O' Hare International Airport, Thanksgiving 2000

Pam Beesly stood in the crowded terminal with her arms wrapped around Roy, trying her best to hold onto him among the hordes of bustling passengers.

It seemed that she was always leaving him nowadays.

Both of their families lived in Naperville, the small Chicago suburb where they'd grown up. Since last spring, she'd visited Roy a few times, but he'd never once come to see her in New York. He had argued that it made more sense for her to travel home, since everyone was there anyway, and she'd never put up too much of a fight because she missed her family too. But it had been difficult in the city on her own. She'd made a couple of friends at MoMA, but none were very close. And her roommate Kelly was a lot of fun, but only in small doses.

She'd hoped that she and Roy would have talked about the possibility of his moving to New York by now, but after finally graduating, he'd gotten a summer job with his father's construction company. That summer job had carried over into the fall, and the discussion felt as distant as ever. She was beginning to wonder if he'd meant it at all.

What she really ached for, however, was someone to share all of her experiences with; to laugh and explore and grow in a way that wasn't simply by herself. She felt the absence of this acutely, and it wasn't lost on her that Roy's reluctance to be that person was leaving each experience emptier and emptier.

Deep down, what bothered her most was his apparent lack of desire to involve himself in her new life in any way. Knowing that made each day its own kind of struggle.

Pam was trying her best to keep believing things would change for the better soon, but the idea of the wedding ever actually happening was beginning to feel like a colossal joke. They seemed stuck in a perpetual stalemate, neither of them willing to be the one to address the elephant in the room. And she didn't want to admit that it had taken a toll on their relationship, but it had. Every visit left her feeling like their prospects were dimming, not brightening.

"I'll see you in a month, babe," Roy said, rubbing her back. "The cousins are coming out to stay at my parents' house, it'll be great."

She leaned back to look up at him. "But... I thought you said you'd come to New York for Christmas?"

"I know, but my mom has this whole thing planned. I didn't want to disappoint her."

She bit her tongue to keep from pointing out that apparently disappointing his fiancée wasn't a problem for him.

"You didn't tell her? Roy, we talked about this months ago."

He shrugged. "It's no big deal. It'll be nice having family around, right?"

It would be nice. But she'd been dreaming of romantic carriage rides in Central Park and ice skating in Rockefeller Center and window shopping on Fifth Avenue. And she'd been looking forward to showing Roy the city, just the two of them, hoping it might get him excited to relocate.

Roy at least had the decency to notice she was clearly upset. "I'll make it up to you," he said. "I promise. Spring break. You and me in New York. How does that sound?"

She nodded, trying to hide her disappointment.

As she looked anywhere but at Roy, she noticed a man standing about fifteen feet away, watching them. He was tall, with brown hair cut short and hazel eyes that were looking directly at her. While her first instinct was to not make eye contact or let him know she was aware of him at all, there was something about him that seemed familiar. She was unnerved, but at the same time she couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

Just when she was about to alert Roy to his presence, the man called out to them. And as soon as she heard him speak, she knew exactly who he was.

"Roy Anderson?"

Roy turned around and squinted his eyes a bit, trying to place him.

"Oh! Hey, man," he greeted. Pam could tell Roy didn't really remember him, but she did. Like a furious landslide, everything came crashing back to her.

Jim.

The car ride. The flat tire. The motel room. The hand shake. The goodbye.

The fact that he never called.

"Good to see you guys," Jim said with a warm smile.

"Hey," she replied politely, and the expression on Jim's face was indecipherable. For a second she wondered if he only remembered Roy, and couldn't quite place her. But that had to be impossible. Right?

"You too, dude," Roy said, and Pam thought it amusing that he couldn't remember Jim's name. What was next? 'Sport?' 'Champ?'

Roy put his arm around Pam protectively. She felt a little ashamed for thinking it, but she suspected why: Jim Halpert looked good. Really good. And if Jim's name had momentarily slipped his memory, maybe the fact that Roy had suggested his frat buddy might be gay had as well.

"In town for Thanksgiving?" Jim asked.

"Pammy here just came out for a visit," Roy explained.

Jim glanced over at her, then back at Roy, looking slightly confused.

"Oh, that's nice."

They all just stared at each other. She didn't know exactly why, but there was a discomfort settling in her gut that wasn't just from the awkward social standoff.

"Well, happy holidays. It was good to see you guys," Jim said, suddenly in a huge hurry. Then just like that, he was gone.

Pam felt an odd sensation of emotional whiplash come over her. It was the same as the last time Jim Halpert weaved in and out of her life without her having any say in the matter. The feeling was confusing and unwelcome and she couldn't name it and didn't like it.

Roy said his final goodbyes to her but she was so distracted she barely noticed. She practically sleepwalked to her gate as a torrent of memories washed over her from that road trip.

For weeks following their trip, she'd thought about Jim more frequently than she probably should have. She told herself it was really about Roy's absence, but she couldn't help it. There had only been so much she could learn about Jim in that twenty-four hour period, but she'd been eager to get to know him better. And as days turned into weeks without him calling, that curiosity grew. There was something about that trip — something about Jim — she couldn't shake.

Obviously you've never been in love before.

She still heard it in her mind over and over, that thing that couldn't be unsaid, that thing she had no right to presume and instantly regretted. And she still felt bad about it, especially considering how dissatisfied she'd been with her own love life as of late. What the hell did she know? Who was she to accuse him of that? She'd only just met him. All he'd said was how hard he thought it would be to be apart from the person you loved for months on end, and was that not the absolute truth?

As the months rolled by and the stagnation of her situation showed no signs of relenting, she'd thought about their exchange a lot. That Jim had been right and she had been naive was all too evident now. But she wondered if, even at the time, she'd snapped at Jim out of insecurity; knowing but not ready to admit to herself how much trouble she and Roy were actually in.

She'd long worried that Jim's failure to call had something to do with that bit of unsolicited criticism that had escaped her lips. Seeing him again in the terminal had solidified the theory in her mind, since he hadn't really acknowledged her, and hadn't been able to get out of there fast enough.

It made her sad to experience that sort of rejection all over again, especially by someone she really liked, and she tried to write it off as something that didn't matter. It wasn't as if they'd see each other again anyway. But just as she'd resigned herself to shake this off, move past it completely, she saw his face once more: seated on her flight to New York, in the middle seat, right next to hers.

"Well, hello again," Jim said with the exact same grin she remembered. "Pammy, is it?"

She was momentarily thrown, but she squinted her eyes at him in a playful way, and he winked. Relief immediately washed over her. He was not acting in the stilted way he had in the terminal anymore. This was the same Jim she remembered, and it was almost as if they were right back in that Corolla.

"This is so weird," he said. "What are the odds?"

"Very weird," she agreed.

As weird as it was, she was glad. Despite all of the emotions that had been swirling around in her brain, happiness at seeing him again rose unequivocally to the top.

He stood to help her lift her carry-on into the overhead bin, which she thanked him for. Pam noticed the guy next to Jim was slumped against the window, his head resting on what looked like his balled-up jacket, wearing a sleep mask. She and Jim exchanged brief looks and he shrugged. She then sat down and buckled her seatbelt, unsure of what to say. A flight attendant stopped right next to them to mime the emergency procedures, which was thankfully distracting enough to keep both of them quiet for a couple of minutes.

After the demonstration was over and the aisle was clear again, she dared another glance over at Jim. He really was cute — even cuter than she remembered — wearing a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up at his elbows. His hair was no longer a shaggy mess, rather cut shorter and tidier, with a slight curling at his ears. He looked grown-up, somewhat professional, even. Last time she'd been instantly comfortable with him, but for some reason this time she found herself frozen in her seat.

"So, is Roy… not… living in New York with you?" he asked haltingly, that same look of confusion she'd seen in the terminal back on his face.

She sighed, simultaneously impressed and horrified he'd remembered that particular detail. "No, not yet."

"Oh."

She knew Jim didn't mean to poke and prod but what came next was inevitable, and she could hardly blame him. She was so used to this question attacking her at random moments throughout the day like the sting of a jellyfish.

"But didn't you guys get married? This past summer, right?"

She gritted her teeth. "No, actually, not yet."

He closed his mouth then, as if he could tell this was a topic she didn't want to discuss and was compelled to shut the fuck up. Pam was grateful he seemed to read the room; she was embarrassed by his completely innocent inquisition, but it wasn't Jim's fault. She didn't want him to think she was upset with him, so rather than explain the truth — that she and Roy had actually been engaged since 1997 and there was no end in sight — she decided to shift the focus onto him.

"So how are you? What have you been up to?" she asked him.

He accepted her obvious deflection with ease. "Um. I'm pretty good, you know. Working a lot."

"You were going to be a… sportscaster, right?" she asked.

"Sports journalist," he said. "I finished my internship but I've been getting some freelance work for now."

She smiled, genuinely happy for him. "That's so great!"

"It's a start, I guess. Still working at Dunder Mifflin full time, though."

"Dunder what?"

"Oh, Dunder Mifflin. It's a paper company."

"That's right," she said, remembering. "It's just a funny name. Sounds like you sell muffins, or mufflers or mittens or something."

"You're not the first person to say that, believe it or not," he laughed. "Anyway, a friend of mine is trying to get me to move to sales. It pays a lot better, and what with living in the city, you know… it's tempting. But it would take a lot of time away from what I really want to do."

"I get it," she said. "That's probably a tough decision."

"What about you? Curating your own museum yet?" He gave her a friendly smile. He remembered.

"Not yet, but I'm still at MoMA. Really enjoying it."

"Good to hear."

The plane finished its final taxiing and began to pick up speed, lifting off and leaving Chicago behind. After they leveled out and the seatbelt sign turned off, Jim reached forward to put his ticket into his messenger bag underneath the seat, then struggled to put the bag back. His long legs barely fit in the narrow space.

"Do you want to switch seats?" Pam suggested. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable in the aisle."

He looked touched by her gesture. "Are you sure?"

She unbuckled her seatbelt, standing up. "Of course, it's not a problem."

He unbuckled his own and squeezed into the aisle after her, and they did a little dance attempting to get around the other. His hand briefly touched her waist as she slipped back into his seat, and she wondered if he'd meant to.

They sat in their new seats, Jim stretching his legs out a bit into the aisle. He sighed contentedly. The guy next to Pam shifted a bit, but then seemed to go back to sleep.

"So," Jim said, after a few seconds. "You were right."

"I was? About what?"

He shrugged. "Felicity picked Ben. You were right."

She felt a grin stretch all the way across her face. "Told you so."

"Another nice guy bites the dust."

"Ben isn't so bad."

"No, he isn't, after all," Jim agreed. "But only because he fell in love too. Eventually."

"Guess it was all about the timing," she mused.

"Guess so."

"Could you two keep it down?" the sleeping-but-apparently-not-actually-asleep guy next to Pam suddenly said. She turned and noticed he was lifting his mask above his eyes, and looked (she thought quite unreasonably) irritated.

"Sorry," she said, then turned to give Jim a what's up with this guy? side-eye. He mock-grimaced in return.

They chatted a bit more quietly for a while, and with every passing minute Pam felt more and more comfortable with him, transported back to their time spent together in that car. They talked about living in New York, what they both liked and disliked about it, their favorite places to eat. They both enjoyed the pierogi at Veselka in the east village and they wondered how they'd never run into each other there. Both of them had a separate story about a crazy guy in the subway, which — while Pam understood wasn't entirely uncommon while living in the city — still felt like something special they shared. She thought of Roy and how she couldn't claim one shared New York experience with him, let alone a handful.

At one point, they both noticed the drink cart had been stopped a few rows in front of them for some time.

"What do you think is going on up there?" Pam said, trying to get a look at it. She had to lean a bit into Jim's space to see, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I think someone thinks the flight attendant is a bartender and they're at the Plaza."

She laughed, and as she did she realized just how close to him she was. He smelled amazing, and it was hard to put a finger on the precise scent but she found herself committing it to her memory just the same.

"Pardon me," Jim lowered his voice, putting on a bad British accent, and leaned in closer until they were practically cheek to cheek, watching the scene unfold before them. "I don't believe this is the top shelf brandy I requested. I'd like to speak to the manager."

"I'm so sorry, sir," Pam played along, "but this is an airplane. The manager is a bit busy flying it."

"Then I'd like to lodge an official complaint with Mr. Delta."

"Mr. Delta is unfortunately unavailable. In rehab from drinking all the top shelf liquor, you see."

The passenger in the seat next to her groaned audibly, annoyed, but Jim laughed. She wasn't convinced that what they were saying was even funny, but… it was theirs. She liked that.

She tried to remember the last time she laughed with Roy. Nothing came to mind.

When the drink cart finally made its way back to them she got a Coke, Jim a water. He gulped the entire thing down in about five seconds, before she'd even opened her can.

He jiggled the ice around morosely in his empty plastic cup.

"Thirsty?" she asked playfully, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. And now I'm wishing I'd rationed it a bit."

She poured Coke into her cup, then held up the can. "You want some?"

He eyed the can. "I've been trying to cut down on caffeine, so I probably shouldn't," he remarked.

"Okay."

"But… yes, actually, thanks." He grinned and held his cup out to her. She poured the rest of her Coke into it and held hers up, tapping it against his.

"To caffeine," she said with a little laugh.

"To caffeine."

They both drank, and the next words that came out of his mouth hit her like an avalanche.

"It's not me, really," he said. "My girlfriend has been on my case about it."

Girlfriend.

A chill ran down her spine. It was ridiculous of her to react to this in such a way, but she did. And it was ridiculous for her to have assumed he was still single, but she had. Jim was attractive, and funny, and had his shit together. Of course he had a girlfriend. Still, the word hung in the air like an unpleasant smell.

"She started making decaf in the mornings, and it has not been a smooth transition, let me tell you," he continued.

The avalanche continued to bury her.

They live together.

"Oh, what's her name?" she asked, because it seemed like what she was supposed to ask.

"Karen. We met at work."

"Oh, that's cool. How long have you been together?" She asked him the question casually, not wanting him to suspect she was fishing for information. Just conversing. As people do.

"Six months."

"Oh, that's cool."

Didn't she just say that? Jesus, relax, Pam.

"You guys didn't spend the holidays together?" she asked, inexplicably determined to prove to herself that whatever it was wasn't too serious.

"Nah, she had this whole big family thing in Connecticut."

"And she didn't ask you to go?"

"Well..."

For some reason she felt emboldened to ask. "Too soon?"

He looked at her, sizing her up a bit. Maybe she'd gotten too personal, she worried. But he looked her right in the eye and answered.

"Maybe?" he shrugged. "She's Italian. It's a lot of people."

"No, I get it," she said. "That sounds nerve wracking, especially if it's only been six months."

He shrugged. "I just… want to be sure, you know. That she's the one. Meeting someone's family is a big deal."

"I understand. My family knew Roy's family already," she explained. "So we never had to go through that."

He looked thoughtful, but didn't say anything else.

"So… you two live together?" she asked. She didn't know for sure. The coffee comment had opened the door and she had no desire to leave it ajar.

"Oh, not really. I guess we practically do, but… it's a really huge decision for either of us to give up a rent-controlled apartment in the city, you know?"

Pam laughed. "I suppose New Yorkers have to be more sure they're in love than anyone else in the country, don't they?"

"I guess you're right about that," he said with a smile.

They sat with a weighty silence for a few moments.

"Well, if she asked you to meet her family, she must be pretty sure about you," Pam pointed out. She wasn't sure why she'd said it.

Jim seemed to be taking this in, but didn't reply.

She wondered again about her accusation on their road trip. Jim was clearly being careful, with his heart and maybe even with his girlfriend's. He didn't jump in with both feet. She admired him for this, but marveled at how differently they seemed to approach their relationships.

And who's to say who was right? Her method hadn't panned out so well.

After a few moments of silence, Sleeping Guy unexpectedly piped up from underneath his sleep mask.

"I have to agree with her, sounds like your girlfriend's ready for the next level, man. Shit or get off the pot." He twisted in his seat again, readjusting himself, then promptly went back to sleep.

Pam's hand flew up to her mouth, stifling a laugh, and Jim's eyes went round.

Suddenly the plane lurched, rocking a bit more wildly than Pam was comfortable with. She gripped the armrest and closed her eyes, attempting to relax.

"Are you okay?" Jim asked.

"I'm fine. Sorry, just not a fan of turbulence."

She didn't open her eyes for what felt like several seconds, and the plane swayed and tumbled around her. But after a few moments she felt his hand cover hers. It was such a small gesture, and she felt a bit silly, but the fear she'd been feeling suddenly completely evaporated, almost as if his touch had absorbed every last bit of it.

She thought of the motel room and how effortlessly she'd trusted him, even then, knowing so little about him.

Jim made her feel safe. It was true then, and it was true now.

The plane stopped rocking after a minute and she opened her eyes, looking over at him. He looked a bit concerned, but gave her a reassuring smile.

"You alright now?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. Thanks."

He let go of her hand to lean down and get something out of his bag, and she instantly missed the feel of it. He pulled out a pack of gum and offered her a piece, which she accepted with a smile.

The flight was only about two hours, and with Jim in the seat next to her it flew by. Before they knew it, the plane was landing and they were walking together through the terminal towards baggage claim.

Her roommate Kelly had offered to pick her up, being one of the very few people who actually owned a car and enjoyed driving in New York. It occurred to Pam that if Kelly saw her with some strange, cute guy at the airport, she could very easily get the wrong idea and blather on about it for hours. But before she could think of a way to leave him quickly, she spotted Kelly, unexpectedly waiting at baggage claim.

"Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!" she shrieked, waving and bouncing up and down. "Over here!"

Pam grimaced. "That's… my roommate. I'm sorry, I don't have time to explain her," she mumbled underneath her breath, and Jim chuckled.

They made their way over and Kelly immediately locked on to Jim, reaching out to shake his hand. "Hi, I'm Kelly Kapoor. And… you are?" She glanced from Pam, to Jim. To Pam again. Kelly was not subtle.

"I'm Jim, hi," he said. "We've actually met before."

"No, I think I'd remember you," Kelly said in a seductive timbre.

"Jim and I knew each other back from college and we were on the same flight, can you believe that?" Pam said. It wasn't entirely true, but she wanted to extricate herself from the situation as soon as humanly possible.

"Amazing," Kelly said, her eyes not leaving Jim's. She was still holding his hand, from which he finally found a way to get free.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again," he said to Kelly. He turned to Pam and gave her a gentle, friendly smile. "You too, Pam."

He waved goodbye and started to walk away.

"Who was that?" Kelly asked when he was out of earshot. "He was fine."

Pam raised an eyebrow. "You think so?"

"Uh, yeah. Do you have some dry underwear in here?" She started to jokingly unzip Pam's bag.

Pam laughed. "Don't be gross."

She was pretty sure now, after their second encounter, that Jim actually didn't dislike her after all. And she could have been content to just let everything be. But she also didn't want to leave things feeling so unfinished. There was still something she hadn't asked him, something she really wanted to. And what if she never saw him again?

She stepped up close to Kelly. "Can you look for my suitcase, give me a minute?"

Kelly looked at her knowingly. "Oh, of course. I'll look for your suitcase, Pam. You go do your thing." She gave her an exaggerated wink, and Pam rolled her eyes in return.

She left her carry-on with Kelly and rushed after Jim, catching him just outside at the taxi stand.

"Hey, uh... Jim," she said, stepping up to him, a little out of breath. He looked surprised to see her.

"Oh, hey," he said. "What's up?"

"Why didn't you call me?"

The words just tumbled out. It shouldn't have bothered her, but it had. It still did. And she wanted to know why. She'd waited for weeks to hear from him.

He looked slightly ashamed. "Oh. Yeah, I'm... sorry about that. I… lost your number."

She didn't believe him for a second. "But you knew where I lived."

Jim sighed, took a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?" He shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "Okay. The truth is, I kind of… well, I kind of had a crush on you."

Her pulse began to race and her palms felt sweaty. She knew this shouldn't matter, but her body reacted anyway.

"Oh."

"Yeah, and you were engaged, and I just… I thought it might have been weird. To call you."

"Oh."

She felt like a record and the needle had gotten stuck. She couldn't formulate any other words.

"Anyway, it was a long time ago," he shook his head, to reassure her. "So it's no big deal or anything."

She nodded quietly, her mind on overdrive.

"No, okay, that makes sense," she stammered.

Every moment they'd spent together raced across her brain; it was strange to think back on the connection she'd felt to him, now having this new information. She'd been so caught up in starting life in New York, with Roy and all of his promises, that the possibility of someone else was as far from her mind and heart as it could have been. Now that possibility was standing right in front of her and, even if she wanted to do something about it, it was much too late.

Jim's cab pulled up and she knew they were out of time. It would be so easy to just smile and say goodbye; to walk away with no expectations or awkwardness. But she was glued to the spot.

"I'd like to be your friend," he said. "If you want to. I promise I won't be weird about it."

She didn't know what to say, what to do, but found herself nodding. "Yeah, friends. That sounds great."

Jim knelt down and rooted through his bag, producing a pen and a dollar bill. He scribbled what was presumably his number on it and handed her the dollar.

"Call me anytime," he said. "And don't accidentally spend it on a Coke or something."

She took the dollar and looked down at it. "You know that defacing money is a crime," she said, slowly looking back up at him with a small smirk.

"I like living on the edge."

He smiled at her and she held up the dollar.

"Well, thanks."

"Maybe I'll see you around," he said. "Good luck with… everything."

"You too."

He got into the cab and was whisked away. She stood still at the curb for a lot longer than she probably should have, watching him disappear.

Pam returned to the baggage claim in a bit of a daze to find Kelly, who was struggling to stack her suitcases. She immediately clocked the dollar bill with the number on it clutched in Pam's fingers.

"He gave you his number?! Oh my god, Pam. He is so cute. You should definitely call him."

Pam looked at the dollar bill, then up at her roommate. She didn't really know what to say, how to explain any of this. She and Kelly rarely got too personal.

"It isn't like that. He's just a friend."

"If he were your friend, you'd already have his number," Kelly remarked.

Pam opened her mouth to protest, but she shut it quickly. In a weird way, Kelly was right. She really couldn't accurately claim that Jim was her friend yet, regardless of what he'd deemed them a few minutes ago. But at the same time, she had no idea what to call him. Although they'd only met twice, she felt a deeper connection to him than she'd ever felt with Kelly, for example, her roommate of eighteen months. That had to account for something, right?

"A secret affair," Kelly continued approvingly. "I like this new Pam."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Come on. I'm getting married, Kelly."

"Oh, that's right," Kelly replied melodramatically. "The big wedding."

Kelly had never met Roy, and made no secret of the fact that she didn't approve of their situation. At first, she'd been excited about Pam being engaged, pestering her about being a bridesmaid even though they'd only just met. But her enthusiasm faded over time, and the longer she went without meeting Pam's betrothed, the less impressed she was with the entire endeavor.

Once in the car, Kelly turned to Pam. "Okay, I want to hear everything. Start at the beginning."

Pam sighed. She had never told anyone about that road trip with Jim. She was a bit hesitant but also thought it might actually feel good to tell someone, get it all off her chest.

"He was Roy's frat brother and we graduated last year. He was driving to New York and I needed a ride, so… Roy introduced us."

Kelly nodded. "Okay, so you were stuck in a car together for like… hours? That sounds exactly like how a really good romantic comedy would start out. Keep going."

"Well, it was weird. We just really got along, and had fun." She smiled, remembering. "We laughed a lot."

"So what happened, then? You just fell out of touch?"

"I don't know."

Kelly gave her as much of a stink-eye as she could manage while navigating the New York streets. "Pam."

Pam sighed. "I gave him my number and said he could call me if he wanted to just hang out, you know. I didn't know anyone else in the city."

"And then what?"

Pam shrugged. "He never called."

"Why not?"

"Well," Pam said, only now really understanding what must have gone on with Jim all those months. "I didn't know until just now, but… he said he didn't call because he had a crush on me."

Kelly gasped. "Oh my god! He told you that?"

"Yes."

"Today?"

"Yes."

"Pam! That is the most adorable thing ever! This is literally the cutest. Like, literally. I just know you guys are going to end up together."

"Kelly, I'm engaged to Roy," she reminded her, again. She knew this detail was not in any way significant to the movie Kelly was apparently concocting in her mind, but that didn't change the facts. "Besides, he has a girlfriend."

Kelly shrugged. "That's how these things always start," she smiled. "You'll see."

Pam rolled her eyes, again. After a year and a half of living with Kelly, one thing she'd learned is that once she got an idea into her head, the girl had trouble letting go.

"So what does he do?" Kelly asked.

"Um. He works at a paper company, I think? I don't remember what it's called."

Kelly's jaw dropped. "Shut up. So does Ryan! That's amazing, don't you think that's an amazing coincidence?!"

"Uh huh," Pam replied distractedly.

She actually didn't think the fact that both Jim and Ryan happened to work at paper companies was that big of a coincidence at all, but she also hadn't yet met the mysterious Ryan, whom Kelly had allegedly been seeing for months.

"I can't believe you could have been dating that guy for like what, a year?" Kelly continued. "You need to dump this Roy already, Pam."

"Hey, I think you're being a little hard on Roy, especially considering I have yet to meet this Ryan person either," she retorted.

Kelly's face reddened. "That's different," she said, as quietly as Kelly ever spoke.

Ryan was apparently married, which was the reason Kelly gave for why they'd never met. But that didn't stop her from believing they were destined to be together. As deluded as Kelly could be, Pam had to admit she was nothing if not consistent.

"It's a sign, it has to be," Kelly started up again. "This is soooo amazing Pam, we are totally gonna have one of those double weddings like in Pride and Prejudice. You'd be Jane and I'd be Elizabeth. No, wait. I would be Jane because she's the pretty one."

Pam tried to tune out her roommate for the remainder of the drive, her thoughts instead turning back to the road trip. Mostly about the night they'd spent in that motel room: Jim, tossing and turning across the room on a couch that she'd known would be too small for him. When he'd eventually thrown his pillow down next to her and laid on the bed, she realized it had been her plan from the moment they'd entered the room.

But why? She loved Roy. As ashamed as she was to admit it, she probably loved him more on that night than she did right now. So why had she been so eager to share a bed with Jim, knowing nothing could possibly come of it?

By the time they got back to their apartment it was pretty late, and Pam was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Kelly hadn't stopped chattering the entire way home and all she wanted to do was be alone with her thoughts, even if those thoughts were about someone besides her fiancé.

She woke up slightly disoriented, unsure of where she was. Her surroundings were unfamiliar. She'd slept hard last night, and wondered why, but then she remembered: the trip, the drive.

And Jim.

She was facing away from him in the bed, but felt his arm flung across her torso. Pam froze, knowing that this was definitely not allowed. She was engaged to someone else. A line had been crossed here and nothing about it was okay.

And yet- somehow it was.

Why?

As the tension in her body ebbed, she began to hear his gentle breathing behind her, and slowly turned to face him. As she did, her body naturally scooted even closer to him, and his arm slipped a bit until his hand was resting on her waist.

She watched his sleeping face, indulged in it. She knew she shouldn't be thinking these things at all but she allowed herself to consider him attractive, to imagine how he might be as a boyfriend, or even a fiancé. She justified this to herself as something she could do in these precious moments while he was asleep and could not react, could not judge her.

Pam knew all they could ever be was friends, and she hoped they would be. She wanted to keep him in her life somehow. But there was something tugging on her heart she couldn't quite pinpoint.

This was more than simply friendship. It was something like symmetry. Harmony.

Intimacy.

She knew she shouldn't, but she found herself moving closer to him, and closer… until she could feel his breath against her face. She found her hand reaching out, landing on his cheek — how did that happen? — and suddenly her lips were pressed against his, kissing him. It started softly, but then he was waking up, kissing her back. The hand that was previously on her waist moved down to her hip, pulling her closer to him, until she felt his-

Pam jerked awake, the sound of her phone vibrating violently across her nightstand. She'd left it too close to the edge and it had tumbled off, landing on the carpet. She leaned over the edge of the bed and felt around for it, not quite reaching it in time.

Missed call: Roy

She immediately felt guilty; as if her subconscious had betrayed her, and her fiancé was aware of it.

Pam looked at the clock. It was 11:45, and she knew Roy was probably calling to make sure she'd landed safely. She didn't feel like talking to him (for multiple reasons) so she sent him a quick text.

I'm home. Super tired, will call u tomorrow.

She set the phone back on the nightstand, flopping back down onto her pillow, her mind ablaze.

What the fuck was that all about?

The dream had started as a memory, sure… but it had taken a turn. A decidedly non-innocent turn. And she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She knew what it probably meant, what any rational person would tell her it meant, but at the same time it was impossible. She'd been with Roy for years. She'd only met Jim twice.

Despite what her brain was telling her, however, her heart was screaming something else; a truth she'd been denying to herself for longer than she cared to admit. She now knew exactly why she'd wanted Jim next to her in that bed, and that she probably also knew it back then, albeit subconsciously; that something was missing from her relationship with Roy. Something still was.

Before she met Jim, everything was simple. She was engaged to Roy. She loved Roy. She was going to marry Roy.

But suddenly, for the first time, everything inside her was saying you cannot marry Roy.

She closed her eyes and prayed for sleep. Her mind and heart were too full for anything else right now.

This wasn't going to be nearly as simple as she thought.