Fucking Gravity

Chapter 11

The library is always quiet after school. Throughout the day, people come and go, noise level hushed but present, but no one likes to stay after school once the final bell rings. No one except me.

It gives me the chance to just relax and get all my homework done. I'm usually finished by four o'clock, which is when it closes. Then I pack up and go to the other library on the res, the only public one, until it closes.

That's my usual routine when Kim is busy.

Today, I find myself at the printers, photo copying a semester's worth of notes while I watch the door. It's pushed open just as the last pages come spinning out of the machine, and I offer Leah a hesitant smile as her eyes immediately find me. I gather my notebook and the copies and hurry to the desk Leah starts pulling various books out on.

"So, here are copies of my chem notes," I say, sliding the stack over to her before sitting down. "What other classes are you taking?"

"Um," she traces her fingers along the edges of the stack. "Kim and I share English and World History, and she said she'd help me with those. I talked to my Earth Science teacher, too, and she's setting me up with another student who does tutoring. So, the only class I'm not covered on is pre-Cal."

Even though she told me she's serious about bringing up her grades, it still surprises me- the amount of effort and thoroughness she's already gone to fulfilling that goal. I guess part of me still somewhat expected this to be a scheme just to spend times with me, or a misguided effort to impress me.

I hate that I'm impressed.

"Well, uh," I shuffle through my chem notes without actually seeing the words. "I took pre-Cal last year, and I still have my notes. I can help with that class, too, if you want."

"Really?" Leah brightens even more, somehow, and I can almost imagine a tail wagging back and forth between the bars of the plastic library chair.

"Math is easy to study for," I shrug uncomfortably. "You get a paper with the equations for the test, so as long as you know how and when to apply which equation, you can pass easily."

"That would be great; thanks!" she enthuses so sincerely that I don't know how to function. Everything she does is with complete sincerity. Even her rage.

Fuck.

"Okay, um, why don't you go through the notes first and ask questions as you come across them," I suggest.

Silence falls for a bit as she finally looks down to skim through her new notes. I flip through mine, too, to help refresh my memory. The need for my help doesn't come until Leah gets to the first equations, and I scoot closer as I flip the Chem textbook open to walk her through real examples.

She carefully writes out step by step, and struggles through several practice problems.

It's after the third instant she pulls my attention for a new equation that her gaze fully settles on my face again. Her expression is open and clear of everything except that softness and interest I fear I'm starting to get used to being directed toward me.

"You're really good at math, aren't you," she observes, twirling her pencil through her fingers.

Good enough to have tutored her before. Not that she remembers. And not that I'm still bitter about that. Really. I'm over it.

"I like math," I say instead. "It's… easy to understand, for me. Simple."

"I wish it was like that for me," Leah sighs morosely, propping a cheek into her hand while the other taps her pencil against the lined papers she's been using for practice problems. The entire page is already full of chicken scratch- notes written in the margin. "Math has always been my worst subject. The numbers just get all scrambled up in my head, and then they had to go and add letters, too."

I resist a smile in case she thinks I'm laughing at her. "It's consistent," I argue, trying to push some sincerity into my own voice. "One answer. For every equation, I know how to handle it- there is no guessing or almost answers. I like that. I like that, once you know how to solve an equation, you can solve any equation like it." I could go on a little longer, explain this particular hobby a little better, but I pause when I see the smile stretching across my…friend's… face. "What?" I ask self-consciously.

"Nothing," she says quickly, and her grin only grows.

"You're laughing at me," I accuse.

"No, I'm not," she denies.

"Yes, you are," I sigh, leaning away from her and moving to scoot my chair back to its original spot, but Leah reaches out and lays a hand over my arm.

"No- wait. Really- I'm not laughing at you. I promise," she says with that damn sincerity and damn pretty eyes.

Her skin is hot. Noticeably hot. The heat crawls up my arm, past where she's actually touching me, and settles in my cheeks.

I blow air into them, puffing them in an effort to stretch the warmth out of them. Not that it works. "Then, what?"

She's slow to retract her hand, and I'm careful not to ponder why I didn't withdraw mine first. "It's just… you are interesting. Your mind is… remarkable. You are remarkable."

It's a cutesy compliment that should bring warmth in my chest and heat to my cheeks again. And it does. But the warmth is bitter and acidic, and the heat is from some form of indignation- to think that she has the gall to say that.

"Funny- you didn't give a fuck about me before you got some magic in your head telling you that I'm special." It comes out colder than I intended. I actually didn't intend to say it out loud at all.

But now it hangs there, and Leah's eyes widen.

"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to say that," I sigh immediately after, running a hand harshly through my hair. It immediately snags on a tangle, but I yank it free despite the painful tug on my scalp. Then I wonder what I'm apologizing for. She want's honesty, right? I allow my glower to show once more as I level my own sincere rage at her. Mine just shows in my tongue, rather than my fists.

"No, you know what? I'm not sorry. You've known me since fucking kindergarten, Leah, and not once until this year have you shown any interest in me. We've had a dozen classes together, went to the same shit middle school parties, and I've even tutored you before this instance. I had the biggest crush of you for years, and you never noticed me. So, I'm sorry if I don't fall for your love-struck, puppy-dog, bullshit."

She purses her lips, and I still half expect explosive anger. It doesn't come, though. But neither does the sad, hurt, expression she had the last time I unleashed my unfiltered frustration toward her.

"You have a crush on me?" she asks, heart eyes practically shining at me. It really throws me.

"Had." I snap, trying to bring back my stern countenance, but my face only flushes again. "Trust me, I'm so over that."

Leah's lip juts out in an exaggerated pout, and it's enough to bring back a flicker of irritation. It figures that I pour my legitimate frustration out, and she's not even taking it seriously. I scowl and cross my arms.

"Did you hear anything else I said?"

Her face smooths back out almost seamlessly into one of solemnity. "Yes, I heard you, Fay. And I'm sorry. Truly. To be honest, before the pack, I wasn't really interested in anyone. I didn't have any friends- I didn't want any. I just wanted to leave this place without any more connections holding me here. So, I pretty much just ignored everyone. And, yeah, you're right- imprinting told me you were special. It forced me to pay attention. But it's only as I am getting to know you that I'm learning what makes you so special. And it only makes me more glad that it's you I imprinted on."

Her words are so flowery and mushy and perfect. Like something that would come out of a movie or romance novel- one of those that I hate. It's the perfect response to soothe my hurt feelings, to make anticipation take its place, for my heart to thrum just the slightest bit faster- and I absolutely hate it.

"I'm sorry girls," the librarian approaches with an apologetic smile. I blink dazedly, only realizing I'd been staring when gold still dances in my vision as I raise my eyes to an aged face. "But it's time for me to lock up and go home."

I look quickly up at the clock mounted on the wall and notice that it's nearly four. We've been working for almost an hour already..

I stand immediately and start packing my books away. "Sorry Mrs. Remlin; I guess I lost track of time.

"That's okay, Fay. I know how hard you work." She pats my shoulder in a friendly way before returning to her desk to start packing up her things to go, too.

"Come on, Leah," I sigh, shouldering my bag as she carefully gathers her books, papers, and new notes. "We can go to the public library to keep studying if you want."

"I do," she says emphatically. "But can we… stop for a snack maybe? It's just, wolves need a shit ton of calories and I missed my afternoon snack."

A snort escapes me despite my efforts- my mood lighter than a few short minutes ago. Because I know that her 'afternoon snack' is more like a normal person's full meal. I wonder how long she's been resisting her stomach. Probably since before she walked through the door.

"Sure," I say with a wry smile

I'm not surprised when she orders two burgers and large fries from the diner.

Food and drinks aren't allowed at the library, so I sit across from her while she eats. Her cheeks are full and her shoulders are hunched forward a bit- like she's anticipating one of her packmates appearing out of thin air to try and steal her food. She doesn't eat like I'd expect someone to eat in front of their crush.

As I watch her, I reach out to absently pluck a fry off of her try. Her eyes narrow in on it and then flick back and forth between me and the potato, like she's debating to let me eat it or not.

I dip it in the ketchup, still watching her, and she relaxes. She even pushes her tray closer to me across the table to enable me better access.

"I'm trying to get a job," I say conversationally. Like the tense moment in the school library never happened. It's probably best to pretend that it didn't. Right? At least until I'm alone and dissect it more- if her response was more than just flowery words to placate, how I feel about it all, what I want to do with those feelings (probably nothing).

Leah pauses in her chewing. Swallows. Straightens a bit from her half-hunched position.

"Where are you hoping to work?" she asks, reaching for a napkin to wipe at the condiments on her face. I don't mention that she missed a spot.

"I really like the idea of the library. It's quiet. I could do homework when I'm not busy. But I'll have to see what it pays and it probably won't be until after Christmas." I pluck up two more fries. She watches them all the way to my mouth, but she lets me.

"Do you have plans for Christmas break?" she asks, burger hanging in the air between the tray and her mouth. Forgotten.

For the moment.

"My dad and I always go over to Kim's for dinner Christmas day. What about you?"

"Normally, I just spending it with my parents and my brother. But this year is going to be… different."

"How so?" I ask before I remember about her dad. That this will be her first Christmas without him. But she doesn't even blink or acknowledge it.

"There is something the pack has to deal with, and it's happening some point over break. Not sure when, so we have to be ready. I won't really be around a lot after exams until after the New Year."

I bite my lip against the immediate concern I feel. "This thing with the pack… Is it dangerous?"

"Ah," she rubs the back of her neck, spots her burger again, and shoves another bite into her mouth. I frown at the obvious avoidance. It take a long while for her to finish chewing, even though I've seen her finish an entire burger in the same amount of time. "It's not supposed to be. But it's possible it might turn out that way. You should ask Kim to explain it to you. There's been a lot going on this past year."

I definitely will be grilling Kim the next time I see her. Apparently, they didn't cover everything at that… imprint orientation- or whatever that was on the cliffs.

I shove three more fries into my mouth, and she doesn't even blink.


A/N: Sorry it's a bit late; I wanted to read over it one more time- it was too short and stilted. Hopefully it's better now.

Thanks for reading and please review!

~Silver~