moons or The Destroyer of Planets." He put forth with vigor.
"What about Pickles or Mittens?" Butthead submitted with a straight face.
Beevus turned his head away from the action to marvel incredulously at Butthead's utter lack of creativity.
"Oh! What about Rusty or Chip? Something rugged and filled with character like that." Butthead continued oblivious to Beevus staring at him like there was a tumor the size of a soft ball on his forehead.
'Pickles? Admittedly it is a cute and catchy name to call your cat.' Beevus thought with much concentration. Pickles is unexpectedly fun and quirky, whatever that means.
Beevus then gazed upon their creation, a small purple blur bouncing off of buildings with lasers shooting out of its fucking eyes and slicing its way through the literal chest of the enemy while dark tentacles shoot out behind it and snatch the clawed and charred remains of the Chitauri, consuming them like a human eats the extra meat and lettuce that fell out the back of a taco.
Rusty doesn't quite fit either, if anything their creation is a well oiled killing machine, the opposite of rusty.
Chip has kind of a neutral feel to it, like it could be the name that belongs to a ruthless serial killer and at the same time a good natured farmer. Beevus liked the idea of that name, the duality of good and evil in one name. What a concept.
"I like Chip." Beevus humbly admitted.
"What about Ratchet or Clank, he does have those claws that make that clank sound." Butthead added like he didn't even hear his counterpart.
"Hey! I like Chip! Ratchet or Clank can eat shit and die! Chip fucking rules!" Beevus exclaimed, frustrated at Butthead.
"Maybe Leo because of that whole lion thing, or Bart just for the hell of it." Butthead continued, clearly lost in his own thoughts.
"I like-" Beevus started loudly, "Ugh, fuck it!"
"Or what about…"
Chips(?) pov
"We need to get up there!" Nick Fury directed behind me with one arm raised and pointed at the top of the strange tower before them while simultaneously slitting the throat of an alien with that huge bowie knife.
I suddenly remembered the first night I was sent here by the cosmic idiots, on that rooftop that I scaled accidentally. That tower sticks out like a sore thumb in the New York horizon, with that word on the side of it.
What was that word? Was it Stank? Was it Stink? I'm pretty sure it was Stink that was on the side of the tower. It's hard to remember what it was twelve years ago.
I glanced up at the top of the building and saw a solitary letter A, at least that's what I think it is, it's hard to tell from this angle. What the fuck happened to the rest of the letters? There's no A in Stink, the fuck?!
As I approached the tower I shifted out of 'kill mode' and began to think clearly and free of murderous intent. I realized my entire body was covered in sticky purple alien blood, making me look like a purple cat. I padded through the debris of fucked up shit in front of me with my clawless paws. I then noticed the rubble of huge fallen letters on the street in front of the tower.
"Meow," I vocalized through my mouth, which was supposed to mean: Ohhhh I see, in light of this new information, it was probably Stank tower. But alas, I am a cat.
"I don't suppose you have an idea on how to get up there quickly?" Nick Fury questioned me hopefully. It just occurred to me that to an outside perspective the secret badass director of a secret badass organization was talking to a fucking purple cat like it has the same level of intelligence and would actually answer his question with an eloquent response like: Yes, I have just the idea, hop on my back and I'll fly us up there, but do keep in mind that I am a FUCKING CAT.
Makes me giggle just thinking about it. How absurd is this situation that I find myself in, I hate to admit we do make a great team though. You have me with my lasers and my sharp claws and literal endless potential and then there's Nick Fury with his… gun… what.
I shook my head from side to side, the universal sign for no. If I could talk I would say: No, I don't know the answer to your question Nick. But, I can lead you to the elevator inside the building you cussing psychopath.
"Well how the hell do we get up there?" Nick Fury asked hopelessly, this man is not in the right mindset for thinking, he is still in kill mode.
*CLANK*
One of my claws deployed themselves because I have to draw the words: FOLLOW ME in the fucking concrete. I feel like I'm babysitting a grown ass man, and that man also happens to be the director of SHIELD.
I clawed my message into the pavement and underlined it twice, because you can never be too sure.
"Meow." I emitted from my throat, of course this is not what I meant to say. I actually wanted to say, look over here you dumb human, follow me to what should have been your one and only option but you had to ask a fucking cat a dumbass question when it has already been answered if you just think for a second.
Nick looked over at my small cat body posted up behind the message I had loudly carved into the pavement. He continued to stare at me glancing at me and the words: FOLLOW ME several times before he put two and two together.
"Oh really? Lead the way Kraken." Fury said with great curiosity in his one available eye.
That code name of mine is starting to make sense now, It could have been something cool and interesting like Pickles. But the dude who gave it to me is of lower intelligence.
I walked up to the front entrance of the tower and waited for him to open the door, when he finally did after some time of looking the door up and down I walked in ahead of him and headed towards one of the elevators, one of them was bound to work. If they didn't there's always the stairs. Nick finally realized my plan and gave a loud chuckle, the sound echoed through the spacious and empty lobby.
The elevator button was about three feet higher than I could get to standing on my hind legs, so I jumped up and slapped the up button, because Nick Fury was too busy scoping the place for hostiles so I had to do it myself.
A ding sounded and the elevator doors opened revealing a comfortable elevator filled with warm colors and calming music. I planted myself in the door frame so the elevator would not prematurely close. After Nick was done combing the place, he waltzed into the elevator with a prompt thank you and I followed him in.
As the doors closed, Nick pressed the button for the top floor and the machine moved upwards.
"I have it on good authority that the man with the dark hair and the staff is going to be up there, so don't eat him or his weapon." The director briefed me, "There could also be one or two of my guys up there so be aware of that."
"Meow." I sounded off in agreement.
Both of us fell silent as we waited for the elevator to reach its final destination at the top floor. The silence was filled by the elevator music, which was just a jazzy trumpet in a never ending solo. It was actually quite pleasant, I enjoyed it.
AN: That's a wrap on this chapter, after some contemplation I realized my -review and i'll write another chapter system was flawed- so let me know what yall think!I just wanna let y'all know that I write each of these chapters in seven hour bursts so be impressed.
Ight bye!
